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"The Amazing Race: Expedition Premiere - "You Ever Eaten a Boot This Size?""
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Colonel Zoidberg 3370 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"

02-19-08, 12:08 PM (EST)
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"The Amazing Race: Expedition Premiere - "You Ever Eaten a Boot This Size?"" Handicaps This Season’s Amazing Race

The upcoming season of The Amazing Race is the third to come with a special tagline. The first two to do so were letdowns. Family Edition never left North America and only briefly left the United States and Canada, which virtually cut out the exotic locations for which the show is famous. All-Stars was spoiled quickly and marred by difficulties in airports; it also had a quirky back-to-back non-elimination sequence toward the end of the season.

This time, The Amazing Race: Expedition is promising no letdowns. This season is billed as the first to visit all seven continents as well as the one with some of the most challenging tasks and harshest conditions. During filming, it was winter in Antarctica, the coldest continent on the planet, and teams could only be outside for a short time before being hustled inside over frostbite dangers. According to host Phil Keoghan, however, one contestant was completely unconcerned with frostbite and entered the frigid continent dressed normally.

CBS has given their take on each team, but has never given handicaps. will give the odds on what teams appear to have the best chance to win, but even professionals have been fooled – no one expected Nicolas and Donald to reach the end with Ronald and Christina in season 12. So let’s see what kind of odds the teams have based on our first impressions of them before they take off from Niagara Falls.

Reggie and Dan, “Hogettes” – They might wear flowery dresses to games, but their desire to win is just as big as their desire to cheer on their beloved Redskins. They’re looking like an early fan favorite based on fans’ ability to identify with them, but they are the second-oldest team in the group. It won’t be easy for them, and they could be gone early. Odds: 25:1

Hayley and Alexis, “Ravers” – This teams believes it will be the first all-female team to go all the way. They look tougher than Dustin and Kandice, who finished All-Stars in second place. However, their competition is a lot stronger, too, and expecting the young teams to make mistakes is often dangerous. Odds: 5:1

Debra and Bob, “Married Cyclists” – On the toughest season yet, the biggest factors these two are counting on are their experience and their conditioning. Considering the youth of some of these teams, they’re best off winning on experience, and when young and smart goes against old and experienced, young and smart always wins. Odds: 50:1

Jeffrey and Bryan, “Married Parents” – Previous married couples Uchenna and Joyce, Chip and Kim, and Reichen and Chip are the predecessors to Jeffrey and Bryan. Bryan’s a cut-throat businessman who, by his own admission, would step over his grandmother for the prize. If Jeffrey pulls her weight, this team could be tough to stop. Odds: 4:1

Alex and Elena, “College Friends” – The only two contestants this season to be born abroad, CBS says these two are the most knowledgeable about the world. However, as they admit, knowing about the world and using that knowledge are often two different things, and it’s hard not to see the Race as simply a break from reality. Odds: 10:1

Ray and Jamal, “Father and Future Son-In-Law” – The biggest concern for these two is that they have to put aside their differences. It’s said that they get along fine when there isn’t anything causing tension between them and they’re not under a lot of stress. The Amazing Race isn’t a dream vacation. Odds: 15:1

Steve and Darius, “Father and Son” – This team made the finals for the second season but backed out after Steve’s wife, the matriarch of the family, passed away. The relationship between these two is strained now, and Darius is married with a child, so it remains to be seen how well they handle the pressure of the Race. Odds: 8:1

Bobby and Caroline, “Dating Couple” – Bobby knows he needs this more than anything, and he will do anything he can to get it. He has a broad range of talents, something that will come in handy for the Race. Caroline’s job will be to keep him level-headed and focused, and if she can do that, this team could go far. Odds: 12:1

Tina and Jim, “Dating Couple” – This team relates more as friends than as a couple, but they both share a strong desire to win. Jim’s football career was cut short because of a gunshot to the knee (though he tells people it was a game injury,) and this is his chance to compete at a high level. Odds: 7:1

Carrie and Dana, “Teacher and Former Student” – They say they want people to think they’re just there on vacation. They are prepared to use their beauty and charm to get ahead; Carrie believes that her passion to win will be masked and used in ways never before seen. However, by her own admission, both of these women have physical disadvantages to overcome. Odds: 30:1

Spike and Jennifer, “Ex-Girlfriends” – This team is the ultimate odd couple. However, through sheer insanity and will power, they stayed together for four years and are giving their relationship one last shot. Jennifer appears to be the book-smart one while Spike is the street-smart one; both have to be on their game to win. Odds: 10:1

Leilani and Kea, “Sisters” – Two sisters with very different views of the world who are just in this for the experience, almost seeming not to care one way or another if they win. Usually, that means they’re out early, but a team like this could surprise some people and go far. Odds: 40:1

The Show Begins - air date 9/7/2008

The introductory shot is of an overview of a fast-moving body of water with what appears to be industrial equipment in select spots all around it. A flag is flying above a building over toward the right; although red is clearly visible on the flag, it is impossible to tell what country or state it is from.

The voice-over heard is from Phil Keoghan, host of the Amazing Race. A small figure of a man is shown on a small island surrounded by the massive waterfall. He appears to have Keoghan's features, but it is difficult to tell from the overhead view.

The noise from the waterfall is deafening, and Keoghan stands alone on the small island.

Phil: This...

The camera zooms in, and it is, in fact, Phil Keoghan standing on the rock, wearing a green turtleneck sweater and khaki cargo pants.

Phil: Niagara Falls.

Phil is standing at the top of the Horseshoe Falls in Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada. A panoramic view of the area shows a large building in the background flying the Canadian flag.

Phil: One of the natural wonders of the world and most viewed attractions in the Americas, it is here where twelve teams of two will set out on the adventure of a lifetime.

Cut to a view of the inside of a passage to the back of the Falls.

Phil (voice-over): The site of a long, storied history of death-defying stunts, Niagara Falls will begin the greatest adventure in the history of the Amazing Race. Twelve unique, diverse teams, all with a pre-existing relationship, will perform tasks, try to stay ahead of the pack, and ultimately, try to avoid being last.

Cut to an overview of the Horseshoe Falls; the Maid of the Mist is present on the water, and many tourists are walking by.

Phil: At the end of each leg of the Race, there will be a Pit Stop. Teams who finish last can be eliminated, and teams who finish first can be rewarded.

Cut to Phil on the walk next to the Falls.

Phil: Ultimately, the first team to cross the Finish Line at the end of the final leg of the Race will win one million dollars.

Cut to Phil walking on the grass outside the large building.

Phil: Teams will be given a set amount of money at the start of each leg of the race. They will be given a clue as to their next destination. What happens after that is entirely in their hands.

Cut to Phil standing in front of the railing overlooking the Falls.

Phil: Relationships will be tested. Players will face record-breaking levels of stress. And ultimately, the elements and the people they encounter may help to determine just how far they can go. The Race will begin in a way that has never before been done. This unique opening will shape the contestants' experience.

Cut to Phil standing alone on the deck of the Maid of the Mist.

Phil: Twelve teams will start right here in Niagara Falls. One of them will be crowned the winners of the Amazing Race. The adventure of a lifetime begins right now!

The opening credits begin to roll. At first, a Mercator projection of the world in black, green, and yellow, with the Amazing Race logo superimposed over it cuts to a vite of an airplane flying above a layer of clouds. The phrase "12 teams of 2" appears on screen. The first team shown on screen is Leilani and Kea against an island backdrop. The credits continue to Carrie and Dana outside a college building, Hayley and Alexis in front of a row of prison cells, Reggie and Dan outside FedEx Field, Bobby and Caroline in front of their Colorado home, Ray and Jamal in front of a panoramic shot of the Gulf of Mexico, Tina and Jim on a football field sideline with a medical pod in the backdrop, Debra and Bob on a hilly road with their bikes, Alex and Elena on a college green, Jeffrey and Bryan in front of a construction site, Spike and Jennifer outside Seattle's City Hall, and Steve and Darius on a chicken ranch.

Cut to Phil waiting for the teams to arrive. Phil is standing on the walkway overlooking the Falls as the teams file off a large tour bus. Their backpacks are waiting for them on the edge of the walkway.

All twelve teams take their places; Hayley and Alexis are on the far left of the row, and Ray and Jamal are on the far right.

Phil: Welcome to the Amazing Race. As you can see, there are twelve teams here who will begin the adventure. I will warn you that this edition of the Race will not be like other ones. This is called The Amazing Race: Expedition, and for good reason. You will be the first season to travel to all seven continents.

Cut to several shocked expressions from the 24 contestants.

(confessional) Jamal: At this point, I had to step back and ask myself, what did I just get myself into?

Phil: This will also be longer than other seasons. There will be 15 legs to the Race, and at the end of all the legs but the final one, there will be a Pit Stop. Teams can be eliminated at the end of a Pit Stop for finishing last, so be careful and try your hardest.

Team confessional between Hayley and Alexis.

Hayley: I'm glad that this is the toughest Amazing Race yet, because we're two tough women, and we want to see the other teams struggle.

Alexis: Anything they throw at us, we can take.

Cut to the main game.

Phil: At the start of each leg, you will be given an amount of money. Use this money wisely; you can't just ask for more, and keep in mind that you will be using it for all expenses except for airfare.

Team confessional between Alex and Elena.

Elena: As far as going on little money and almost no fuel, I can think of no one better than myself, except for maybe Alex.

Alex: I go for days hardly eating or sleeping, and I've gotten very good at stretching my money. I grew up at in the time after the Soviet Union broke up, and with a fallen economy, life was hard. My family did the best they could, and I learned from them
Cut to the main game.

Phil: At the end of the final leg will be the Finish Line. This is what you are playing for, because the first team to cross the Finish Line...wins one...million dollars.

Phil raises his right arm, and all 24 contestants take their stances. Teams are often similarly dressed, though such teams as Ray and Jamal, Carrie and Dana, Spike and Jennifer, and Jeffrey and Bryan are dressed dissimilarly.

Phil: The world is waiting for you.

Dramatic pause.

Phil: Good luck.

Another pause.

Phil: Travel safe.

The grin on Phil's face is starting to show.

Phil: GO!

With that, Phil drops his right arm in a swift motion, and the teams dash in a semi-disorganized fashion to their bags. Teams often have to cross paths to reach their bags; Reggie and Dan's are the ones farthest to the left, the most advantageous spot, while Steve and Darius' bags are farthest to the right.

The first team to reach their bags is Alex and Elena. Both are wearing T-shirts with their home nation's flags on the front; Alex's is a Russian flag, while Elena's is Bulgarian. The text on each shirt is in their native tongues.

Elena tears the clue resting on top of her bag open and takes out a small blue pamphlet reading "ROUTE MARKER" on the front. She opens it and begins to read from the text inside. She speaks with a very noticeable Bulgarian accent.

Elena: Fly to Montreal, Canada!

(cut-away) Phil: Teams must drive over the Canadian-American border into the city of Buffalo, New York, and fly over 350 miles to Montreal, Canada. Once there, they must drive themselves to the Hudson Bay company, outside of which they will receive their next clue.

(confessional) Elena: I was a little surprised to find out we were going to Canada first, but since Phil said we were going to all seven continents, I wasn't too worried about it. I'll still get to see the world.

Cut back to Alex and Elena.

Elena: You have $150 for this leg of the Race.

Alex: So I guess we’re having lobster tonight.

Alex and Elena are the first team to leave with their backpacks, but they appear to lose a footrace to the cars, all of which are GMC sport utilities with red-and-yellow Race flags on the front. Steve and Darius are ahead of them, as are Hayley and Alexis; both teams leave in first and second places, respectively. Alex and Elena are in third place, followed immediately by Reggie and Dan, Spike and Jennifer, Tina and Jim, and Leilani and Kea, in that order.

