LAST EDITED ON 01-22-04 AT 11:22 AM (EST)

Okay this is part two of my PTB saga, and in this episode I begin introducing permission thread peeps. The story is silly, it's stupid, it's sappy, it's sentimental, it's totally whacked! And did I mention it will be incredibly long? This episode is over 6000 words and I've yet to introduce 80% of our peeps! But I vow to give everyone a speaking role even if it takes six or seven episodes to do so! Hopefully no one will be offended by their portrayal as it's all good fun. Besides someone has to be a meanie! Anyway due to time constraints no rewrites and no editing. One very rough draft I hope you can endure. On to our story!

In episode one we followed echogirl as she met with a Mobster in hopes of having him sing her theme song. She came perilously close to ending up buried in the desert, but somehow she managed to dance her way out of danger. Episode begins as echogirl plans her trip to California where she will meet up with network executives.

Going To California

A week had passed since my momentous meeting with Vinnie Romano. Somehow I didn't end up buried in the deserts of New Mexico, in fact I now had a Theme Song, a new friend and ardent supporter, and to top that off another meeting with the top network executive PepeLePew and his snooty assistant FarmBoy. Vinnie had gone into a local recording studio where he recorded the Pick The Bootee Theme Song as well as other tracks I had written in addition to a few of his own. At 60, the man was finally living his dream. And I was living mine. Okay my dream was to be a world famous photographer, marry a billionaire, and live on a exotic island somewhere off the coast of Panama. But I guess I can't complain! Vinnie, being the sweet mobster he is, even gave me some money so I wouldn't have to worry about my old job at the Waffle House. He even supplied me with a personal assistant and driver, SherpaDave, who was indebted to Vinnie over some old debt. Much to my surprise, SherpaDave wasn't even Italian! Immediately I was drawn to SherpaDave; it was his eyes I think. He was dark, mysterious and rarely uttered a word. I wondered if Vinnie had removed any of his body parts, but I thought it would be impolite to ask. At least he had all his fingers! So SherpaDave took my luggage, put it in the trunk of his 97 Camry, and we headed to California.

SherpaDave said nothing as we crossed the desert into Arizona but I could not escape his gaze in the rearview mirror. It was those eyes. Piercing and intense yet mysterious and kind. He didn't seem like the type that would associate with Italian Mobsters in the deserts of New Mexico, but then again how did the Italians end up here anyway? Did they get lost on there way to Vegas? I guess it doesn't really matter, after all SherpaDave was an excellent driver despite his constant stares. I really wanted to get to know this guy. Finally I decided to break the ice. "Excuse me Dave, I really need to pee. Could you pull over at the next Truck Stop please." Okay that wasn't what I wanted to say but I really did need to pee.

About ten miles down the road Dave pulls into IceCat's Gas em' Up and Diner. It was 117 degrees and I sincerely doubt they get much ice in this region, but maybe they have some awesome iced tea. But before I drink, I have to pee. The great thing about a Truck Stop is that you rarely have to wait. Not many female truckers after all. So as Dave gasses up I pass through the Diner in search of the ladies room. The door is locked. Wonderful! I wander to a nearby rack of postcards and fumble around a bit trying to take my mind of off my bladder. Meanwhile a diner full of truckers start eyeing me. I've heard about the girls who work these kind of places, but I'm just a girl who desperately needs to pee. A minute later a trucker comes over to greet me. He seems awfully young to be driving such a big truck. In fact he looks too young to be driving anything other than a ten speed! Magic_Star politely introduces himself and tells me his Momma is in the ladies room and may be awhile because she is experiencing motion sickness. "I will go clean up the boys room so you can use it instead," says Magic_star. Such a nice young man! I follow him and he enters the men's room making sure it is empty. He cleans for a few moments and then tells me it's safe. As I lock the door behind me, he offers to stand outside so no one disturbs me. Such a sweetie! I do my deed, wash my hands, and give magic_star a hug as I exit the restroom. I ask him if he's ever seen the Pick The Bootee Game before and he looks at me puzzled and says he likes the Amazing Race. I thought those greedy network guys were plugging my show. Obviously not, as this young man had never even heard of me. "Star you should really watch my show. It's even more fun than the Amazing Race. And it's not trashy like Temptation Island or cheesy like American Idol," I say. Okay I'm still steaming because I couldn't get Ruben to sing my theme song, but I'll get over it. Besides Vinnie did an awesome job. And he didn't even kill me! I really wanted to thank magic_star, so I reached into my purse and pulled out a publicity photo of DoodleBug, one of the stars of the previous edition of the Pick The Bootee Game. He didn't seem impressed, but he thanked me anyway.

