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"The Amazing Race: Expedition Episode 1 - "What Are You Supposed To Be, the Comic Relief This Season?""
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Colonel Zoidberg 3370 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"

02-25-08, 10:56 AM (EST)
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"The Amazing Race: Expedition Episode 1 - "What Are You Supposed To Be, the Comic Relief This Season?""
Blog entry, 09/09/2008
Authored by: Dr. Rage

It looks like I'm about to suffer a severe drop in my readership, seeing as how I had no idea who the cast was, no idea that the first leg was "practice," and no idea that there would be two extra teams. I guess I'm only as good as I think I am when it's an All-Stars season and I have some kind of idea who any of the players and/or teams are.

I didn't have any luck getting the cast of Survivor: China either. Of course, after the insanity of All-Stars II, I doubt that any idol twist or game variation can really compare with the madness that twenty former players pulled off. Seriously, the idol is at camp, and players are kidnapped and given the clues? This looks like a good idea - for about three episodes, at which point they probably just need to find an Exile Island, dump the cast there, and leave them with folding chairs and whiskey until they all kill each other. What's next, a bunch of people who have no life other than Survivor go head-to-head with a bunch of past players?

I did, however, find out a few things that are different about this season. Apparently, it actually is true; they are really going to all seven continents. Also, one thing that will make the fans who have stuck with the show happy - there will be more Fast Forwards. I heard there will be no fewer than six of them. Now it actually means something. Hooray!

Also, it is true; the contestants will be forbidden from begging. I have no idea what the penalty is going to be; it's probably a 30-minute penalty at the Pit Stop as usual. It's about time they made a rule like that; the whole "clothes off your back" thing kind of necessitated begging, and it's time to make these teams suffer.

One more change was the non-elimination penalty. No, they didn't finally eliminate it, although with 14 teams, they probably could have. They said that they did something different - not the Speed Bump. They didn't say what.

Now, one rule that was in desperate need of changing - and it took an expanded season to do it - was the payouts for less than first place. Whatever teams finishes dead last still pockets $5,000 to split - not bad for a couple of days' work. Getting only $1,500 almost made it not worth it. Second place now gets $50,000 to split, and third place gets $35,000. For running around to every continent, I guess the change had to be made.

Also, I guess I, along with the production staff, owe the producers a bit of an amends for calling them liars. It turns out there are familiar faces on this season, even if two of them are from Big Brother and a third is only familiar because of his father. The nice thing about this season, though, is that Derek won't be allowed to gamble on this season the way he did on All-Stars II. Neither will anyone else, apparently - there's no betting on this season. Too much spoiler info, they fear.

Not that I could find any, anyway. Figures; it's just my luck.

The Show Begins - air date 9/10/2008

The introductory shot is of the lodge and surrounding areas near Niagara Falls, Canada. The screen effect is a zoom from an broad overview to a more narrow shot over the starting line of the Amazing Race.

Phil (voice-over): Previously on the Amazing Race...

Cut to a shot of all twelve teams standing in an arc waiting for the signal to begin.

Phil (voice-over): Twelve teams of two set out on a race around the world.

Cut to teams getting in their cars and taking off for Buffalo.

Phil (voice-over): Father and son team Steve and Darius got off to an early lead, but splinters in their relationship showed very quickly.

(confessional) Darius: My dad and I don't always see eye to eye on everything.

(confessional) Steve: Darius needs to work on his temper and his ability to handle stressful situations. He gets frustrated easily, and he loses focus.

Phil (voice-over): Ex-girlfriends Spike and Jennifer got off to a rough start.

Jennifer: Can you make flight reservations?

Spike: No, that would take longer. I don't exactly carry a cell phone in one of my tongue rings.

Jennifer: OK, fine; we'll wait and get on a s----- flight when we get there.

Spike: My God, you're stressing me out, Jen. (under her breath) I need a cigarette so bad.

Phil (voice-over): And Jennifer became annoyed with what she saw as Spike's addictive personality.

Jennifer: We're just getting on a plane; put the No-Doz away or I'll take them away.

Spike: Hey Jen, you ever eaten a boot this size?

Jennifer: No.

Spike: Well, if you don't get off my back, you'll get the chance.

(confessional) Jennifer: Spike has an extremely addictive personality, be it cigarettes, candy, alcohol, recreational drugs, caffeine, or other girls.

Phil (voice-over): Dating couple Bobby and Caroline got into it right out of the gate as well.

Caroline: Pick up the pace, Bobby; we're leaving snail tracks.

Bobby: I can't pick up the pace when all you do is yell at me about my driving!

Caroline: If you would just drive normally, I wouldn't have to--

Bobby: Everything I do out here is wrong!

Caroline: No, only when you do things wrong is it wrong.

Bobby (screaming): I was doing fine until you told me not to take the Rainbow Bridge! Oh, sure, the Peace Bridge is the way to go. All the other teams took the Rainbow Bridge because all the other teams had navigators who weren't tyrannical bitches!

Caroline: Fine. You know what? You navigate the damn car yourself. See if I care.

Phil (voice-over): Steve and Darius got on the first flight to Montreal, Canada, and they were joined only by Hayley and Alexis. Meanwhile, at the airport, Jeffrey and Bryan were hampered by Jeffrey's temper.

Agent: Right now, the fastest available leaves soon at 11:45 AM, goes through Dulles and Phila--

Jeffrey: What? You're sending me through Dallas? What kind of stupid, brainless--

Agent: Dulles, ma'am. Not Dallas. Dulles is in Washington D.C.

Jeffrey (screaming): Don't you think I know that? Don't insult my intelligence! Get me the man in charge right now!

Phil (voice-over): As a result, they had to wait for the last flight, dropping them to a tie for last with Bobby and Caroline.

Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan on a plane with Bobby and Caroline.

Phil (voice-over): In Montreal, teams were directed to McGill University.

Cut to Steve and Darius outside the Arts building.

Phil (voice-over): At the Detour, teams could pick between a task involving searching or one involving athletic skill.

Cut to Darius attempting a field goal at Molson Stadium.

Phil (voice-over): However, upon arrival in the Canadian metropolis, Spike and Jennifer continued to step on each other's toes.

At the airport, Jennifer reaches over and grabs Spike's No-Doz, spilling them everywhere.

Spike: What the hell? Now I have to go pick every one of those up, and--

Jennifer: Forget the damn No-Doz; hurry up and go!

Phil (voice-over): Alex and Elena fell behind in the Arts building.

Elena: This is so frustrating. Just one more name.

Alex: Do you want to do the other option?

Elena: No; just let me focus!

Phil (voice-over): While teams breezed through the football task.

Cut to Steve and Darius, Hayley and Alexis, Tina and Jim, Reggie and Dan, and Ray and Jamal getting off perfect drop-kicks.

Phil (voice-over): Carrie and Dana passed by Alex and Elena at the Detour.

In the Arts building, Dana peers out the door to the room with an excited look on her face.

Dana: Carrie! I found it! Come on!

Team confessional, Carrie and Dana.

Dana: I came through, I guess.

Carrie: Maybe I need to start trusting you more often.

Phil (voice-over): While Jennifer got back at Spike by playing a joke on her.

Spike: Do you have any placards?

Jennifer: No; why the hell would I--

Spike: You stupid bitch! You just sat here while I worked my ass of and got all these names? First you spill all my No-Doz and now--

By this point, Jennifer has taken out three placards, none of which match the ones Spike has, and has a grin on her face.

Spike: What the hell? You have them? You little bitch. I almost s--- myself.

Jennifer: I wish you had.

Phil (voice-over): Of the ten teams already in Montreal, Leilani and Kea were the last to leave the Detour.

Cut to Leilani and Kea receiving their clue.

Phil (voice-over): And while Jeffrey and Bryan were trying to stay ahead of Bobby and Caroline in Montreal...

Cut to Bryan getting off a perfect kick at Molson Stadium.

Phil (voice-over): Other teams were on their way to San Juan, Puerto Rico.

Bob: What's the fastest flight to San Juan, Puerto Rico?

The agent takes a moment to look it up.

Agent: We have a flight that leaves at 7:46 tonight, goes through Philadelphia and Boston, and arrives at 10:25 AM tomorrow morning.

Bob: You've seen other people come through here like us?

Agent: Yes.

Bob: Do they have earlier flights?

Agent: No, sir. All flights arrive at 10:25 AM tomorrow morning.

Phil (voice-over): And while Jeffrey and Bryan stayed out of last place, they couldn't secure a better flight than the one Bobby and Caroline got, so they had to force themselves out of last place again.

Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan getting off the plane first.

Phil (voice-over): Before the Roadblock, Tina made a comment that upset Jim, but immediately took it back.

Tina: Come on, Jimbo; you'd like rum. It puts hair on your head.

Jim flashes a dirty look at Tina.

Tina: Sorry, Jim; I know that was out of line.

(confessional) Jim: Since I was thirteen, I've had a condition called alopecia, where my hair fell out and no new hair grew back in. As a result, all through high school and college, I've been bald.

Phil (voice-over): At the Roadblock, Tina and Jim kept their lead, but on the way out, they lost it.

(confessional) Tina: We were completely lost because another person gave us directions we didn't understand. I rely on things like MapQuest back home all the time, so directions aren't something I ever worry about. There's no such thing as MapQuest out here.

Phil (voice-over): Tina and Jim's mistake allowed Alex and Elena to reach the Pit Stop first.

Cut to Alex and Elena at the Pit Stop.

Phil: You're team number ONE!

Phil (voice-over): Carrie and Dana suffered a bout of bad luck on the way to the Pit Stop.

Dana: Wait, what the hell?

Carrie: It's running out of gas!

Dana: That's impossible; this thing has half a tank!

Carrie: The fuel gauge must be broken.

Phil (voice-over): They decided to walk to the Pit Stop, but Jamal gave them a ride, a move that bothered Ray.

Jamal (out the window to Carrie and Dana): You ladies want a ride?

Carrie jogs over to the car.

Jamal: Hop in; I'll take you to the Pit Stop.

Dana: You guys are too nice. Can we fit?

Ray: Yeah, if you don't mind squishing me.

Team confessional, Ray and Jamal.

Ray: Jamal made a decision I didn't agree with just because I think he has a soft spot for Dana.

Phil (voice-over): Jeffrey and Bryan passed two teams to get into ninth place.

Quick cuts to Jeffrey and Bryan arriving at the Pit Stop, then Debra and Bob, then Leilani and Kea.

