LAST EDITED ON 03-17-09 AT 10:36 AM (EST)
(If this is Hell, I don’t want to go to heaven!)
Beautiful My A$$!!!
(Yes it is, Phil!!!!)
Last week on the Amazing Race… you can read Frisque’s summary!
Our fearless travelers set off from the pit stop in Сибирь, aka Siberia, to find they must take the Trans-Siberian
Orchestra Railway to Novosibirsk, which means something like New Siberia or something. Christie and Jodi, along with their wheelie luggage, which could have used some snow tires, arrived in first place in the last leg and depart at 12:34 pm, but will wind up being bunched on the train with all of the other teams as the only train going that day is at 10:26 pm. Aha! The great equalizer! Let’s see if they can keep that first place when they don’t have the inside info for an airplane ride. This season is supposed to have less airline travel. Do you think they did that purposefully because one team is made up of flight attendants?
On the train, the teams decide that Luke and Margie are very evil because they used the blind u-turn on Kris and Amander on the last leg.
The train arrives in New Siberia, which is way better than Old Siberia because, it’s like, new! The teams play in traffic together in order to grab some taxis. Too bad nobody got eliminated that way, huh?
After the taxi ride, teams arrive at Punkt Tehnicheskogo Osmotra, which is either a techno punk dance club that plays Kajagoogoo songs or some place having to do with Omarosa, to find the...
Russian Bride – drive a Lada to an apartment building, grab a bouquet of flowers, find an apartment with a waiting bride, drive her to the church and take a picture with her and her groom to get the next clue.
Teams that chose this detour, Mel & Mike, Kisha & Jen and Christie & Jodie, mostly made the wrong choice or were stupid as they couldn’t drive a stick or find the right church even! Mel & Mike did fine, but this apparently took much longer than the other task.
Excuse me a minute. I have a song in my head…
Never gonna fall for
Modern love - walks beside me
Modern love - walks on by
Modern love - gets me to the church on time
Church on time - terrifies me
Church on time - makes me party
Church on time - puts my trust in God and man
God and man - no confessions
God and man - no religion
God and man – don’t believe in modern love
Russian Snowplow – drive a Lada to Stadium Spartak and each team member takes turns driving a snowplow through a marked course to receive the next clue.
Teams that chose this detour, Jaime & Cara, Margie & Luke, Tammy & Victor and Mark & Michael, mostly wound up in the lead pack. On the way to this task, Margie & Luke really thought that Tammy & Victor were their new BFFs! They figured they had a new alliance to go with the one they already had with Jaime & Cara. WRONG! Who wouldn’t want to ditch a whiny little momma’s boy? Especially one who has shown they would u-turn you in a second, given the chance!
Anywho… after the detour, teams were directed to Gosudarstvennaya Publichnaya Nauchnaya Tekhnicheskaya Biblioteka, which is not only the largest library in Siberia, but also the one with the longest name in the world! I bet the teams were thinking they will have to find a book by that Chekhov guy right about now.
Phil says: In this roadblock,….
*notices Phil has a treasure trail* Um. I’m sorry. I did not hear what he said…*sigh*
What? Oh! That’s right. Back to the summary!
For the roadblock, one team member had to run 1.4 miles in –3C weather to meet their waiting partner at the New Siberia Ballet and Opera House, which is the next pit stop.
For you Ameriquans, that –3C means 26.6F. That’s not that cold. Come on! It’s not like it’s –3F! I think they used the Celsius so it would appear much more frigid.
The snowplow/BFFs group, Margie & Whiner, Jaime & Cara and Tammy & Victor arrive first. It is decided that Whiner, Cara & Tammy will complete the roadblock. They head into a warming hut, which means they did some shots of водка, aka wodka, in order to get ready to run. Whiner is out first. Cara decides she cannot possibly run unless some drunk locals with bad teeth think she is hot, so Tammy runs past her into second. Some guy finally pays attention to Cara, so she runs and is in third. They finish in that order and Whiner and his mommy win a trip to St. Lucia. Oh how romantic!
Mike & Mel arrive, as do Mark & Michael. Please don’t let it be Mel. Please don’t let it be Mel. Mike and Mark decide to do the running. Phew! It's not Mel! Mike decides to “Get on Your Boots”! and run. That way his feet will be warm. Besides, if boots are good enough for Phil, they are good enough for Mike!
Meanwhile… Jen is having problems driving a stick in the snow. The bride rolls her eyes. It's true! I saw it! ...and Christie & Jodi are still looking for the right church after they found the wrong one. These two are so stupid! Please let them be eliminated!
Back at the pit stop, Mike & Mel arrive. Next up is Mark & Michael, who want to be on that stage so badly, they run past Phil, who says, "Yo! Guys! *whistle* Over here!"
Kisha & Jen arrive at the biblioteka and Jen tells us she needs to find underwear because she is currently going commando. TMI, Jen! The stupid blonds arrive and Christie only has a thong. This is a family show, Christie! Sheesh! After their wodka shots with the locals, the exhibitionists are off and running. Jen & Kisha finish in sixth place and the stupid, idiot, waste of a good spot on this show, bumbling blond flight attendants are saved by a non-elimination! Yes, Jaime, this is Siberian hell! Grrrr!
On the next episode...
Luke not only whines, but also cries and...
Jaime & Cara lose their bags!
Plus, you will be in for a real treat with Seana's summary!
Hey! I'm surrounded by Canadians!
*ETF: Typos and resize pictures.