So, this is like an East Coast Spoiler thread, huh? Well, here's the link for the first part, in case you wanna refresh your memory.Enjoy!
IceCat thought carefully about what had happened. "Who could have stolen Jims' signature?" he wondered. It didn't make any sense to him.
He looked around the bus with quiet suspicion. He remembered how Mandy grabbed the cel right from his own hands. She was clearly the most interested in it. Is she planning on taking it home and hanging it on her wall? IceCat could definitely see Mandy stealing it for the sake of art appreciation.
Slicey seemed strangely quiet. Perhaps it was because she can't listen to her music anymore, or perhaps she feels guilty? She showed an interest in his artwork, claiming that she'd love to try making her own someday. Maybe she took it as a reference point, or possibly a way to get herself on her feet in the demanding Signature Business?
Sleeeve showed a definite interest also, the way he congratulated him for the nice use of color. As a savvy businessman, maybe he took the cel and planned to sell it to Jims. Sleeeve seemed to have a very suspicious motive. Too bad he was unconscious during the whole thing, or there could've had quite the case against him. Maybe he grabbed it before he was knocked out?
He couldn't see any other reasons why the others would take the cel. Kim, Pepe, and Breezy all were fascinated by it. Maybe they took it for various unknown reasons. Jealousy perhaps? IceCat wasn't sure.
He also wasn't sure about Draco. Draco was asleep while he was showing off the cel, so he probably doesn't even know about it! Of course, he may have been duping his partner and his eyes were narrow slits, watching every move... But then again, how would he know beforehand to feign sleepiness, since the cel hadn't been shown to anyone yet? IceCat definitely didn't have a solution to that question.
Suddenly, the bus came to a crashing halt, sending the passengers flying forward.
"Why did you stop like that in the middle of the freeway?" Sleeeve asked curiously.
Bebo smiled. "Because I am about to tell you who stole the art cel, and this way, the criminal can't run away," she responded. "And, cuz I'm a DAW, and I like a good audience."
The sounds of cars honking filled the bus. A driver got out of her car and tapped on the window three times. She wore a dark black sweater with a matching beret with the words "Mon Cherie" stitched across it.
"Excuse moi, but zees automobiles are not mooving," said the woman, yelling through the closed window of the bus.
"What?" Bebo replied. She didn't speak Paris talk well.
"Zee cars... You stopped zee autobus, and now wee can't moove," Mon Cherie responded calmly.
"Look, lady. I don't understand you. I've never been to France," Bebo said.
Suddenly the woman's face changed. "I'm Belgian!" she screamed at her abruptly, running back to her car angrily. She resumed honking her horn loudly.
"What was that about?" asked Slicey.
"Never mind," Bebo muttered, rolling her eyes.
IceCat couldn't stand this insanity any longer. "So who did it?" he yelled. "I just want to get my signature back some time today! Sometime before the Apocalypse, please?" IceCat looked around. Everyone was staring at him. Embarrassed, he sat down and searched for some Mentos.
"You see," said Bebo, "this mystery was difficult but easy at the same time. Quite difficult if you look at it one way, but crystal clear when viewed in a different light. So I am about to present each of the cases against you."
Everyone nodded glumly. They hated it when people accused them of theft. It was one of their biggest pet peeves.
"After stopping at the Dweez-E-Mart," she continued, "we all went into the convenient store. I went to the ladies' bathroom to finish my reading. Because I was not physically present, I am basing my conclusions on the facts you all gave to me, with my own bit of perception."
The honking continued. Annoyed, Bebo commanded, "Someone open the window."
This was starting to really irritate Pepe. "But we can't open the..." he started. "You know what? Who cares anymore?" Pepe leaned over and nonchalantly punched through his window, shattering the entire glass pane.
Bebo stuck her head out the window, and screamed, "WILL YOU PLEASE STOP HONKING YOUR HORN?!?!?!?!? I AM TRYING TO SOLVE A MYSTERY HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
All honking ceased, as if Bebo had just clicked the Mute button on her remote.
