"I'm coming after you...but please use the POV on ME???" Great speech. If anyone has a problem with their boss, just call him/her a Horse's A$$...then ask for a raise!
During that two-week sequestering stage for future BB Finalists, Production should replay this past week's episodes focusing on Andrew and label it "How NOT to play BB."
MATT - He sure made his HOH win look easy. Even though his plan to break up the skank-mance got foiled, evicting a floater who had nothing to offer him was not a bad consolation. You can smack your head in disbelief all you want, but as a self-proclaimed "diabolical super genius" I trust you'll be a quick study when I give you this Reality Show 101 lesson:
BB + SKANKS = RATINGS
I bet you never saw THAT equation on your Mensa application or IQ test?
HAYDEN - Everytime I listen to him in the DR talk about strategy and gameplay, I get more and more impressed. Who would have ever thought this dude who looks like he was born on a surfboard and in desparate need of a haircut would make so much sense? Certainly not Production which is probably the reason he was casted to begin with.
ENZO - For the record, only a small area in the Northeastern section of NJ (which borders NYC) do residents talk like Enzo. I assure you an overwhelming majority of the State sound nothing like him. But I won't get caught up on HOW he sounds and focus more on WHAT he says. And what he says is nothing short of hilarious.
BRITNEY - Yes Michel, you see this correctly. If I was ranking a Survivor season, Britney doesn't have a prayer of getting out of the basement. But as mentioned before, my criteria is different when watching BB. Her entertainment value rose with Enzo's speech lesson and her roleplaying with Lane mocking the skank-mance. So I'm OK with putting her here...for now.
RACHEL - As a girlfriend?...I dunno. Sure she looks sexy in a bikini, but every minute I would spend with this possessive and emotionally unstable potential stalker would be like walking across a minefield. But as a BB player, you gotta give credit where credit is due and say she's a player. Two HOH wins in two individual compeitions (one she was unable to compete in and the other was a team competition)...nuff said.
BRENDON - Well the other half of the skank-mance can't be too far behind. What can you say...the man can bring it. For the second time this early in the season he pulls out a victory when his/their survival in the game depended on it.
RAGAN - I was rooting for him so hard to win HOH. A herculean effort...take notice Kathy and Britney. I would rank him higher but I cannot understand his blind trust and attraction to Matt? Also a relatively light week for him.
KATHY - Gee, thanks for FINALLY coming around and telling us it was your strategy all along to perform with the functionality of a one-legged punter. Now that you're still in the game, I guess we can see future DR confessionals when you'll enlighten us with other secret strategies you're holding out on in a lame attempt to disprove what a casting debacle you truly are. BTW, Andrew's self-descruction was not a "miracle;" it was par for the course given the HGs casted for this show.
LAME - (nickname used with anticipated copyright permission from Michel) Yes, I'm still a fan of the Brigade. Yes, I like it when a physical presence can escape anti-darwinism early on. But you've been under the radar WAAAAY too long to not plummet in my rankings. And admitting to America you roleplay with horses and cows pretty much sealed your fate on this list.
KRISTEN - Up to the last half of last night's episode her only storyline this season was as Hayden's boytoy. Now she jumps in with both feet by engaging in b!tch-slapping scraps with a dead man walking and drawing a line in the sand in front of the HG who just won HOH. What a complete idiot!!!
ANDREW - I'm glad he's evicted for three reasons:
1) THOSE SHORTS! - Enzo's summation was right. I can personally vouch for the fact if any guy was sighted on the Jersey Shore wearing those shorts...well...let's just say he would suffer the same fate poor Ragan told us he endured in Junior High.
2) He handled his nomination with the fortitude and maturity of a colicky baby. Forget about shooting himself in the foot; he went for the quick kill and put a bullet through his head.
3) HEBREW SCHOOL IS OVER! It's one thing to continually inform us which foods are kosher and non-kosher. It's yet another to deem a recreation as a "non-Jew sport." Can anyone tell me why surfing is a non-Jew sport? Or better yet, perhaps Andrew can provide a list of which activities ARE considered Jew sports.