Steve and Darius, Currently in 1st place. The two are in their car heading away from Niagara Falls toward the Canadian-American border. Darius is driving; Steve is navigating.

Steve: Look for the exit to the Rainbow Bridge. When we get to River Road, turn right onto Clifton, and then onto Falls Road. Keep your eyes peeled for the Rainbow Bridge.

(confessional) Darius: My dad and I don't always see eye to eye on everything, but he's been all through Canada, so until we hit the border, I was in his hands.

Steve: Get your passport ready.

Darius: I hate traffic. It's bad enough we have another eleven teams on our tails; we have what has to be all of Ontario clogging up the damn bridge.

(confessional) Steve: Darius needs to work on his temper and his ability to handle stressful situations. He gets frustrated easily, and he loses focus. I let him drive usually so I can navigate and keep command of the situation.

The two are at the entryway to the United States.

Agent: Welcome to the United States.

Steve: Steve and Darius, you're team number one.

Darius: Until we hit the airport and lose our advantage.

Team confessional between Steve and Darius.

Steve: For all that my son and I disagree on, we work well together, and when we started out that race in first, I knew it was a sign of good things to come.

Darius: We put off coming on the Amazing Race for so long just because of our differences.

Steve: I'm gay, and I didn't come out until after Darius' mother died. I was very happy with her, and I loved hear dearly; she and my son were my best friends, but I had to start being honest with who I really am.

Darius: If he wants to live his like that way, I don't really care, but the timing of the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth. He came out within a couple of months after my mother died.

Steve: I hear that all the time, but I know my son's disappointed in me.

Darius: And I hear that all the time, too. There's nothing I can say to convey that my frustration with you has nothing to do with you being gay and everything to do with your little persecution complex.

Cut to Spike and Jennifer, currently in 6th place. They have passed through the border patrol and are on the Robert Moses State Highway in New York State. Jennifer is driving; Spike is navigating while chewing gum.

Spike: Just stay on this road for a while. We'll get to the airport and get on the earliest flight possible. And if you see any of the other teams, floor it and pass them.

Jennifer: Can you make flight reservations?

Spike: No, that would take longer. I don't exactly carry a cell phone in one of my tongue rings.

Jennifer: OK, fine; we'll wait and get on a s----- flight when we get there.

Spike: My God, you're stressing me out, Jen. (under her breath) I need a cigarette so bad.

Team confessional between Spike and Jennifer.

Spike: Before the show, I was a pretty heavy smoker; I was up to about four packs a day. Sadly, Jen hates it, and she's lucky I don't get to smoke out here.

Jennifer: So she loaded up on chewing gum and nicotine patches before the Race. It's about half the weight of her bag, which is fine because she dresses light, too.

Noticeably, Spike has on a white tank top, black shorts with pockets, a chain belt with a skull buckle, and black leather boots that reach just below her knees.

Spike: I'm also addicted to candy, so I brought plenty of that, too.

Jennifer: But I make her share with me.

Cut to Spike and Jennifer in the car. Spike takes out a bottle marked "No-Doz" and opens it up, swallowing the pill whole without taking anything to drink.

Jennifer: We're just getting on a plane; put the No-Doz away or I'll take them away.

Spike: Hey Jen, you ever eaten a boot this size?

Jennifer: No.

Spike: Well, if you don't get off my back, you'll get the chance.

(confessional) Jennifer: Spike has an extremely addictive personality, be it cigarettes, candy, alcohol, recreational drugs, caffeine, or other girls. Spike has been unfaithful to me numerous times, and until I broke up with her, I turned a blind eye. I was with a man before Spike who was my high school sweetheart, and I was unfaithful to him, so it took a lot for me to convince myself I didn't deserve it.

Cut to Bobby and Caroline, currently in last place. Bobby is driving and Caroline is navigating. They are still on the Robert Moses State Highway, and no other teams are in sight.

Caroline: Pick up the pace, Bobby; we're leaving snail tracks.

Bobby: I can't pick up the pace when all you do is yell at me about my driving!

Caroline: If you would just drive normally, I wouldn't have to--

Bobby: Everything I do out here is wrong!

Caroline: No, only when you do things wrong is it wrong.

Bobby (screaming): I was doing fine until you told me not to take the Rainbow Bridge! Oh, sure, the Peace Bridge is the way to go. All the other teams took the Rainbow Bridge because all the other teams had navigators who weren't tyrannical bitches!

Caroline: Fine. You know what? You navigate the damn car yourself. See if I care.

Caroline throws the clue at Bobby and turns toward the window, folding her arms in anger.

Team confessional between Bobby and Caroline.

Bobby: I get very upset with Caroline. She seems to think I don't do anything right, and if I don't do things her way, she gets angry and refuses to help.

Caroline: I do not. You just refuse to accept any kind of help; you just want me to do everything.

(confessional) Caroline: Bobby can be very immature, which I was a bit attracted to at first, but at home, I pay all the bills and do all the work while he hangs out and watches TV. I've been on him about it, but he doesn't want to do anything.

The speedometer on the dashboard in front of Bobby is approaching 100 miles per hour.

Caroline: Slow down, will you?

Bobby: If I want to catch the other teams, I have to fly.

Caroline: This car isn't designed to go this fast, Bobby.

Bobby: We're on a highway; it's not a big deal. Let me drive the way I want to.

The speedometer eclipses 100 miles per hour.

Caroline: Fine; it's your life you're taking into your hands here.

Cut to Hayley and Alexis, currently in second place. Alexis is driving; Hayley is navigating, and the team is within sight of first-place Steve and Darius.

Their speedometer reads 90 miles per hour.

Hayley: Keep that pedal to the metal, girl; we'll pass those boys and show them who's boss.

Alexis: I'm more worried about getting a good flight, though. If we get the best flight and no one else does, we'll waste them in Montreal, where they can't do anything to us.

Team confessional between Hayley and Alexis.

Hayley: We live by the motto "Girls can do anything." We will be the first all-female team to win the Amazing Race.

Alexis: Where I come from, I'm used to getting my way by sheer persuasion and force. I'm a cop, and people respect that.

Hayley: She gets plenty of practice for criminals at the club we opened in Tampa with a friend of ours.

Alexis: It's a rave club designed to be drug-free and female-friendly. Boys who don't respect that usually end up leaving the club with black eyes and busted teeth.

Cut to the main game. Alexis has pulled up on Steve and Darius' bumper.

Alexis makes a quick move and passes Darius at high speed; Darius look on as if he couldn't care less. The two girls honk the horn and flash blurred-out middle fingers.

(confessional) Darius: They can get as far ahead of me as they want. I'll get the advantage back at the airport with a good flight.

Cut to Buffalo Niagara International Airport. Hayley and Alexis enter first, with Steve and Darius seconds behind. Both approach different ticket counters.

Hayley is at US Airways; Darius is at Northwest.

Hayley: I need the fastest flight to Montreal.

Agent: We have an 11:45 AM flight that leaves here and goes through Dulles and Philadelphia, and gets into Montreal at 5:12 PM.

Hayley: Is there anything faster?

(confessional) Hayley: It was just a matter of what ticket counter you arrived at when I got there. If you didn't pick the right one, you had to look harder. Fortunately, there were only two teams there.

Hayley (to Alexis): It looks like we're on the same flight with Team Brokeback Mountain.

Alexis: If that's our only competition, we have this leg sewn up.

At this point, more teams arrive at the airport. Reggie and Dan, currently in third place, followed by Alex and Elena, currently in fourth place, Tina and Jim, currently in fifth place, and Spike and Jennifer, currently in sixth place.

Dan gets in line first, followed by Alex.

Agent (to Dan and Alex): The fastest flight to Montreal at this here at 11:27 AM, goes through JFK International, and lands in Montreal at 4:57 PM.

Dan: And that's the best we can do?

Agent: The only earlier flight is full.

Dan: I'll take two.

Alex: Same.

The camera shows Tina and Jim getting tickets printed for them as well as Spike and Jennifer.

Phil (voice-over): The first six teams are on their way to Montreal, Canada, either through Detroit or New York City. Steve and Darius and Hayley and Alexis are on the first flight, while Reggie and Dan, Alex and Elena, Tina and Jim, and Spike and Jennifer are on the second flight.

The next group to arrive at the airport is Jeffrey and Bryan, currently in seventh place, Leilani and Kea, currently in eighth place, and Debra and Bob, currently in ninth place.

Jeffrey gets in line first, followed by Kea and Debra.

Jeffrey: I need two tickets to Montreal, fastest available.

Agent: Right now, the fastest available leaves soon at 11:45 AM, goes through Dulles and Phila--

Jeffrey: What? You're sending me through Dallas? What kind of stupid, brainless--

Agent: Dulles, ma'am. Not Dallas. Dulles is in Washington D.C.

Jeffrey (screaming): Don't you think I know that? Don't insult my intelligence! Get me the man in charge right now!

(confessional) Leilani: Jeffrey had a major hissy fit in line for tickets. I seriously thought they were going to have to call security. And I'll say this much - I don't want to be on a flight with her. They'll probably have to ground the plane just to throw her off.

A tall, heavy-set man with a moustache approaches the counter.

Manager: What seems to be the problem?

Jeffrey: I need the fastest flight to Montreal, and this insolent little bitch--

Manager: Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to calm down and watch your language.

Jeffrey: No one tells me to watch my f------ language--

Manager: Please step to the back of the line.

Jeffrey: I was here first; I--

Manager: Please step to the back of the line or Security will be called.

Jeffrey gives a defiant look to the manager as he coldly folds his arms and directs her to the back of the line.

The screen cuts to commercial.

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 The Amazing Race: Expedition Premie... Colonel Zoidberg 02-19-08 1
 The Amazing Race: Expedition Premie... Colonel Zoidberg 02-19-08 2
 The Amazing Race: Expedition Premie... Colonel Zoidberg 02-19-08 3
 The Amazing Race: Expedition Premie... Colonel Zoidberg 02-19-08 4
 The Amazing Race: Expedition Premie... Colonel Zoidberg 02-19-08 5
   RE: The Amazing Race: Expedition Pr... jbug 02-25-08 6

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Colonel Zoidberg 3370 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"

02-19-08, 12:09 PM (EST)
Click to EMail Colonel%20Zoidberg Click to send private message to Colonel%20Zoidberg Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
1. "The Amazing Race: Expedition Premiere - "You Ever Eaten a Boot This Size?""
Blog Entry, 09/08/2008
Authored by: Ron "Blazer" Macklin, punkrockliveshere

For those reading this because of the Amazing Race, let me introduce myself. I'm the owner of the bar Spike helps me manage. What you're seeing on screen is nothing more and nothing less than Spike in a nutshell.

Everything Jennifer said about her is absolutely true, but it's true of so many people in our industry. I've watched Spike come into the bar during the day just to pick up other girls; for some reason, the bar is frequented by lesbians, which must explain why I haven't had a date in five years. Anyone who's college-age and has any sort of issues usually ends up going back to Spike's apartment with her. I asked her about this at one point - she's in a relationship with Jennifer, but she's picking up girls nearly every afternoon.

Just like Jennifer's other complaints about her, Spike couldn't have given a damn less. She had nothing growing up, and she seems to still be suffering from her father's death, so she deals with it the only way she knows how - sex, drugs, and candy.

