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"Welcome to Foonerville"
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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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04-22-17, 11:37 AM (EST)
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"Welcome to Foonerville"
LAST EDITED ON 04-22-17 AT 02:18 PM (EST)

http://tinyurl.com/foonerville

We've found what could be Fooner's paradise. And, since we are all best friends, our paradise too.

For 3.5 Mill Mayor Fooner can cut the ribbon on a laid back existence in a tiny town surrounded by national forest in Oregon. With no silly illegal moonshining rules, no silly rules about loud music, and no stop lights.

All that is needed is a kickstarter campaign, and the easy life will begin.

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 *Claps Hands Together* YES!! foonermints 04-23-17 1
   Applying... kingfish 04-23-17 2
   RE: *Claps Hands Together* YES!! cahaya 04-23-17 4
 applying for position of.... jbug 04-23-17 3
   RE: applying for position of.... foonermints 04-24-17 5
       RE: applying for position of.... kingfish 04-24-17 6
           Uh Oh! foonermints 04-24-17 7
               RE: Uh Oh! jbug 04-24-17 8
                   Co-Sherrif! foonermints 04-25-17 9
                       RE: Co-Sherrif! cahaya 04-25-17 10
                           Remember foonermints 04-26-17 11
                               Foonerbar... cahaya 04-26-17 12
                           RE: Co-Sherrif! jbug 04-30-17 19
 Foonerville foonermints 04-28-17 13
   RE: Foonerville kingfish 04-28-17 14
       RE: Foonerville foonermints 04-28-17 15
   RE: Foonerville cahaya 04-29-17 16
       RE: Foonerville foonermints 04-29-17 17
           RE: Foonerville kingfish 04-30-17 18
 RE: Welcome to Foonerville © foonermints 05-03-17 20
   RE: Welcome to Foonerville © cahaya 05-03-17 21
       RE: Welcome to Foonerville © foonermints 05-04-17 22
           RE: Welcome to Foonerville © kingfish 05-04-17 23
               Foonerville © foonermints 05-04-17 24
                   RE: Foonerville © cahaya 05-04-17 25
 RE: Welcome to Foonerville foonermints 05-05-17 26
   RE: Welcome to Foonerville kingfish 05-05-17 27
   Land Ho! cahaya 05-05-17 28
       Cocaine foonermints 05-06-17 29
           RE: Cocaine kingfish 05-06-17 30
               Long Gone foonermints 05-06-17 31
                   RE: Long Gone kingfish 05-07-17 32
                       RE: Longer Around Than You foonermints 05-07-17 33
       Mayor Fooney Brown kingfish 05-12-17 39
           Chapel Bells Go "BUNG"?! foonermints 05-12-17 40
               RE: Chapel Bells Go "BUNG"?! cahaya 05-12-17 41
               RE: Chapel Bells Go "BUNG"?! kingfish 05-12-17 42
                   Only The Lonely foonermints 05-13-17 43
 Welcome to Foonerville foonermints 05-07-17 34
   RE: Welcome to Foonerville cahaya 05-07-17 35
   RE: Welcome to Foonerville kingfish 05-08-17 36
       Upon reflection, kingfish 05-08-17 37
           RE: Upon reflection, cahaya 05-08-17 38
 The Foonerville Coast.. foonermints 05-13-17 44
   RE: The Foonerville Coast.. foonermints 05-13-17 45
 Foonerville © Filming Rights foonermints 05-13-17 46
   RE: Foonerville © Filming Rights kingfish 05-13-17 47
       RE: Foonerville © Filming Rights cahaya 05-15-17 48
           RE: Foonerville © Filming Rights kingfish 05-15-17 49
               Shark Attack! by The Surf Punks.. foonermints 05-15-17 50
                   Peace thru... cahaya 05-18-17 51
                       RE: Peace thru... kingfish 05-19-17 52
                           Foonerville Tourism Cordinator kingfish 05-19-17 53
                               RE: Foonerville Tourism Cordinator foonermints 05-20-17 55
                                   He keeps his mouth shut, kingfish 05-20-17 56
                           Militia Tee Shirt.. foonermints 05-19-17 54
 RE: Welcome to Foonerville foonermints 05-21-17 57
 RE: Welcome to Foonerville kingfish 05-24-17 58

