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"Joe Millionaire Episode 3 Summary"
StarryLuna 4771 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold"
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10-29-03, 08:07 PM (EST)
 
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"Joe Millionaire Episode 3 Summary" |
Its Joe Millionaire time again. Funny, it seems like it was only yesterday that the last episode of JM was on….oh.Previously (Yesterday) on Joe Millionaire: David meets the gold-diggers, excuse me, girls at a "ball." According to David "Czech girls are hot." David and the girls "dance" like they’re at a ball in 1812. Brief shots of the rejected girls b!itching because they weren’t picked. "Whatever." "David is so not me." Opening Credits: David comes riding in on his horse as a map of Europe shows up on screen. Pictures of the girls appear, with rope X’s showing us whose been rejected. From Germany: Cat, Jerusha (roped reject), and Johanna (roped reject). From Sweden: Olinda and her Mick Jagger lips and Lina. From the Czech Republic (home of the aforementioned "hot girls"): Kristyna, Linda, Tereza and Karolina. From The Netherlands: Anique and Petra. From Italy: Yassamin (roped reject), Alessia and Giada.
And, last but certainly not least, "David Smith as Joe." The Ladies’ Man appears with his glass of courvisier…wait, this is a real show, not just an SNL sketch. Pimp Master Paul and his cognac brings us up to speed and tells us that the girls all want to know about David’s most fascinating quality – his money. Word. Pimp Master asks if David will be able to keep his story straight…because telling a bunch of women that you had your horse flown from the US to Italy is so easy to forget. Morning After First Elimination: The ladies appear at breakfast in their usual form, hung-over, with sunglasses and cigarettes and looking like they were rode hard and put away wet. Seriously, do they not think that there’s a possibility that David may pop in for breakfast sometime? Olinda complains that the pearls aren’t big enough for her taste. Obviously she’s had a lot of experience with pearl necklaces. The girls discuss what David does for a living and whether the rodeo is a "real job." Olinda says that "In America, they become superstars over there. It’s true. They get fans and it’s like totally crazy." Okay, all you US citizens, its quiz time. Quickly, name me a famous rodeo star. (And you can’t say "David Smith" or "That guy that dates Jewel.") Meanwhile, David returns to Pimp Master Paul’s School of How to Pick Up Chicks and Influence People. Paul tells David that the European girls will be much more inquisitive then the American girls, especially when it comes to the money. Therefore, David must keep his story straight. Paul and David discuss the Hurricane blunder, and David claims that if he had $80 million, he’d bring his horse to Europe. Paul: "How old are you?" David: "24." Paul: "No, you’re not." David: "25, right." Why would they make him lie about his age? Because being 25 makes you appear so much older and wiser then 24? (Holy crap…just had the slightly disturbing realization that David Smith and I are the same age. I’m not quite so sure why that bothers me as much as it does.) Paul asks David if his uncle is alive and David responds, "Yes, Sir." Pimp Master Paul points out to David that if his uncle has left David $80 million, then it would appear that his uncle must be dead. David hopes the girls don’t ask this many questions. Pimp Master Paul shows that he has learned something not many other men have discovered: "They will. They’re women." The girls spend the day relaxing around the pool. Paul shows up to inform them that David will be taking them on group dates and that for the first date, David will be taking out Kristyna, Olinda and Giada to go to Montecatini. The girls get ready and Olinda says she doesn’t chase guys, guys chase her. With what, a pick-axe? A chainsaw? Date #1: David and the girls ride a trolley up the mountain to learn how to make pottery. Along the way, the girls began quizzing him on how he got Hurricane to Italy. David says he brought Hurricane over on a cargo plane and begins talking about how some of the rodeo riders fly their horses to Canada. Way to go, David. Haven’t you embarrassed the US Rodeo Association enough already? Olinda asks where Hurricane is now and David just looks at her with his face blank and mouth hanging open. Olinda asks if Hurricane is on some ranch and David sputters, "Yes, ma’am, he’s in the stables." Smooth. After the pottery lesson, David and the girls go out for traditional Italian food. Olinda and Kristyna go to the bathroom, leaving Giada alone with David. These girls are a little less ruthless then the girls last season. Heidi would have never left a girl alone with Evan. When the food arrives, David says Grace. Olinda has already popped a huge piece of food in her mouth and is gnawing away on it like a cow chews its cud. When David finishes, Olinda says "Amen, Praise the Lord!" in a fake Southern accent, which clearly pisses David off. Date #2: The next date