I can't complain; we actually have business in the afternoon because frustrated women come here for a little release. It's as if women think it's the ultimate revenge on their boyfriends for making them mad - they go to the bar and end up going back to Spike's place. In her eyes, she's doing these women a favor. She knows how upset some guys are when they lose their girlfriends. To a woman. Especially one like Spike.

That's exactly how she got with Jennifer, and that's exactly how she got with the countless women she was with aside from Jennifer. She has to keep on doing the things she never had the chance to at home or before she came to the bar.

Her mother was a control freak, a very paranoid woman who barely let Spike leave their studio apartment. Spike told me she preferred being homeless to living at home, and she lived under a bridge while she got her GED. Then she worked odd jobs and got evicted from two different apartments for not paying rent; she told me she would rather have money for cigarettes than for rent.

When she came here and finally got a decent job, she went wild. She smoked, drank, popped pills, stuffed her face with candy, and hit on anyone who walked in while she bartended. She pretty much does that now as a manager, but she's a lot more successful.
To be frank, she's my kind of woman. She broke my heart when she told me she was a lesbian. Or rather, I thought she was lying. When I told her that, she laughed, of course, the first time I ever saw her laugh.

I'm just waiting for them to go through Amsterdam again. I guarantee Spike reaches the Pit Stop stoned.

Blog entry, 09/08/2008
Authored by: Hank Valentine, themanitobamoose

I may not really be a Manitoba moose, but I am a huge fan of the Amazing Race and the team that's going all the way to the end - I speak, of course, of Steve and Darius, the father and son who need to set aside their differences now.

For about a year and a half, I lived with Steve in Manitoba; I had to leave him because I got an opportunity in Minnesota that I couldn't refuse, but it killed me to do so. Sadly, he couldn't afford the place we had together and had to move into a small apartment just to afford to live on the wages of a freelance writer/wannabe novelist.

He can say money isn't important to him; he's a liar if he does. There are plenty of things he values more, but living in a nicer place with a little more breathing room is one of them.

Also on his list of things he values - a relationship with his son. I wouldn't go so far as to say that Darius is homophobic, but his father coming out was probably the biggest reason that Darius didn't bat an eyelash when Steve moved to Canada. It wasn't like it was a big deal that calling dear old Dad was now an international call; it was a call he really didn't intend to make. And looking at Steve, I know how hard that was on him.

On the other hand, it's nice to see a self-identified Canadian on the show, even if he was born and raised American. I have to name Steve and Darius the odds-on favorites just because of that, even if I'm sure everyone else who's following the other teams is doing the same.

Back from commercial.

Jeffrey: I need the fastest flight to Montreal, and this insolent little bitch--

Manager: Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to calm down and watch your language.

Jeffrey: No one tells me to watch my f------ language--

Manager: Please step to the back of the line.

Jeffrey: I was here first; I--

Manager: Please step to the back of the line or Security will be called.

At this point, Bryan walks up.

Manager: Sir, state your business please.

Bryan: I apologize, sir; my wife gets a little out-of-control.

At this point, Jeffrey turns to Bryan.

Jeffrey (shouting uncontrollably): What the hell is wrong with you? I had this under control, you miserable piece of human s---. You're going to make us lose this f------ race, and I'll make sure you burn in hell for--are you walking away from me?

By this point in time, Bryan has walked over to another ticket counter.

Bryan: Please get me two tickets to Montreal. Fastest available.

Agent: The flight is through Washington D.C. at Dulles airport and through Philadelphia. It arrives in Montreal...5:12 PM.

Bryan: That's the fastest?

Agent: That's the fastest.

(confessional) Kea: And after Jeffrey went off the deep end, I just waltzed right up to the counter and got myself and Leilani tickets on the exact same flight, only they promised us an upgrade on the last flight free of charge.

Cut to Kea buying tickets.

Kea: Thanks, sweetheart. You're the best.

Agent (smiling): You're quite welcome. Have a safe trip.

Kea looks over at Jeffrey, who's seated between two security guards.

Kea: Next time, try being nice, bitch.

Phil (voice-over): Because of her outburst, Jeffrey was unable to secure tickets on the third flight.

Leilani, Kea, Debra, and Bob all take their tickets for the third flight and head to the gate; after this, Ray and Jamal, currently in tenth place, and Carrie and Dana, currently in eleventh place, arrive at the ticket counter.

Carrie approaches the ticket counter as the other three hang back.

Carrie: I need four tickets to Montreal.

(confessional) Dana: Carrie and I latched onto Ray and Jamal at the airport. They're kind of at that stage where they don't get along, like Carrie and I were when I was her student. I told them, just hang in there and don't be too rough on each other; things will get better. And let Carrie buy your tickets. Which is good for them because she helps them out, and it's still good for us because we make sure we sit ahead of them and get out first.

Phil (voice-over): Four teams are on the third flight to Montreal, scheduled to arrive at 5:12 PM. Leilani and Kea, Debra and Bob, Ray and Jamal, and Carrie and Dana are all on this flight.

Guard (to Jeffrey): If you have calmed down, we will allow you on the flight.

Jeffrey (exasperated): Fine. Let me go.

Bryan: Now come on. Act like a human being for once.

Jeffrey: Don't talk to me like that.

(confessional) Bryan: Jeffrey's very volatile and can be very demanding. I used to let her get to me, but now, I just let her scream all she wants and act like a crazy person, and while she's doing it, I pretend I don't know her. At this point, it's the only way I'll ever win.

At this point, an out-of-breath Bobby and Caroline arrive at the airport. Caroline approaches the ticket counter.

Caroline: We need to get to Montreal fast.

Phil (voice-over): The fourth flight to Montreal goes through Charlotte and Newark, and it carried Jeffrey and Bryan as well as Bobby and Caroline. At this point, all teams are on their way to Montreal.

The first flight lands at 3:16 PM Montreal time; Steve and Darius get off the plane first, followed by Hayley and Alexis, who try to pass them on foot but fail.

Darius (to Hayley and Alexis): Eat my dust, bitches.

Both teams pile into the show-provided GMC SUVs; Darius takes the lead on Alexis, and the camera follows them to the Hudson Bay Company, outside of which is a clue box.

Steve and Darius, currently in first place. Steve takes a clue out of the box and opens it, revealing a blue Route Marker pamphlet inside.

Steve: Travel to historic McGill University--

Cut to Phil in front of an old building on McGill's campus.

Phil: Teams must travel to Montreal's famed McGill University and find the oldest building on campus. What they have to figure out is that this is the Arts building, outside of which they will receive their next clue.

Darius: Let's go.

Steve and Darius rush into their SUV and speed away; almost a full minute behind them are Hayley and Alexis, who arrive at the clue box.

Alexis: Travel to historic McGill University and find the oldest building on campus. Which one is that?

Hayley: Let's find someone there and ask.

Alexis: I don't exactly know Montreal very well; let's stop and ask for directions.

Cut to Steve and Darius arriving at McGill University; almost instinctively, they locate the Arts building. An out-of-breath Darius grabs the clue, and Steve takes it and opens it.

Steve: Detour, "Student" or Athlete"?

Cut to Phil outside the Arts building again.

Phil: A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In this detour, teams must choose between two things associated with college campuses. Their choices? "Student" or "Athlete."

Cut to inside the Arts building, an old, dimly-lit building with numerous books and paintings on the walls.

Phil: In "Student," teams must go inside the building and search every room for the profiles of the seven Nobel Laureates hanging on the wall. Below each one is a placard, and they must take the correct seven placards to the librarian, who will hand them their next clue. The task is not physical, but searching for seven names among hundreds along with the research needed to find the seven names may take a long time.

Cut to Phil on the football field at Molson Stadium.

Phil: In "Athlete," teams must find Molson Stadium on campus and kick three footballs through the uprights. They have to kick a ball 20 yards, 30 yards, and 40 yards, and then they have to drop-kick a ball 60 yards. After accomplishing this, the referee will hand them their next clue. The task isn't for the non-athletic, but those with a good foot could finish quickly.

Cut to Steve and Darius outside the Arts building.

Darius: I don't know what the hell a Nobel Laureate is.

Steve: Athlete then?

Darius: Sure.

Cut to Hayley and Alexis arriving at the Arts building and opening the clue.

Hayley: Student or Athlete?

Alexis: Whatever Athlete is, I'm sure I can handle it.

Cut to the second fight landing in Montreal at 4:57 Montreal time. Alex and Elena are off the plane first, followed by Reggie and Dan, Tina and Jim, and Spike and Jennifer. Tina and Jim pass Reggie and Dan and get into fourth place. Spike is shown to take out a roll of Life Savers candy and bite off three candies at once.

Spike (holding out roll): Life-Saver?

Jennifer: No thanks.

(confessional) Jennifer: Here we are in a race for a million dollars, and there's Spike chomping on what had to be half a roll of Life-Savers and leisurely heading off the plane. Sometimes, she cares more about feeding her own addictions than about the task at hand.

Cut to Tina and Jim, who pass Alex and Elena and get to their car first.

Team confessional between Tina and Jim.

Jim: We passed two other teams on our way out of the airport. They just didn't seem to care that we blew right by them.

Tina: And there was Spike dawdling along at the back of the pack. If I took a shot every time I saw that girl pop a No-Doz, I'd be passed out pretty quickly.

Cut to Tina and Jim, currently in third place, followed by a quick cut to Alex and Elena, currently in fourth place, and Reggie and Dan, currently in fifth place.

The screen then cuts to Spike and Jennifer, currently in sixth place. Spike is ambling through the airport; she tosses a No-Doz in her mouth as if performing a bar trick, and after taking a few more steps, does it again.

Jennifer reaches over and grabs Spike's No-Doz, spilling them everywhere.

Spike: What the hell? Now I have to go pick every one of those up, and--

Jennifer: Forget the damn No-Doz; hurry up and go!

Spike starts to walk faster, giving Jennifer no warning.

Cut to the third flight landing in Montreal at 5:12 Montreal time. Ray and Jamal are off the plane first, followed by Carrie and Dana, Debra and Bob, and Leilani and Kea.

Cut to Tina and Jim arriving at the Hudson Bay company, followed by Alex and Elena and then Reggie and Dan.

Cut to Steve and Darius at Molson Stadium. Hayley and Alexis have caught up and are at the other end of the field trying to do the same task.

Steve kicks from 20 yards out and hits the crossbar; the ball counces back out.

Darius runs back with a ball while, at the other end of the field, Alexis splits the uprights with a kick from 20 yards and moves back to 30.

Hayley takes the first kick from 30 yards, and although it has the distance, it is wide left.

Darius kicks one through the uprights at 20 yards, and Steve attempts from 30 yards, missing well short.

Cut to Alex and Elena arriving at McGill University and finding the Arts building.

Alex: Student or Athlete?

Elena: I can do Student. Besides, I'm sure it's less busy.

Alex and Elena dash into the Arts building and run into a room with several pictures on the wall, each with a placard beneath. The one that the camera zooms in on is that of Val Logsdon Fitch, whom Elena takes.

Cut to Tina and Jim, who arrive at the Arts building.

Jim: Let's do Athlete.

(confessional) Jim: I played football in high school and college, and I was pretty good, so I figured Athlete was more up my alley, especially after reading Student.

Cut to Tina and Jim arriving at Molson Stadium. As they arrive, Darius kicks a 40-yard field goal, and Alexis misses one from that distance. Steve runs with a ball to 60 yards from the goal line to attempt the drop-kick as Jim lines up for a 20-yard field attempt.

Jim's attempt is perfect, and it is followed by a 30-yard kick by Tina that goes through the uprights as well. When Jim kicks a 40-yars field goal, Tina runs to the same line as Steve did and lines up for a kick.

