Previously on The Amazing Race: Bebo’s gem
Jamie and Cara are devastated with the Super Leg. Here they thought for sure, they’d be cashing in on some Travelocity Prize or another…
The word from the non-Pit Stop mat :”Make your way to Bei Hey Dong Min and find the Travelocity Roaming Gnome®." Things start out bad for Jaime, who gets clunked on the noggin by the taxi door. But, since there’s no blood showing, we soldier on.
Margie and Luke don’t check in and we hear Margie finally start to complain about Luke’s constant “Mommmmm! Mommmmm!”
Third to not check-in, Tammy and Victor. But they know how to speak Chinese, so they’re not worried.
Last to the non-mat, Kisha and Jen (“SHUT THE HELL UP!") at least that’s what the post-production crew came up with…
Once the non-pit stop is done, we get back to racing. That wily roaming gnome is playing hid-and-seek in a bunch of stalls. Tammy and Victor (they speak Chinese, you know) somehow miss him sitting on a suit of clothes. However, Margie finds him right in some nuts.
Make your way to GU GONG XI BEI JIAO and find the electric bikes. Ride them through Tianamen Square to DONGDAN Station to find your next clue.
Cara finds her gnome nestled amongst some curios, but of course, they have taxi trouble. Quick cut to Kisha and Jen arriving at the market. Tammy and Victor (they speak Chinese, you know) find another gnome who had roamed into a honey shop. Kisha and Jen pick up their gnome in some gooey looking pastries.
Tammy and Victor (they speak Chinese, you know) get their taxi first and head for the Forbidden City. Margie and Luke, already in their cab, follow. Jamie and Cara, sensing the need to play the ugly Americans, try to stab their taxi driver with their gnome. (Neither of whom are happy with this turnabout). Kisha and Jen find a taxi driver that understands their mumblings.
As the dawn breaks, Tammy and Victor (they speak Chinese, you know) arrive at the bike-lot. It only takes college grad Tammy three blocks to figure out the “electric bike” actually has an electric motor that helps her to ‘glide’. Victor complains about the cold.
Marge and Luke find the bikes. Luke yells “mommmmm… mommmmm!”
Jamie and Cara are, naturally, lost. Kisha and Jen jump from their cab just in time to be nearly run over by Luke. (Sadly, this would be the closest they get to repeating the clue-box Wrestlemania XXV Main Events from before).
Tammy and Victor (they speak Chinese, you know), being the good patriots they are, stop to watch the People’s Army raise the flag. Victor gets to the clue box, but has to bite it open due to his frozen fingers.
DETOUR – a Detour is a choice between two tasks… and Mr. Handy Hands (without frostbite) make their long anticipated appearance.or
Dress up, including full make-up, like a Princess and her Dude. The Opera Master (looking like a refugee from Hogwarts) must give his okie-dokie before giving the next clue.
Take your famished gnome along with you to a restaurant and take customer’s orders (in Mandarin), then repeat them to the chef. If you goof, then no soup for you and you have to go back and try again. Once you give the orders right, wait for the chef to do his chef thing, then serve the right meal to the right customer (no word on if they’ll leave a tip).
Tammy and Victor (they speak Chinese, you know) opt for the CHINESE WAITER, since they speak Chinese and will have an advantage.
Meanwhile, back on the trail, Kisha/Jen and Marge/Luke get help from some locals. Kisha and Jen get to the clue box first and head for the Opera, as do the other three teams.
Tammy and Victor (they speak Chinese, you know) get to the restaurant, telling no one in particular “Mom and dad will kill us if we mess this up”. The Call for Phillip Morris! boy waiters laugh. The orders come in:
Good Luck Fish (Victor translates it as ‘Squid’ -- dum ti dummmm)
New Taste Beef
Golden Pork Spare Ribs
In a confessional, Victor tells us that Chinese has lots of subtle nuances, and the slightest error in tone or pronunciation changes the entire meaning (dum ti dummmmm).
Tammy wants to give the chef the orders, but Big Brother Victor (aka ‘Little Sir Echo’) can’t let her go – and they blow the order. (‘Squid’ is not ‘fish’). Real waiters get another chuckle.
Split screen – and we get Kisha and Jen “finally – we’re in the right place!”
Jen complains about Kisha moving her lips too much (now you notice!) just as Marge and Luke pull in. Kisha plots revenge…
Luke tries to bury his mother in white makeup. Marge complains of looking like Alice Cooper. Luke is going overboard with the makeup. Marge complains that she’s now a Drag Queen (uhh, Marge dear, a 'Drag Queen' is actually a banana…)
Kisha and Jen finish makeup and head for their costumes. No blows are thrown.
Back at the restaurant, Tammy and Victor (they speak Chinese, you know) finally get the orders right. Victor still can’t let little sister speak for herself.
Jamie and Cara (remember them?) get a cab and sing their directions (‘take us to the oppppeerrrrraaa!’)
Tammy and Victor (they speak Chinese, you know) find the UTurn – and Phil jumps in to explain that this is the second of two UTurns, and a UTurn forces a team to do both legs of the detour. This could be costly. Also, this UTurn is not ‘blind’, meaning that the team that uses it will have to bear the consequences of their actions. Tammy sings praises for all three teams, and finally announces that Kisha and Jen are their biggest threats. Of course, being the sensitive types, they append a message, “Sorry, I can’t outrun you.” This of course, will make everything better.