Bebo smiled and continued her supposed monologue. "Everyone was in the convenient store and were searching for various snack items. Correct? Most of you were peacefully shopping for various foodstuffs, but Draco and Sleeeve were having an argument about the last can of Spam. Draco punched Sleeeve, and Sleeeve fell to the floor, unconscious. Is that so?"
"Yeah," Sleeeve said, glaring at Draco while pointing to his own jaw. "That's right."
"So, IceCat, Kim, and Mandy escorted Sleeeve to the men's room, to revive him. Pepe and Slicey, worried about Draco's depression, took him around to the storage room to calm him down. Later, when all of you returned to the bus, the cel was missing. This means it must have been stolen during all this confusion, or possibly beforehand. But who had the opportunity?
"We'll start with the easiest possibility. Sleeeve was knocked out. Unless Sleeeve is a chronic head injury sleepwalker, there is no way that he could have been a part of the activities. Our own onboard specialist, Breezy, will attest to that."
"Yes," Breezy clarified. "He was definitely knocked out cold."
Bebo nodded. "Kim and Mandy both went with IceCat to help Sleeeve. When going to get the ice, Kim and Mandy stayed together while IceCat left them to get Breezy. Since they were paired off, it is impossible for one of them to sneak away without the other one knowing...
"Unless perhaps it was a plot between them, and they stole the signature together. But that solution doesn't work either, because IceCat was at the front of the store, talking to Breezy (who was buying lotto tickets). He would have seen them leave. In fact, IceCat himself had the better opportunity to steal the cel. But why would he steal his own work that he's delivering? It's worth more to him if he has it in his possession."
"You tell me why then," IceCat remarked sarcastically. "I'd love to hear it."
"That's the problem," Bebo told him cheerfully. "You had the opportunity, but the motive isn't there.
"Draco didn't have the opportunity at all," she continued. "Immediately after punching Sleeeve, he had two attendants following him. There was no way that he could have gotten onto that bus without anyone noting his absence. Same for Slicey and Pepe. They were well accounted for."
"So..." Kim prompted impatiently.
"So, this is a dilemma. Every single one of you never had the opportunity to sneak back on the bus to steal the signature. All of you had alibis. The art cel couldn't have been stolen, because no one was able! But the signature was stolen! That is the paradox!
"So you may wonder, perhaps the thief grabbed it while we were all getting off the bus. But this is impossible. I was the last one off the bus, and someone probably would have noticed its disappearance anyway."
"So you could have been the one to steal it," pointed out Draco.
"No, no, if I stole the art cel, why would I reveal to you how I did it?" Bebo answered.
No one knew.
"I did forget one person though. This person had the opportunity and the motive. Remember what happened after the fight between Sleeeve and Draco.
"Everyone goes their separate ways. Our good friend Dr. Breezy is left all alone. She sees the possibilities and reacts. She exits the store, grabs the signature, replaces it with Draco's, and then quickly runs back to the Dweez-E-Mart, and begins arguing about lotto tickets. It would only take a minute."
Breezy rose to her feet indignantly. "You can't be serious!" she exclaimed. "I had nothing to do with the theft. Go back to the Dweez-E-Mart and ask the manager if you don't believe me!" Her words began to flow more quickly, like a nervous stream of words. "Yeah, I was alone, but I certainly didn't take the silly artwork." Tears starting running down her cheeks. "You all gotta believe me," she begged in desperation.
Bebo raised her hand. "I am merely telling you what I thought at the time," she explained. "I am not formally accusing you of anything... Yet."
Breezy sat back down in her chair, and fumbled around in her bag for some Poutine Pops. Dang. She had given the last one to Sleeeve.
"Um, we're kind of running out of suspects then," Pepe noted. "If Sleeeve was unconscious, Mandy and Kim were with IceCat, Draco was with Slicey and I, and you're now saying that Breezy didn't do it, then who did?"
"I'm getting there, I'm getting there. Hold your horses," commanded Bebo. "There was one piece of information that I received that directly contradicted the story that I was told. This was puzzling yet enlightening.
"I noticed two pieces of evidence that directly contradicted what I was told by everyone. Draco and Sleeeve have a dispute over, and I quote, 'the last can of Spam.' But this is impossible!" She reached into her bag, and proudly pulled out two cans of Spam. She slammed down the cans against the floor in a sweeping, dramatic gesture.