Phil (voice-over): While bickering Bobby and Caroline had no such luck.

Cut to Bobby and Caroline at the Pit Stop.

Phil: You are the last team to arrive.

Phil (voice-over): However, they were given a reprieve when it was revealed that this leg was for practice, an announcement that did not sit well with everyone.

Phil: Bobby and Caroline were the last team to arrive, but they have been spared elimination. No team was going to be eliminated in this leg.

Hayley stares at Phil and appears bored.

Phil: This leg was the first-ever practice leg. None of this counted for the Race.

(confessional) Alexis: You had to be f------ kidding me.

Phil (voice-over): All twelve teams remain in the Amazing Race and will start on equal footing. Who will be eliminated tonight?

The opening credits begin to roll. At first, a Mercator projection of the world in black, green, and yellow, with the Amazing Race logo superimposed over it cuts to a vite of an airplane flying above a layer of clouds. The phrase "12 teams of 2" appears on screen. The first team shown on screen is Leilani and Kea against an island backdrop. The credits continue to Carrie and Dana outside a college building, Hayley and Alexis in front of a row of prison cells, Reggie and Dan outside FedEx Field, Bobby and Caroline in front of their Colorado home, Ray and Jamal in front of a panoramic shot of the Gulf of Mexico, Tina and Jim on a football field sideline with a medical pod in the backdrop, Debra and Bob on a hilly road with their bikes, Alex and Elena on a college green, Jeffrey and Bryan in front of a construction site, Spike and Jennifer outside Seattle's City Hall, and Steve and Darius on a chicken ranch.

The screen cuts to commercial.

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 The Amazing Race: Expedition Episod... Colonel Zoidberg 02-25-08 1
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Colonel Zoidberg 3370 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"

02-25-08, 10:59 AM (EST)
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1. "The Amazing Race: Expedition Episode 1 - "What Are You Supposed To Be, the Comic Relief This Season?""
Blog entry, 09/12/2008
Authored by: Alex Stein, littlebrotheriswatchingyou

First, let me clear a few things up. The rumor that America is voting on which Detour option Eric and Jessica have to take and who does the Roadblocks? Completely untrue. Eric agreed to go on the Race because he actually got to play his own game, for once.

He also agreed to go on the Race because it means he and Jessica are in the same place for longer than a week. Eric's trying to get Jessica up to New York now that she's graduated, but he's having a hell of a time doing it. Sure, he has work for her at his production company, but the whole Kansas-New York divide in their relationship is about all they ever fight about. And boy, does it get heated.

So if they go on the Race, they can win the million dollars and finally be able to have a place in both New York AND Kansas. Of course, Eric's $500,000 might buy a studio apartment, whereas Jessica's will buy a mansion and ten acres of land. Sorry, bro, but your girlfriend wins that round.

I like his chances, though; if he made it to fifth place taking orders from America, he can go all the way when he actually gets to do it all himself. He's more of a Big Brother fan, though, and he tells me he's a bit out of his element on the Race.

Where did he finish, though? He wouldn't say. I'm guessing either he was out right away or he made it far.

Blog entry, 09/12/2008
Authored by: Danni Boatwright, tonganoxiegirl

I'd like to open my blog by thanking the idiot who sent me the most hilarious death threat I've ever heard. I laugh because, let's be frank, people, if this person, and I use the term loosely, carries out death threats as well as he/she/it spells and writes, he/she/it will probably kill him/her/itself with a shrimp fork and those little things on the end of his/her/its shoelaces before ever coming near me.

Let me give you a little sample of this work of genius: "u stupd btch how dre u gt charly votid ot ov th sarvayver n li 2 hiz kiddd dirk iz mayn u 2-timng trmp lv hm ore eye kum 2 ur howse n stringel u wit peyano wyr" I think this person is trying to say that he/she/it will kill me with piano wire if I don't break up with Derek.

Not happening, Einstein. And for the person who wrote to Derek, another one of my favorites, asking, "YOU LUCKY BASTARD! HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO GET WITH A GIRL AS HOT AS DANNI! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF MAGICAL POWERS DO YOU HAVE? SHARE YOUR SECRET! THANKS, JEB," two things occurred to me - one is that lots of people who send fan mail and/or hate mail either can't spell or have had too much caffeine.

The other is that, when I watched the Reunion, it really looked like I was just trying to play into Derek's fantasy of going out with me. It wasn't like that at all, although he hasn't complained.

After I got back from Survivor, I just crashed. I was a total wreck, I hated myself, and I could barely function. I had pulled the most mean-spirited move ever, and I knew that wasn't who I was. When people saw it, they would send me poorly-spelled death threats, maybe complete with eggings and letter-bombings.

So one night, I was sitting at my computer, and all of a sudden, on my IM, I get a message that simply says, "Hey, Danni." It was Derek. I chatted with him for a while. Derek had done a pretty terrible job of hiding the fact that he had a crush on me, and I kind of knew why he was talking to me, but I didn't care; I just needed a friend. I was at rock bottom. I would never kill myself, but if I were ever to consider it, that would have been the time.

I felt really good after talking to him. For the next month or two, we kept it up, as much as, it turns out, Charlie disapproved - he knew what I did, but, at the time, Derek didn't. Things started to look up for me, and by April, I didn't feel so bad - Paula called and forgave me, Cirie and Tom called and talked me up, and even Terry asked if I needed anything. But I felt different. I was - happy. I didn't understand why until I chatted with Paula the night after the family visit episode aired.

She was upset because her step-dad died. But within minutes, she cheered up after seeing what a good mood I was in. I still remember her asking, in the most stunned, confused, flabbergasted voice I've ever heard anyone say anything in:

"Are you in love?"

I didn't say so at first, but she got it out of me. Naturally, Derek wasn't so happy with me after the next episode aired, and he even had his doubts about my role on taking down his insane mother, but I did the best I could, he forgave me, and we've been together ever since.

I'd rather see him win the national championship than the Amazing Race, but I know he won't be satisfied without both. I just don't understand the way he's been acting since he got back, though - he's usually his sweet self, but he's skittish and anxious a lot. I just hope he's OK.

OK, now I'll start acting like his girlfriend again and not his mother.

Back from commercial.

Cut to an overview of the skyline of San Juan, Puerto Rico. A panoramic view details the city, the traffic of the central business district as well as the relative calm of the outskirts of the city.

Phil (voice-over): San Juan, Puerto Rico.

Cut to a different view, this one overlooking an open area with Spanish architecture and a fountain in the center. People are walking by carrying on conversations and looking around.

Phil (voice-over): The oldest European city in the Americas, this was a gathering point for twelve teams of two who are about to embark on a race around the world.

Cut to scenes of Alex and Elena, Carrie and Dana, and Bobby and Caroline arriving at the Pit Stop of the last leg.

Phil (voice-over): Teams arrived here in San Juan and learned that the first leg of the Race was merely a warm-up for the Race to come. The actual starting line to the Amazing Race Expedition is here in San Juan at the Plaza Quinto Centenario, dedicated to the 500th anniversary of San Juan.

Cut to the location above, the open plaza where twelve teams are lined up in the same fashion as they were at Niagara Falls. Their bags are placed on the opposite side of the fountain, which is noticeably turned off. Phil is standing where the fountain was.

A quick flash behind Phil shows the presence of two black SUVs.

Phil: Teams, this is where the Amazing Race will begin. This time, it begins for real; there are no practice legs, and everything you do from here on out counts. The first leg was basic and within the Americas. I assure you, your next destination is somewhere far away.

All the teams clap and squeal in delight.

Phil: The twelve of you have no idea what's in store for you next. Well, I'm about to tell you.

Cut to Phil signaling to the SUVs behind him. The doors to the one on the screen's left open first.

Two people step out of the SUV, one on each side. Each person is wearing sunglasses and is dressed for summer. Upon closer inspection, the two people are Eric Stein and Jessica Hughbanks, previously seen on Big Brother 8.

Both Eric and Jessica take out their backpacks from the SUV and set them neatly at one end of the long row of backpacks. Inside Jessica's backpack is an envelope marked with the show's logo.

Phil: You will be joined this season by a 13th team, and here they are.

There is noticeable muttering among the twelve teams.

Team confessional, Debra and Bob.

Debra: When Eric and Jessica came out of that car, I was in shock.

Bob: Debra and I watched Big Brother every time it was on, and we were huge fans of theirs.

Debra: It took everything we had not to be star struck.

Bob: OK, we were star struck.

Debra: Of course.

Cut back to the other SUV and a shocked row of teams, which now number thirteen.

The doors to the SUV on the screen's right open, and two more people step out of it. Both are wearing sunglasses; one is dressed for summer, and the other appears to be dressed for a hockey game.

Quick examination of the people reveals that the man dressed for summer is Charlie Forrest of Survivor: All-Stars II; he has cut his hair short and is clean-shaven. The camera catches a shot of his left hand, which is now adorned with a wedding ring on his middle finger. He appears not to have any pain in his arm.

The other person getting out of the car is his son Derek, who is also clean-shaven and wearing the same Michigan hockey jersey he wore at the Survivor reunion; the jeans he has on are the ones he identified as his "lucky jeans."

Charlie and Derek set their bags down at the opposite end of the row of backpacks from Eric and Jessica's; the clue is in Derek's pack, and they take their spot at the other end of the row of teams. Standing next to them are Jeffrey and Bryan; noticeably, Bryan has on an Ohio State polo shirt.

Bryan looks over Derek, who stands about 6'6".

Bryan: So that's how it is. Just remember who kicks whose ass every year when we're kicking you’re ass.

Derek: What are you supposed to be, the comic relief this season?

Bryan: I don't know what you think is so funny.

Derek: You go around telling us you're gunning for us, and you don't expect us to laugh? If you beat us to the Pit Stop, I'll sing the Ohio State fight song.

Bryan: You're on, smartass.

Derek: I wasn't finished, assh---.

Jeffrey is noticeably taken aback by this exchange.

Derek: When we get there first, I'll be waiting, and you'll be belting out the Michigan fight song.

Phil: Wait a minute, is this an official wager?

Bryan: I just hope you know the words.

Derek: And I've never heard it sung well. Just brush up on "The Victors"; you're going to need to know it.

Phil: It looks like we have our first official rivalry. Bryan, is this based on the fact that Derek comes out dressed in a Michigan sweater?

Bryan: That and seeing his dad on Survivor.

Phil: So just to be clear, whoever makes it to the Pit Stop between the two of you first wins the bet, and the loser sings the other school's fight song when they arrive? Derek, you know who's going to see this, right?