Kisha and Jen finish the Opera task, bow to Dumbledore, and head out.
Tammy and Victor (they speak Chinese, you know) grab the next clue:
Make you way to DONG HUA MEN YI SHI Street Market.
Back at the Opera, Marge and Luke have costumed-up and been blessed by Avatar. Poor Jamie and Cara arrive at the wrong Opera (opps… the National Opera, not the Beijing Opera.) of course, it’s the taxi driver’s fault.
Tammy and Victor (they speak Chinese, you know) arrive at the Street Market –
and GROSS FOOD CHALLENGE
Consume ‘traditional’ Chinese street faire, Larvae, Grasshoppers, Scorpions, and Starfish (yum!)
Victor takes the challenge, and tries to start eating the raw larvae – oh joy, they’re going to be deep fried first.
However, no ketchup is available.
Kisha and Jen are still lost. Marge and Luke are still lost, but Luke knows that UTurns are always close to the Detours (dum ti dummmmmm) They find a local to help them.
Jamie and Cara finally get to the right Opera. They’re going to do OPERA because, being ditzy, they do a lot of makeup. Kinda like Tammy and Victor knowing Chinese…
Victor chomps down the street faire, saving the starfish for last. They get the clue to the Pit Stop – it’s the NIAO CHAO, the “bird’s nest” home for the 2008 Summer Olympics. Victor tells us that they were there for the games, so know exactly where it is. Being in China is great, isn’t it.
Margie and Luke worry about being UTurned. The know that Kisha and Jen would do them without batting an eye – so they hope that Tammy and Victor got there first.
Jamie and Cara (the makeup experts) bow to Zander and head out into the mist.
Out in the field, Marge/Luke and Jamie/Cara team-up – and find the clue box in the Opera House. (do’h!)
Tammy and Victor (they speak Chinese, you know) hit the Pit Stop Mat and are rewarded with a Travelocity trip to the Galápagos – a chance to mingle with 120-year old tortoises, swimming lizards and equatorial penguins. Phil also confirms that they are one of three teams with a chance to win ONE MILLION DOLLARS (Victor is “counting on being number one”, which we must conclude is a death sentence.)
Back to the race…
Kisha and Jen, Jamie and Cara, still very much frustrated trying to find the UTurn clue box. Finally, “let’s just go back to the Opera House…”
Marge asks for her Street Faire to be fried “extra crispy”. Sure hopes that helps.
Kisha and Jen are overjoyed to find the cluebox – and are surprisingly nonplussed at being UTurned (“right back where we started!”) Jamie and Cara head for the Street Market.
Back to the restaurant, Kisha and Jen take the orders (“uhh, we’re Black, not Chinese”), carefully writing down the orders. At the chef they repeat, and, thanks to the handy translation line on the bottom of the screen, we know just how not Chinese they are…)
1. “Monthly Use Taiwanese Chicken” (Fried Chicken)
2. “Good Western Heads Lack Fish” (Good Luck Fish)
Back to the table…
3. “Oil Comes Again to Please the Month” (New Taste Beef)
4. “Good Doll Basket Drum” (Fish)
5. “Light Competition Red Dishes I’ve Played Before” (Beef)
Back to the table…
And meanwhile, Jamie and Cara are still frustrated. Marge finishes her last fried gem.
Back to the restaurant – Kisha and Jen get to the chef and the missing subtitles means, miracle of miracles, they get it right (what magic the editor must weave!) Jamie and Cara tell us that they’ve been looking for three hours. One of them complains about all the people in China and that’s why they can’t get a taxi.
中国的人民讲中文。 汉语不英语。 与它，母狗的成交。
Kisha and Jen finally serve and hit the road. Jen asks for ketchup (and water…)
Marge and Luke hit the Pit Stop mat, team number two. One more to go…
Marge confesses that she started the race “for Luke” but has grown to love it, “I’m having a great time!”
At the Detour, head-to-head grasshopper chomping, water guzzling, and tooth picking (yum!). Every time Jen swallows, more water goes down (dum ti dummmmm…) “I gotta pee”
Jen finishes ahead of Cara and they break for the taxis. But no taxis are around…
Cara finishes, they dash for the taxi, and have to go back for their gnome.
Both teams get to the Bird’s Nest and start looking for Phil. Kisha finally falls to her bladder and
The Phil hunt continues and…
“Jamie and Cara, I’m sorry to tell you ---“ sniffle…. “that you have to keep racing. You’re team number three.” Phil puts more pressure on them by reminding them that they have a chance to become the first all female team to win the Amazing Race (I guess this means that Luke actually does have a pair…)
Finally, Kisha and Jen stagger to the mat. They’ve been Philiminated, but still have dry undies. (and no chance for the ONE MILLION DOLLARS) Ever the diplomat, Phil tells them they missed by “seconds”.
NEXT WEEK on the Amazing Race –
The final leg heads to Hawaii for a luau. Victor continues to give little sister a hard time. Jamie has another taxi breakdown, and there’s one more dash to the mat…
Snidget does it again.