is a biking/picnic date with Lina, Cat, Anique and Tereza around the walls of the city of Lucca. At the picnic, Tereza says the veins on David’s arms turn her on. David again says Grace, after a few of the girls had started eating, but it goes over much more smoothly then his prayer the night before. Lina tells us that she’s not religious, but that she respects people her are. As she talks, her cross earrings blow slightly in the breeze. The girls ask David what sins he asked forgiveness for and somehow the topic turns to cussing. Tereza lets loose a flurry of cuss words that clearly had the Fox censors working overtime. In a confessional, Tereza says that she was swearing like a sailor, not wearing any underwear and drinking a lot of champagne. Woo-hoo! Once again, the topic turns to his money and eventually Hurricane. David, in one of his more prophetic moments, tells us that a guy who didn’t have his story straight could really mess this up. If that’s not effective foreshadowing, I don’t know what is. Date #3: David’s final date is a trip to Pisa with Alessia, Linda, Karolina and Petra. Lucky girls. I’d put up with David just to get to go to Pisa. Alessia says "Hello, my husband," when she greets David. She’s certainly having a good time with this whole experience. When David tells them he’s Catholic, Alessia replies that they can get married in the church next to the Tower. David knows the whole history of the Leaning Tower and the surrounding complex, which shows how effective Pimp Master Paul’s School of How to Pick Up Chicks and Influence People can be. After the Tower, the group heads off to dinner. The girls link arms with David and sing to him in Italian as they walk down the street. I can’t really make fun of that, because to me it was kind of cool and really sweet of the girls. They eat dinner on a rooftop overlooking the Tower. No awkward prayer moment on this date, apparently. Before the elimination, Olinda begins showing her claws and tells us that she hopes David gets rid of Cat. Olinda says Cat is "fake" and that she thinks Cat has had a boob job. Insert your own joke here. Elimination: Samantha informs the girls that those who are staying will receive a sapphire necklace. The first name Paul announces, much to Olinda’s disappointment, is Cat, who’s wearing a black dress with white skulls on it. If that’s not romance, I don’t know what is. Next to stay is Giada. Paul calls Linda next and David pretends to have trouble with the necklace in order to check Linda out a little more. The next necklace goes to Kristyna. Much to my disgust, Paul calls Lina next. Something about her just bugs me. Miss Alessia is called next and the girls laugh and applaud. Alessia says "Thank you my friends," and gives David a rose. Anique gets the next necklace and kind of looks over her shoulder and says a quick "Thanks" before flipping her hair back over her shoulder and going back to her spot. David admits he’s disappointed in her reaction. Necklace #8 goes to Petra, leaving Olinda, Tereza and Karolina and just one necklace. Paul pauses, then calls out "Olinda," who so tastefully cries out "Yeah, baby! Work it, honey," as she walks over to David. Someone thinks very highly of herself. David apologizes to the remaining girls, saying he doesn’t like it and that it’s "like kicking one of my buddies out of the truck." (My fiance’s reply to that: "Why would he kick someone out of the truck? So his imported horse can sit next to him?") Well, he didn’t kick Karolina and Tereza out of the truck, but they’re now rope rejects. After the elimination, David says he eliminated Tereza because she was the first to ask about the money. The reason he eliminated Karolina is because he has a strategy with Linda and was worried that since Karolina and Linda are so close, Linda might back off if she thought Karolina liked David. Maybe he has a few more brains in his head then I thought. Pimp Master Paul and his cognac return and Paul says he hopes that "David’s bucking the right horse." I can’t think of any better way to end this recap. 
Really doesn't want to think about David bucking horses.
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cqvenus 9764 desperate attention whore postings
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10-29-03, 08:59 PM (EST)
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1. "thanks!" |
that was great! I missed this last night, so I'm really glad you posted so quickly!!!I have to say I'm also sad that I'm the same age as David. 24? I'm almost 25 (next month, Black Friday, thankyouverymuch). But, to answer your question, I believe they had him say he was 25 because the lie is that he inherited the 80 mil upon his 25th bday from his late uncle. You know, 25 is a nice round number and all. Furthermore, I cannot continue to resist the temptation to make a very non-PG13 joke about "pearl necklaces," especially with Old Linda so convinced she's had "much bigger" so thankfully we've moved on to sapphires. I've tried and can't come up with a sick joke involving sapphires. For now. Thanks again for this summary. It was great!  
