If you like a good mystery, try this one on for size:

It was an exceedingly hot Saturday afternoon. Grendels Mom sat reclined with his feet up on the mahogany desk and listened to Billy Joel on the radio, a rare combination of static and staccato. “Darn reception”, he mumbled under his cigar-laden breath and reached to adjust the dial. He squinted as the smoke from his stogie rose up and made his eyes water beneath the heavy lenses of his bifocals. “Damn” he muttered again.

Just then the phone gave a shrill start, begging for attention. Grendel looked over at the red handset and begrudgingly took his feet off the desk. “Yeah, what is it?” he said gruffly into the mouthpiece.

“Hello, I am looking for GM’s detective agency”, came the capricious voice of an unknown female.

“Yeah, you got him, this is Grendel speaking, what’s up?” Grendel wasn’t in a particularly chatty mood; he didn’t really feel like doing much of anything. Somehow, he was starting to get the feeling that like it or not this was about to change.

“Oh, OK, well my name is Buckeye Girl, and I am calling from the Di mansion.” She hesitated for a second and didn’t hear anything but raspy breathing and decided to continue. “There has been a murder and a robbery, and well a kidnapping too, but the woman is OK now. Well, she may need to go to the hospital to be checked out, but she appears to be in pretty good shape. The police are here but they suggested we call you. And, well, we thought you might come down and give us a hand.”

Grendel inhaled deeply and looked at his Cuban Felipe’ Gregorio still infantile in its service to him. Much to his chagrin he stamped it out into the nearby ashtray on his desk. “I can help you, give me the address”, he didn’t mince words, in a case like this time was of the essence.

Buckeye obeyed and gave the required information willingly. “Ok” he said, “I’ll be there in about 20 minutes, do not let anybody disturb the scene.”

“Oh, I won’t Mr. Mom, no problem, great. Great, yeah OK, well, see you in 20 minutes then.” She meekly fumbled for the words.

Thirty minutes later Grendel pulled up to the Di mansion in his slate blue Volkswagen Jetta and parked behind a row of police cruisers and a van. He looked in the rear view mirror and ran his fingers through his thinning graying hair.

Grendel slowly opened the door and stepped out of the air-conditioned vehicle. The oppressiveness of the heat once again assailed him. Looking up at the house he saw the finely groomed shrubs that obscured the marble annex. Gradually he made his way up the cultured stone steps and rang the doorbell. It was more like a gonging sound that reverberated through the entire cold lonely mansion.

Buckeye opened the immense oak door and saw the large bulky frame of the detective that encompassed almost the entire doorway. Grendel stood with the sun directly behind him, casting a long billowy shadow along the terrazzo floor in the hallway. Buckeye was once again in awe of the man with the big reputation who was three times her size; she stared at him, unable to move her lips. Grendel asked, “Where is the crime scene?”

Buckeye led the way down a long hallway, the walls of which bore the finest Rembrandt’s and Van Gogh’s. They reached the grandiose living room and were immediately accosted by the sight of several uniformed police officers that were trying to calm some noticeably upset guests. The cause for the commotion was obvious, once he stepped into the room.

In the center of the room lay a dead body of a woman who appeared to be in her late 30’s. Her long blond hair streamed down her back and her face had gone completely white, she wasn’t wearing any makeup. It appeared as though she had fallen from the lounge chair that was directly behind her; a partially opened paperback book was lying on the floor in front of her outstretched hand, “Homeland and Other Stories” by Barbara Kingsolver. A glass half full of water sat beside a plate of Brie and crackers on the stand next to the overstuffed chair. There was no apparent sign of blood or a weapon of any kind.

Every detail was etched in Grendel’s mind; he let nothing escape him. This was his game, and he was now keyed up to become victorious. Nobody on the face of the earth had a better record for solving a mystery then this humble man, and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would get this one nailed tight, he just needed a little time.