I glance outside and see Dave had finished gassing up the Camry. I motion for him to come in as I am famished and would like a glass of tea. I go to the bar where I meet the owner of IceCat's Gas em' Up and Diner, IceCat himself. A burly man, IceCat looks like he hasn't missed many meals, and what he did miss seems to be strewn about on his apron. "What can I get you," he asks. "A glass of tea, a blueberry muffin and some eggrolls please," I politely ask. "We don't do muffins or eggrolls, but I can pour you a mighty fine glass of ice cold tea young lady," he replies. Tea is good I think and I nod okay. I thought Dave was coming in, but alas he was nowhere to be found. I sipped my glass of tea, ordered a grilled cheese sandwich with a dill pickle on the side, and waited patiently. Meanwhile a sleazy trucker, ExInterper, pulled up a barstool and sat next to me. He kept staring at my boobies while whistling Dixie. I noticed he was missing his front teeth. He said he was carrying a truckload of poultry from Mobile, Alabama to Los Angeles and missed his wife in Mobile, and his mistress in Meridian, Mississippi. He asked if he could buy me a drink, but being a smart-mouthed goddess I suggested he wash his hands first. I mean he was shoving greasy french fries into his toothless mouth and I couldn't help but notice how filthy his hands were. "I had a flat just west of Gallup," he muttered with a mouthful of greasy fries. "I'm hungry and I'm so lonesome I could cry honey," he said. Where the heck was Dave? Or Magic_Star? This guy was creeping me out. IceCat then hands me my sandwich, "here you go sweetheart," and I get up to search for a booth. And Dave. Suddenly ExInterper grabs my arm and asks, "where you going honey." My grilled cheese sandwich and dill pickle crash to the floor. "I'm so sorry honey, let me pick that up for you." ExInterper picks up my sandwich and pickle, returning it to my plate. "Just like new," he says. Yeah right! IceCat's Gas em' Up and Diner isn't the cleanliest of places, even for a truck stop, and no way I was going to put that pickle in my mouth now. I politely asked IceCat for another sandwich and another pickle and he said sure, just another $5.95. I was really fuming at this point when I felt a hand grab my behind. It was ExInterper! Dirty old trucker! I turned around, slapped ExInterper in the face, then gave him a swift kick in the groin with my steeled-toed Doc Martens. That had to hurt because he fell down to the floor, clutching his privates. The Diner was stunned and momentarily silent except for ExInterper who lie on the dirty floor writhing in pain, squealing like a pig. "You dirty...," he screamed as he picked up a half eaten hamburger patty, sending it whirling across the room, slapping some unsuspecting trucker upside his left cheek. Oh my God he thought I through it! He was pissed! "Dave....Magic....help," I scream. The disgruntled trucker approaches me and I unleash another swift kick. He falls to the floor squealing like a pig. Suddenly more food starts flying and fisticuffs ensue. IceCat screams I will pay for this. Mmmm not exactly. Besides I have burly truckers trying to kick my butt! Nevermind, I'm doing my best Bat Girl imitation...a swift kick here, and slap in the face there, this is kind of fun! I'm a tough chica I say to myself as a chair comes crashing atop my head. I tumble to the Diner floor landing in a puddle of cream gravy. Ouch that hurt! I lie there momentarily dazed and confused and think to myself, how did I end up here? I'm pretty sure I heard David Byrne singing to me, but when I looked up I saw a toothless grin. It was ExInterper, and he was armed with a toilet bowel plunger, probably the nasty one from the men's room. I mean this wasn't the way I envisioned leaving this earth! I was covered in grease and cream gravy and no telling what kind of icky germs that ahd gathered on IceCat's floor. On the bright side, at least I wasn't wearing trashy lingerie underneath my jeans and tee. ExInterper raises the plunger over his head with a sick toothless grin is about to strike me when a sudden flash blindsides him. Dave, my hero! But it wasn't Dave. Star grabs my hand and says, "come with me." Who am I to argue? We run outside and find the Camry parked next to some abandoned bus. Evidently IceCat also runs a salvage yard. I jump in the backseat and see Dave with a pen and notebook in hand. He seems calm. Calm? More like oblivious! "Hello," I scream. Dave puts the pen and pad in the glove box and looks at me through the rearview mirror. "I almost got killed in there," I shout. Suddenly ExInterper appears stumbling out the Diner door, this time carrying a gun. "Holy phreaking cow he's got a gun...get in Star...now", I shout. "Drive," she screamed!