Soon, Hayley kicks the 40-yard field goal, and Alexis lines up for a drop-kick.

Cut to Reggie and Dan arriving at the Arts building.

Reggie: Student or Athlete?

Dan: We better do Athlete.

The two head off to Molson Stadium.

Cut to Ray and Jamal, currently in sixth place, arriving at the Arts building. Soon after, Carrie and Dana, currently in seventh place, arrive. Ray and Jamal opt for Athlete; Carrie and Dana opt for Student.

Cut to Alex and Elena inside the Arts building. They have five placards but are looking for two more; the screen shows that they are missing Ernest Rutherford and Robert Mundell.

Alex: We've been all over this building.

Elena: It has to be in here. I know we're looking for one more.

The camera zooms in on Elena's top placard, reading "Sir Frederick Banting," which is not correct.

Elena: This is so frustrating. Just one more name.

Alex: Do you want to do the other option?

Elena: No; just let me focus!

The camera shows them mere feet away from the profile of Robert Mundell; they are shown not to be looking at it.

The screen cuts to commercial.

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2. "The Amazing Race: Expedition Premiere - "You Ever Eaten a Boot This Size?""
Blog Entry, 09/09/2008
Authored by: Judith Sparks, girlpowercluberis

For those of you ladies reading, this is Judith of Club Eris, the club that Hayley and Alexis helped me found. If not for the club, I might have joined Hayley or Alexis on the Amazing Race, but of the three of us, I'm the busiest, and the show must go on, so they're there for me, just like they always have been.

I still remember the weekend when we came up with the idea for Club Eris. It was three years ago, and I was in a really bad relationship with this guy. He was a total drunk, and he came home and attacked me. This was the fourth time that week he attacked me, and I was feeling pretty defenseless up to that point. I was bruised, battered, and feeling ashamed of myself. I was wondering how I got myself into this, but at the same time, I felt like I couldn't leave and didn't really deserve to.

The guy was a drunk, and he passed out soon after. I sat crying for a while, hoping he didn't wake up because he'd surely beat the hell out of me for crying, when there was a knock at the door. Normally, I wasn't allowed to answer the door, but he was passed out, so what the hell, I did.

Two people in disguise grabbed me, blindfolded me, and stuffed me in the back seat of their car - a police cruiser that Alexis had "borrowed." I yelled, screamed, and demanded to be taken back to my alcoholic boyfriend. Needless to say, they didn't exactly go along with my demands.

They brought me to Hayley's apartment and tied me to a chair, telling me I wasn't going anywhere until they "brought me back to my senses." I was safe, and I actually felt a little safer than at my place.

We laughed, told stories, and bonded over the weekend, but they never untied me except to go to the bathroom. I had to sleep tied to the chair. It would have made a good Lifetime movie, especially the closing scene where I walked out with the plans for Club Eris.

I got a place of my own, worked enough to take out a business loan, and bought what became Club Eris a year later. My ex got sober and begged me to take him back - we're pretty good friends, actually; he's a nice guy when he's not drunk, but I'd never date him again. He treats his current girlfriend like a queen, though. He has to - she won't settle for anything less.

None of the girls at the club do. And that's one reason I like Hayley and Alexis' chances on the Amazing Race - they don't put up with crap from people. They're very shrewd negotiators, and they don't flip out like that psycho Jeffrey. Seriously, what the hell was that?

The million that the girls win will go toward the club and improvements to security and upkeep - you know, the kind of things that we would do anyway, just faster. And maybe a few new bouncers. I'm thinking Hellga from American Gladiators.

Blog entry, 09/09/2008
Authored by: William Carsten, wcarsten062874

Yes, you have me to thank; I'm the man who introduced Bryan to Jeffrey. I did it almost by accident, and they didn't acknowledge me at the wedding, but if not for me, the two of them wouldn't have met, gotten married, had three kids, and started on their great business venture together.

Actually, when I met Bryan in college, he had plans. They didn't involve working for his father, they didn't involve marriage or children, and they didn't involve his home state or even his home country. See, he had this dream of becoming a shrewd investor, starting his own firm, and setting up shop somewhere - his dream? South Korea. He had several Korean friends, and he always talked about how the North Korean government would collapse any day. His plan was simple - get big money in South Korea, wait for the regime up north to fall, help step in, revitalize the economy - and make a killing.

Bryan Masters Jr. would be the effective new emperor of the Korean peninsula. And I honestly thought he could do it. Just one problem - I had strangely befriended this odd woman named Jeffrey a week earlier, and in talking to her, I bumped into Bryan, casually introduced the two, and ten minutes later, they had completely forgotten I was around.

Bryan ditched all those Korean buddies of his, scrapped his plans to leave the country, and settled into a position at his father's construction company. His plan changed from taking over North Korea to taking over his home state. Not that he couldn't do that, but really, what's the joy in owning all of Ohio? I high-tailed it to California for a reason.

Bryan's taking this opportunity to see the world because he never got it in college. It's his own way of sewing his wild oats - that and getting into more trouble with "unconfirmed" affairs. Hey, whatever makes him happy.

Back from commercial.

Elena: This is so frustrating. Just one more name.

Alex: Do you want to do the other option?

Elena: No; just let me focus!

At this point, Alex turns his head and sees the name "Robert Mundell."

Alex: Ah-ha. Here it is.

Elena: We're done.

The two giddily run to the librarian and hand her the placards. She takes an immediate look at them and shakes her head as if to say they are wrong.

Alex: What did we do? We have seven!

Librarian: Not all of these are right. Try again.

Alex and Elena frustratedly walk away from the desk and thumb through the placards.

Elena: This has to be right. Which of these are wrong?

Cut to Molson Stadium, where Steve and Darius, Hayley and Alexis, and Tina and Jim are attempting the drop-kick portion of the Athlete option. Reggie and Dan are on the 30-yard attempt, while Ray and Jamal are on the 20-yard attempt.

Tina drop-kicks the ball and it sails through the air, appearing to pass a cloud in the sky, but it lands a mere 20 yards ahead.

Tina: Damnit.

Team confessional, Hayley and Alexis.

Hayley: Kicking those footballs took a lot more practice than I thought it would.

Alexis: I felt like we were there for hours, and then other teams caught up to us. Brokeback Mountain struggled, but then USC caught up to us, Mississippi was on our heels, and the Hogettes were there, too.

Hayley: So our little two-horse race turned into a five-horse race.

Cut to Darius kicking a perfect ball from right behind the line they were standing on. Without landing, it falls into the end zone.

Steve and Darius exchange a high-five as the referee hands them their next clue.

Darius (on the sideline): Fly to San Juan, Puerto Rico.

Cut to Phil by a Puerto Rican landmark.

Phil: Teams must now fly over 1,900 miles from Montreal to San Juan, Puerto Rico. Once there, they will look for the San Juan Gate, where they will receive their next clue.

Cut to Carrie and Dana at the Student option. They have six placards in their hands and are passing a frustrated Alex and Elena, who cannot find their mistake.

Dana: We're still looking for Rudolph Marcus. We have the others.

Carrie: I've looked in every room I can think of.

Dana: What about the one where we found the first guy?

Carrie: I didn't see him in there.

Dana: We weren't looking for him at the time! Let me check.

(confessional) Carrie: If not for the fact that football is just not my sport, I would never have gone along with Dana picking that Detour option. I can never do searching things, but we didn't have a choice.

Dana peers out the door to the room with an excited look on her face.

Dana: Carrie! I found it! Come on!

Team confessional, Carrie and Dana.

Dana: I came through, I guess.

Carrie: Maybe I need to start trusting you more often.

Dana: Does that mean I get to make all the decision?

Carrie: Hey, I'm still the one with all the experience.

Dana: Hey now...

Carrie: Well, that's what you go telling me.

Dana: Hey, I need someone to balance my youthful exuberance and strength.

The two laugh and slap their thighs.

Cut to Carrie and Dana turning in their placards to the librarian. She thumbs through them and hands them their next clue.

Dana: Thank you.

Carrie: Merci. (Subtitle: Thank you.)

The two open their clue out of earshot from Alex and Elena.

Carrie: Fly to San Juan, Puerto Rico. We're flying again?

Cut to Molson Stadium, where four different teams are still attempting the Athlete option.

At the same time, Jim and Alexis both get off strong kicks. Both balls sail through the air and land near the goal line. One lands just beyond it; the other lands just short and rolls backward.

Cut to Jim pumping his fist in celebration and Alexis throwing her hands up in frustration.

Tina and Jim open their clue on the sideline.

Hayley delivers a booming kick that looks even better than Jim's did, and as predicted, it lands inside the end zone.

Hayley and Alexis take their clue and leave as Reggie and Dan begin the drop-kick portion.

Cut to Spike and Jennifer arriving at the Arts building. Spike is chewing gum.

Jennifer: Student or Athlete? I think we better do Student.

Cut to Alex and Elena thumbing through a book.

Alex: Elena? Look here. We were wrong about Sir Frederick Banting. That placard was no good.

Elena: Well, who did we miss?

(confessional) Alex: I had to go looking through individual encyclopedia entries to find out details on the Nobel Laureates. It wasn't fun, but I found what I needed.

Alex and Elena bring up their corrected placards to the librarian, who nods in approval and hands them their next clue.

Elena: Fly to San Juan, Puerto Rico. Let's go.

Cut to Debra and Bob arriving at the Arts building.

Debra: let's do Athlete, shall we?

Bob: Beats the hell out of the other one.

Soon after, Leilani and Kea arrive.

Leilani: I think we should do Student.

Kea: Let's go.

Cut to Molson Stadium, where Debra and Bob have just arrived. Reggie kicks a long, line-drive kick that clears the end zone and continues to bounce.

Dan: Damn, nice kick.

Reggie opens the clue on the sideline, and the team leaves the stadium.

Ray tries to kick the ball, but he falls at least ten yards short. Jamal does the same, and he's about five yards short.

Ray: Make sure you drop the ball flat. It won't work otherwise.

Jamal: I'm trying; it always flops around.

Ray: Nice and easy. You're about our only hope.

Jamal visibly becomes upset, drops a ball, and boots it a good distance, Unfortunately, it lands in the seats.

Ray: Now do that, but aim for the end zone.

Jamal: F--- this.

Ray: Do you want to switch options?

Jamal: If you know so damn much about kicking footballs, why don't you get it in the end zone?

Ray: I can't; you're the strong one.

Jamal: You wouldn't know that by all the damn yelling you're doing.

Ray: Just shut up and kick the football, Jamal. No one wants to listen to you bitch and complain.

(confessional) Jamal: I knew Ray and I couldn't get through a leg without fighting, and it looks like my suspicions were confirmed.

Jamal: The football doesn't fall like that.

Ray: It needs to.

Jamal: Well, it doesn't.

Ray: Are you going to sit here and yell at me or are you going to kick the football?

Jamal: What the hell's the difference? Even once I clear the goal line, you won't be happy! You've never been happy!

Ray: What would you know about happy?

Jamal: A lot more than you, your humorless bastard!

Ray: The hell with this. I'm out of here.

Ray walks away frustratedly and spits on the field as Jamal wrenches his hands.

The screen cuts to commercial.

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02-19-08, 12:13 PM (EST)
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3. "The Amazing Race: Expedition Premiere - "You Ever Eaten a Boot This Size?""
Blog entry, 09/08/2008
Authored by: Taylor Nabors, blueinbiloxi

Hi everyone; this is Taylor, daughter of Ray and fiancée of Jamal, the Amazing Race team that will be bringing home the million bucks...that is, if they can avoid killing each other. They describe their relationship in a number of negative ways. None of them are strong enough. The only good thing I can say is that they've never gotten into a fistfight.