"When I returned to the Dweez-E-Mart, I noticed the can that you carelessly left on the floor. Being a tidy person, I put it back on the shelf with the others. There was a whole shelf of cans of Spam in that store! It's the Number One product for Dweez-E-Corporations! Did any of you notice whether the shelf did indeed have any Spam left?"
Everyone shook their heads in shame. In the confusion of it all, they didn't even notice.
"In addition to that," Bebo added, "Pepe made a crapbasket for Draco, and it is common knowledge that you cannot make a crapbasket without Spam..." Bebo winked at Pepe.
Slicey was getting impatient. "But after punching Sleeeve, there's NO WAY that Draco could have stolen that art cel," she interjected. "We were with him the entire time."
"Exactly," Bebo said. "That's what's so confusing about it. Remember what YOU saw. Draco and Sleeeve have a dispute over the last can of Spam. You do not SEE the well-stocked shelf, you ASSUME it. Draco punches Sleeeve and Sleeeve falls to the ground. Sleeeve's eyes are closed and he isn't moving. That is what you SEE. But what do you KNOW? Nothing.
"Is Sleeeve truly unconscious at that moment? All you SAW was Sleeeve hit the floor. He could very well be completely awake. Again, the group ASSUMED that because Sleeeve was motionless, Draco knocked him out."
"So what are you saying? That I picked a fight with Draco, just so I can have this fantastic alibi?" Sleeve retorted angrily. "Highly unlikely."
Bebo threw a can of Spam at him. "Just let me finish. Mmmmkay?
"Anyway, Kim, Mandy, and IceCat take Sleeeve to the restroom, and Mandy suggests that they go get the doctor and some ice for his jaw. Sleeeve seizes this opportunity and quickly sprints to the bus. He exchanges the signatures, and runs back to the bathroom. Risky, yes. But not as risky as you'd imagine. All he needed was thirty seconds to a minute to run back and forth. Kim, Mandy, and IceCat were in the store for at least two minutes cutting the ice bag."
Now Breezy was extremely confused. "But when I examined him," she told Bebo, "he was definitely unconscious. I'd stake my reputation on it."
"Oh yes," Bebo replied coolly. "Sleeeve was certainly unconscious by the time you got there. Remember when you got blood on your hands and began washing the sink? Kim points out that you missed a red splotch at the BASE of the sink. Do you not find it odd that a bloody mark is found at the base of a sink in the restroom of a Dweez-E-Mart?"
"Hey, you obviously don't go to many Dweez-E-Marts," Breezy grumbled.
Bebo ignored her. "This indicates to me that (and pardon me if this sounds insane) Sleeeve knocked himself out by slamming himself against the sink. This way, he is truly unconscious, like he's supposed to be."
"Ouch," IceCat said, wincing. "So what about that signature that was exchanged? It was bad luck that Draco happened to be the one who punched him. Was he trying to frame his business partner?"
"Of course not," Bebo told him. "Do you think that this whole idea came up on the spur of the moment? No. It wasn't luck that Draco gave him an alibi, it was all carefully, carefully planned. He probably got this idea from a book or a mystery or something.
"Think about it this way. If Draco wasn't involved, why would he fight over the supposed last can of Spam?" Bebo asked. She seemed to be doing laps around the bus with her logic.
"Maybe Draco's just really unobservant too, like the rest of us..." Kim mumbled, rolling her eyes.
"That is why the crime seems so impossible!" Bebo continued, rapidly accelerating her speech. "Who gave Sleeeve his alibi? Draco, by punching him. Who gave Draco his alibi? Slicey and Pepe. Remember? Draco becomes dramatic, thinking that he has killed Sleeeve. Slicey and Pepe worry about him and give him an unbreakable alibi. And then, to top it all off, Sleeeve swaps Jims' signature for Draco's, even though he knows Draco has an alibi. More confusion!!!