In a cloud of dust amongst gunshots, the Camry speeds away. Dave says nothing, and I've just kidnapped a 15 year old boy. I glance over at Star and thank him for saving my life. Then I ask him some questions. "Star hon, what about your family. Your Mother, the one that had motion sickness." "That really wasn't my mother," he replies. "The lady in the restroom was a hitchhiker my Foster Father picked up outside of Venus, Texas," he answers. "The man you beat up...he is my foster dad." Oh this is just great I think to myself. I've just kidnapped the toothless poultry trucker's son. And he's headed to Los Angeles just like we are. With a gun! We should go back I think. Okay maybe not. I mean he did try to kill me. Besides if we turn around I might be late for my big meeting.

We drive for hours, no sign of ExInterper, no state troopers, and I begin to calm down a bit. I was actually happy to have Star along for the ride. Such a sweet kid and it was nice having someone to talk to! Dave, the mysterious one, barely uttered a word. We soon cross the border into California as the sun begins to sit. We are in the middle of nowhere, and I'm tired and desperately want to wash IceCat's Gas em' Up and Diner's germs from my body. I tell Dave to pull over at the first motel he sees. The mileage sign says Woeisme, 13 miles so I figure we won't have to wait much longer. 15 minutes later we enter the town, population 1, and to my delight find a bright neon sign saying motel. The sign says "welcome to Woeisme...the last gas, food and lodging for 96 miles." We pull into the dusty lot of "Woe's Motel, Gas Station and Critter Farm", and I get out to survey the place. Funny I see an old gas station with two pumps, a house in the back, and an old rusty trailer. This can't be a motel...or can it be? I walk inside where I am greeted by a rather eccentric old lady named Woe. "Welcome to Woeisme, population one, my name is Woe," she says. "Mmm we need a motel room, but I don't see one. Do you run a bed and breakfast," I ask. "No dear, no bed and breakfast but I do have a lovely critter farm. All kinds of creepy crawlies and I run a tour daily," she proudly exclaims. "I'm not interested in critters thank you, but a bed, preferably three beds, and a hot bath would be greatly appreciated," I announce. "Three beds...oh dear I usually don't have that many guests. But I can offer you my deluxe accommodation; a very nice trailer my ex-husband Ralph left me when he passed away in 1978. It only has one full-sized bed, but it does have a nice dining room table, a kitchen sink, and plenty of drawers for all your clothes. I'm running a special this month, only $269 per week," she offers. "Week? Well we only need a place for one night. We are headed for Los Angeles and will be leaving early in the morning. I really need three beds, but I guess we can all sleep together. And I must have hot water, a bathtub, or at least a shower. I don't think we can drive another two hours, besides we need gas too," I say. "The gas station opens at 8AM dear. And my deluxe accommodation only rents by the week. It does have a sink, but no running water. However I do allow guests to bath in my home for an additional $30 per guest. Extra if you need soap or shampoo," she explains. "So it will cost $359 for three of us to bath and sleep in some rickety, dilapidated trailer? Are you insane," I reply. "Insane dear? Why would you dare insinuate that I'm insane," an infuriated Woe exclaims. "Just because I live in a town in the middle of nowhere all by myself. Just because I have been married 12 times, with six of my husbands buried in my backyard, just because I happen to like insects and reptiles and other earthly creatures, just because I try to make my guests feel welcomed....you...you...have