A diminutive stocky man with thick black bushy eyebrows and a mop of stringy hair to match walked over to greet the detective. He offered his hairy hand to Grendel, “Hello, I am police Chief Rudy Rules, I’m glad you could make it. Let me introduce you to everyone here.” Grendel shook his hand and nodded appreciatively, “Thanks, I’m glad to be of service.”

Rudy chatted easily as he familiarized Grendel with each person. “This is Jimbo, he is our crime scene investigator. Next is Motor Mouth our crime scene photographer. This is detective Roll D. Dice and his assistant Woe Isme, and standing next to them is my assistant Dabo. We have the roving crime lab van parked outside if you need anything analyzed.” Grendel acknowledged each with a firm handshake and a nod.

“OK, that sounds good, now who can fill me in on the guests and give me the lowdown on what happened here today?” Grendel asked the Chief.
“I’ll start, and then I’ll let you question the others as you see fit”, Rudy replied.

“This mansion is owned by Emy Di who is the 34 year old brunette sitting on the sofa” he began as he motioned toward the plush couch.

Grendel looked over at Emy at that moment trying to take in everything he could while he listened to Rudy talk. She had raven hair and ruby lips; sparks seemed to fly from her perfectly groomed and equally ruby fingertips. Her charcoal eyes flickered as though they were on fire. She wore a simple white short-sleeved silk blouse tucked neatly into a navy blue skirt and sat primly with her knees crossed and modest heels touching the floor. It shocked him that someone so young and perfectly manicured could seem so hot and fiery yet at the same time so distant and as cold as the marble that was used to build the mansion. The only thing that seemed out of place was a small bruise on her forehead.

Rudy continued, “She claims to have been the victim of a kidnap, she was held hostage right here in the wine cellar below us. I’ll bring you down there in a little while. She also has had two rare emeralds stolen from her bedroom, and from what she said earlier they are collectively worth about a two and a half million dollars.”

Grendel let out a low whistle, “So we have a kidnapping and robbery, when did the homicide occur, and who is she?” He walked over and knelt beside the body to examine it a little closer.

“That is Kobrien Fan, she is a house guest of Emy’s and was here for a “live reunion” party, that is what the rest of these guests are here for too. Seems they all know each other from some Internet survivor game. We believe the time of death was between 9:30 and 11:00 this morning. We have not yet determined a cause of death.”

Grendel looked up over his glasses and said, “It doesn’t appear to be much of a “live” reunion for her now does it?”

Rudy replied somberly, “No, no it doesn’t. And it doesn’t look like she survived the party either.”

“Enough of this already, when do I get a turn to tell you what happened? This is my house and I was the one not only kidnapped but stolen from!” Emy interrupted Chief Rules and Detective Mom.

Buckeye Girl rolled her eyes; she had heard the familiar petulant whining before. “Oh please, yes let's hear from the princess.” She said with a heavy degree of sarcasm, Emy shot a daggered look back at Buckeye.

“Alright Ms. Di, lets all take a seat and you can tell me what happened, start from the beginning and don’t leave out any details.” Grendel traversed the room in three strides and took a seat beside the hostess. The others gathered around and found seats of their own before Emy continued.

Emy seemed to revel in the attention of the others. She folded her hands over her knee, smiled demurely and commenced with the story.

“We all played an online survivor game with Jiffy as our host, that is the nickname we lovingly called Kobrien Fan. It was very similar to the game that is on television, have you seen it?”

“Yes, I am familiar with the game.” Grendel nodded, “Go ahead, what next?”

“We had quite a bit of drama during the game, it was very realistic. KO was brilliantly masterful in the way she crafted the challenges and twists. Pagong Rat Eater was the sole survivor.” She jabbed her pointer finger in the air and aimed in the direction of a handsome man in his early 40’s. He had chestnut colored hair, coffee colored eyes, and a pencil thin mustache, the “Boston Blackie” kind. He was dressed casually in an azure blue tee shirt and cutoff blue jean shorts. A thick ebony leather belt with large silver studs protruding from it was the only accessory. He wore a pair of fairly new flip-flops on his otherwise bare feet. He was athletic and had a healthy looking bronze tan. “We all call him the Rat. After the game, it became very apparent that he was Jiffy’s favorite.”