Derek: That's why we're getting there first.

Phil: We'll see how that plays out. Now, in a matter of minutes, you will be taking off on a race around the world. There are fifteen legs to this adventure, not counting the practice leg. I assure you, Eric and Jessica had to do something similar, as did Charlie and Derek.

Charlie: We went through Aruba.

Bryan: Damn you.

Phil: At eleven points during the Race, a team will be eliminated. At the end of the final leg, whoever arrives first will win one million dollars.

Cut to Phil, who raises his left arm.

Phil: The world is waiting for you.

Pause and cut to the row of teams.

Phil: Good luck.

Cut back to Phil.

Phil: Travel safe.

Cut to an overhead shot; Phil has stepped to the side, and there is nothing blocking the teams from their bags.

Phil: GO!

All fourteen teams make a mad dash for their bags, some faster than others; noticeably, the fastest to their bags, just like in the preview leg, are Alex and Elena.

Team confessional, Alex and Elena.

Alex: We were first to the bags and to the car; we weren't even allowed to open the clue until we got moving. I thought that was interesting.

Elena: There is a lot of petty business going on between the other teams, but we don't want to involve ourselves in that. We were first once, and we will be first again.

Cut to Alex and Elena, currently in first place, pulling away from the plaza in their car. Alex is driving; Elena is opening the clue.

Elena: Fly to Punta Arenas, Chile!

Cut to Phil on the southern coast of Chile in a cold, seemingly desolate area. Phil is dressed unusually warmly, wearing gloves.

Phil: Teams must fly over 4,900 miles from San Juan to Punta Arenas, Chile, near the southern tip of South America. Once there, they must locate a statue in the heart of Punta Arenas dedicated to the explorer Ferdinand Magellan, where they will receive their next clue.

Cut to Alex and Elena again.

Elena: I remember reading about Punta Arenas. It's right near Antarctica.

Alex: Oh great, and it's winter in Chile right now.

Elena: I bet they have about an hour of daylight a day right now.

(confessional) Elena: It's kind of the same thing going on in Alaska, where they have the Midnight Sun. It's warm in Alaska now, but the flip side is that, at the other end of the world, it's really dark and really cold. We'll probably freeze half to death.

Cut to Debra and Bob, currently in second place, at a distance behind Alex and Elena but with other similar vehicles on their tail. Bob is driving, and Debra is looking through the clue for information.

Debra: Pick up the pace, Bob. It's a race, not a leisurely Sunday drive.

Bob: That's what they said last time, and the damn thing didn't count.

Debra: And this time, it does, so shut up and floor it.

Team confessional, Debra and Bob.

Debra: Bob is not the world's fastest driver; he's very careful, which is good a lot of the time, and I'm usually grateful, but this time, I wanted him to floor it and drive like a maniac.

Bob: It's hard to turn off the care that I've taken for forty years behind the wheel of a car, especially when a bunch of other people are on my tail driving like animals.

Cut to Bobby and Caroline, currently in tenth place, near the airport in a swarm of cars. Bobby is driving.

Caroline: Look at all these cars around us! Why are we behind all of them?

Bobby: Because I don't want to wreck!

Caroline: I won't be last this time, damnit!

Bobby: Well, we won't be; I know we left a bunch of other teams in the dust, so cool it!

Cut to inside the airport, where Alex and Elena rush to the ticket counter ahead of all other teams. Elena reaches the front of the line out of breath.

Elena (catching her breath): We need to get to Punta Arenas, Chile, please.

Agent: I'm sorry? I don't understand.

Elena (more clearly, but still through a thick accent): Punta Arenas, Chile. What is the fastest we can get there?

Pause for the agent to look up the flight info.

Agent: This flight makes four stops. It leaves at 11:25 am, and it stops in Caracas, Lima, Santiago, and Puerto Montt, Chile. It arrives tomorrow in Punta Arenas at 10:25 am.

Elena: I take it there are no direct flights or anything with fewer stops.

Agent: This is all we have. Nothing else we have will get you there faster.

Elena: We need two tickets.

Cut to Ray and Jamal, Debra and Bob, Eric and Jessica, and Carrie and Dana all lined up to buy tickets.

To each team, the same information is given; their flight will arrive at 10:25 am the next day.

Phil (voice-over): All teams are now on their way to Punta Arenas, Chile by way of Caracas, Lima, Santiago, and Puerto Montt.

Cut to Punta Arenas at 10:25 am the next day. The flight lands, and inside, the first team off the plane is Ray and Jamal.

Team confessional, Ray and Jamal.

Jamal: We got off the plane with a pretty big advantage; we were first off the plane, and thanks to Ray, we knew exactly where we were going.

Ray: On the flight from Puerto Montt to Punta Arenas, I talked to someone who was familiar with the area, and he sent us right to the statue of Magellan that we needed to go to.

Cut to Ray and Jamal, currently in first place, leaving the airport. Jamal is driving; Ray is navigating, almost from memory.

Ray: OK, now I remember the directions, so just do exactly what I tell you.

Jamal: Just like every other day.

Cut to Ray and Jamal arriving at the statue of Magellan well before any other team; Jamal reaches the clue box and opens the envelope. Inside is a blue Route Marker pamphlet.

Jamal: Travel to Fuerte Bulnes--

Cut to Phil, who is standing by the ruins of an older city in a desolate area.

Phil: Teams must now get themselves to Fuerte Bulnes, the city that preceded Punta Arenas. It is here in this settlement at Puerto Williams that teams will receive their next clue.

Ray: We're on our own now.

Jamal: I take it that guy didn't know anything about Fuerte Bulnes.

Ray: I wish.

(confessional) Jamal: When Ray and I are winning, we get along great, but then again, who doesn't? I think that we'll be tested most when something goes wrong.

Ray: And don't let me catch you helping those girls too much.

Jamal: Come on, Ray. You saw their hands; they both have rings. They're lost causes.

(confessional) Ray: I know Jamal would most likely not be unfaithful to my daughter, but if he's dumb enough to look at other women when I'm around, I hate to think what he does when I'm not.

Cut to Spike and Jennifer, currently in second place, arriving at the Magellan statue. Jennifer opens the clue.

Jennifer: Travel to Fuerte Bulnas.

(confessional) Spike: In one week, I've gone from having never left Seattle to having reached the end of the world. It's pretty incredible.

Cut to Eric and Jessica, currently in third place, arriving at the statue, followed by Steve and Darius, currently in fourth place, Leilani and Kea, currently in fifth place, and Jeffrey and Bryan, currently in sixth place.

Bryan (under his breath): Try and catch up now, Michigan.

Cut to Charlie and Derek, currently in last place, stuck in traffic on a one-lane road. Charlie is driving, and Derek is trying to make sense of the route information.

Derek: I could have sworn this was a shortcut.

Charlie: I'm sure it was. Did anyone tell you there was road construction?

Derek: I didn't think construction cones were the official state flower of Punta Arenas. What did they do, steal Michigan's?

Team confessional, Charlie and Derek.

Derek: I had this bright idea to take a shortcut to avoid the other teams. It was a fine idea, but, well, it didn't really work.

Charlie: The road was under construction and we couldn't get through. I think we ended up in last place because we were the only team dumb enough to try it.

Cut to Charlie and Derek still in their car. They have decided to turn back.

Derek: I know the way we came. We'll make up the time.

Charlie: I just hope there isn't a surprise elimination.

Derek: Maybe the Detour will be a choice between sailing and playing hockey.

Charlie: It's the right weather for hockey; that's for sure.

Noticeably, Charlie and Derek are dressed warmly; the other teams were, as well.

Cut to Reggie and Dan, currently in seventh place, followed by Tina and Jim, currently in eighth place, and Alex and Elena, currently in ninth place, all of whom are arriving at the Magellan statue and proceeding to Fuerte Bulnas.

After those teams depart, in a more split-up fashion, the other teams arrive; first Hayley and Alexis, currently in tenth place, and then later Debra and Bob, currently in eleventh place, and then Carrie and Dana, currently in twelfth place. All teams arrive and immediately depart upon opening the clue.

Cut to Ray and Jamal, currently in first place, arriving at Fuerte Bulnas. Jamal runs to the clue box and opens the envelope, containing a yellow Detour pamphlet.

Jamal: Detour, Break Out or Blast Out.

Cut to Phil standing in front of the reconstructed Fuerte Bulnas.

Phil: In this Detour, teams must choose between two tasks associated with the since-reconstructed fort. Their choices, Break Out or Blast Out.

Cut to a view of the reconstructed jail complete with a row of locked cells.

Phil: In Break Out, teams must search among thirty key rings, each containing twenty keys, for the ones that unlock three locks. Once each of their locks is unlocked, the door can be opened, and their next clue waits inside. There's no real skill involved other than memorization and counting keys, but it's a total luck of the draw, and teams who are unlucky can be stuck a long time.

Cut to an open range with several paper targets behind a starting line.

Phil: In Blast Out, teams must learn to load a 17th-century musket and use it to shoot two targets located at two different distances away. Upon shooting both targets, the tour guide will hand them their next clue. The task takes skill, and teams have to know how to fire a gun, but those who do may finish quickly.

Cut to Ray and Jamal at the clue box.

Ray: I'm a prison guard; of course I can shoot.

Jamal: Let's do Blast Out.

Cut to Charlie and Derek, currently in last place, nearing the Magellan statue. Charlie is still driving, and the team pulls up behind a similar SUV.

Derek: Hey look, Dad; we caught up to someone.

As they say that, the car stops, and Caroline leaps out and runs to the clue box.

Charlie: Lucky for us, they had to stop so Caroline could change Bobby's diaper and powder his ass.

Both Charlie and Derek chuckle at that comment.

Team confessional, Bobby and Caroline.

Caroline: I knew we were in trouble when another team came up behind us. Everyone else left us in the dust, and I thought we were in last.

Bobby: And then Charlie and Derek pull up, and you just know we're about to be in last.

Cut to Charlie and Derek pulling away from the statue close behind Bobby and Caroline; this time, Derek is driving, and he seems more reckless than Charlie.

Derek accelerates drastically and pull up beside Bobby and Caroline.

Derek: Hey Dad, roll down your window and moon them, will you?

Charlie rolls down the window and scoots to the left side; as Derek had beckoned, he moons Bobby as Derek passes them.

Derek: One team down, twelve to go.

Charlie: And then we win five nights in Acapulco or something.