Most of the problem stems from the fact that my father is very tough on me and expects me to be with someone who's equally tough on himself. I think that's part of the reason I dated Jamal. He wasn't really the kind of person who took everything too seriously, he got by on what he already knew and didn't feel all the pressure to be better than everyone else - and it drove Dad crazy.

For most of our time together, Jamal's smoking never bothered me; he sucks on breath mints, cleans his teeth really well, and he only smokes about a half-pack a day, less than what I've gone through in a night of just social smoking at a bar. But Dad lost an uncle to lung cancer, so he's really uptight about it, plus Mom's allergic to smoke, so that's been a bit of a point of contention between them. That and the fact that Jamal's goal in life is to manage the casino he works at.

Or so he says, anyway. That's just the goal he thinks he can get by on, and he went on the Race to win money, plain and simple. I was going to go with him, but I'm too young, and I suggested that he and my dad go together. Jamal laughed, and Dad dismisses the idea. I'm still not sure how I got them to go through it, but they did.

Just one thing I have as a suggestion to the two - Dad, do something for once. Jamal did the Detour and the Roadblock. Chip in a bit. You have strengths, too. This isn't just a way to make half a million dollars off the back of your future son-in-law and then turn around and continue to resent him. Sometimes I wonder if Jamal will ever be good enough in your eyes.

Blog entry, 09/08/2008
Authored by: Natasha Gordeeva, russianprincess

I'll just open by saying this - I'm not bitter. Not at all. I'm actually happy for Dana getting to run around the world with a gorgeous older woman that she's such good friends with...damnit, Natasha, it's OK; Carrie has a boyfriend...nothing's going to happen...OK, I'm done now.

Yes, I'm Dana's girlfriend. I'm also a former student of Carrie's. I'm two years younger than Dana, and if I hadn't waited to transfer to her high school until right after Dana graduated, I would definitely have been dating her for a lot longer than just a year and a half. We just couldn't keep our eyes off each other. It must have been that, because there's no way in hell we would have picked each other up any other way - we both thought the other had to be straight.

I think the problem the producers had was that they really wanted Carrie and her boyfriend Rex, who, by the way, is a hell of a nice guy, and they wanted me and Dana for another season. But damned if Rex didn't get sick, and damned if they still wanted Carrie. And damned if I wasn't too young, so guess who got to go and guess who didn't?

On the other hand, I'm pleased that they at least cast one Russian, even if he's...well, a guy, and I have to listen to my friends yak about how hot they think he is while he just doesn't do anything for me. Now Elena...a nice girl with an accent and some skill who isn't standing next to Phil checking people in.

As for my girls, I'm happy with whatever they win. Dana's going to be able to pay off her student loans in two years with what she'll be making at a law firm, and once I get out of medical school, I can make sure Rex gets all the care he needs. And all the eye candy. Even if he's not my type.

It's OK. Really, it is. I could be out there. Damn you, Rex.

Back from commercial.

Ray: Are you going to sit here and yell at me or are you going to kick the football?

Jamal: What the hell's the difference? Even once I clear the goal line, you won't be happy! You've never been happy!

Ray: What would you know about happy?

Jamal: A lot more than you, your humorless bastard!

Ray: The hell with this. I'm out of here.

Ray storms off as Jamal turns and drop-kicks a perfectly-dropped ball; it arcs high, and it flies through the goalposts. Jamal pumps his fists and runs over to the referee, rejoining a somewhat miffed Ray.

Spike reaches for the placard underneath Ernest Rutherford, and a glance at her left hand shows she has four placards.

Spike dashes out, where Jennifer is idly waiting.

Spike: Do you have any placards?

Jennifer: No; why the hell would I--

Spike: You stupid bitch! You just sat here while I worked my ass of and got all these names? First you spill all my No-Doz and now--

By this point, Jennifer has taken out three placards, none of which match the ones Spike has, and has a grin on her face.

Spike: What the hell? You have them? You little bitch. I almost s--- myself.

Jennifer: I wish you had.

Spike takes the placards up to the librarian, who nods approvingly and hands them their next clue.

Cut to Molson Stadium, where Debra is attempting a drop-kick, but it goes only 25 yards.

Bob: Hold it out in front of you, like the punters on TV.

Debra: I don't watch football; why the hell would I know what you're talking about?

Team confessional, Debra and Bob.

Debra: I seriously had no idea what I was doing.

Bob: I was trying to coach her, but Debra doesn't watch football, so it's a little challenging.

Debra: He's trying to tell me in some language I don't understand. He might as well have been speaking Chinese.

Cut to Molson Stadium, where Bob has delivered a booming kick that lands in the end zone. Debra and Bob then grab their clue and leave the stadium.

Cut to the Arts building, where Leilani and Kea are frantically searching every corner of the building looking for placards. Kea has two; Leilani has three.

Kea (to herself): David Hunter Hubel...that or Andrzej do you spell Andrzej?

(confessional) Kea: The Detour was really hard because I didn't know half the time what I was looking for, and it was almost like I had to carry around an encyclopedia just to keep on top of half the names I was trying to find.

Kea runs into Leilani.

Leilani: How many do you have?

Kea: Three now.

Leilani: Did you find that Andrzej Schally guy?

Kea: No; did you look in that far room?

Leilani: No; I missed it. Let's check.

Leilani and Kea scramble to the far room; Kea trips over her feet on the way in, so Leilani runs ahead.

Leilani (to herself): Just look for any funny-looking names...

Leilani scans the wall, and the name "Andrzej W. Schally" appears on the bottom right.

Leilani looks in a different part of the room.

Leilani: It's not in here--

As she says that, Kea peeks around the corner.

Kea: Look again, sis.

Kea points to the corner where the picture is located.

Leilani: I looked all over this room; how did you find it?

Kea shrugs her shoulders as Leilani grabs the placard, and the two girls go to the librarian's desk, where they receive their clue.

Cut to Montreal-Pierre Trudeau International Airport, where Steve and Darius, Carrie and Dana, Tina and Jim, Hayley and Alexis, Reggie and Dan, Alex and Elena, Ray and Jamal, and Spike and Jennifer. All have purchased tickets for flights to San Juan Puerto Rico.

Cut to Debra and Bob, currently in ninth place, dashing into the airport and racing for a ticket counter.

Bob: What's the fastest flight to San Juan, Puerto Rico?

The agent takes a moment to look it up.

Agent: We have a flight that leaves at 7:46 tonight, goes through Philadelphia and Boston, and arrives at 10:25 AM tomorrow morning.

Bob: You've seen other people come through here like us?

Agent: Yes.

Bob: Do they have earlier flights?

Agent: No, sir. All flights arrive at 10:25 AM tomorrow morning.

Phil (voice-over): All teams except for Jeffrey and Bryan and Bobby and Caroline are on flights that will put them in San Juan, Puerto Rico at 10:25 AM the next morning.

Cut to Flight #4 arriving in Montreal at 6:40 PM Montreal time. Jeffrey and Bryan are off the plane first; Bobby and Caroline are behind, and Bobby takes his time getting off the plane.

Caroline: Hurry up, Bobby! We're in last place!

Bobby: Shut up already! I'm going as fast as I--

Caroline (screaming) Damnit, Bobby; I'm so f------ sick of hearing that bulls--- excuse! Hurry the f--- up already!

Bobby stands and appears to pout.

Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan arriving at their car; Bryan is driving.

Jeffrey: OK, we need to follow this map to the Hudson Bay Company. And where the hell are the other teams?

Bryan: We're in next-to-last place. It's OK as long as we make up the time.

Jeffrey: I wanted the prize at the end of the leg.

Bryan: We'll get prizes later as long as we stay ahead of Colorado.

Jeffrey: That Bobby is such a whiny little bastard. I wish Caroline would just slap him.

(confessional) Jeffrey: OK, so I'm not always easy to put up with. But I'm not half as bad at Bobby. I don't think anyone is as bad as Bobby.

Cut to Bobby and Caroline outside the airport. Bobby looks over the last remaining Race-provided car.

Bobby: They want us to ride around this city in that? That's the ugliest thing I've ever--

Caroline: Get in the car, shut up, and let's go!

Bobby does as Caroline commands, and the two are off.

Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan at the Hudson Bay Company. They quickly grab their clue and head to McGill University, and outside, they see the Detour.

Bryan: Student or Athlete? I know you hate searching.

Jeffrey: Whichever one isn't searching, then.

Bryan: How far can you kick a football?

Jeffrey: I don't do football.

Bryan: Well, it's either that or searching.

Jeffrey: Fine; I'll do the football.

Cut to Bobby and Caroline, currently in last place, outside the Hudson Bay Company. Bobby doesn't even get out of the car, while Caroline goes, grabs the clue, and gets back in the driver's seat.

Cut to Molson Stadium, where Bryan has just kicked a 30-yard field goal. Jeffrey attempts a 40-yard field goal.

Her attempt lands about 15 yards short.

Jeffrey: This is all I can kick.

Bryan: I should have been a kicker.

Bryan runs up to the tee, boots the ball with all his might, and it splits the uprights.

Jeffrey saunters over to grab a ball to drop kick.

Bryan: Pick up the pace! We don't want to be last!

Jeffrey (to herself): We won't be.

Jeffrey's first kick is weak and lands only 20 yards out. Bryan grabs a ball and does the same.

The two alternate shots two times, and finally, Bryan delivers a booming punt that lands in the end zone.

Jeffrey and Bryan, currently in 11th place. They leave Molson Stadium for the airport.

Cut to Bobby and Caroline, currently in last place, arriving at the Arts building.

Bobby: We're doing Student.

Caroline: Don't lose your patience.

Bobby: I won't.

(confessional) Caroline: I needed Bobby like there was no tomorrow out there. I was crossing my fingers he would deliver.

Cut to Bobby and Caroline, currently in last place, inside the Arts building. Bobby is perusing a wall with several profiles on it.

The camera zooms to the name "Andrzen Schally," which Bobby has overlooked twice.

(confessional) Bobby: The easiest place to hide something from me is right in front of me. And that felt like what was going on. It should have been right there, and it was, but I wasn't seeing it.

Cut to Caroline, who has found her fifth placard and is looking in the same room with the name "Rudolph Marcus."

Caroline (to herself): Just Rudolph Marcus and that Andrzej guy...too bad I have to do this all myself...ah-ha. There it is.

Caroline dashes up and takes the placard with Rudolph Marcus on it; she runs out of the room.

Cut to the room with Bobby in it; Caroline walks in while a frustrated Bobby is looking all over the wall for Andrzej Schally.

Caroline: I have six placards.

Bobby: I have none. I can't find that Andrzej Schally guy.

Caroline stands next to Bobby and looks over the wall with him. Before long, she finds the name.

Bobby: Wha--how did you do that?

Caroline: Try looking with your eyes open.

Bobby and Caroline hand their placards to the librarian, take their clue, and head out.

Cut to Montreal-Pierre Trudeau International Airport, where Jeffrey and Bryan are waiting with their tickets. Bobby and Caroline arrive out of breath.

Bryan (to Bobby and Caroline): Next flight is at 6:00 AM tomorrow; it gets in at 12:41 San Juan--

Jeffrey (firmly): Don't do that! They'll get on our flight!

Bryan: They were getting on our flight anyway; who the hell wants to fly at six in the damn morning?

Cut to the plane carrying both teams taking off from Montreal at 6:00 AM the next morning.

Cut to the first flight arriving in San Juan at 10:24 AM San Juan time. This flight is carrying Steve and Darius, Carrie and Dana, Tina and Jim, and Hayley and Alexis.