“You know that isn’t true! You always gave KO a hard time, you were a wicked witch!” The Rat made an attempt to protest.

Grendel held up a hand, “Wait, give her a chance to finish first, you will get a turn to speak. Go ahead Emy, keep going.”

“I did give her a hard time, but it was all part of the game, and she knew that. I really love Jiffy. I even sent her a set of four books written by one of my favorite authors as a special thank you for hosting the game. Anyway, I invited all 16 players and Jiffy here so that we could have a fun weekend long live reunion, since many of us had never actually met before. Everyone thought it was a great idea, but not everybody could make it. Besides the Rat and Jiffy, Okaloosa John, Surviva Bear, Scarlett O’Hara, and Buckeye Girl, are all here right now.” She identified each as she spoke. “A few others are supposed to make it, but haven’t arrived yet.”

She paused to take a sip of water from a glass that was on the coffee table in front of her. “I got home yesterday after work to finish my preparations and get ready for my guests to arrive. I was in my bedroom combing my hair when I heard a noise, so I turned and was surprised to see the Rat walk up behind me. I knew it was he, because I had seen his picture before. It scared me, because I didn’t hear the doorbell ring, and really he had no business to be in my bedroom.”

“She is lying, I’ve never even been in her bedroom!” The agitated Rat stood up angrily.

“Sir, I need you to sit down and control yourself, or I will have to ask Chief Rules to restrain you. Like I asked before, let her finish, you will get a chance to speak.” Grendel assured him.

Pagong sat back down, glaring at Emy all the while. Emy forged ahead, “I asked him what he wanted with me. He laughed a wicked and evil laugh, and then he grabbed me by my wrist and hit me on the head with a vase that was on my dresser, it knocked me out. I’m not sure if he carried or dragged me, but when I came to I was alone and locked in the wine cellar. I must have been knocked out for the whole night, because when I woke up it was early this morning. I couldn’t get the door unlocked, and there are no windows either, but I finally escaped when I got all of the hinge pins out and then pushed the door open.”

The memory of the incident made her face flush, she took another sip of water, glanced at Pagong and bravely continued. “I came up the back stairs and heard a voice coming from the office. It was the Rat, he was on the phone, and I’m not sure who he was talking to, but I overheard him demanding a ransom for my release. I snuck past the open door, and went into my bedroom and called the police. That is when I realized that my two precious emeralds were missing, I kept them on my dresser, and the box was open and empty. They are covered by insurance, but the point is, they are an important family heirloom, they are special to me!” Emy broke into tears, Surviva Bear consoled her by patting her shoulder and handed her a napkin to dry her eyes.

She continued, “I had no idea that Kobrien Fan or any of the others were in the house yet, so it was a shock when I came into the living room and found KO dead. Who would want to kill her? Can the Rat be a murderer, thief, and kidnapper? I never imagined he could be this evil.”

Pagong started to protest yet again, Grendel rebuffed him one more time. “Sounds like we have a few things to figure out”, Grendel rubbed his smooth chin, deep in thought. “Jimbo, take that water glass and the plate of cheese and crackers that Kobrien Fan may have eaten from, and bring them down to the lab and check it for poison. Chief Rules, you stay here with the others, I’m going to have Ms. Di show me her bedroom and the wine cellar, I’ll be back shortly to ask some more questions.”

“Sure, right away”, Jimbo said. He pulled a pair of latex gloves from his forensic kit and gingerly picked up the items. “I’ll be back with the results as soon as I can”

“No problem Detective, I’ll just have Motor take a few pictures of the scene while you are gone.” Rudy replied.