Bobby gives a hand signal that is blurred out to Charlie, but he is powerless to pass Derek, whose speedometer reads 120 km/hr.

Bobby: F------ jerks.

Caroline: Well, maybe you should drive faster.

Bobby: Whatever, baby; we're f------ screwed anyway.

Bobby throws his hands up in frustration.

The screen cuts to commercial.

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02-25-08, 11:01 AM (EST)
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2. "The Amazing Race: Expedition Episode 1 - "What Are You Supposed To Be, the Comic Relief This Season?""
REPORT: It's A Girl For 'Survivor' Couple

UPI News Service, 9/13/2008

Former "Survivor" castaway and current "Amazing Race" contestant Charlie Forrest knew since June that he was going to be a dad again. Yesterday, however, he and his wife, former "Survivor" cast mate Paula Forrest, who went by Paula Stanley on the show, have announced that they're having a girl.

This is the couple's first child together; both have children by previous marriages, including Charlie's 21-year-old son and "Race" teammate Derek Forrest, a senior at the University of Michigan. Paula Forrest also has four children from her first marriage; Charlie has since adopted all four.

At this time, and at the time of their daughter's birth, Charlie and Paula Forrest will be 45 and 36 years old, respectively; they have also stated that they have no interest in having any other children.

The couple has moved to Ann Arbor, Michigan, where Charlie Forrest has been asked to run for city council.

Interview - Charlie and Derek

The camera shows the players in folded-out lawn dark blue lawn chairs with arms and cup holders, the kind reminiscent of college dorms. The curtain in the background is a bold Michigan blue.

Charlie still has his hair, which has gone almost completely gray with a few isolated brown areas, in a near buzz-cut, and he has not shaved in a couple of days. He has on a Navy T-shirt and a pair of khaki cargo pants. His hands rest on the armrests of the chair; his wedding ring, which contains eight small diamonds, fits snugly on his middle finger. He appears to stand a couple of inches above six feet tall and is smiling but a little distracted by the studio lights.

Derek has at least a four-inch height advantage over Charlie and has a full head of brown hair combed back; he has grown a beard. He is powerful, well-built, and very muscular; he has on a Michigan hockey jersey with a number 16 on it, his own number. He has his legs crossed and is wearing blue jeans with white sneakers. He also has what appears to be a gold ring on his right hand with an engraving that cannot be made out. He's very relaxed, laughing and joking.

Charlie: I was actually asked to go on the Race by my son. I was a bit nervous about going, considering I just found out my new wife is pregnant, but she told me she's fine, and she has her sister taking care of her.

Derek: And my new girlfriend.

Charlie: And Derek's new girlfriend. Who's about all he ever talks about besides Michigan hockey.

Derek: I can't help it. I'm crazy about Danni.

Charlie: That's not what you said going into the All-Stars reunion.

Derek: I was mad as hell about what she did to my dad on Survivor, and I thought it was completely impossible that she helped save Dad's life in that hostage situation. But I got a little sense knocked into me from the one man who can get away with it.

Charlie: Without being thrown into a set of boards, anyway.

Derek: While Dad was on his honeymoon in Japan with Paula--

Charlie: The only time I've come out of Japan without ending up in the hospital, by the way...

Derek chuckles at Charlie's comment.

Derek: Danni and I were in Rio having the time of our lives. And when we got back to the States, the thrill was still there. Danni's everything I want in a woman - she's smart, she's gorgeous, and she can explain the zone blitz.

Charlie: I just hope your game doesn't suffer because you're spending all your time with her.

Derek: Oh yeah, and she's a great trainer. I'm in better shape now than ever before. So, barring an injury, we won't have a bit of trouble winning this thing. So stay healthy, will ya, Dad?

The camera flashes to a later scene.

Derek: I've played hockey for the University of Michigan for the past three years. This past year was the closest I've come to a national title, and I blew it because I shanked the game-tying shot.

Charlie: So it has nothing to do with the fact that you led the nation in penalty minutes and fighting majors.

Derek: My biggest job is to mess with people's heads. I play on my team's checking line, and my line mates and I call ourselves the Hanson Brothers after the guys from Slap Shot. We even wear the same numbers as the Hansons.

Charlie: I was at a game where he literally sent a Notre Dame player flying through the glass.

Derek: Sure, I got a penalty for it, but I think I scared a few guys in the process.

Charlie: I'd be scared of him if I wasn't his father. I'm just lucky he's on my side.

Derek: Hey, it's not like I can ever count on beating you at anything. I still can't believe you and Paula put one over one me with that whole acting like you weren't interested in each other.

Charlie: We got you good. I just wish I'd been there to see the look on your face when I said that on the air about the whole fake relationship between me and Danni.

Derek: And I wish you hadn't been there when you saw my reaction to that trick Danni played on you.

Charlie: Now if you want to sound like you're not bitter, don't go bringing it up again.

Derek: Hey, I can laugh about it now.

The camera flashes to a later scene.

Charlie: I did a fair amount of traveling during my time in the Navy, and I won a lot of vacations on Survivor, but I didn't win anything like this. This is completely different. It's like travel with your game face on. So if I hurt my knee or something, it's a good thing I have Derek to carry me around.

Derek: What if I hurt my knee?

Charlie: Then you'll just have to put a brace on and keep going, you big wuss.

Derek: Oh, I see how it is.

Charlie: Hey, that's what you get for making me your second choice.

Derek gives Charlie a somewhat dirty look.

Derek: At the Survivor reunion, I was approached about coming on the Amazing Race. What they really wanted was me to go with Danni, but Danni turned them down. I begged and pleaded to get her to come with me, but she just said, "Why don't you go with your dad?"

Charlie: And the answer to that is that I don't look good in a bikini.

Derek doubles over and slaps his leg in laughter.

Derek: And all year at school, I get people coming up to me that don't watch hockey and telling me, "You're Charlie's son, right?" And then the young, ditzy females follow that up with, "Your dad's hot." What the hell do I say to that?

Charlie: I don't know; when I find out, I'll tell you.

Derek: Hey, you're the one who has to beat women back with a stick, not me.

Charlie: Get a tattoo and a scar.

Derek: I'll remember that and send it back to last December, when I still had to impress girls.

The camera fades to a close.

Back from commercial.

Bobby: F------ jerks.

Caroline: Well, maybe you should drive faster.

Bobby: Whatever, baby; we're f------ screwed anyway.

Bobby throws his hands up in frustration.

Team confessional, Bobby and Caroline.

Caroline: I know we were in last at that point, but we had time to catch up. Bobby always gets so upset over everything. It's so hard to deal with.

Bobby: I can't help it; I just want to win.

Caroline: Then do something instead of sitting there and yelling all the time.

Cut to Fuerte Bulnas, where Spike and Jennifer, currently in second place, have arrived.

Spike: Break Out or Blast Out.

Jennifer: I don't know anything about firing a gun.

Awkward pause between the two.

Spike: Don't look at me.

Jennifer: So Break Out then?

Spike: Let's go.

Team confessional, Spike and Jennifer.

Spike: I'm pretty good hand-to-hand, but I've never fired a gun, let alone a musket.

Jennifer: I know the other option would be time-consuming, but it looks like we're screwed because we can't fire a gun.

Cut to Spike and Jennifer claiming a jail cell and looking through a box of key rings, carefully trying each key in every lock. None of the first few keys open any locks.

Cut to Steve and Darius, currently in third place, followed by Eric and Jessica, currently in fourth place, both of whom are arriving at the Detour.

Steve: I can do a gun. Let's do Blast Out.

Jessica; I've never fired a gun.

Eric: Break Out?

Jessica: Break Out.

Cut to Ray and Jamal loading a musket and aiming for a target about 25 yards away. They have on safety goggles and are under an instructor's watchful eye.

Ray takes a shot, but the target is not damaged in any way.

Jamal takes the gun and, after loading it, fires.

Jamal connects.

(confessional) Ray: I had no idea Jamal could shoot like that. I'm a prison guard and have to be trained to fire a weapon, but shooting a musket is a little out of my ability.

Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan, currently in fifth place, arriving at the Detour.

Bryan: Blast Out will be faster.

Jeffrey: I can't shoot a gun.

Bryan: Don't worry about it.

Team confessional, Jeffrey and Bryan.

Bryan: I learned how to shoot in Boy Scouts, so I was glad to see my training pay off.

Jeffrey: There was never any such thing for girls.

Bryan: Sure there was.

Jeffrey (coldly): Shut up.

Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan arriving at the Detour; Steve and Darius are there along with Ray and Jamal.

Jeffrey (under her breath): Oh great. Those two.

Cut to Ray shooting for a target that's about 40 yards away. His shot connects.

He and Jamal exchange a fist-pound as the instructor hands them their next clue.

Ray: Travel to Puerto Hambre.

Cut to Phil, who is standing by a monument in a damp, mostly frozen area that looks completely inhospitable.

Phil: Teams must now travel to Puerto Hambre, right between southern Chile and Chilean Antarctica. Once there, there will be a monument for teams to find. The monument is dedicated to the Spanish settlers who died trying to colonize the area, whose name translates to Port Famine. It is here that teams will receive their next clue.

Cut to Ray and Jamal.

Jamal: It looks like hell on Earth that we're going to.

Ray: Probably not far from it, if people can't live here.

Cut to Leilani and Kea, currently in sixth place, arriving at the Detour.

Leilani: We better do Break Out.

Kea: I'm Hawaiian. When do I ever need a gun?

Cut to Alex and Elena, currently in seventh place, showing up to the Detour.

Alex: Six years in Tennessee and I never learned to shoot anything.

Elena: Break Out?

Alex: Let's do it.

Cut to Blast Out, where Steve and Darius are attempting to shoot targets along with Jeffrey and Bryan.

Steve connects with the first target.

Jeffrey: Damn.

As Darius is loading the musket, Bryan fires and misses wide.

Bryan: Damn.

Cut to Reggie and Dan, currently in eighth place, arriving at the Detour.

Reggie: I can do a musket.

Cut to Blast Out, where Reggie and Dan are arriving.

Jeffrey: Damn.

Bryan: Damn.

As they say this, Steve fires at the far target and connects.

Darius: Nice shot, Rooster.

The instructor hands them their next clue.

Bryan: Damn again.

Cut to Steve and Darius, currently in second place, heading for Puerto Hambre.

Cut to Break Out, where Spike and Jennifer, Eric and Jessica, Leilani and Kea, and Alex and Elena have arrived and are working on their cell doors.