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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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04-23-17, 02:31 PM (EST)
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1. "*Claps Hands Together* YES!!"
My very own town! Dayuuum!
You are right! We'll set up the Town Still right behind my new office. A copper vat as big as the ones those girls used to bathe in on "Petticoat Juncction"!
No stop lights? You bet. Just a speed trap consisting of a log that falls on the car if it's going faster than I want it to, which is whatever I feel like. The "Speed Trap Log" will only fall near more expensive cars, which I will confiscate. The fine? Two years hard labor for the miscreant - In the local peach orchards (brandy) and Corn Fields (duh).
Now.. as to loud music.. I will expand on this

As Lieutenant Mayor, I appoint Kingfish, although I may kick him to the curb in favor of greenmachine. Who will step up? And who will fix that crooked rain gutter over my new store?

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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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04-23-17, 07:47 PM (EST)
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2. "Applying..."
...for the position of town dirty old man.

I think I have a knack.

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cahaya 19530 desperate attention whore postings
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04-23-17, 09:24 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: *Claps Hands Together* YES!!"
Well, howdy, Mayor Fooner! I hear ya needs a new sheriff to trap them thar outatown speedsters in their fancy schmancy cars!

If you gots ya a sheriff awready, I'll happily serve as the tax collector and treasurer.

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jbug 17042 desperate attention whore postings
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04-23-17, 09:03 PM (EST)
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3. "applying for position of...."
? ummmmm..... what's available?


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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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04-24-17, 06:15 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: applying for position of...."
What are you interested in, Ms jBug? No doubt a position of Authority! Deputy Mayor? Someone has to look after the shenanigans of The Official Dirty Old Man, and keep the new Sherrif under control with that new Red Tesla he got yesterday.

Hmm.. how did he afford that the first day on the job?

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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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04-24-17, 07:08 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: applying for position of...."
Also, the position of Roving Reporter for the Foonerville Funtime News is open. In Foonerville, the news is not restricted by facts.

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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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04-24-17, 07:53 PM (EST)
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7. "Uh Oh!"
The Dirty Old Man may be a spy for FOX.
Keep your eye on him, Sherrif!

Deputy Mayor jBug: Watch them both. As closely as we should have been watching that Suzzee girl, wherever SHE vanished to.

Is there a black hole located South of town?

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jbug 17042 desperate attention whore postings
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04-24-17, 10:01 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: Uh Oh!"
black hole? I don't know about that....
but I'm pretty sure there is a hangin tree near by if needed....

yes, I'm that kind of sheriff

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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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04-25-17, 06:48 PM (EST)
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9. "Co-Sherrif!"
OK, you are Oficially Co-Sherrif with Cahaya. You look after the hangings, and anybody left can be delt with by your partner.

I hear he makes a mean Pasta Fazool.

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cahaya 19530 desperate attention whore postings
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04-25-17, 10:27 PM (EST)
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10. "RE: Co-Sherrif!"
Woo, I gots me a depetty, an' a lady at that, yeehaw!

Dunna worry, I'll give her plenty of rope.

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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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04-26-17, 03:26 AM (EST)
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11. "Remember"
LAST EDITED ON 04-26-17 AT 03:27 AM (EST)

The Dirty Old Man is protected from hanging by Mayoral Decree.
Plus, I think he hangs out near that tree waiting for entertainment, when he isn't guzzling moonshine at the Foonerbar.


My best customer, if he'd only pay his bill. Probably ony carries Quatloos or something.

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cahaya 19530 desperate attention whore postings
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04-26-17, 10:34 PM (EST)
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12. "Foonerbar..."
... ist wunderbar!
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jbug 17042 desperate attention whore postings
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04-30-17, 08:56 PM (EST)
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19. "RE: Co-Sherrif!"
smoochies....


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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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04-28-17, 03:29 PM (EST)
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13. "Foonerville"
Does NOT need a new roof. Certainly not from spamming idiots.
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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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04-28-17, 07:32 PM (EST)
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14. "RE: Foonerville"
We got a she-sheriff who was elected on the platform of making the hanging tree great again by hanging spammers.

Much more fun than hanging Chad, after the first couple of times old Chad kinda lost his entertainment value. And he sorta stunk too. Spammers are a lot more fun to watch turn blue and purple and green. They keep coming back, so we might as well and make use of them.