Emy stood and Grendel followed closely as she led him to her room. All of the floors in the mansion were a different shade of Italian marble, her heels clicked as she walked. They reached her bedroom, the door was ajar and Grendel pushed it open with ease. He surveyed the scene. Directly ahead of him up against one of the walls was a massive cherry dresser, he walked toward it. Above it on the wall was an extravagant mirror that was surrounded by a gilded gold ornate frame. On top of the dresser was a velvet jewelry box, it was open and empty. An expensive looking vase lay on the floor, wilted lilies were scattered beside it. A four-poster queen size bed was off to one side near an oversized window. On the nightstand beside the bed was a hard-covered Barbara Kingsolver novel. Along the back wall were two more doors, both were closed tightly. The room was neatly decorated in shades of coral and burgundy.

“Mind if I look what is in here?” He motioned to the two doors with a wave of his hand.

“No, not at all”, Emy responded.

He turned the brass knob and pulled the first door open. It was a large walk-in closet. Clothes hung neatly from their hangers, shoes of various colors were lined up underneath, and hats of vast styles and hues sat upon the top shelf. The floor was spotless. Grendel stepped back as he closed the door. “Nothing unusual in there.” he smiled.

The next room was a grand master bathroom. The walls, sink, tub, and floor were all made out of the finest Italian marble in a pale shade of blue. Monogrammed towels hung perfectly from the brass towel bar on the wall. Grendel was making mental notes of everything he saw. “OK, let’s go down to the wine cellar, shall we?”

Emy led the way once again. “Watch you step on these stairs, they had to be steeper than normal because of the height of the ceiling and I didn’t want to lose much floor space.”

“OK, thanks”, Grendel reached the bottom and immediately saw a big heavy oak door lying on the floor in the hallway, the hinge pins were covered in grease and lay next to it. He was careful as he stepped over the blockage and peered into the wine cellar. There were eight rows of back-to-back wine racks, each one six foot tall. The room was enclosed on all sides with solid walls, no windows and no other way out. “Let’s go back to the living room and rejoin the others.”

“Sure, no problem.” She said pleasantly.

Once back in the living room Grendel inquired of Chief Rules, “Has Jimbo come back from the lab yet?” Before Rudy could answer, Jimbo walked in. “What did you find?” Grendel asked.

“Not a thing, there was no trace of poison.”

“Hmmmm, OK, thanks for checking that.” He turned to Pagong and said, “Now, why don’t you tell me your side of this story.”

The Rat folded his arms across his chest. “I don’t know what Emy is talking about at all, I did not kidnap her, and I did not steal her emeralds. I arrived at the house around 10:30 this morning. The butler answered the door and said that Emy was not around at the moment, but encouraged me to make myself at home. He said that one of the guests was in the living room reading, and that a few of the others were outside using the pool. He asked if I was hungry, and I wasn’t, but I did want to use the phone to call my wife and check in with her, let her know I made it here alright. So the butler showed me to the office down the hall and it was there that I used the phone. A short while later, I heard a scream, and came running to find out what was wrong. Buckeye Girl had just come in from the pool and found Kobrien lying dead on the floor. All the others came rushing in too, all except Emy, she was still MIA.” He paused for a moment to catch his breath.

“Buckeye went down the hall and found a phone to call the police, she was the only one who seemed to know what to do. The butler had disappeared and nobody knew how to get hold of him, and there was no sign of anyone from Emy’s staff. It was crazy.”

“And when did Emy finally show up?” Grendel asked.

“Right after the first police arrived. One squad car showed up, then Emy came in and introduced herself, then she accused me of kidnapping her and stealing her emeralds. That’s when the police called for backup. They had Buckeye call you at that point too. And that’s about it; this whole thing is strange as can be. I have no idea why Emy would accuse me like that, she has always been extremely jealous of me because I won the game and because of the attention KO gave to me. Maybe that’s it, I really don’t know, you’ve got to believe me.” The Rat looked at the Detective.

Grendel thought for a few minutes and then said, “I do believe you Pagong. There is something very suspicious going on here, and I think I have some answers for everyone.”

What does Grendel know? Who kidnapped Emy Di? Who stole the emeralds? Who killed Kobrien Fan? How did she die? If you have been paying attention, then you should know these answers.

