-The episode opens in the usual Mole way. A bunch of suspicious confessionals. Michael has no idea why he's still in the game. This is ABC's subtle way of making Michael into a human being.
-Next, the ABC editing department flexes its muscles and gives us some groovy graphics of the earth! HA! Take that, FOX football! They then cut to a shot of a sailboat, and then a picture of a man surfing. Off to Clues/Spoilers Forum for me...
Part One: "The Love Boat"
-The Molerons arrive on the beach and Ahmad tells them that they're about to play an impossible game. JOY! First, they have to split up into a group of 3 and a group of 2. Corbin and Little Erik volunteer to be the group of 2. Ahmad says that he needs a leader and someone who looks good on the beach. Corbin tells Little Erik that he looks real cute on the beach. Little Erik blushes and swoons.
-Ahmad plastically explains that they need to build a boat from a pile of junk from his garage. This boat needs to carry the entire team of 3 and Corbin. Then, the boatmen have to paddle the boat to a floating boat with a pile a money on it.
-Ahmad tells Little Erik that he gets to be Smoothie boy!!! Mmmmmmm... Smoothies... This scene can be viewed two ways:
For the ladies:
-Erik's working under the hot, sweaty sun with no shirt on, making nice, cold delicious smoothies... He turns to the camera and shyly asks if YOU would like one...
For the men:
-Erik makes his smoothies and delivers them to Frederique, who is jumping on a trampoline. Up and down, up and down...
-OK, those paragraphs were for free.
-The game starts. Evil Kathy compares Corbin to Jesus. Yeah, if Jesus was fat and obnoxious. Now, if I were a good spoiler, I would say that this is foreshadowing that Corbin will be executed, but I'm not a good spoiler, so let's move on!
-Evil Kathy's playing with a giant blue ball. What is this, a Britney Spears music video? As I said, let's move on!
-Little Erik's still on the hot, sweaty beach, making smoothies. He's got fruit, a blender, and a bunch of bananas. Ahmad comes over and tells Erik that he can get an exemption if he can paddle out (via kayak) and get the flag before the team does. But first, Erik has to finish with his banana and finish the smoothies. (Insert banana joke here)
-TWIST! Erik has to rent the boat for $15. And since Little Erik works for ABC, he doesn't have $15 and has to search on the hot, sweaty beach for quarters. He has to give these quarters to the "cabana boy" who is nobody other than... SHOCK! Stephen Baldwin.
-Stephen kind of smirks and makes some sort of stupid pun, acting like we really want him to be on the show right now. Yes, Stephen, we understand you were executed. Now go away, and we'll see you later tonight on Fear Factor.
-The players keep working on the boat and they ask Little Erik what he's doing. Erik says that he's trying to find stuff buried in the sand for their boat. Yeah, so they'll make their boat out of quarters... That makes a lot of sense. This kid's a regular Dorothy!
-Erik collects the $15 and easily beats the other team out to the money.
-TWIST #2! Ahmad tells Little Erik that he can trade in his exemption for $60,000. Erik takes the offer, saying that he is positive that he knows who the mole is and paddles away in his boat... I mean, kayak.
-Now to look at Evil Kathy's butt, as all men ages 18-34 turn off their TV. And you wonder why this show's been doing poorly.
-Corbin can't stop building the boat. Look, goofball, you lost. This ain't no hockey game. You can't just punch the ref to make yourself feel any better. You can, however, embarrass yourself by falling off the boat.
-Little Erik approaches them and tells them what Ahmad offered him. No, not the drugs, silly. The exemption. Everyone's mad because he took it. Everyone's mad because he gave it back.
-So, everyone's mad. Except for Corbin. Corbin just can't stop thinking about Little Erik.
-Corbin goes over to Little Erik and says they need to have a "little conference." Little Erik blushes and swoons.
"Why, I've always depended on the kindness of strangers..."
-Suddenly, out of nowhere, GeorgiaBelle runs by the camera, screaming "HE STOLE MY BIT!"
-Corbin and Little Erik sit on the hot, steamy beach and admire the sunset, er... I mean noontime scorching, and they gossip about Boatman and the TV show Arli$$. Corbin says that's a clue. Corbin's definitely the sharpest crayon in the box, huh? The two depart and Corbin goes back to working on his clue... I mean the boat.
Part Two: "Looky, looky, Corbin's lost it!"
-Evil Kathy says that executions make her nervous, and that she's sitting in her poo right now. Little Erik laughs for the first time ever. HA! She said the word "poo"!
-As Evil Kathy goes inside to change her diaper, and Little Erik goes back to Junior High, Ahmad Trebek comes out and tells them that it's time for another game. JOY! A maid comes in with a tray of hot chili peppers. Ahmad explains that this game is all about eating hot chili peppers. No, Ahmad, the game's about attacking you with them.
-He then says that the peppers range from HOT to REAL HOT. He he he... Ahmad made a funny. Get used to this phrase, because the robot will say it a couple hundred more times.
-They enter the Game Room and notice the mice. Corbin is worried that he'll have to stick mice in his mouth. Obviously, Corbin's seen Road Trip a few too many times. I mean, it was a funny movie and all, but this ain't exactly The Amazing Race.