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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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04-28-17, 08:23 PM (EST)
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15. "RE: Foonerville"
Fertilizer!
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cahaya 19530 desperate attention whore postings
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04-29-17, 01:44 AM (EST)
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16. "RE: Foonerville"
And no nail stylists, neither!
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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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04-29-17, 03:46 AM (EST)
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17. "RE: Foonerville"
Unless she is cute, legal and will work next door to both the Foonerbar© and helps the girls "Upstairs" in the Kingfish Tavern". They need to look their best, claws and all.
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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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04-30-17, 01:41 PM (EST)
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18. "RE: Foonerville"
Ye Olde Kingfish Tavern!

Home base for really really cute but raunchy girls of the upstairs entertainment corps. They do give parking validations.

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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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05-03-17, 12:51 PM (EST)
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20. "RE: Welcome to Foonerville ©"
Foonerville © will be updating The Kingfish Tavern "massage spa", complete with sauna and steam bath, and of course, hot tubs. This was possible due to all the "under the table money" generous kickbacks donations to the Mayor's reelection campaign. Which by the way is unneeded as he is the unopposed Fearless Leader of Foonerville© is greatly appreciated not to mention the side benefits.


As an addendum: Henceforth and Forever Dr Phil and similar Dodo Birds are banned from the town limits (although they may still be hunted with a size 12 boot and larger in the woods on the outskirts, for a good kicking.

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cahaya 19530 desperate attention whore postings
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05-03-17, 11:09 PM (EST)
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21. "RE: Welcome to Foonerville ©"
although they may still be hunted with a size 12 gauge shotgun boot and larger in the woods on the outskirts, for a good kicking recoil.

Fixed.

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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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05-04-17, 01:55 PM (EST)
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22. "RE: Welcome to Foonerville ©"
Had a slight problem with my "train of thought" there. The Mayor appreciates your correction!

All Whoopi Goldbergs and even look-alikes are also banned to the size 12 woods out-of-town.

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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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05-04-17, 08:42 PM (EST)
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23. "RE: Welcome to Foonerville ©"
Just don't ban Miami beach babes. I would be sad.

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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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05-04-17, 10:29 PM (EST)
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24. "Foonerville ©"
Your Mayor has only seen pictures. Miami Beach Babes are definitely welcome in MY town. As long as they are clothed in an appropriate fashion.
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cahaya 19530 desperate attention whore postings
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05-04-17, 11:59 PM (EST)
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25. "RE: Foonerville ©"
Miami Beach Babes are definitely welcome in MY town. As long as they are unclothed in an appropriate fashion.

Fixed.

The local sheriff here won't make any misdemeanor arrests for in decent exposure.

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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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05-05-17, 03:03 AM (EST)
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26. "RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
LAST EDITED ON 05-05-17 AT 03:22 AM (EST)


The council is working on an official song.. I was thinking "Land Ho" by the Doors..
Emmylou Harris is also a possibility. I like to hear her yammering out of Ye Odle Kingfish Tavern. Yodeling?

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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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05-05-17, 01:36 PM (EST)
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27. "RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
LAST EDITED ON 05-05-17 AT 01:37 PM (EST)

Emmy Lou can wag her epiglottis in ye olde tavern any older time.

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cahaya 19530 desperate attention whore postings
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05-05-17, 10:05 PM (EST)
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28. "Land Ho!"
Grandma loved a sailor, who sailed the frozen sea
Grandpa was that whaler and he took me on his knee
He said: "Son, I'm going crazy from livin' on the land
Got to find my shipmates and walk on foreign sands"

This old man was graceful with silver in his smile
He smoked a briar pipe and he walked four country miles
Singing songs of shady sisters and old time liberty
Songs of love and songs of death and songs to set men free
Ya!

I've got three ships and sixteen men
A course for ports unread
I'll stand at mast, let north winds blow till half of us are dead
Land ho!

Well, if I get my hands on a dollar bill gonna buy a bottle and drink my fill
If I get my hands on a number five gonna skin that litlle girl alive
If I get my hand on a number two come back home and marry you
Marry you, marry you
Alright!
Land ho!



Piracy on the high seas and flying of the Jolly Roger by agman

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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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05-06-17, 00:15 AM (EST)
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29. "Cocaine"
LAST EDITED ON 05-06-17 AT 00:33 AM (EST)

Friggin' Ye Olde KingFish Tavern. If i ever hear Eric Clapton again, I'll have to buy concert tickets. Although I can live with "Sweet Home Alabama" Makes me want to Kalabash my size 12.