"The silly signature swap was rather idiotic though. It seemed like a smart move on Sleeeve's part. He is leaving a clue directly pointing to someone with an foolproof alibi. This leads to a lot of confusion. And we come to the conclusion that Draco must have been framed. So then we could come to the conclusion that Draco must be completely innocent.
"But ironically, it incriminates Sleeeve. Draco never showed anyone on the bus his signature. Only a business partner such as Sleeeve could have known that he had one with him." Bebo tossed the signature back at Draco mockingly.
"You have no proof," said Sleeeve, smirking, as if she were telling some tall tale. "All of this is just speculation, especially all that stuff about Draco."
"Must I write this down?" Bebo asked. These guys just can't handle the truth. "There are four reasons."
She wrote:
1. The Spam Lie- Why would Draco argue about a last can of Spam if it weren't true? Seems rather shady for an innocent bystander.
2. The Bloodstain- Again, it doesn't make sense that a blood stain is at the base of the sink. Also, remember, there is no indication of bleeding when Sleeeve is first knocked out. And suddenly he's bleeding later in the restroom? Ludicrous.
3. The Signature Swap- Only Sleeeve and Draco could've known about it, as well as where Draco was keeping it.
Bebo stopped, as if she hit a snag in her theory.
"And..." Draco prompted.
Bebo approached Sleeeve slowly, towering over him. She gazed down at him, like a hawk over its prey. Quick as lightning, she grabbed his arm, rolled back his sleeves, and revealed the missing art cel.
"That's four. Happy?" Bebo mocked.
"Wow, I guess we do know what's up his sleeeve now..." whispered Kim to Mandy.
Soon, the police force arrived to clean up the traffic. Upon learning what happened, Officers Farmboy and bebekid arrested Sleeeve and Draco, and took them to jail/the big house/the slammer/prison/the pokey/Disney's California Adventure.
So what happened after that? Well, only a cheesy credits theme can fully explain...
*cue happy credits music*
IceCat got his signature back from the thieves. Unfortunately, upon receiving it, the animation cel flew out the window into Lake Woeisme. Luckily, he had the original file saved on his computer. This time, instead of meeting Jims' eccentric demands, IceCat simply e-mailed it. Jims was delighted, and because Jims is such an awesome guy, he paid IceCat the thousand bucks anyway. IceCat still creates signatures today, but only for less eccentric tyrants.
Bebo, upon solving her case, was recruited by ABC. She hosts ABC's first smash hit sitcom "Solving Mysteries on a Bus," which also stars Andrew Dan Jumbo. She now lives in sunny California and enjoys long walks on the beach and eating curly fries at the pier.
Draco was exiled to the Grand Duchy of Knish, where he served twenty years of community service. He now hosts a controversial seminar called "How To Steal Without Stealing" which is largely successful. If you are interested, please call 1-800-DAW-DUDE.
Sleeeve was sentenced to the GrendelsMom Prison for Kleptomaniacs for fifty years. However, Sleeeve mysteriously escaped in twelve days. He now goes by the name of Jeff Probst and works for CBS.
Slicey moved on to a successful Signature Business on the side of her other artistic endeavors. She is now a cartoonist of a very popular comic strip. She hopes to someday purchase a nation, to rule as she pleases.
AnotherKim finally met an other Kim. Anotherkim and an other Kim went into Kim n Kim Corporated, which is now a bigger chain than WalMart. Kim still teaches the trainee courses about "How to Stock the Shelves" today, with a little Beowulf on the side.
Mandy has the largest pop art collection in America. She now owns a famous art auction house in New York, and sells many IceCat and Slicey originals. She is considering running for President in a few years.
Breezy continues her practice of medicine today. Instead of treating head injuries, she has moved onto brain surgery. Her style still hasn't changed; she still wears her fashionable blue jeans in the operating room.
Mon Cherie went back to Belgium, chanting "Zee Stoopeed Amereecans!"
Devious Weasel still manages the Dweez-E-Mart today, and is suing Jims for lack of face time in the second part of his story "Theft on the Line." Unfortunately, he is being represented by Stacey Stillman, attorney.
Jims' hands are tired. He is done with typing. Today, His left pinky hurts from hitting the darn shift key.
Fin