Steve and Darius are first off the plane, followed closely by Tina and Jim. Carrie and Dana drop to fourth place.

Steve stops to ask an official-looking person for directions.

Steve: Do you know how to get to San Juan Gate?

Guard: Yes, let me write it down for you.

Cut to Tina and Jim, currently in first place.

Team confessional, Tina and Jim.

Tina: We got out of the airport, and it was like a madhouse. We went from being in third place after the Detour to being in first place because our competition got tripped up.

Jim: We had the advantage, and we pounced on it. Sometimes it's rough to kick people while they're down, but if we have an advantage, like our raw strength and Tina's navigating ability, we have to use it.

Cut to Tina and Jim, currently in first place, arriving at the San Juan Gate. They run up to it and grab their clue.

Inside is a blue Route Marker pamphlet.

Tina: Travel to Catano--

Cut to Phil on the northern coast of Puerto Rico.

Phil: Teams must travel to Catano on the northern edge of the island of Puerto Rico. Here, they will find the distillery for world-famous Bacardi rum and their next clue.

Jim: I've always been a whiskey guy, but I'd never turn down rum.

Tina: Come on, Jimbo; you'd like rum. It puts hair on your head.

Jim flashes a dirty look at Tina.

The screen cuts to commercial.

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4. "The Amazing Race: Expedition Premiere - "You Ever Eaten a Boot This Size?""
Blog Entry, 09/09/2008
Authored by: Heather Cross, iwannabeasuperstar

Hi, Race fans; I'm Heather, a.k.a. Caroline's friend and Bobby's would-have-been boyfriend. Bobby asked me out about a month before he asked Caroline out; at the time, I had a boyfriend, and Caroline didn't, so they ended up being a couple.

Let me just clear a few things up - the relationship between those two? Every bit as real as it seems. Bobby really does complain that much, he's careless, lazy, and resists pretty much all forms of help. He lists himself as an "actor" because he doesn't want to list himself as "professional TV watcher." And I know he didn't do anything at the Detour because he had to be sitting there complaining about how bored he was rather than going and searching for those names. And it's not like the other option would have been better; Caroline doesn't have the foot strength, and Bobby doesn't care.

I'd say that I'm glad I didn't get involved in that, and I am, but let's be honest - my boyfriend's the same way. Caroline and I always wanted to date motivated, headstrong guys who made money and did things, and we're both with guys who don't work and don't lift a finger. Not exactly what we had in mind, but you can't help who you love.

Unfortunately, Caroline can't carry Bobby on her back; he's going to have to change if he wants to do anything on the Race. I'm not saying he has to turn into Superman, but at least he has to help. He sat and pouted the entire time, and even Jeffrey called him a baby. When Jeffrey says you're acting childish, you need to step back and think about it.

If Bobby completes a Roadblock successfully, I think that will change his tune, and if Caroline's smart, she'll make him do the first one. I don't care what it is; even if it's giving birth, Bobby needs to do it.

Blog entry, 09/09/2008
Authored by: Kina Mokihana, makingmywayinhawaii

Stop me if you've heard this before. A young woman leaves her rural upbringing, heads to the big city, tries to make it on her own, seems to fail, and settles into a constant struggle. It's my life - and in the big city of Honolulu, I'm far from alone.

My roommate, Kea Kamanu, is on the Amazing Race with her younger sister Leilani. Until now, like me, neither had ever left the Hawaiian Islands, and from the way Kea talks about Leilani, I'm surprised her little sis wants to. Leilani has even called Kea "a complete idiot" for trying to make it in Honolulu or, heaven forbid, Las Vegas, where Kea dreams of being a performer. I'm not sure what kind of performer, though; she can't sing, she doesn't like to dance, and she doesn't really approve of gambling.

However, Kea has one thing going for her - she's completely insane and desperate. She'll keep trying until she succeeds, even if it means doing something that's so far out there it doesn't even register. That trick Danni pulled on Survivor? Kea thought of it first. She was literally sitting in our apartment during the episode before the one where Danni did that, and she said, "You know, if Paula wanted to be a real bitch, she'd say she slept with Charlie just to get back at Danni." This was before Charlie said he and Danni were just acting, so she thought it was Paula who would do something uncalled for to the fake couple. At least she came closer to getting the "dirty trick" right than I did - I thought Cirie would do something like swearing on Charlie and Danni's relationship that she would be loyal. I'm no good at dirty tricks.

I'm picturing Kea going to the end, even if she doesn't win, and if she gets eliminated sooner, I'm predicting an outburst from her at Phil and that poor, defenseless greeter about all the idiots who finished last but got spared elimination while she gets screwed. She'll end up on YouTube with it somehow under the title "Race contestant goes psycho!" delivering a rant that would make the likes of Rosie O'Donnell, Tyra Banks, and Omarosa Manigault Stallworth blush. Meanwhile, all Phil can do is stand there, raise his eyebrow, and adjust his turtleneck.

Hey Kea, by the way, can I borrow fifty bucks?

Back from commercial.

Jim: I've always been a whiskey guy, but I'd never turn down rum.

Tina: Come on, Jimbo; you'd like rum. It puts hair on your head.

Jim flashes a dirty look at Tina.

Tina: Sorry, Jim; I know that was out of line.

(confessional) Jim: Since I was thirteen, I've had a condition called alopecia, where my hair fell out and no new hair grew back in. As a result, all through high school and college, I've been bald. I just got used to it to the point where stupid people calling me a "skinhead" don't even bother me anymore.

Cut to the Bacardi distillery. Tina and Jim, currently in first place, arrive and open the clue.

Inside is a read Roadblock envelope.

Jim: Roadblock. Who's ready to drink to their success?

Cut to Phil on a catwalk in the Bacardi distillery.

Phil: A Roadblock is a task that only one person may perform. In this Roadblock, that person must do the job of a machine and fill fifty bottles with Bacardi rum. All the bottles have to be put into crates after having been collected, and they have to be filled to the red line, with any excess being dried off. If the supervisor determines that the player is wasting too much rum, he may provide further instructions, and if it happens again, he may issue a time penalty of 10 minutes per violation. Once all fifty bottles are filled, the supervisor will hand them their next clue.

Tina: Go for it.

Jim: OK.

Jim darts into the building and begins to look for the assembly line.

Cut to Flight #2 arriving in San Juan at 10:57 AM San Juan time. The flight was delayed in Boston. It carries Alex and Elena, Reggie and Dan, Ray and Jamal, Spike and Jennifer, Debra and Bob, and Leilani and Kea.

First to depart the plane is Alex and Elena, followed by Reggie and Dan. Debra and Bob stumble and are knocked into tenth place.

Alex (to Elena): We find our car and just go, and if we need directions, we get them on the street.

Elena: I know exactly where we're going.

Alex: Are you sure?

Elena: As sure as I've ever been about anything.

(confessional) Elena: I was talking to a man in Montreal who was from San Juan, and he told me everything we need to know about the city.

Cut to Hayley and Alexis, currently in second place, arriving at the Bacardi distillery.

Hayley: Roadblock. Who's ready to drink to their success? If it's about drinking rum, I better do it.

Cut to inside the Bacardi distillery, where Jim has already begun to bottle rum, but he has nowhere near 50 bottles. Hayley dashes in, dons safety equipment, and begins to work, but is trailing Jim by about ten bottles.

Cut to outside the distillery, where Steve and Darius have arrived at the Roadblock.

Darius: I guess I'll do this one.

Darius runs into the building and puts on the safety equipment; a flash to Jim shows that he has completed about 15 bottles to Hayley's four or five.

Cut to Carrie and Dana, currently in fourth place.

Dana: I love rum. I'll do it.

Cut to Alex and Elena, currently in fifth place, on their way from the San Juan Gate.

Alex: We got out ahead of the other teams. If we work quickly, we can pass the other four.

Elena: Just our luck that the flight got delayed.

Alex: It's our fault for not getting there sooner; the faster teams got in right on time.

Elena: It's what we get for screwing around, I guess.

Team confessional, Alex and Elena.

Elena: The Detour was so frustrating, and it cost us our edge. Stanford passed us, and so did USC.

Alex: You sound like you're calling a college track meet.

Elena: At this point, I might as well be.

Alex laughs at Elena's comment.

Cut to Alex and Elena at the Roadblock.

Alex: Who's ready to drink to their success? I better do it.

Elena: Have fun.

Cut to inside the distillery. Jim is far ahead and more than half done. Darius, however, is struggling, and his hands are not steady. The supervisor walks over to Darius.

Supervisor: You need a steady hand. Here, watch.

The supervisor takes the machine and demonstrates for Darius; Darius nods as if to understand, and tries it himself, getting the same results he had before.

Supervisor: If you cannot keep it in the bottle, I will be forced to issue you a penalty.

Darius' hands are visibly shaking.

Darius: How far ahead of the other teams are we?

Phil (voice-over): If a player chooses not to complete a Roadblock, their team will be issued an immediate time penalty of four hours that starts when the next team arrives.

Darius steps off to the side for a moment and puts his head in his hands. Alex arrives and begins to work.

Jim is shown to have completed 40 bottles to Hayley's 19, Dana's 17, Darius' two, and soon, Alex reaches 10 bottles, passing Darius.

Cut to Jim, who is working very quickly and is wiping off the outsides of the bottles with every fill.

Jim (to himself): Most people are usually better at emptying these things.

Cut to outside the distillery, where Spike and Jennifer arrive at the same time as Ray and Jamal.

Ray: Who's ready to drink to their success? I'll let you do it.

Spike: Who's ready to drink to their success? I'll take it.

Jamal enters first, followed by Spike.

Cut to inside the distillery, where Jim is through 49 bottles and filling a final one. He steadies his hands, watches as the rum fills to the red line, wipes it off, and sets down the case. He calls over the supervisor, who inspects the job.

The supervisor takes out the clue.

Jim dashes out the door and meets up with Tina, who giddily applauds his effort.

She opens the clue and reads off from the blue Route Marker pamphlet.

Tina: Travel to Fort San Felipe del Morro--

Cut to Phil in front of the fort.

Phil: Teams must travel back to San Juan and find Fort San Felipe del Morro. This fort, built almost 500 years ago by Spanish settlers and today remains one of the most scenic points on the island, is the Pit Stop for this leg of the Race. The last team to check in here...may be eliminated.

Cut to Tina and Jim, who take off for the Pit Stop.

Cut to Reggie and Dan, currently in eighth place, who are arriving at the Roadblock, as they pass Tina and Jim, who are going the other way.

Reggie: Wait, someone's leaving already?

Dan: Well, damn; we're possibly screwed.

Reggie: Hey, I've only seen nine other teams. What happened to the other two?

Dan: Hopefully, still back in Montreal.

The two arrive at the clue.

Dan: I'll do this one.

Dan speed-walks into the distillery.

Cut to inside the distillery, where Alex has filled 35 bottles, Hayley just 32, Dana 29, and Darius is up to 18. Of the most recent arrivals, Spike is up to 10 and Jamal at eight.

Dan begins, and he appears to struggle, splashing rum everywhere.

The supervisor immediately walks up to him.

Supervisor: You must steady your hands. Here, let me show you.

Dan frustratedly gets out of the way as the supervisor takes over; he half-heartedly watches.

The supervisor turns control back over to Dan, who continues to make the same mistake.

He is shown to make that mistake three times; meanwhile, Alex is nearly finished.

The supervisor walks over frustratedly.

Supervisor: You need steady hands, and you have not learned. I am giving you a 10-minute penalty. Stop working for right now.