-For a reason only known to God and ABC, "Mary Had A Little Lamb" starts playing. (?)
-Ahmad Trebek explains that the name of the game is called "Looky, Looky" Michael Moleman has trouble understand what he means by "looky, looky." Frederique takes off her top.
-No, not that "looky, looky"... Maybe next episode
-They have to eat hot peppers, ranging from HOT to REAL HOT. They'll each be asked an answer. If they can give the correct question, they can pass the pepper, which range from HOT to REAL HOT, to someone else.
Ahmad Trebek: Let's play "Idiocracy"!
Ahmad Trebek: Today's categories are: "Boating, Arli$$, Spin City, Famous Boatmen, and Pop Culture
-Corbin wants Pop Culture for $200. He misses it, proving he has no clue when it comes to Playboy models. Erik blushes and swoons. Corbin has to eat a REAL HOT pepper. Wow, big man. He ate it.
-Erik surprisingly misses his question about Brad Pitt in a nude magazine, and eats his pepper. Meanwhile, Corbin's devouring peppers left and right. But luckily for him, I'm the only one who tuned in to see him.
-Michael is next. He can't Shagwell, so he has to eat a pepper. Ahmad takes this opportunity to explain that the peppers range from HOT to REAL HOT. Geez, get that Phil guy from TAR... I'm beginning to forget what a Roadblock is.
-Will Michael eat it??? Cut to commercial!
-Hey, Jimmy Kimmel's got a talk show now!
-"The Mole will be back, here on ABC." Dang it. That little plug gets me every time.
-Hey, Jimmy Kimmel's still got a talk show now!
-OK, we're back. Time to see if Mike's a mole or a mouse. Mike eats it, after whining about his wife a little. God, Michael, you're in Hawaii. Live a little. Take off your dog collar already.
-Frederique knows her Star Wars trivia well. Burt Reynolds as Han Solo? Weird... Only the Dutch would know something like that. She passes her pepper, which could range from HOT to REAL HOT, to Corbin. Wow, Corbin's the big Kahuna now!
-Evil Kathy gets her question right and passes to Corbin also. Thanks a lot, Evil Kathy. Now we get to hear this confessional from Corbin:
Well, today was really my forte, and tomorrow will be my fart-day!!!
-He he he... Corbin's so funny. In a kind of Jack Nicholson kind of way.
-Ahmad tells them that he'll add $25,000 to the pot if they all eat a pepper. Frederique says no way. They don't have peppers in Dutch World, and all the DutchWorldians will beat her with sausage if she ate the pepper. Corbin tries to convince her to eat the pepper by making out with her. Little Erik's so jealous. Of Frederique, I mean.
Part Three: "15 Minutes of Filler Space"
-When they arrive at dinner/supper/evening snack/staged scene, Corbin insists that they all play Musical Chairs. So, they all get up and Hand Jive, as they find new seats. After that they do the Macarena, the Hustle, and a Conga Line! Frederique starts dancing on the table and Evil Kathy starts burning stuff.
-WHO HOO! A party! Too bad none of this actually happened
(Or did it?)
-Ahmad comes in plays Little Erik's favorite game, called "Looky, looky, Pick a Number." Frederique takes off her top again. Little Erik faints into Corbin's arms. Michael proves that he is not the mole, just psychic, and magically picks the same number as Corbin, 17. WOW! Call up Leno... er, Jimmy Kimmel.
-Ahmad tells everyone to rip page 17 out of their journals. He reads them. Truthfully, they were pretty lame. The only thing we learned from them were:
1. Frederique doesn't understand English, and simply drew a sailboat in her journal.
2. Kathy is illiterate.
3. Little Erik was doing his Calculus homework in his journal again. 1.5=25% ??? The kid needs to spend less time in DinoLand and more time watching PBS.
-Corbin makes a remark about wanting "to get to know" Erik better (no, I'm not making THIS part up). Yuck! If I wanted to see this kind of stuff, I'd be watching Six Feet Under.
1. What is the meaning of life?
2. Who will win the Super Bowl?
3. The common wild mole weighs an average of how many pounds?
4. On a scale from 1 to 10, how hott is Frederique?
5. On a scale from 1 to 10, how good is Jims' first summary?
6. What's your favorite color?
7. Is this a non-elimination leg?
8. Do you want the chicken or fish on your flight home?
9. Is Bebo really the Mole?
10. Did the Mole have a speaking role on his/her show Spin City?
-Corbin enters the room first and sits down. Erik enters next and tries to sit on Corbin's lap (I'm serious here also).
Ahmad: I've tallied up all the votes. The person who receives the most will be asked to leave immediately. Let's start.
CORBIN (I love you!)
Ahmad: The Molerons have spoken.
-With that, Ahmad extinguishes Corbin's ego, and throws his bags into the fire. BURN BAGS, BURN!
(Eat your heart out, Jiffy Probst!)
-Corbin leaves the room, and Little Erik weeps bitterly. Everyone is surprisingly pleasant though. Even Evil Kathy. They show a bunch of pictures of how Corbin played the game, and it brings a tear to my eye...
And, boys and girls, the Moleron Tribe lived happily ever after. Except for Michael, who had to return to his wife.