Jennifer inserts a key and unlocks the top lock; no other locks are opened.

Jennifer: I got one.

Spike: Out of about a hundred keys.

Jennifer: Hey, stay optimistic.

Spike: Buy me some more No-Doz.

Jennifer: If we finish first, I will.

Cut to Tina and Jim, currently in ninth place, trailed by Hayley and Alexis, currently in tenth place, arriving at the Detour.

Tina: Blast Out?

Jim: Beats the hell out of searching.

Hayley: You're a cop; you can do Blast Out.

Alexis: I'm a lot better throwing people in jail than breaking them out.

Cut to Break Out, where Spike and Jennifer are working furiously. Some teams have one lock undone; Spike and Jennifer have two.

Cut to Leilani and Kea, who have no locks undone.

Team confessional, Leilani and Kea.

Kea: Other teams had locks undone, and we tried what felt like every key there was and couldn't get anything open.

Leilani: I think we had half our keys picked over before we even came across our first good one.

Cut to Leilani opening the middle lock.

Leilani: Thank you, Amazing Race gods.

Kea: Amazing Race gods?

Leilani: Shut up and get unlocking.

Cut to Spike and Jennifer, who are working furiously.

Jennifer: And to think, that last one was almost good.

As she says that, Spike unlocks the middle lock, and the cell opens. Both Spike and Jennifer rush inside, grab the clue, and open it.

Spike: Travel to Puerto Hambre.

Team confessional, Eric and Jessica.

Jessica: We were coming along pretty well, but then the Goths got theirs open, and my heart just sank.

Eric: They're not Goths, Jess. Spike's a punk rocker.

Jessica: Shut up, Eric.

Cut to Blast Out, where Jeffrey and Bryan have hit one target, as have Reggie and Dan. Tina and Jim show up first, followed soon by Hayley and Alexis.

Reggie takes a shot at the far target, and he connects. The instructor hands them their next clue. Reggie and Dan, currently in fourth place, head for the next clue.

Cut to Debra and Bob, currently in eleventh place, arriving at the Detour, followed by Carrie and Dana, currently in twelfth place.

Debra: Break Out or Blast Out?

Bob: I think searching will take too long.

Dana: Should we do Break Out?

Carrie: I live in Oakland; I have to know how to fire a gun.

Dana: OK, well, good luck.

Team confessional, Carrie and Dana.

Carrie: I'm OK with a gun, but I just didn't want to search through all those hundreds of keys.

Dana: I would have taken the keys.

Carrie: And that's why you got to just fire wildly while I shot.

Cut to Blast Out, where Bryan is lining up a shot. He connects with the far target. Jeffrey and Bryan, currently in fifth place, leave for the next clue. At the same time, Debra and Bob show up, with Carrie and Dana close behind. By now, Hayley and Alexis have one target out.

Cut to Charlie and Derek, currently in thirteenth place, arriving at the Detour.

Charlie: We'll do Blast Out. Twenty-two years of Navy training wasn't for searching through keys.

(confessional) Charlie: Besides, I have a few bad memories of thumbing through keys. I lost a crucial immunity challenge on Survivor: All-Stars II because I had bad luck with keys, and I ended up voted out.

Cut to Blast Out, where Hayley and Alexis, Tina and Jim, and Carrie and Dana each have hit one target. Charlie and Derek arrive first, and Derek takes the first shot.

Derek connects, distracting Debra and causing her to miss.

Debra: I had that one, too.

Team confessional, Debra and Bob.

Bob: The wheels started to come off at the Detour, where everyone just started passing us.

Debra: I found out later that Charlie and Derek had been in last place, and here they were kicking our butts.

Cut to Blast Out, where Charlie takes the musket and aims for the far target. On his first shot, he connects. Charlie and Derek, currently in sixth place, take their clue and leave.

Cut to Bobby and Caroline, currently in last place, arriving at the Detour.

Caroline: I'll see if I can handle the gun.

Cut to Break Out, where Eric and Jessica, Leilani and Kea, and Alex and Elena all have two keys unlocked.

Kea (to herself): At least we caught up.

Cut to Alex and Elena, where Elena is fidgeting with a key that is stuck in a lock.

Elena: It's jammed! I can't do anything!

Elena frustratedly bangs the lock against the bar, and the lock comes loose a bit. She pulls it, and it comes undone.

Elena claps joyously and does a short victory dance as Alex opens the cell door and retrieves the clue. Alex and Elena, currently in seventh place, leave the Detour.

Cut to Blast Out, where Hayley and Alexis, Tina and Jim, and Carrie and Dana are working on their second targets; Bobby and Caroline are working on their first, as are Debra and Bob.

Bob (to Debra): This isn't working.

Debra: Do you want to switch?

Bob: Try one more shot. If you miss, we switch.

Debra: OK.

Debra lines up her shot. She takes an unusually long time to aim. As she is aiming, another shot goes off, and a voice shouts "Yes!" in joy.

Cut to Hayley, who has connected with the far target.

Hayley and Alexis, currently in eighth place, grab the clue and leave.

Debra drops her gun.

Debra: Forget it. Let's switch.

Cut to a close-up shot of a frustrated Debra and Bob walking away from the targets.

The screen cuts to commercial.

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Colonel Zoidberg 3370 desperate attention whore postings
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02-25-08, 11:02 AM (EST)
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3. "The Amazing Race: Expedition Episode 1 - "What Are You Supposed To Be, the Comic Relief This Season?""
Blog entry, 09/13/2008
Authored by: Vladimir Ivanov, iswearimnotacommunist

What's the word on Alex and Elena since they got back from the Race? Well, I can't really spill all that. OK, I'll tell you. Alex and Elena finished in fourth place, they used the U-Turn on Bobby and Caroline and it got them eliminated, and they won a trip for two to Munich courtesy of Travelocity.

No, really. I have no idea how they did. They're not saying. They're not even telling me if they're a couple. I will say this, though - when they communicate with each other, it's almost exclusively in Russian. However, when I'm around, they change it up and speak some language I don't understand because they know I speak Russian. Hello, look at the name.

So they know something they won't tell. Maybe by December 17, the scheduled date for the finale, I'll know, and so will the world. They have been acting awfully friendly around each other when they think people don't see, but the side they show us is that they're just very good friends. If I didn't know better, I'd say they became that kind of special friends that can't possibly date.

I do think it's pretty funny to see how Elena reacts when Red's around. He has a new girlfriend, and Elena flirts with her. On top of that, the new girlfriend is from Sweden and fluent in whatever language Alex and Elena talk in when I'm around...and the look on Red's face when they start speaking that foreign language like ditzy schoolgirls is beyond priceless. Poor guy.

Interview - Eric and Jessica

The camera shows the players in short dinner chairs reminiscent of those in the Big Brother house. The curtain behind them is lighter than royal blue but not by much.

Eric is as he appeared on Big Brother; by this point, he has cut his hair even shorter and pierced his left ear - the earring is a Star of David. He is leaning back in his chair in a relaxed, if not borderline apathetic, position; he has on a pair of baggy jeans and a shirt that has a Siamese cat in front of a sandwich. The shirt reads "I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER."

Jessica has let her hair grow out since appearing on the show and put some red highlights in it. She has on eyeshadow and lipstick to match her red blouse; she also has on a fair of form-fitting jeans and red stiletto boots. Her earrings are large silver hoops, and she is displaying a shiny ruby ring she is wearing on her right hand. She appears more interested than Eric but still relaxed and jovial.

Eric: When Jessica and I went on Big Brother together, it was a little bit of a challenge for both of us. On one hand, we formed a real bond, but at the same time, we were still playing the game against each other, and it wasn't always a guarantee what either of us was going to be able to do.

Jessica: Aside from that, it took a national vote for you to finally come out and kiss me, you big baby.

Eric: Hey, I kissed you before I knew I had to.

Jessica: Barely.

Eric: Give me a break now. I had no idea coming into the house that a little five-foot-seven Jewish kid from New York was ever going to have a chance with someone like Jessica.

Jessica: Well, I'll give you this much; at least we're the same size, and you look cute in my clothes.

Eric cracks up as Jessica giggles at him.

The camera flashes to a later scene.

Eric: On Big Brother, I was America's Player, which basically meant that I was hardly ever allowed to make my own decisions. This time, I'm taking orders from no one.

Jessica: Except me.

Eric: Except Jessica. Maybe. No, not really.

Jessica: It beats the hell out of being stuck in that house for that long. At least we get to get up and travel some.

Eric: It's like going from one extreme to the other.

Jessica: I think we'll do well for the simple fact that I don't think we'll want to stop racing.

Eric: Going in, we'll want to make sure we stay alive just to see as much of the world as possible. The longer we stay in it, the more of the world we get to see. It's not like we'll ever have this chance again.

Jessica: We might if everyone likes us and we go on another All-Stars.

Eric: Maybe Survivor will call and we'll be able to do all three shows.

Jessica: I won't do Survivor.

Eric: But you'll do the Amazing Race.

Jessica: I can at least eat on the Race.

The camera flashes to a later scene.

Jessica: Eric and I have been a long-distance couple for the past year or so. I keep trying to bring him down to Kansas, but he never goes for it.

Eric: You never give New York a chance, either.

Jessica: New York's too crowded. I like Kansas.

Eric: Well, I like New York, and it's too much of a pain to figure out where we can go that's halfway between New York and Kansas.

Jessica: The answer is Louisville, Kentucky, and I'll pass on that.

Eric: You're almost done with college, you know. You can go wherever you want then.

Jessica: Or I can bring you to where I want you to be.

Eric: I'll go crazy in Kansas.

Jessica: No, you'll be fine.

Eric: I don't think we'll ever settle this. We'll have to buy two places.

Eric and Jessica continue laughing as the screen fades to a close.

Back from commercial.

Debra: Forget it. Let's switch.

A frustrated Debra and Bob walk away from the targets.

Cut to Tina connecting with her target. Tina and Jim, currently in ninth place, leave for their next destination.

Cut to Debra and Bob arriving at Break Out, where they see that Leilani and Kea, who are still there with Eric and Jessica, have two locks apiece open.

Bob: We have pretty long odds.

Kea (to Debra and Bob): Hey, did you guys switch?

Bob: Yeah.

Kea: Good luck. You're going to need it.

(confessional) Bob: I saw the look on the Hawaiians' faces when we came to the other Detour option. It was a combination of despair and joy that they weren't going to be last.

Cut to Leilani opening the third lock.