Dan throws his arms up in the air as if to give up.

The screen cuts to commercial.

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02-19-08, 12:16 PM (EST)
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5. "The Amazing Race: Expedition Premiere - "You Ever Eaten a Boot This Size?""
Blog entry, 09/08/2007
Authored by: Wade Blitzer, trojantrainer

As an escape from the busy life as a conditioning coach for the USC Trojans football team, I decided to blog my reflections on my hometown team in the Amazing Race.

First off, so you know Jim's terrible secret - he's terminally bald. He has been since he was 13, and his parents wouldn't let him reverse the process for reasons only they understand. All through high school, it bugged the hell out of him, but at college, it never touched him. I think that it's somehow acceptable to be different at college, and it never was in high school.

That said, Jim just finished college, and after two years of not being able to play football after his injury, I recommended that he try out for a show like this. He was completely against going on Survivor, but he could go on the Amazing Race with Tina, so he went for it. Besides, as he says, they can't vote him off the Amazing Race.

I think there are some people who will be offended that Tina made that crack at Jim's expense, but it's not a big deal, and she was more upset by it than he was. I can tell; I've been around the two of them an awful lot - I practically live in the film room and on the field with Jim, who's been promoted to running backs coach, so the more time he has for his girlfriend, the better.

Maybe they'll come out of it as a couple that doesn't live at their own places of work rather than as glorified friends who...well, live at their respective places of work. Coaching and medical residency are hard, but I look at the two of them, and they behave more like friends than a couple - they keep their hands to themselves, never do anything romantic, and talk to each other in almost a less familiar manner, as if they're addressing professionals.

On the plus side, I've never seen them fight. They should keep that up.

Blog entry, 09/08/2008
Authored by: Mike Gardner, hollywoodhillbilly

The best thing about Reggie and Dan going on the Amazing Race this summer? The fact that they were back home in time for the home opener, a rousing success, I might add. We're at least getting a little more respect now that two of our members have some face time on TV.

As far as being two middle-aged guys with potential back problems, Reggie and Dan are doing awesome. Like any good Redskins fan, I expect my guys to win; in this case, they look like they have a lot better odds than the 'Skins do. Reggie and Dan have to go through some pretty tough-looking teams to get to the top, but none that play like the Cowboys, Patriots, or even the where-the-hell-did-they-come-from 49ers.

I'm guessing that those two ravers, the bald football player, and the Mississippi team that doesn't get along are the toughest competition, assuming Jamal doesn't get lost drooling over Dana (note to Jamal: your girlfriend won't like you flirting with Dana, and neither will hers.)

I'm impressed with Reggie and Dan, though; I thought Dan wouldn't hack it as a Hogette and probably leave, but not only is he a hell of a fan, he's a hell of a learner. Sure, he stumbled at that Bacardi plant, but he recovered, and as long as they hang around in the middle of the pack, they'll be fine.

They have to win one leg, though. They promised Michael Torborg, a.k.a. Boss Hogette, that they would auction off any trips and first-place prizes for charity. And if they don't do it...well, we're just going to have to have a bunch of kids hurt them.

Back from commercial.

Dan has just made repeated mistakes in filling his rum bottles.

Supervisor: You need steady hands, and you have not learned. I am giving you a 10-minute penalty. Stop working for right now.

Dan throws his arms up in the air as if to give up.

Meanwhile, Alex is on his 50th bottle, and with his steady hands, he fills it to the red line, dries it off, and stacks it with the rest of his rum bottles. The supervisor goes directly from penalizing Dan to handing Alex the next clue.

Cut to Alex and Elena, currently in second place, just outside the distillery.

Elena: Travel to Fort San Felipe del Morro. Warning, last team to check in may be eliminated. Won't be us.

Cut to Tina and Jim in San Juan; Tina is driving, and Jim is trying to navigate.

Jim: Says here to go west at the next light.

Tina: Well, which way is west?

Jim: How the hell should I know? We have to pick one direction or the other!

In the distance on the players' left is the coast where the fort is; however, at the light, Tina turns to the right.

Cut to Leilani and Kea arriving at the distillery.

Leilani: Who's ready to drink to their success? You do it.

Kea takes the clue and runs inside.

Cut to Debra and Bob, who arrive soon after Leilani and Kea.

Bob: Who's ready to drink to their success? I'll take it.

Cut to inside the distillery, where Hayley is on her 49th bottle. She fills it quickly and gets right to work on her 50th. It cuts immediately to the supervisor handing her the clue and her run out to Alexis, where they open the clue.

Cut to Alex and Elena, who reach the same traffic light where Tina and Jim made a wrong turn. Alex is driving.

Elena: Make a left up here.

Alex: Are you sure?

Elena: Trust me.

Cut to Tina and Jim, currently in second place. Jim gets out at a gas station to ask for directions.

(confessional) Tina: We were completely lost because another person gave us directions we didn't understand. I rely on things like MapQuest back home all the time, so directions aren't something I ever worry about. There's no such thing as MapQuest out here.

Cut to Alex and Elena, who pull up to the fort, drop off their car, grab their backpacks, and run in.

Cut to a long path marked by flags, at the end of which is Phil standing with a native Puerto Rican in full Spanish military garb.

Greeter: Welcome to San Juan.

Phil: Alex and Elena...

Cut to Alex and Elena as they anticipate the results.

Phil:'re team number ONE!

Alex and Elena exchange gleeful high-fives and fist-pounds as they celebrate their victory.

Soon, they calm down and face Phil.

Phil: Now I have some good news for you. As the winners of this leg of the Race, you have each won...

Phil pauses, smirking slightly.

Phil: ...a twenty-five-hundred dollar gift card to Circuit City, which you can enjoy after the Race.

Cut to Alex and Elena giddily celebrating the news.

Phil: How good does it feel to come in first on the first leg?

Elena: Not half as good as it will feel to come in first on the last leg.

Phil: No kidding.

Cut to Hayley and Alexis making the correct turn.

Hayley: I don't think we're in first, but if we come out of this at the top of the pack, we're in good position.

Alexis: I'd love to be first; we get a cool prize.

Hayley: I'd love to win the Race; we can buy all the cool prizes we want.

Team confessional, Hayley and Alexis.

Alexis: We don't look at being an all-female team as being a handicap. If anything, teams might underestimate us, and we'll win because we're not a threat.

Hayley: I think women can be a lot stronger than men if they make the most of their opportunities. The downfall of most all-female teams is that they don't do that.

Cut to Hayley and Alexis arriving at the Pit Stop.

Phil: Hayley and Alexis...

Pause for effect.

Phil:'re team number two!

Hayley high-fives Alexis, but they soon return to a serious state.

Cut to Tina and Jim arriving at the Pit Stop.

Phil: Tina and Jim...

Phil smirks as he pauses.

Phil:'re team number three!

The exhausted pair appears not to react.

Phil: How frustrating is it to come so far and not get first place?

Tina: We'll get the only first place that matters.

Cut to Flight #3 landing in San Juan at 12:41 San Juan time. Jeffrey and Bryan and Bobby and Caroline are on this flight. Jeffrey and Bryan are first off the plane.

Bryan: We have to move! We need to stay ahead of them!

Jeffrey: Oh, for crying out loud; we'll stay ahead of them. Bobby's dumber than s--- and he whines more than a room full of sick babies.

Cut to outside the airport. Jeffrey and Bryan, currently in eleventh place, have reached their car and are on the way to San Juan Gate. Bryan is driving.

Bryan: OK, help me get to San Juan Gate.

Jeffrey: Ask someone for directions.

Bryan: You have a map; use it.

Team confessional, Jeffrey and Bryan.

Jeffrey: I think Bryan's very competitive and wants to be the best, even in situations where the best we can do is not to be the worst.

Bryan: Sometimes I've felt like I have to do everything on my own, even when I know it's not really true.

Jeffrey: I said I'd help you, and I am.

Bryan: And I said I'd let you help me and not bust you over it, and I have.

Cut to inside the distillery, where Darius has caught up to Dana at 45 bottles each, Jamal is up to 26 bottles, Spike to 22, Bob is at 18, Kea is at 15, and Dan is at 13.

Dana looks over at the work Darius is doing; his hands have steadied, and he is filling the bottles exactly to the red line. She notices that he lets off a half-second before it reaches the red line, and he wipes off the bottles with one swift motion.

Dana (to herself): So that's how he does it.

(confessional) Dana: I was doing pretty well, but Darius was catching up to me, so I figured I had to try something different. I watched him for a second and tried to stay ahead.

Despite copying Darius' movement, Dana notices she is falling behind, and Darius completes his 50th bottle as Dana still has two more to fill.

Darius takes his clue out to Steve, who is waiting for him.

Steve (from clue): Travel to Fort San Felipe del Morro. Let's go.

Cut to Dana receiving her clue, dashing out of the distillery, and reuniting with Carrie. The two read the same clue and depart behind Steve and Darius.

Cut to Spike, who has just filled her 50th bottle. She received her clue and returns to Jennifer.

Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan, who arrive at the Roadblock.

Bryan: Who's ready to drink to their success? I'll do it.

Cut to the Pit Stop, where Steve and Darius walk up to the mat.

Phil: Steve and're team number four!

The two exchange a jubilant double-high-five as Darius cracks a smile for the first time.

Cut to Jamal, who has filled his 50th bottle. He calls over the supervisor, who shakes his head.

Supervisor: No good.

Jamal: What do you mean, no good?

Supervisor: No good.

(confessional) Jamal: It took me a minute to figure out that the other teams were cleaning off their bottles, and I had to do the same. I thought they were doing it a little unnecessarily, but it turns out they can't put labels on a bottle if there's rum all over it, so I had to go back and clean them off.

While Jamal is cleaning off the bottles, Dan calls over the supervisor to show his work.

The supervisor simply hands him the clue, and he runs out.

Cut to Reggie and Dan, currently in seventh place, leaving the distillery.

Cut to Carrie and Dana, currently in fifth place, in the streets of San Juan. Dana is driving.

Carrie: We're about a half-mile away, according to this map, or a half-whatever measurement they use here in Puerto Rico.

Dana: Just as long as this thing holds up, we're in good shape.

Suddenly, the car jerks and loses steam.

Dana: Wait, what the hell?

Carrie: It's running out of gas!

Dana: That's impossible; this thing has half a tank!

Carrie: The fuel gauge must be broken.

Team confessional, Carrie and Dana.

Carrie: My ex-husband taught me a few things about cars, and the car felt like it was running out of gas.

Dana: At that point, we could have waited for a replacement or we could have just hoofed it.

Carrie: When Dana said we had half a tank of gas, I figured that it was the damn fuel pump, and we were better off hoofing it.

Cut to Carrie and Dana walking fast away from their broken car, which is parked on a city street.

Phil (voice-over): If a car breaks down or becomes inoperable through no fault of a team, a replacement car will be provided. However, no time credit will be provided for this unfortunate incident. In this case, Carrie and Dana chose to walk to the Pit Stop, and the car was left on the street. No credit or penalty was issued for this decision.

Cut to Ray and Jamal, currently in sixth place, following the same path that Carrie and Dana had followed. They pass by the other team, who is walking with their backpacks.

Jamal: Why the hell are they walking? Are we supposed to walk?

Ray: From Catano? Give me a break. Their car must have been broken.

(confessional) Jamal: We made friends with Carrie and Dana at the airport, and I couldn't just let them sit there.

Jamal (out the window to Carrie and Dana): You ladies want a ride?

Carrie jogs over to the car.

Jamal: Hop in; I'll take you to the Pit Stop.