Oz Never Gave anything to the Tin Man, either.

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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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05-06-17, 01:24 PM (EST)
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30. "RE: Cocaine"
Saved a little moonshine,eh?


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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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05-06-17, 04:52 PM (EST)
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31. "Long Gone"
Might need a Summer Exchange. I'll host. Just quit SpecOps, but I am still the Goddam mayor of Foonerville ©
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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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05-07-17, 08:07 AM (EST)
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32. "RE: Long Gone"
Who's in charge of getting possums out of the basement? Don't say me, I won't go near one of those monster rats. They got teeth. And they hiss.
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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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05-07-17, 03:17 PM (EST)
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33. "RE: Longer Around Than You"
Will ever be. Marsupials, breeding thousands of new Rats in your basement. Pray to the Baby Jesus it gets tired of your company and Leaveth They Way It Came..
Remember, they ate the Dinosaurs. Who's next?

'Possums are now the Official Bird of Foonerville©

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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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05-12-17, 10:56 AM (EST)
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39. "Mayor Fooney Brown"

There's a village hidden deep in the valley
Among the pine trees half forlorn
And there on a sunny morning
Mayor Fooney Brown was born

(bung, bung, bung, bung)
All the chapel bells were ringing in the little valley town
And the song that they were singing was for baby Fooney Brown
Then the little congregation prayed for guidance from above
"Lead us not into Boink-u-tation, bless this hour with a jar of Shine, Guide him to drinks on the house for all beach babes!!!!

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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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05-12-17, 07:42 PM (EST)
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40. "Chapel Bells Go "BUNG"?!"
LAST EDITED ON 05-12-17 AT 07:46 PM (EST)

Great Poetry, but where's the tune? I henceforth declare "Mayor Fooney Brown" the official poem of Foonerville © Could be sung with a garage band as backup. Kick out Jim Morrison. This is fresher, and he's dead anyway. *sob*

Where is my last cask of Mead?! More Mead!! More Mead!!!

Then I can design some funky sigpics for Foonerville ©

"Tilts cask and sucks last drops from bunghole.."
Oh wait, that doesn't sound quite right..

Cr@p, I need a mouthpiece to write these thins.. {/Ricky Ricardo}

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cahaya 19530 desperate attention whore postings
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05-12-17, 10:57 PM (EST)
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41. "RE: Chapel Bells Go "BUNG"?!"
I was thinking of a CCR tune with Fogerty at the vocal lead, rhythm and key something like Born on the Bayou, something kingfish (living in those parts) would dig.
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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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05-12-17, 11:01 PM (EST)
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42. "RE: Chapel Bells Go "BUNG"?!"
Yes they do. French bells do. Bung Bung Bung Bung.

But that's a good decision, the FoonerVille Anthem.

I wrote it many years ago (in France, 1945 in Bastogne recovering from wounds suffered in the battle of the bulge - I had to use the pseudonyms Jean Villard Gilles and Marc Herrand for legal reasons) and later recorded by Roy Orbison;

http://tinyurl.com/foonervilleanthem

I let him record it because he could hit higher notes than I could. Of course I could have changed to a more accessible key, but, well, Roy begged so miserably that I let him have it. And did I get any royalties? Did I? No. I didn't. So I let the Browns try it. They did pretty well too.

The nun who nursed me back to health? Well, that's another story which coincidently also involved barrels of mead.

So Bring on the Mead, I declare this to be Sexy Beach Bunny Nun Day.

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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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05-13-17, 02:41 AM (EST)
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43. "Only The Lonely"
Still gotcha some of that Blabtist Preacher Inya? God take me to Heaven and throw me back to Hell. Why is the Mayor of Foonerville © still on the Plant? .. or PLANET.


I believe we need some pretty women on the Beach.

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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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05-07-17, 05:13 PM (EST)
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34. "Welcome to Foonerville"
A nice day by the Foonerville© coast..

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cahaya 19530 desperate attention whore postings
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05-07-17, 11:28 PM (EST)
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35. "RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
It looks kinda lonely out there... where are the beach babes?

You need to appoint a Foonerville tourism board to generate some interest in this sleepy town.

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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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05-08-17, 08:44 AM (EST)
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36. "RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that the sleepy little town of zrfoonerville, which is in the middle of a national forest, also has an ocean.

And also don't want no stinkin' tourists. The hanging tree was plenty good enough entertainment for our pappys, and it's good enough for us.