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Deonna 2425 desperate attention whore postings
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11-01-03, 10:45 AM (EST)
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4. "RE: Joe Millionaire Episode 3 Summary" |
I love your summary! I missed this week’s episodes. I appreciate you taking the time to describe one of them.I loved your description of the “Ladies”. I can definitely see it “The ladies appear at breakfast in their usual form, hung-over, with sunglasses and cigarettes and looking like they were rode hard and put away wet.” I too keep hoping that he will surprise them first thing in the morning. Deonna
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Guppin1234 909 desperate attention whore postings
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11-02-03, 06:14 AM (EST)
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6. "Great funny Summary!" |
Well, I'm probably going to end up quoting this whole thing. Very funny!------------------------- "Its Joe Millionaire time again. Funny, it seems like it was only yesterday that the last episode of JM was on….oh." * This IS a megadose of reality? isn't it. I laughed out loud when I read that, that I think my neighbors heard me. "roped reject" * I keep picturing those baby cows falling on the ground with their little legs pointing straight up as if to say, rope me, rope me. "looking like they were rode hard and put away wet" * Ahh, sex with David. Aint it grand! "Olinda complains that the pearls aren’t big enough for her taste." * To answer the pearl thing with OldLinda, can I quote StarryLuna... "Really doesn't want to think about David bucking horses." It's gotta be hard on David's pearls. There goes the family 'fortune'. "Why would they make him lie about his age? Because being 25 makes you appear so much older and wiser then 24?" * What's up with that. One more year older and he'll be one less than 26?!? "Olinda says she doesn’t chase guys, guys chase her. With what, a pick-axe? A chainsaw?" * Based on that whips and chains belt she was wearing, I'd guess they'd chase her with a Harley! Urban Cowboy rides again. "Tereza says the veins on David’s arms turn her on." * No, I think she said the wayans on the arms, like it's tuning me on. Blame it on the English to Czech Dictionary again. "Tereza lets loose a flurry of cuss words that clearly had the Fox censors working overtime. In a confessional, Tereza says that she was swearing like a sailor, not wearing any underwear and drinking a lot of champagne. Woo-hoo! Once again, the topic turns to his money and eventually Hurricane." * Oh man, I made a new best friend when Tereza did that for me. I haven't laughed that har, har, harrd in a long time.... okay, about five minutes ago when I read 'seems like yesterday', but that doesn't count. Tereza is on my list now. Then David says, "Yes ma'am, I have cursed, but not in front of the lay, lay ladies." What is, oh, ow ooo say, ahh yes, the cursing. "David, in one of his more prophetic moments, tells us that a guy who didn’t have his story straight could really mess this up. If that’s not effective foreshadowing, I don’t know what is." *  "I’d put up with David just to get to go to Pisa." * I think David wants a pisa of Alessa and maybe you too if you play your spurs right. "Before the elimination, Olinda begins showing her claws and tells us that she hopes David gets rid of Cat. Olinda says Cat is "fake" and that she thinks Cat has had a boob job. Insert your own joke here." * I've never seen a cat with a boob job before. "Cat, who’s wearing a black dress with white skulls on it. If that’s not romance, I don’t know what is." *  "like kicking one of my buddies out of the truck." My fiance’s reply to that: Why would he kick someone out of the truck?" *  - It's too difficult to assume why you would WANT David to kick you out of his truck until we've had the entire David experience. Well, don't hold out on us StarryLuna. You should do more summaries!
Thank you! Kudos! 
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Schnookie Palookie 16822 desperate attention whore postings
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11-03-03, 12:20 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: Joe Millionaire Episode 3 Summary" |
Thanks for that hilarious summary StarryLuna. Pimp Master Paul ... LMAO  "Olinda says she doesn’t chase guys, guys chase her. With what, a pick-axe? A chainsaw? Olinda has already popped a huge piece of food in her mouth and is gnawing away on it like a cow chews its cud. When David finishes, Olinda says "Amen, Praise the Lord!" in a fake Southern accent, which clearly pisses David off." Loved everything you wrote about Olinda. She's totally without any class and I wonder why she's still there. Oh yeah, thanks for putting the image of a bucking David in my head LOL 
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