Dana: You guys are too nice. Can we fit?

Ray: Yeah, if you don't mind squishing me.

Team confessional, Ray and Jamal.

Ray: Jamal made a decision I didn't agree with just because I think he has a soft spot for Dana. I don't really like this, especially considering he's thinking about marrying my daughter.

Jamal: What Ray doesn't understand is that I made a strategic alliance, and I want to be on Carrie's good side. She's pretty smart, especially at the airport.

Ray: Right up until they can't help us anymore.

Jamal: For right now, we need all the help we can get.

Ray: All I can say is that you had better be right.

Cut to the Pit Stop. Ray and Jamal are ahead of Carrie and Dana by mere feet, and each has dropped their backpacks not too far from the mat.

Phil: Ray and're team number five! Carrie and Dana, come on up here. You're team number six!

High-fives and cheers abound as the teams celebrate together.

Phil: Was this planned? What happened that brought you guys to the Pit Stop together?

Carrie: Jamal offered us a ride after our car broke down.

Ray: I would have made them walk.

Carrie: I'm sure you would have.

Team confessional, Carrie and Dana.

Carrie: It looks like we have a pretty good relationship with Ray and Jamal, or at least Jamal. We bought their tickets, and they gave us a ride to the Pit Stop. I think this alliance is going to work out for us in the future.

Cut to Bobby and Caroline, currently in last place, who are arriving at the distillery.

Bobby: Who's ready to drink to their success?

Caroline: I'll do it.

(confessional) Caroline: As frustrated as Bobby's gotten, I knew I needed to just go and do the task. Bobby doesn't work well at all when he's upset.

Cut to Bryan, who is on his 49th bottle, just ahead of Bob and Kea, who are also almost finished. Caroline has just started.

Soon, Bryan receives his clue and is out the door; he meets up with Jeffrey, who is standing and waiting.

Jeffrey (from clue): Travel to Fort San Felipe del Morro.

Bryan: We passed two teams in there.

Cut to Bob, who is running out of the distillery, clue in hand.

Bryan: And there's one now. Let's go.

As they leave, Kea leaves the distillery, clue in hand, and meets up with Leilani.

Cut to the Pit Stop; outside of which Reggie and Dan are pulling up. They drop their things and run to the mat.

Phil: Reggie and're team number seven!

Reggie and Dan exchange a strong high-five and a fist-pound gesture.

Cut to Spike and Jennifer pulling into the Pit Stop; Spike is visibly out of breath and struggling to breathe.

Phil: Spike and're team number eight!

Jennifer pats Spike on the back as she bends over gasping for air.

Phil: Spike, you look like you're about to pass out. Are you OK?

Jennifer: She's really having a tough time not smoking.

Team confessional, Spike and Jennifer.

Spike: The Pit Stop was the first time I really realized how much of a toll smoking took on my body. I could barely breathe, and you could have pushed me over with a feather.

Jennifer: You did amazingly well, though. I was impressed.

Spike: I have a friend who has asthma, and he describes the symptoms, and that's about what it felt like.

Jennifer: I can only imagine.

Cut to the Pit Stop, where Jeffrey and Bryan pull in first.

Phil: Jeffrey and Bryan...

He raises his eyebrow for a dramatic pause.

Phil:'re team number nine!

Bryan pumps his fist in celebration; Jeffrey barely reacts.

Phil: Was this a tough leg for you guys?

Bryan: We were tied for last for most of it. To get into ninth is incredible. We can do anything.

At the Pit Stop, Debra and Bob run up to the mat.

Phil: Debra and Bob...

He flashes a worried look as the team returns it.

Phil:'re team number ten!

The two exuberantly embrace and cheer their success.

Phil: You're still in the Race. Tell me, how is it being the oldest couple on the Race?

Debra: You're only as old as you feel, Phil, and we're in great shape. Our age is not a handicap.

Team confessional, Debra and Bob.

Bob: We have both always been in good shape. We run every day, we ride our bikes, and we try to keep up with younger people.

Debra: Other teams will hopefully get worn down, but we know we won't. As long as we don't make mistakes, we'll let the other teams kill themselves.

Cut to the Pit Stop, where Leilani and Kea are arriving.

The two appear nervous and are holding hands.

Phil looks at them pessimistically as the music dies down in the background.

Phil: Leilani and Kea...

Cue a worried look by both sisters.

Phil: are team number eleven!

Leilani and Kea scream ecstatically and dance with joy.

Phil: You're both still in the Race.

Team confessional, Leilani and Kea.

Leilani: I really feel like we struggled in this leg, but we'll survive this close call.

Kea: We're working together a lot better than I thought we would.

Leilani: Next leg, we're going to the top.

Cut to Caroline finishing the Roadblock, getting her clue, and joining Bobby outside the distillery.

She reads from the clue, they get in their car, and they drive to the Pit Stop; all the while, the music in the background is a sad piano piece.

Bobby has his head in his hands.

Bobby: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have been a better partner.

(confessional) Caroline: This is really making me re-consider my relationship with Bobby. I don't think he'll make it on his own, but he may have to.

Bobby and Caroline arrive at the Pit Stop.

Phil: Bobby and Caroline...

The two stand with their hands clenched.

Phil: are the last team to arrive.

He raises his eyebrows as he speaks to the team.

Phil: I'm...pleased to tell you, however, that this is not an elimination leg, and you're both still in the Race.

Team confessional, Bobby and Caroline.

Bobby: If we're going to be stuck together like this, we might as well be stuck in the game, and I'm glad we are.

Caroline: Just promise me you'll work on your game and your temper.

Bobby: Given a new lease on life, I will.

Cut to Phil ushering in the other eleven teams as Bobby and Caroline face them.

Phil: Bobby and Caroline were the last team to arrive, but they have been spared elimination. No team was going to be eliminated in this leg.

Hayley stares at Phil and appears bored.

Phil: This leg was the first-ever practice leg. None of this counted for the Race.

(confessional) Alexis: You had to be f------ kidding me. None of this counted? Our second place was good for absolutely nothing? This is a joke. They screwed us, and what's worse, we have to put up with Bobby still.

Phil: Alex and Elena received a prize for finishing first. They will keep that prize, but as for everyone else, your times and your finishes do not count. Everyone starts anew in a few days. I suggest getting some rest; you're going to need it for the official start to the Race, which will be right here in San Juan. I told you guys there would be surprised. In one season, two teams were bumped off on the first leg. This time, the first leg wasn't a leg at all. There will be more surprises in the future. Stay on your toes, and good luck to everyone. You're going to need it.

Cut to Bobby and Caroline standing on the mat surrounded by the other teams, who are giving mean, vicious stare-downs to them.

They are shown in three different quick spots, each accompanied by a bass boom.

The credits begin to roll, and the Amazing Race logo appears in the background.

Phil (voice-over): Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode.

The screen cuts to commercial.

Blog entry, 09/09/2008
Authored by: Angie Carmichael, bulldogclassof09

Well, at least my bosses didn't finish last, not that it would matter if they did. Not to sound like I don't have any confidence in them; Debra and Bob are tough as nails and very street-smart, and they sure do know their way around the streets of just about anywhere.

But they're too nice. If there's any reason they don't get any face time, don't get ahead, and don't win, it's that. They have to get themselves into a zone and turn from being the nice, small-time bike shop owners who have never fired an employee, never cut another business's throat, and never refused to tell anyone, "We don't carry that, but our competitor does" into a team that will take what they want instead of waiting to be given what they want.

I think working for them to get spending money for college is nice. Debra's a sweetheart, and Bob is always so accommodating. But being accommodating gets you nowhere unless you're at the ticket counter right after Jeffrey. And I'm sorry, guys, but the Hawaiians took your thunder there.

I think they can become the oldest team to win the Amazing Race. But I think they're going to have to play a lot differently. It's fine to be underestimated. But don't hang out at the bottom of the pack. No one wins from clear down there.

Come on. I'm rooting for you guys. And not just because I think I'll get a raise of you win the million.

Blog entry, 09/09/2008
Authored by: Vladimir Ivanov, iswearimnotacommunist

After the cast was announced, I called my friend Red, a British exchange student who went to high school in California and came here, and he couldn't stop laughing. He had never told me too much about high school in California, so this had to be good.

Red is friends with Alex and Elena, having met Alex through Elena and myself. And actually, I use the term "friends" kind of loosely with Red and Elena - they used to date. So he's watching his ex, for whom he still has feelings - and is not ashamed to admit this fact - race around the world with Alex, who's actually a pretty nice guy, but for obvious reasons, Red doesn't like him.

But that's not the half of it. He went to East Palo Alto High School, home of none other than the Amazing Race's own Carrie Burnside, the teacher in the "teacher and former student" team. He says Carrie is exactly what you see on TV to her students - the jeans, denim shirts, cleavage, wild hair, unchained tongue, and asking her students to call her by her first name? All true.

But it gets better. You see, Red was a junior when Carrie's BFF Dana was a senior. And, as you can guess, Red used to go out with Dana. They're still friends and everything, but after they broke know, so Dana could go off to other reason for that breakup...Red started going out with another girl who was a year younger, a sweet lady named Natasha.

Red almost went insane when he found out Dana and Natasha were dating each other. I saw the meltdown - it was worthy of YouTube, and I didn't have my camera handy. Damn.

But I'm here to discuss a team on the Amazing Race, none other than my good friends Alex and Elena, the first to the Pit Stop. And damned if they didn't get the news that the leg was practice. You know, if Alex and Elena had been last and those jerks Bobby and Caroline had won the leg, my guys would have been eliminated for sure. But noooooo, this had to be a practice leg. Hey, at least they got gift money to outfit their place, if they decide to get one together.

Also, Alex - after Elena's been with Red, let's just say I doubt you'll be her type.

Back from commercial.

Phil (voice-over): On the next episode of the Amazing Race, the Race begins for real.

Phil (at the starting line): GO!

The teams make a mad dash for their bags.

Phil (voice-over): Teams face the most challenging Roadblock in the history of the show.

(confessional) Carrie: Roadblocks are supposed to be quick things. This one wasn't quick at all. I needed my caffeine.

Phil (voice-over): And the teams get two more surprises.

Cut to a shot of two people getting out of a large black SUV. Upon closer inspection, the people, both of whom are wearing sunglasses, are Eric Stein and Jessica Hughbanks from Big Brother 8.

Cut to another shot of two different people getting out of a similar SUV. Like Eric and Jessica, they are both wearing sunglasses. One person is Charlie Forrest from Survivor: Japan and Survivor: All-Stars II; the other is his son Derek.

Fade to black.

Order of finish:
1st: Alex and Elena, 12:29 pm
2nd: Hayley and Alexis, 12:36 pm
3rd: Tina and Jim, 12:39 pm
4th: Steve and Darius, 1:14 pm
5th: Ray and Jamal, 1:29 pm
6th: Carrie and Dana, 1:30 pm
7th: Reggie and Dan, 1:36 pm
8th: Spike and Jennifer, 1:40 pm
9th: Jeffrey and Bryan, 2:13 pm
10th: Debra and Bob, 2:17 pm
11th: Leilani and Kea, 2:19 pm
12th: Bobby and Caroline, 3:04 pm

Bobby and Caroline are spared elimination by virtue of this leg being practice.

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jbug 12676 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

02-25-08, 09:44 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: The Amazing Race: Expedition Premiere - "You Ever Eaten a Boot This Size?""
LOL! Oh yea, it's gonna be good!

I had planned to try to count how many times we got to see Phil's "arched eyebrows" but I couldn't keep up and pay attention to the fast pace of the race too.

Warming up for Spring with Agman

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