the nerve to call me insane. Do you remember that special I offered? No more. If you and your guests want a shower and a place to stay and gas in the morning it will be $459. And if you think you can make it to the next town dear, beware of the Devil's Gulch. Too many weary travelers never make it through there, particularly at night, sleepy and with an empty tank of gas." "Okay I'll take it," I reply in a defeated voice. "By the way does this trailer happen to have cable," I ask. "I'm sorry dear no cable. But we do have a nice 12" black and white TV. Unfortunately the trailer doesn't have electricity though," Woe adds. "Well how in the heck are we going to see," I ask, more frustrated with each passing moment. "Oh our deluxe accommodation comes with it's very own Coleman Lantern. Unfortunately it's out of kerosene, but I do have some in my store. Only $50," she adds. "Please Ms. Woe, don't bother. I'm sure we have a flashlight. Now, does the deluxe accommodation come with sheets, blankets, and perhaps a couple of pillows," I sarcastically ask. "Don't be silly, of course it does. And I washed the sheets last year," she proudly exclaims. Enough I say to myself as I reach into my purse and pull out my Visa card. "Oh dear I have to add an additional 20% unless you pay cash," Woe explains. Whatever. Crazy critter lady!

I pay Woe, she hands me the keys, and I head back to the Camry to tell Dave and Star the news. The good news, we have a place to sleep for the night. The bad news it's in the town of Woeisme. I ask Dave to retrieve my luggage and a flashlight, and the three of us walk to the trailer. Dave shines the flashlight as I unlock the door and as I open the door I let out a loud shriek. Roaches scurry, flies buzz about and a vast assortment of other critters run and hide at the flash of a light. That's it, I'm getting my money back. No way I'm sleeping here! I run back to the office and notice Woe has turned on the "No Vacancy" sign. Well that will soon change! I knock on the door and she answers with a smile on her face. "Dear how do you like the trailer," she has the gall to ask. "Like, like....that place should be condemned. I want a refund....now," I demand. "Sorry dear, no refunds," she answers. "No refunds....that's it I'm turning you into the Better Business Bureau. You will be out of business soon," I exclaim loudly. Woe simply laughs and reminds me of the Devil's Gulch. "But there are bugs everywhere...it's...it's gross," I explain. "Those bugs are not bugs....they are God's creatures just like you and I," she explains. "They are very much accommodating, please don't give me your Elitist City Girl lip. Make peace with the insects, make peace with God's critters and your stay will be much more pleasant. Many of my guests even have a spiritual awakening after an evening here. May you and your guests have a pleasant evening and I will see you soon for your bath," she says. Great. Phreaking wonderful! I stomp back to the trailer and see Star waiting outside. "Where is Dave," I ask. "Inside, with a can of Raid," Star answers. I knew the man was brilliant! I mean who would even think about bringing a can of Raid on a Road Trip? Certainly not I. I mean I can barely cram enough makeup into my overnight bag and this guy brings a notebook, a pen, and a can of insect spray. Hopefully he brought a change of clothes too! I peak inside, inhaling enough fumes to make my head spin, and witness the carnage. Dead bugs everywhere! It was an awesome sight, icky but awesome. Dave emerges from the trailer and I give him a big smooch. I don't know what possessed me to do so, but it was nice. And finally Dave spoke. "Thank you," he said, "I will sweep out the dead bugs now." I never knew ten words could be so sexy!