Leilani and Kea, currently in tenth place, grab their clue and leave for the next clue.

Cut to Blast Out, where Carrie is lining up her long shot while Caroline is doing the same.

Side by side, two targets are broken.

The instructor hands Carrie the first clue and Caroline the second. Carrie and Dana, currently in eleventh place, leave a moment sooner than Bobby and Caroline, currently in twelfth place.

Cut to Break Out, where Eric and Jessica are on the last key on a ring. Jessica jiggles the lock, and it opens. Eric and Jessica, currently in thirteenth place, leave for their next clue.

Cut to Debra and Bob, who have not opened a single lock and have many key rings in a box full of untested keys.

Cut to Ray and Jamal, currently in first place, arriving at Puerto Hambre, where a monument dedicated to Spanish explorers has a clue box next to it.

Jamal opens the clue, which has a red Roadblock pamphlet inside?

Jamal: Roadblock. Who's ready to take command?

Cut to Phil standing aboard an official-looking speedboat.

Phil: In this Roadblock, the most challenging one in the history of the Amazing Race, the chosen player must become the captain of a Chilean navy boat. These boats are state-of-the-art, but most of the navigating features have been disabled. Instead, teams must use a map, a compass, and a GPS that tells only how far the teams are from their destination, a marker just off the coast of Chilean Antarctica. Even going at full speed, the course will likely take as much as twelve hours to navigate. When teams reach the marker, the compartment containing their next clue will open automatically.

Ray: I'll do this one.

Ray and Jamal walk to the coastline, where a boat waits by a dock. A Naval officer directs them onto the boat, and he hands Ray a small box that contains the map, compass, and GPS.

Cut to Ray on the naval boat as Jamal heads to the bench in the back.

Jamal: Hey, if you need anything, just say the word.

Ray: What, is there beer on this boat?

Jamal: I wish.

(confessional) Jamal: So I'm stuck on this boat for twelve hours or more with just Ray, and he's busy navigating. I'd help, but it's a Roadblock and I can't.

Cut to Spike and Jennifer, currently in second place, arriving at the Roadblock.

Jennifer: Who's ready to take command? I'll do it.

Team confessional, Spike and Jennifer.

Spike: And just our luck, the clue basically involves staying up, reading a map, and steering a boat.

Jennifer: I'm the kind of person who needs her eight hours at night.

Spike: And I don't, but I'm glad Jen did it because I didn't have any caffeine pills.

Cut to Steve and Darius, currently in third place, followed by Reggie and Dan, currently in fourth place.

Darius: Who's ready to take command? You want to do this?

Steve: I did the Detour. It's your turn.

Darius: All right.

Reggie: I'll handle this one.

Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan, currently in fifth place, arriving at the Roadblock. Only seconds behind them come Charlie and Derek, currently in sixth place.

Bryan: Who's ready to take command? I'll do it.

Charlie: Who's ready to take command? I guess that's me.

Team confessional, Jeffrey and Bryan.

Bryan: I took the Roadblock, figuring I could catch up, but then I found out it was about Navy boats, and Charlie and Derek were right behind us, and all I could see was me at the Pit Stop being forced to sing Derek's terrible fight song.

Jeffrey: Just because it's about boating doesn't mean we have to lose.

Bryan: Do you want to race Charlie in a boat?

Jeffrey stares at him but gives no obvious reply.

Bryan: That's what I thought.

Cut to a view of the open water between Chile and Antarctica; several boats are traveling quickly, albeit in slightly different directions.

Cut to the inside of several boats, where Ray (1st place) is navigating and reading the map while Steve (2nd place,) Jennifer (3rd place,) Reggie (4th place,) Charlie (5th place,) and Bryan (6th place) are trying to get comfortable.

Cut to Break Out, where Debra and Bob are still working on the locks. Two appear to be undone.

Debra: We need a miracle.

Bob: We should have done this in the first place.

Debra: I hope we're not too far back.

Bob puts in a key and turns it; the lock opens. Both Debra and Bob celebrate briefly as they grab the clue.

Debra and Bob, currently in last place, depart the Detour for the next clue.

Cut to Alex and Elena, currently in seventh place, arriving at the Roadblock, followed by Hayley and Alexis, currently in eighth place.

Alex: Who's ready to take command? It's all yours if you want it.

Hayley: Who's ready to take command? That's both of us.

Alexis: I'll do it.

Cut to an overview of six boats jostling for position. Two boats appear to move more wildly than the others; however, they are all going in roughly the same direction.

The screen shows that the lead boat is driven by Ray while two boats flanking that one are driven by Jennifer and Charlie. Steve is behind them, and Bryan and Reggie have fallen to the back of the pack.

Cut to Tina and Jim, currently in ninth place, arriving at the Roadblock.

Tina: Who's ready to take command? Go for it.

Cut to Tina and Jim receiving their equipment and embarking the ship.

Cut to Leilani and Kea, currently in tenth place, arriving at the Roadblock.

Kea: I think it involves that boat. I'll do it.

(confessional) Leilani: I was glad Kea took the Roadblock. I don't know what I'm doing on a boat. I stay on the island.

Cut to Carrie and Dana, currently in eleventh place, arriving at the Roadblock; immediately after them are Bobby and Caroline, currently in twelfth place.

Carrie: Who's ready to take command? I'm on it.

Bobby: Who's ready to take command?

Caroline: I'll do it.

Cut to Caroline getting situated in position while Bobby finds a spot on the row of seats in the back.

Bobby: Now all I need is my Xbox 360, and it's just like a moving version of home.

Caroline: If you want it to be like home, strip to your underwear and kick your feet up.

(confessional) Caroline: I was joking when I told him to strip to his underwear. I didn't think he'd actually do it. But I was glad he did; I needed something good to look at besides the ocean.

Cut to inside the boat, where Caroline is trying to read the map; Bobby is stretched out on the row of seats and is notably in only his underwear.

Caroline looks over at him.

Caroline: Looking good, Bobby.

Bobby: Do you care if I just do the rest of the Race like this?

Caroline: Knock yourself out.

Bobby: Hey, I got a soda at the airport; can you get it for me?

Caroline immediately walks over and opens up Bobby's backpack, digging around for the soda, finding it after a short search. She hands it to him; he noticeably only lifts up enough to take it.

Bobby: Can you open it?

Caroline smiles as she opens his soda; she returns to the front of the ship and resumes steering the boat while Bobby sips his soda.

Cut to Eric and Jessica, currently in thirteenth place, arriving at the Roadblock.

Jessica: Who's ready to take command? Go for it.

Cut to Debra and Bob, who are on the road to the Roadblock. Debra is driving.

Bob: It sure is nasty out.

Debra: I just hope we're ahead of someone. Anyone, really; I don't care. I'm not ready to leave.

Team confessional, Debra and Bob.

Debra: We made a bad decision in switching Detour options.

Bob: Or rather, we made a bad decision in going with the wrong option.

Debra: I was crossing my fingers that we could make it up at the next clue.

Cut to Debra and Bob arriving at the Roadblock.

Debra: Who's ready to take command? You're good at this.

Bob: Well, I hope I can do this.

Debra: It's just like a bike. Except it's on water and has no wheels.

Bob: And we have to pass someone. Anyone.

Bob takes the map, compass, and GPS onto the boat with a look of obvious despair on his face.

The screen cuts to commercial.

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4. "The Amazing Race: Expedition Episode 1 - "What Are You Supposed To Be, the Comic Relief This Season?""
REPORT: 'Amazing Race' Cop Gone Bad?

UPI News Service, 9/15/2007

According to a report from the Tampa Police Department, police officer and "Amazing Race: Expedition" contestant Alexis Steel spent last night in a Hillsborough County jail on charges of assaulting her boyfriend.

According to Steel's testimony, she found her boyfriend, Darren White, a part-time student at the University of South Florida, sneaking off to be with another woman at Club Eris, the rave club that Steel helps owner Judith Sparks run. Steel says she saw White kiss the other woman and promise to meet her at her car. White denies that he was with another woman and states that he never kissed anyone else that night.

The police report states that Steel hunted down White and brought him to the rear parking lot of the club, gave him two black eyes, knocked eight of his teeth loose, broke his wrist and five ribs, and caused internal bleeding. A male club patron witnessed the assault and called the cops, stating that White never attempted to fight back.

Steel was released this morning on $1,000 bail and will face assault charges; she is also ordered to stay at least 200 feet away from White at all times. She is presently suspended without pay from the police force; if convicted of assault, she could face up to six months in jail and loss of her job.

Interview - Debra and Bob

The camera shows the players seated in low-backed black leather office chairs that are on wheels. The chair backs do not reach their necks. The curtain in the background is a bold blue.

Debra is below average height and appears to be showing only early signs of aging; her hair is a mix of light brown and gray and reaches her shoulders. She has only a few wrinkles and a lean, semi-muscular build that shows no bulging biceps or legs. She has on a red BMX T-shirt and blue cargo shorts; she has her legs crossed and is wearing New Balance running shoes. She appears at ease, smiling and laughing.

Bob is average height and has aged considerably more so than Debra, displaying a large bald spot in a very short head of hair that has gray mixed in with black hair. He wears a pair of small, wire-framed glasses and is completely clean-shaven; like Debra, he has a lean, muscular build and minimal body hair, as if he had his legs waxed within the past week. He has on an olive drab, short-sleeved button down and matching cargo shorts.

Debra: For the last seventeen years, Bob and I have both been out of competitive cycling. it was our lives up until that point, and the only competition we see anymore is against other bike shops. And since we're the only one around, that's pretty limited.

Bob: Both Debra and I are intensely competitive by nature, and having some time away from that was good for us both individually and as a couple. We were completely burnt out, and some time away from being so competitive and hopped up on adrenaline was all we could ask for. But I still loved cycling, as i do now, so I opened a bike shop in Athens, Georgia.

Debra: It's a nice college town, so we get a lot of customers, mostly students and their parents who need transportation around campus for their kids.

Bob: It's a little bit of an experience for us, since we get to see college-age kids and lots of people our age who bring them in for bikes. Debra and I don't have any kids, but just having the chance to be close to that experience tends to keep us young.

Debra: That and the opportunity to use our products so much.

Bob: That's right; it's all our equipment, so whatever we don't feel like selling, we can just keep. I think we have about ten or twelve bikes in our garage.

Debra: And we use every one of them. If we feel like riding the blue one, we ride the blue one. If we want a mountain bike, we have that. It's pretty nice.

The camera flashes to a later scene.