THE ANSWERS:

“What do you mean you believe him?” Emy asked incredulously, “Aren’t you going to have him arrested?

The Detective shook his head solemnly, “No Emy, I am going to have you arrested. Chief, can you handcuff her for me please?” Rudy walked toward Emy, ready to oblige.

“Me? You are going to have him arrest me? Whatever for?”

“For faking your own kidnapping, stealing your own emeralds with the intent of insurance fraud, and for the murder of Kobrien Fan.” He stated boldly.

Scarlett’s hand flew to her mouth as she gasped. “How on earth did you come to that conclusion Detective?” she drawled in a southern accent.

Okaloosa John piped in, “I had a feeling that Emy was evil, but this goes even beyond that!”

“I know you all are stunned to hear me say that, so here is what I think has happened.” All eyes were on the Detective as he laid out the details.

“Your story had way too many holes in it Emy. First, you said you were standing in your bedroom combing your hair when you heard Pagong come up behind you. The way your dresser is positioned in relation to the door, you would have seen Pagong in the mirror long before you heard him behind you. Not to mention that there was no comb on the dresser, and the floor in your bedroom was immaculate, if you had been combing your hair, at least a strand or two would have made its way to the floor.”

“Second, you said that after grabbing your wrist, he grabbed a vase that was on your dresser and hit you on the head with it. Your floors are Italian marble; any impact with the floor would have caused it to smash into little bits, yet the vase on your floor was intact. Are you expecting me to believe that after knocking you out he carefully placed the vase on the floor?” He asked rhetorically, Emy’s face went ashen.

“And the third big slip, your “escape” from the wine cellar. You claimed to have pulled the hinge pins from the locked door and then pushed the door open to get out. Those hinge pins were pretty greasy, yet look at your perfectly groomed and polished fingernails, not a mark or blemish on them! Your white silk blouse is still very white and silky!” Grendel said in an accusatory tone.

“That doesn’t prove a darn thing, I washed my hands and tidied up after I escaped.” She whined.

“Oh spare me, you know you didn’t! You couldn’t have. Your bathroom towels had not been touched, the clothes in your closet were all perfectly aligned, if you had really escaped and had really just called the police, then you would have left a trail all over this house, yet everything everywhere is perfect, just perfect. And, there is no possible way that you could have pulled those hinge pins out if you really were locked inside the wine cellar; the door swings out of the room. You wouldn’t even have had access to the hinges, no come on Emy, tell me the truth!” The final statement was a bomb.

Emy burst into fresh tears, “OK, I did it, I faked my own kidnapping in order to get the Rat in trouble. I was trying to set him up because I am so jealous; he gets everything! But I didn’t steal my own emeralds, I swear, and I certainly didn’t murder anybody, I wouldn’t do that.”

The guests looking on started to whisper and chatter with each other, none of them could believe the turn of events.

“I’m afraid you have lost all of your credibility, you’ll be better off if you just confess and cooperate, or do you need me to tell you how I know you murdered Kobrien?” He asked.

“I am telling you, I didn’t do it. I don’t know who did, or why, but it wasn’t me!” She was adamant.

Grendel walked over to the body, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a rubber glove and put it on his right hand. “Earlier you said that you had sent KO four books as a thank you gift for hosting the game, that the author of the books you sent was your favorite, remember?”

“Yes, I did say that.” Emy said, a little more calmly.

Grendel bent over and picked up the book that was on the floor beyond Kobrien’s outstretched hand. “I noticed a novel on your nightstand by Barbara Kingsolver, is that your favorite author?”

Emy didn’t like the direction the questions were leading, “Yes, so?” She said.

“So, that means that this book is one of the ones you sent to KO, is it not?” He held it up for her to see.

“Yes, that was one of the four books, in fact I was the one that recommended that she read that particular book first. What is your point?”

“My point is, that I bet if I give this book to Jimbo and have him analyze it, I’m guessing he will find traces of poison on the top corner of each page. Many people wet their fingers as they turn the pages of a book, we’ll check KO’s bloodstream and fingertips, and I am sure we will come up with a cause of death, now do you want to just show me where you hid the emeralds, or am I going to have to have the police department make a mess of your pretty mansion?” Grendel looked at Emy with disdain as he handed the book to Jimbo.