Dave and Star tidy up our trailer and I gather my overnight bag and head to Woe's house for my bath praying it's not as creepy as the trailer. I gently knock on her door and she answers in a vintage pink bathrobe, her graying hair tied up in a bun. "Welcome dear, are you ready for your bath," she asks. "Yes, yes I am," I answer. As she welcomes me into her home I'm amazed, make that pleasantly shocked, to see that her home isn't crawling with creepy critters. Maybe they are in the bathroom. Woe asks me if I would like a glass of wine before bathing. I ask how much she charges for that. "For you my dear, it's free. I do want to apologize for my earlier rudeness, I'm just not accustomed to having very many guests. An occasional trucker, but you are the first female I've hosted in 3 years," she explains. Okay I think to myself, she's had twelve husbands, she's just being friendly. She probably misses girl talk. Woe brings me a glass of wine and I have a seat on her sofa. The vintage mauve sofa, intricately woven in a velvety fabric, was much more inviting than the trailer. Her entire living room had a Victorian feel, except for the mantle above her fireplace, which displayed twelve pictures of her late husbands. Being a curious girl, I was dying to know how they all, well, died. Woe hands me the wine in a vintage crystal glass, and I finally begin to relax after a rather eventful day. "Your husbands...what happened to them," I bravely ask. Woe points to husband number one. "Theodore, the love of my life. We met in 1952 while I was still in High School. Theodore was much older than I. In fact he was older than my father. Theodore had fought in World War One, started a very successful furniture upholstery business, and had never married. I was 15, a small town girl with big city dreams. I would do anything to get out of my decrepit small town, even if it meant marrying a man my father's age. So I did just that. We married 4 days prior to my 16th birthday and I never looked back. We moved to Yuma and life was grand. At least for the first few months. Then the women of Yuma began to gossip. They called me an opportunist, a whore, but I know they were just jealous. Theodore was the most successful man in Yuma and he was my husband. Mine. Unfortunately Theodore also had a heart condition. The man absolutely loved sex, but every time we "did it" I feared it may be the last time I'd ever see my beloved husband. So I never had an orgasm. I feared if I did he would just keel over right on top of me. It used to make him angry that I never orgasmed, and one night he had the gall to call me frigid. I was in tears dear. How dare the man I love accuse me of not loving him back. Well the next time Theodore and I made love I didn't hold back. I mean it's what he wanted. It was so passionate and I got so worked up and then it happened. I'm sure the entire town of Yuma heard me scream. Unfortunately it was too much for Theodore to handle and he had a heart attack and died right on top of me. Fortunately Theodore had a handsome life insurance policy and a successful business, so at 18 I received a rather large inheritance from him. I mourned for a few months and then headed to Tempe, where I met Walter, a retired mortician. Walter was actually much older than Theodore, but I loved him just the same. After a two week courtship he asked me to marry him. I hesitated at first, but I missed that companionship. But I knew Walter was not in good health, so I insisted we have separate beds. I couldn't stand the thought of losing another husband, especially before he could change his will, so we were not intimate. After awhile this arrangement was unsatisfactory to Walter, so one day these two men in a big truck came out and took our single beds away and replaced them with a beautiful King Sized bed with a striking brass canopy. Walter had also consulted his attorney, and insisted that if we were going to be married, that we share the same bed. I didn't want Walter to divorce me, so I conceded. After a couple of nights, Walter insisted if we were a married couple sleeping in the same bed then we should make love like married couples do. I hesitated at first, but he was my husband. One evening we kissed and cuddled and then Walter, well he died right on top of me. I was devastated....," Woe reflects, but I interrupt her. "You mean all of your husbands died during sex," I ask, fascinated by this conversation. "No dear, not all of them. Theodore, Walter, Frank, Calvin, and Arturo. Only five. Edward was struck by lightning, Max died in an unfortunate blimp accident, Ralph was bitten by a rattlesnake, Harry died of food poisoning, Charles died in a sandstorm, Claude died in a tractor accident, and Philip, well dear Philip died in the Devil's Gulch," Woe reflects. "I'm so sorry to hear that," I muse, "It's okay dear, all of my husbands were very good to me. I miss them dearly, but I will always cherish our time together. My only regret is never having children. To have a daughter, just like you, would make my life complete," she explains. Okay I can feel her pain, but I'm thinking perhaps Woe's clock has stopped ticking. Maybe she could adopt? Yes adoption is a good thing. I'm available! "Dear are you ready for your bath," she asks. "Yes a bath would be golden," I say. But first I had another question. "Ms. Woe, do you ever get lonely? I mean you've had 12 husbands and now you're spending your twilight years alone in the middle of nowhere." Woe contemplates, "Yes, sometimes I do get lonely. But I am at peace in the desert, with my insects, my critters, and the loving memories of my husbands. I thought about moving to one of those fancy retirement communities in Florida, but it just won't feel like home." I'm thinking to myself, what a waste! I mean this lady must be rich and she's just withering away with her insect farm in the middle of the desert. I can't help but offer advice, "Woe I think you need another man. Not necessarily a husband, more like a Boy Toy. I mean someone to keep you company, someone to help you run your store, someone to hold your hand as you stare at the stars. Someone young!" Woe smiles, "Echo dear I've done just that. I've had many men in my life besides my twelve husbands, and I've found most only want me for my money. They don't really love me. The last time I almost married was three years ago. A young golden boy named Seth. He was 22, a surfer boy, and I fell madly in love with him. At first he thought I was some crazy old lady, but then he began to fall for me. Then he asked me to marry him. I thought I was ready for husband thirteen until I caught him stealing money from my safe. To buy a surf board of all things. I confronted Seth and asked him why he would dare steal from his future wife, and why would he need a surf board in the middle of the desert. Seth had this puzzled look on his face, and then he admitted he was only marrying me for my money. I was calm and coy and didn't say a thing, but I was overwhelm with sorrow. How could he? Unfortunately a few days later Seth had a terrible accident. He's buried in my back yard. " Wow I think to myself, Woe has probably killed more men than Vinnie Romano! But I liked the loony old woman just the same. I took my bath and then headed back to the trailer.

