LAST EDITED ON 02-13-04 AT 11:25 PM (EST)
Episode 5 Summary – “Tragedy strikes as the S.S.Gold sinks straight down to the bottom”
There’s always one problem with doing a Mole summary. People expect you to funny. Sometimes, that can be a hard thing to do. So, no tomatoes at my head, thank you very much.
After watch American Idol I’m hoping the mole can ease the pain some of those voices inflict. Ow. So, we start with our wonderful introduction, reminding us of who’s been executed (I love seeing that big red bar over Stephen’s face still) then, interviews!
“After tonight, if I don’t get executed, I’m in! And, I didn’t get an exemption.” She pauses “I just have to make people think that I am the mole,” Tough luck there. You blew it in Episode 1.
Mark’s sitting up too close to the camera for comfort and makes an ADHD-like face. He attempts to convince us that the game is just now starting, which also, unfortunately, happened in Episode 1.
“You will win the game; you will win!” He continues, and just when I get to thinking that he may be insane, he turns and says “Okay…” and the camera cuts to Dennis.
I was amazed at the fact that there were no subtitles for Dennis. I think this may be his first time! Or, maybe what he has to say isn’t of importance. Well, let us see:
“I’m not here to sabotage anything, I’m not here to coalition with anyone, I’m just here to be competitive, and be a participant, and be a good sport,” I see why there are no subtitles; it’s for the sake of the DennisFOMO’s because this is definitely what they don’t want to hear for Dennis.
Tracey has managed to get closer to the camera than Mark did.
“I’m gonna go for D-Day, my judgment day, my ultimate judgment day. Am I the mole? Am I the next executed? Or do I make it to the final round?”
After some wonderful Yucatan scenery, a donkey brays into the camera. Ahamd, in a hideously greeeeeeen outfit now shows up.
“I bet this is going to be a race,” Dennis comments right before Ahmad tells us that this game will be called Donkey Rally Mark starts singing but as everyone else tunes him out I may be the only one to notice.
“The females will be the brains and the males will be the brawn.” Dennis immediately hugs Tracey and begins commenting on her superior intelligence, beauty, etc.
Their task: To collect things from merchants along the road and reach the finish line before the 45 minutes are up
The twist: The sign for what they are supposed to take are in Spanish (dun dun DUUUUN)
Team Paco = Tracey and Dennis
Team Pepe = Mark and Angie
Then is the best part of the game, where Angie let’s us know that she holds no respect for Mr. Rashad. He reads a sign with a horrible accent and asks the celebrities what it means.
“It means Ahmad Rashad is wearing the gayest bandana I have ever seen,” Angie replies, and I look up and at the ceiling and say thanks.
To get to the point of this challenge, I will highlight only things of importance.
• Mark calms a hyperventilating donkey and is crowned “Mule whisperer” or something
• Angie shows Dennis her A$$
• Tracey doesn’t know what dos means
• Dennis picks up the Chihuahua and it scares Tracey
• Angie and Mark pick dog number 7 because it’s Angie’s lucky number
• We found out that the Chihuahua doesn’t like Mark
• Mark has the ability to read donkey minds and give him some bananas, while dropping others into the basket. Then he suddenly decides that all of the signs are telling them to take nothing, therefore removes the bananas and team Pepe continues on their way
• Tracey discovers that they need to take octopuses and after seeing them picked up be Dennis says she can’t eat calamari again
• Mark takes 5 fish that are blonde
“A donkey is like a horse with no coffee…” comments Mark. Team Paco earns 20,000, while Mark proves that he is still a child at heart; a VERY young child. As Mark learns that a piece of banana was left inside of his basket, unpeeled and in half. He begins whining like a little kid: “We took no fruit man, we had no fruit! Man! NO NO NONONONONONONONO!” Ahmad starts arguing with him and Mark believes he was framed, even though no one touched any other bananas. He tried to blame it on Dennis and Angie. Why not Tracey though? Pepe earns 10,000, plus 5,00 more to each. But Ahamd must fine these poor celebrities. 5,000 goes right back into ABC.