Debra: In our competitive days, we were both professionals for seventeen years. Bob turned pro immediately after we got married, and our honeymoon was a bike race in Germany.

Bob: I'd pretty well say it was the best honeymoon ever; Debra just turned pro at the time, so it was her first.

Debra: I didn't come anywhere near winning, but I won some smaller races in my time.

Bob: It paid the bills and it enabled us to travel. For the longest time, we pretty much didn't have a home and lived out of suitcases and hotel rooms. We were a couple of bike enthusiasts in love with the sport as much as each other.

Debra: That's probably why we don't have any kids; we couldn't race like that if we did.

Bob: After I retired, I thought about wanting children, and for a while I regretted the fact that we didn't.

Debra: My parents were all over my case about children, but it just didn't happen for us.

Bob: I'm happier the way it turned out. I have Debra to complete me. I don't think we needed any kids. Besides, I don't know what we'd do if they didn't like bikes.

The camera flashes to a later scene.

Debra: We're probably going to be the oldest couple on the Amazing Race, and a lot of people are going to look at us and say we'll be out early, but I know that plenty of older teams have lasted, and so can we.

Bob: We have a lot of experience and a lot of smarts to make up for our perceived physical weaknesses, and if we ever have to ride a bike for anything, we'll be able to handle that.

Debra: The only thing that worries me is those long flights. I get antsy.

Bob: They need to come out with an airplane that has a basketball court in it or something. I would fly that thing.

Debra: Right up until you hit turbulence and your shot misses the net because of it.

Bob: Hey, it adds a new dimension to the game; what can I say?

Debra: You can't even make a sandwich in mid-air; what makes you think you can play basketball up there?

Bob: Because I won't get mayonnaise all over myself playing basketball.

Debra: Well, if we win the million, maybe you can get your jet with a basketball court.

Bob: With a million dollars, I doubt if we'll be able to get the steps to lead us up into one of those things.

Debra: Then we need to tell these guys to increase the prize money. How's a billion dollars sound?

Bob: Like more money than I'd know what to do with.

The two laugh and joke as the camera fades to a close.

Back from commercial.

Bob: Well, I hope I can do this.

Debra: It's just like a bike. Except it's on water and has no wheels.

Bob: And we have to pass someone. Anyone.

Bob takes the map, compass, and GPS onto the boat with a look of obvious despair on his face.

Cut to Ray and Jamal, currently in first place, in open water with no apparent landmass around.

Ray is clearly struggling to continue to stand, read the map, and navigate; Jamal has just woken up.

Jamal: Hey, how are you holding up?

Ray: We're still in first, right?

Jamal: I think so; did anyone pass us?

Ray: I didn't see anyone.

Jamal: Then we're in first.

Ray: I bet other teams are getting pretty tired, too. Let me pull off here and take a nap. Wake me up in half an hour, will you?

Jamal: No problem.

Team confessional, Ray and Jamal.

Ray: I just couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.

Jamal: Doing that for twelve hours has to be hard on anyone. I couldn't do it.

Cut to Spike and Jennifer, currently in second place.

Jennifer: Hey Spike, I'm sorry I spilled your No-Doz.

Spike: Well, it's about time you said that.

Jennifer: I could use them.

Spike: Well, when you out it to me that way...

Spike takes a bigger bottle of No-Doz out of her bag and hands it to Jennifer.

Jennifer: You bitch. Why didn't you tell me you had these?

Spike: It was more fun to watch you go crazy with guilt.

(confessional) Jennifer: For the first time in my life, I was glad Spike was a caffeine addict. Normally I get on her case for that sort of thing, but she can pop all the No-Doz she wants as far as I'm concerned.

Cut to a view above two boats side by side; the overview shows that the one on the left is driven by Charlie and the one on the right by Bryan.

The boats pass an unsuspecting third boat piloted by Reggie; another view shows them passing a stopped Ray and a slower Steve.

Cut to inside the boat that Bryan is driving. He looks out the side.

Bryan: And now, Michigan, I'll pass you guys.

Bryan increases speed on his boat; he appears to pass Charlie and Derek.

Bryan: Brush up on the Ohio State first song, losers--wait, what's going on?

The boat gets out of his control, and he spins out in the water, facing 165 degrees away from his original direction.

Cut to Charlie's boat, where Derek is also just waking up.

Derek: Hey Dad, you doing OK?

Charlie: Yeah. Hey, what's the worst rendition of the Michigan fight song you ever heard?

Derek: My ex-girlfriend let out a pretty bad one when she was drunk.

Charlie: Well, you're about to hear a worse one. Bryan just went into a tailspin. We're either in first or second.

Derek (chuckling): Hey Dad, get ready to go to Acapulco.

Cut to Ray and Jamal; Ray is still asleep, and Jamal is trying to wake him up, more and more forcefully.

Jamal (shaking Ray): Wake up, Ray. Damnit, Ray, wake the hell up. (shouting) Wake up, damnit!

Ray (groggy): What-what the hell's going on?

Jamal: It's been an hour, Ray. You told me to wake you up half an hour ago, but then you got mad and started yelling about how I got out of my cell or something, so I just let you sleep.

Ray: That's impossible. Why the hell didn't you wake me--

Jamal (exasperated): I did wake you up, Ray! Why the hell don't you just listen to what the hell I'm trying to tell you?

Ray: Now we're going to lose.

Jamal: Well, maybe you should have stayed awake! Maybe next time, ask for some pills the Goths have!

Team confessional, Ray and Jamal.

Ray: I'm not used to staying awake like that for long times. Even if I have to work long hours, I always sleep for some of it.

Jamal: You can only do what you can do, and I guess I have to learn not to take it personally when Ray's sleep-deprived. It's not his fault he's a jerk.

Cut to outside a fort in icy water; like the conditions that the Racers are in, it's dark. Outside the fort is a flag surrounded by a floating platform; the flag is red and yellow, and the platform has a row of kayaks around it.

Cut to a boat arriving at the platform; inside the boat, a compartment opens up automatically. Inside is a clue envelope.

Panning out, Charlie and Derek grab the clue and open it; inside is a blue Route Marker pamphlet.

Derek: Paddle to the Pit Stop--

Cut to Phil in front of a lit-up view of the same fort; he is bundled up, wearing gloves and a warm winter hat.

Phil: Teams must paddle nearly 500 yards to the dock at Port Lockroy, a British-built fort used during World War II. This fort, which has since been renovated into a museum, is the first Pit Stop in the Amazing Race. The last team to check in here...

Phil pauses momentarily.

Phil: ...will be eliminated.

Cut to Charlie and Derek in their kayak, which they row away from the platform toward the dock.

Cut to a shot of Phil at the Pit Stop with a warmly-dressed greeter, a man who appears to be British and official-looking. His hat has a Union Jack on it.

A bundled-up Charlie and Derek arrive at the mat, and both leap onto the mat in a continuous motion.

Greeter: Welcome to Port Lockroy.

Phil: Charlie and Derek...

Phil smirks as he pauses.

Phil: are team number ONE!

Charlie and Derek high-five and bump chests in celebration.

Phil: Now, I have some good news. As the winners of this leg of the Race, you have each won...

Charlie appears somewhat disinterested, though Derek is eager to hear Phil.

Phil: ...ten thousand dollars!

Charlie and Derek pump their fists and shout excitedly.

Phil: The money is courtesy of H&R Block Tax Services, and as such, the money is entirely tax-free!

Team confessional, Charlie and Derek.

Charlie: And all the way to the Pit Stop, Derek and I were joking about the first-place prizes. They're nice, but it's more that I have a bunch of trips and don't really need them.

Derek: And then they hand us over ten thousand bucks, and now we have something to be really happy about. I know exactly where this money's going.

Cut to the flag, where another boat arrives. Another boat is soon waiting in the wings.

Out of the first boat come Jeffrey and Bryan, who climb into their kayak and head for the fort. Behind them are Spike and Jennifer; Spike is not warmly dressed, though the others are.

Jeffrey and Bryan arrive at the Pit Stop first.

Phil: Jeffrey and Bryan...

Bryan looks on nervously.

Phil:'re team number two!

Bryan: So did Michigan get here first?

Phil: I'll let you see for yourself.

As they are talking, Spike and Jennifer arrive.

Phil: Spike and're team number three!

Spike appears a little chilly but not cold.

Phil: Spike, you do know it's really cold here, right?

Spike: I've been homeless. This is nothing.

Charlie and Derek walk up to the mat, where Jeffrey and Bryan are still waiting.

Phil: I think they're here to claim the spoils of their win, Bryan.

Bryan: Fair's fair, Michigan.

Bryan clears his throat.

Bryan (singing): Hail, to the victors, valiant
Hail, to the conquering heroes,
Hail, hail, to Michigan,
The leaders and the beeeeeest...

Charlie and Derek are grinning from ear to ear; Spike is trying to contain her laughter, and even Jennifer is smiling.

Bryan: Hail, to the victors, valiant,
Hail, to the conquering heroes,
Hail, hail, to Michigan,
The champions of the Weeeeeest.

Derek applauds and hollers; Charlie claps respectfully, as does Jennifer. Spike is keeled over laughing uncontrollably.

Jeffrey (coldly): You are the worst singer I've ever heard.

Bryan: Shut the hell up and go inside.

Team confessional, Spike and Jennifer.

Spike (still laughing): Seeing Bryan sing like that was the craziest thing I've ever seen. He's there wearing his Ohio State jacket singing the Michigan fight song. I might be from Seattle, but I know insane hilarity when I see it.

Jennifer: They should do that every leg, but I hope Michigan keeps winning. Unless Derek has to tear his clothes off and run around like an idiot. I'd watch that.

Spike: Gee, thanks.

Jennifer: What? I have needs, too.

Spike rolls her eyes and puts her chin in her hand.

Cut to the flag, where another boat is pulling up. Out of the boat emerge Steve and Darius, who take a kayak and head for the Pit Stop.

Cut to them arriving at the Pit Stop.

Phil: Steve and're team number four!

Steve and Darius high-five and embrace joyously, the first time Darius is shown to smile.

Cut to another boat arriving at the platform, and an immediate cut to another team arriving at the Pit Stop. This team is Reggie and Dan, who are bundled up in black overcoats.

Phil: Reggie and're team number five!

Reggie and Dan exchange a fist-pound and several celebratory grunts and snorts.

Team confessional, Reggie and Dan.

Reggie: We're out here against a bunch of good, young teams, and we're kind of the old guys. To come in fifth is pretty good.

