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"I should have known about Dr. Monkey"
bacon 2824 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Howard Stern Show Guest"
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06-18-04, 01:03 PM (EST)
 
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"I should have known about Dr. Monkey" |
I broke my arm in a freak accident earlier that day. I was on my way to a seedy backalley to score some serious amount of heroin, when I was suddenly hit by a short man driving a Gremlin, while crossing the road. Luckily I wasn't too banged up, but the collision broke my arm when I used it to brace myself from the impact. I had the man in the Gremlin call my friends on my cellphone. They quickly responded to the call. It was only about 10 minutes later that they came, picked me up, and were taking me to a doctor. Now since I had a major heroin problem I couldn't just go to any ole doctor. Not to fear, my friends knew just the person that could do a professional job and still keep my private business on the down-lo. His name was Dr. Monkey. I kept thinking about what a strange name that was. I jokingly asked them if he was actually a monkey. I was dumbfounded when they told me that he was, in fact, a bonafide chimp. They immediately saw the expression of horror on my face, and proceeded to calm me down. It turns out that Dr. Monkey, who's real name was Bananas B. Monkey, was responsible for many great things in his lifetime. He had successfully swam the English Channel three times in his life! That bit of information eased my worries a little, but maybe he was just a strong swimmer and nothing else. But I was quickly told that he was also responsible for fathering Janis Joplin. Now I was really getting impressed with this chimp. But how does a monkey fathering Janis Joplin qualify him to do surgeries? Not to worry, he also was on the Reagan cabinet and was responsible for the movement to end communism. Now I was beaming with confidence! If he could help tear down a suppressive wall, then he could easily fix my broken arm. We were close to the shady underground lair where Dr. Monkey did his surgeries. I was no longer worried about a chimp operating on me. But I did tell my friends to watch the procedure anyways, just in case anything went wrong. We knocked on the door. The door creaked open slightly, a monkey hand reached out and motioned for us to come in. We opened the door and saw several chimps in nurse outfits giving us a strange look. And then he came out! Dr. Monkey ran into the room. He had a surgical mask on, tiny instruments in his hands, and an evil look in his eye. He dropped his instruments and motioned for me to come over to the table. I was more scared at that moment than I had ever been in my entire life. But I was somehow relaxed a bit by his cute monkey face, and small furry body. I walked forward, sat on the table, and laid down slowly. My friends starting walking toward the table when suddenly, all of the monkeys in the room starting throwing their own poo at my friends. The chimps were jumping up and down, screaming out, and pointing toward the door. My friends immediately ran out, never to be heard from again. If I wasn't worried at that moment, I was about to be. Dr. Monkey grabbed the gas mask and mistakingly placed it on my crotch. I gently guided his hand up to my mouth and started breathing heavily into it. Right before I was heading off to dreamworld, I noticed Dr. Monkey pick up his tiny instruments, pick out the most sinister looking one, and he scratched his head over and over again, as if he didn't know exactly where to open me up at. It's been over a month since I visited that dark underground lair. I'm glad to report that my arm is doing just fine. It's completely healed and I was able to play several games of Tennis just last week. My stroke was even more powerful than before! Now, the operation didn't completely go without a hitch. Dr. Monkey got kinda confused at one point and ended up rearranging some of my insides. But it's really not that big of a deal. You'd be surprised how quickly you adapt to crapping out of your mouth.
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woeisme1 3588 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Thong Contest Judge"
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07-04-04, 05:06 AM (EST)
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9. "RE: I should have known about Dr. Monkey" |
You are so right and thank you for creating it for me to admire as such.Fish and Game Officer of G.A.W.K.U.R's of OT
Handcrafted by RollDdice There is no memory with less satisfaction in it than the memory of some temptation we resisted--James Branch Cabell
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