Since I do not feel like commenting anymore on that game, let’s go to everyone’s favorite,
Sooooo “Now you’re going to see how stupid we really are,” Dennis tells us. Mark complains about being too big to sit in those tiny chairs. Ahmad tells them they have the chance to hold someone back with little green thumbprint cards. Dennis asks if he has to write down the answer and everyone raises an eyebrow.
“No, I’ll just read your mind,” No one laughs except for Ahmad. “We start at 40,000 dollars, and will subtract 1,000 for an incorrect answer. If you get it right, you move forward. If you graduate the money left is added to the pot. There is an exemption involved. The first to graduate is given the exemption offer.”
Question 1: The Earth has how many continents?
Tracey: 5 <-1,000>
Dennis: 13 <-1,000>
Question 2: On which continent would you find the South Pole?
Mark: N/A <1,000>
Angie: South America <-1,000>
Tracey: Greenland <-1,000>
Dennis: Canada <-1,000>
Question 3: What is the name of the imaginary line that divides the globe across the middle?
Angie: She draws an imaginary line <-1,000>
Dennis: N/A <-1,000>
Question 4: What is ¼ of 60?
Tracey: 20 <-1,000>
Question 5: What is the capitol of New Jersey?
Mark: New Brunswick <-1,000>
Angie: N/A <-1,000>
Question 6: What is the longest river in the world?
Mark: Mississippi <-1,000>
Angie: Colorado <-1,000>
Angie uses a holdback card on Tracey
Question 7: Fill in the blank: “Make a mountain out of a _ _ _ _ hill”
Question 8: Which American general, born in 1741, committed treason during the revolutionary war before serving in the British army?
Mark: Benedict Arnold
Angie: Washington <-1,000>
Tracey: Benedict Arnold
Dennis: Lee <-1,000>
Tracey uses a holdback card on Mark
Question 9: How many minutes are in an hour and 31 minutes?
Mark uses his holdback on Tracey
Question 10: Which two well know explorers began their expedition across the American west in 1804
Mark: Ashford and Simpson <-1,000>
Angie: Ahmad and his brother <-1,000>
Tracey: Lewis and Clark
Dennis: John Wayne (?????) <-1,000>
Question 11: Which hemisphere is the United States in?
Dennis: Tenth (???) <-1,000>
Dennis then uses his holdback card on Mark, and Tracey gets to the head of the class. She is given a choice. She can either put 5,000 into the pot or take it, but she has to give the exemption to another player. Tracey says she wants the exemption, and Ahmad repeats that she cannot have it. After a second Ahmad pulls out more money. “10,000 now,” Tracey looks around, then announces “I’m taking the money,” Ahmad pulls out another 10,000 and says she could have had that 10,000 too had she held out longer. Too bad. They earn 17,000.
“Now, who do you want to give the exemption to?”
Tracey looks around, then announces “Dennis”
Tracey is now convinced she made a horrible choice. Angie is mad and calls her a vulgar name I shall not repeat.
To make it simple, they guess all but the first, where the team went with the boys on the decision. The girls dominate the game, while Mark complains about why it’s Noses, not butts. He could identify butts.
They miss Jennifer Lopez, and get Hugh Grant, Britney Spears, John Malcovitch, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Stephen Baldwin. They earn 25,000 to the pot.
And now, the execution. They all sit and Tracey is very nervous. Of course, Ahmad chooses to enter her name first. He types it so slow I wonder if he’s developed arthritis on the spot. Of course, we can all tell that it’s Tracey. Still, she gasps and groans hugs everyone, grabs her bag, hands it to Ahmad, and starts to hum the funeral music.
Everyone comments that they love Tracey and that she made them laugh. At the car Tracey says “I HATE YOU ALL! No, I’m kidding. I hope you miss me!” Ahmad wishes her goodbye, and she is driven off.
Mark is happy he’s made it to the end of the game, and promises to wear a cape. I am getting bad feelings about the next episode…
There. I’m done. Short, to the point. Not funny. Go ahead and hate me, but I have no creativity after not sleeping…Ah well, I can still give an accurate report. *Ducks the flying fruit and exits quickly*
I need an animated sparkle, don't I?