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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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05-08-17, 06:50 PM (EST)
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37. "Upon reflection,"
...we do have a need for a beach babes tourists bureau.
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cahaya 19530 desperate attention whore postings
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05-08-17, 10:09 PM (EST)
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38. "RE: Upon reflection,"
For sure... we've already got enough beach bums around here, just not enough beach buns.


Ragtop Ride by foonermints

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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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05-13-17, 03:02 AM (EST)
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44. "The Foonerville Coast.."
LAST EDITED ON 05-13-17 AT 03:09 AM (EST)


Not quite Midnight in the Gaden of Good and Evil.

Gadsden? Garden? Fu*k ie Wookie! Obviousl I misSpoke.
I let my words speak for themselves. Your Mayor might need some zHrelp,

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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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05-13-17, 10:37 AM (EST)
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45. "RE: The Foonerville Coast.."
Dad Gum It! Another "a" in "Gaden" and I could be John F. Kennedy!

No, your Mayor still hasn't sobered up.

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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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05-13-17, 10:55 AM (EST)
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46. "Foonerville © Filming Rights"
Question: Should we allow Steven Seagull to film even worse than "B" grade movies in our town?
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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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05-13-17, 11:37 AM (EST)
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47. "RE: Foonerville © Filming Rights"
I say yes, if he isn't in them. Pornstars welcome to dine in Ye Olde Kingfish Inn while in town. Just stary out of the basement, scary hairy big assed rats down there, plus that's where Seagull stays.
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cahaya 19530 desperate attention whore postings
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05-15-17, 01:41 PM (EST)
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48. "RE: Foonerville © Filming Rights"
But we will allow filming of the movie adaptation of Jonathan Livingston Seagull on our beaches. Such an inspirational story, even if it's only about seagulls.

What about the rumored Baywatch 2 TV series?

Or the other rumor of a Jaws V movie? Are there any sharks in our waters? Kingfish oughta know.

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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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05-15-17, 03:01 PM (EST)
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49. "RE: Foonerville © Filming Rights"
I am the shark in these waters. But I only bite beach babes. And an occasional seagull (the birdy type).

Bring on Baywatch.

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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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05-15-17, 05:50 PM (EST)
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50. "Shark Attack! by The Surf Punks.."
LAST EDITED ON 05-16-17 AT 02:11 PM (EST)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nD3ZyFWYlLM

You'll need to cut and paste, lazies!
Why? Your Mayor is somehow handicapped in the brain..


AAh! reminds me of 1969.

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cahaya 19530 desperate attention whore postings
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05-18-17, 11:41 PM (EST)
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51. "Peace thru..."

Courtesy of the Foonerville Sheriff's Department & Foonerville Militia Corps

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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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05-19-17, 10:19 AM (EST)
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52. "RE: Peace thru..."
LAST EDITED ON 05-19-17 AT 07:06 PM (EST)

The Militia Corps. Aka the regular sots at the bar of Ye Olde Kingfish Saloon. Aka, us.

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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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05-19-17, 07:09 PM (EST)
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53. "Foonerville Tourism Cordinator"

He has access to free travel vouchers, I hear.

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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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05-20-17, 00:09 AM (EST)
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55. "RE: Foonerville Tourism Cordinator"
As Long as that stinkin' piece of Chinese pottery can get Beach Babes. Temporary hire..

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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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05-20-17, 11:58 AM (EST)
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56. "He keeps his mouth shut,"
and his eyes shut, and he can be weaponized. (that pointy head)
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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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05-19-17, 08:45 PM (EST)
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54. "Militia Tee Shirt.."
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foonermints 13790 desperate attention whore postings
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05-21-17, 02:49 PM (EST)
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57. "RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
One of the many churches in Foonerville © is open.

We run a quiet and quaint little Ville here. Those who say we don't are lying, and they can damn well go to quieter places, like The Calgary Stampede, or freaking Sturgis during the Motorcycle Rally.
Enjoy South Dakota! Y'all wouldn't know a good time if it walked up to ya and smacked you in the face..

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kingfish 19739 desperate attention whore postings
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05-24-17, 07:03 PM (EST)
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58. "RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
LAST EDITED ON 05-24-17 AT 11:39 PM (EST)

The latest Foonerville news will be published in the "Better Foonerville than Soonerville Daily Picayune" in the Survivor Basher's "Be The Survivor" thread.

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