Dan: All the other two-guy teams have at least one young guy who's pretty good. Even Florida has two young girls who don't take any crap. We've beaten some good teams. Don't count out the Hogettes.

Cut to another team arriving at the flag. Ray and Jamal climb out of their boat; Ray is still groggy but holding himself up. Noticeably, Jamal is shouldering most of the weight rowing the kayak.

Cut to the two arriving at the Pit Stop.

Phil: Ray and're team number six!

Ray: And if I could stay awake, we'd be in first.

Phil: What happened, Ray?

Ray: I couldn't stay awake and took a nap; I told Jamal to wake me in half an hour, but he didn't.

Jamal: I did. You wouldn't get up.

Ray: I get up when I'm called to get up. Two people can't sleep on the job like that.

Jamal: F------ forget it.

Jamal walks away frustrated.

(confessional) Ray: I'm rough on Jamal, and I always have been, but he needs to learn discipline and to do things the right way. When he makes a promise, he has to follow through with it.

Cut to Alex and Elena, currently in seventh place. Elena is trying her best to stay awake. She's stomping her feet, slapping herself in the face, and running in place. Alex walks over to help comfort her.

Elena: I wish I knew we'd have to stay awake. I would have made you do it. All those all-nighters would come in handy.

Alex: I'll make it up to you.

Elena: And how do you expect to do that?

Alex: I don't know. I'll think of something.

The boat gets louder from the outside; another boat pulls alongside them, and both boats dock at the flag. Outside of the other boat, Hayley and Alexis climb.

Alex: Fantastic. The Ravers are here, and I bet they never sleep.

Elena: Relax; we can't be in last.

Alex: We also can't be in first.

Elena: So let them pass.

Both teams pile into their kayaks at about the same time; Hayley and Alexis are clearly faster.

Team confessional, Hayley and Alexis.

Hayley: At the last minute, we passed the Reds, but we couldn't catch up to...Biloxi, I think it was.

Alexis: I heard Ray just stopped the boat in the middle of the water and went to sleep. That guy calls himself a law enforcer? Come on. No wonder Jamal doesn't respect him.

Cut to both teams arriving at the Pit Stop in succession.

Phil: Hayley and're team number seven! Alex and Elena, you're team number eight!

Elena: Why didn't you tell me this was so technical?

Phil: All it involved was a GPS with one number on it. There's nothing technical about it.

Elena: I still couldn't stay awake very well.

Cut to another boat arriving at the flag. Out of the boat, Tina and Jim emerge, and they begin rowing their catamaran to the Pit Stop. Jim appears to be at full strength.

Cut to the two arriving at the Pit Stop.

Phil: Tina and're team number nine!

Neither Tina nor Jim reacts one way or another; Jim barely cracks a smile.

Cut to Leilani and Kea arriving at the flag, followed in sequence by Eric and Jessica.

Leilani and Kea arrive first at the Pit Stop.

Phil: Leilani and're team number ten!

The sisters embrace joyously at the news.

Phil: How different is this from where you're from?

Leilani: I'm not on Moloka'i anymore; that's for sure.

Kea: I've been colder here than I ever thought was possible.

Phil: Well, head inside and warm up.

Soon, Eric and Jessica arrive at the Pit Stop.

Phil: Eric and're team number eleven!

The two kiss quickly and dance around in joy.

Phil: So Eric, how does it feel to get to play your own game?

Eric: It's a lot better than constantly taking orders from everyone.

Cut to Carrie and Dana; Carrie is struggling to stay awake.

Dana: Come on, you can do it! Dig deep, Carrie! Just remember, there's a big slice of cheesecake at the end!

Carrie (deliriously): There better be a bed at the end.

Team confessional, Carrie and Dana.

Carrie: We spent a lot of the Roadblock alongside Bobby and Caroline; we passed them, and they passed us, and we were pretty sure whoever finished last between us was out.

Dana: I thought of everything I could do to motivate Carrie.

Carrie: It got to be a little much when she said that about cheesecake. Yes, I love my cheesecake, but come on, girl.

Cut to Bobby and Caroline arriving at the dock seconds before Carrie and Dana. Bobby is just waking up; he is still down to his underwear.

Caroline: Wake up, Bobby; we're here. Get dressed.

Bobby is slow to awaken; he clearly is disinclined to get up.

Caroline: Get bundled up before you freeze, Bobby.

Bobby: Wait, where are we?

Caroline: We're in Antarctica, and it's cold and dark out. Get a move on.

Behind them, a bundled-up Carrie and Dana emerge from their boat and immediately begin paddling their kayak.

Caroline (shouting): Look at that. Stanford just passed us. All because you can't get moving when I tell you to. Do you want to stay in the Race, Bobby? Do you want to win so I don't yell at you about getting a job?

Bobby: Well, yeah--

Caroline (furious): Then f------ do what I say!

Bobby dresses faster than he had before and leaves the boat bundled up from head to toe; however, Caroline still does the bulk of the paddling, as Bobby seems to fumble his paddles.

Cut to the Pit Stop, where Carrie and Dana arrive first, both smiling.

Phil: Carrie and're team number twelve!

The two wrap their arms around each other and smile giddily.

Team confessional, Carrie and Dana.

Dana: We made it to the Pit Stop before Colorado did, and all we hear is Caroline shouting at the top of her lungs at Bobby.

Carrie: Maybe Bobby's the dumbest, laziest person I've ever seen, and he probably is, but I don't think Caroline's getting through to him.

Dana: It's almost worth keeping them in the Race because we know we'll have someone we can beat.

Cut to Bobby and Caroline arriving at the Pit Stop; both are scowling and will not look at each other.

Phil: Bobby and're team number thirteen!

Bobby: Whatever.

(confessional) Caroline: At that point, I was almost wishing Phil had said we were last. I didn't want to deal with Bobby anymore.

Cut back to the Pit Stop, where Bobby and Caroline are still standing angrily.

Caroline: Next time, work with me a little bit, and we might finish higher.

Bobby: Next time, get the f--- off my back.

Caroline: Don't talk to me like that.

Bobby: You talk to me like that all the time.

Caroline: I'm allowed to. When you go out and start supporting me, you can talk to me any way you want. Not just go inside and lounge around in your underwear like you always do.

Cut to Debra and Bob, still aboard their ship; Bob is trying to navigate, but the number on his GPS reads "102.4".

Team confessional, Debra and Bob.

Bob: We can sit here and second-guess ourselves sick, but it won't do any good.

Debra: We knew we were in last, and we knew there was no way to catch up. But we still stuck it out.

Cut to Debra and Bob arriving at the flag; the two paddle slowly in their kayak but eventually reach the dock. They hike up to the mat, where Phil awaits.

Greeter: Welcome to Port Lockroy.

Debra and Bob (in unison): Thank you.

Phil: Debra and are the last team to arrive.

The look on Phil's face turns to grim sadness.

Phil: I'm sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the Race.

Debra (tearing up): It's OK.

Team confessional, Debra and Bob.

Debra: Bob and I have been married for 33 years. We have been through it all.

Bob: We'll always be the small-time bike shop owners with all kinds of stories about being in BMX races, and those who want to listen to us can always do so.

Debra: This is just another chapter in our lives, albeit a short one.

Bob: Even though we were out first, we're still happy we came on the Race, and we're grateful for the experience.

A quick cut to Debra and Bob at the Pit Stop flashes, and soon, the screen fades to black and the credits begin to roll.

Phil (voice-over): Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode.

The screen cuts to commercial.

Blog Entry, 09/11/2008
Authored by: Phil Keoghan

The first leg of the Amazing Race was an absolutely incredible experience. We've been that far south in South America before, but we've never actually reached Antarctica. And let me just say this - my fingers and toes are glad I don't have to worry about going back.

The effect of the ocean moderated the temperature somewhat, but the wind was pretty nasty and it was always dark. I couldn't stand outside for too long; I needed a nice, warm room to go into for part of the time, and when it was over, I was sent into a steam room to warm up. Some other teams took advantage of that room; from what I heard, Leilani practically lived in there until we got out of Port Lockroy.

We're starting the next leg in Santiago, Chile; there's no way on Earth we're flying teams from Antarctica to our next destination. At least it can be a little warmer there.

I had no idea the first leg would be as grueling as it was, but looking back, it's probably the biggest reason Debra and Bob didn't last. A younger Debra and Bob would have caught up to some younger teams, but that bad decision at the Detour put them at the back and gave them no chance to catch up. A quick Roadblock may have been better for them.

I noticed a few dynamics among the teams - Derek and Bryan don't get along, but Charlie and Bryan do. And Derek gave his dad a dirty look every time he talked to Bryan, right up until Charlie told him to go hang out with someone else.

Most of the hanging out was in Santiago; people tended to sleep or stare blankly at the seat ahead of them during the flight out. Everyone was sent out to Punta Arenas via helicopter, and a flight got everyone to Santiago. Well, except Debra and Bob, who are off to Portugal for Elimination Station. On the way out, they said Bobby and Caroline were probably joining them next, and they pegged Charlie and Derek as the likely winners. Bob also said that, if it was Bobby and Caroline out next, he might be spending a few days huddled in his room for safety.

Back from commercial.

Phil (voice-over): On the next episode of The Amazing Race...the second Roadblock of the Race appears to be just as taxing as the first.

(confessional) Dan: My hands are absolutely killing me. And so is the rest of my body.

Phil (voice-over): Two teams try for the Fast Forward, a daunting task.

Cut to the side of a mountainous area.

Phil (voice-over): And Bryan seeks revenge for the loss on the first leg.

Bryan (to a ticket agent): And I'd like to make sure the guy in the Michigan shirt doesn't get on this flight.

Voice-over: Stay tuned for an all-new CSI: Miami coming up next.

Fade to black.

Order of finish:

1. Charlie and Derek, 6:51 pm
2. Jeffrey and Bryan, 7:04 pm
3. Spike and Jennifer, 7:05 pm
4. Steve and Darius, 7:22 pm
5. Reggie and Dan, 7:35 pm
6. Ray and Jamal, 7:49 pm
7. Hayley and Alexis, 7:55 pm
8. Alex and Elena, 7:56 pm
9. Tina and Jim, 8:17 pm
10. Leilani and Kea, 8:29 pm
11. Eric and Jessica, 8:33 pm
12. Carrie and Dana, 8:44 pm
13. Bobby and Caroline, 8:46 pm
14. Debra and Bob, 11:14 pm

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