“I’ll be back in a flash”, Jimbo replied.

“I want a lawyer! I am not going to say another word to anybody until I get a lawyer!” Emy’s face was now beet red.

Pagong was smiling as he teased Emy, “You’re going to need a good one too. I ought to sue you for defamation of character and trying to frame me. You really are a witch, and poor KO, she didn’t do anything to you, and you murdered her in cold blood, I hope you rot in hell!”

Minutes later Jimbo came back in, “You are right on Detective, it looks like rat poison or something like it, we’ll have to conduct further more complicated tests to get the full results.”

“OK, take her away Chief, and call the coroners office to come pick up the body. The rest of you can go home now, thanks for your cooperation.” Grendel cleared everyone from the room. Emy was still declaring her innocence as Rudy escorted her down the hall and out to the cruiser.

That night at home Grendel turned on the eleven o’clock news to watch the days events revealed. “This is D Spunk with the channel 5 news report. Our lead story tonight comes from the Di mansion today as Emy Di was arrested for faking her own kidnapping, potential insurance fraud on two stolen emeralds that are still at this time missing, and the murder of Kobrien Fan, a weekend houseguest. We send you to our reporter who was on the scene, CQ Venus, CQ what can you tell us?”

“That’s right D, I was at the mansion of resident Emy Di earlier this evening. She started the weekend as hostess to houseguests, and wound up in a world of trouble. I have one of her guests, Miss Scarlett O’Hara with me, Scarlett, how well did you know Ms. Di?”

“Apparently not very well at all CQ. We met online and then joined a game, during the game we were alliance buddies, but I never had any idea she was capable of murder. I am in shock here.”

“Thank you Scarlett. I also have the man that was originally accused of kidnapping Ms. Di, this is Pagong Rat Eater. Pagong, how strange was this day for you?”

“It was very strange indeed. I knew all along that I hadn’t done anything wrong. Detective Mom was incredible as he pieced the clues together, it didn’t take him long at all. Emy Di is demented and wicked and she will get what is coming to her. I can’t believe she was so jealous of me that she would try to set me up like that.”

“Thank you Pagong. And now back to you D Spunk, for channel 5 news this is CQ Venus signing off.” Grendel lay on the couch fast asleep, the sound of his snoring mixed in with the voice on the television.

“Thank you CQ. We have just been informed that the case at the Emy Di mansion has taken on a brand new bizarre twist. When a representative from the coroner’s office went to the mansion to retrieve the body of the victim, she was gone. An unknown man was discovered fleeing the scene with the corpse over his shoulder…”

ONE YEAR LATER:

Pagong lounged comfortably on the white sandy beach and looked out at the crystal blue waters of the ocean. “Honey, would you like another rum punch?” A feminine voice called out from inside the house.

“Sure KO, I would love one!” He answered back.

A few minutes later he felt her hand on his shoulder, he looked up and smiled into her delicate face as she handed him his drink. “Have a seat, join me.”

“Don’t mind if I do.” She slid onto his lap and ran her fingers through his hair.

“Do you think the trial is over yet?” He asked pensively.

“Oh, I am quite sure it is. By now Emy will have been sentenced to about 15 years, maybe more.”

“Do you ever feel guilty about what we did?” He explored her eyes; they were as blue and as deep as the ocean.

“Darling, you knew she had planned to frame you and have you sent to jail for a long time, we just found out about it before she could get away with it. We executed our own scheme so perfectly, I bet that by now Emy even believes that she really did murder me. That poison was the key, that and giving me the antidote within 24 hours, you were brilliant! Of course, it was an extra bonus to get her to finance our get away as well. We can live quite nicely on this remote island for the rest of our lives, no worries.” Kobrien giggled. “She was right about one thing though, you are my favorite!”

2004 A S S Trivia Champ