Refreshed, I open the door to the trailer and find Dave and Star soundly asleep. They are sprawled all over the bed leaving precious little room for me. "Hey guys wake up," I say as I nudge Dave. "Wake up," I say in a raised voice. "Wake up damnit," I scream. Poor guys almost pee'd in their jammies! They prop themselves up as I begin to ramble, "Oh My God Woe is the most fascinating woman I've ever met. Strange, but fascinating. You know half of her husbands are buried in her backyard? And she's wealthy. The lady has money! Anyway she's invited us all for breakfast and this Critter Tour she has and I think we should go. Hello. Dave....Star...." They had fallen back asleep. Typical men. Precariously I climb into bed, nestling between Dave and Star. Hopefully they don't snore.

I wake up at the crack of dawn with severe cramps, and Dave's finger in my ear. I'm not sure if Dave was aware he put his finger in my ear, or if it was mere coincidence, but it bothered me just the same. I mean I don't sleep with strange men, much less two, but then again I've never met a mobster or a wacky, wealthy critter lady either. It's just a finger, so I guess I will just have to deal with it. So I nudge Dave and I nudge Star. Neither budge. "Hello guys," I announce. "Good morning guys," I say in a raised voice. "Fire," I scream. Dave and Star jump up in a dazed panic. "Time for breakfast guys," I announce.

Dave, Star and I get dressed and walk towards Woe's house when a semi pulls in. "It's my foster dad," exclaims Star. "Crap....he wants to kill me," I say in a panic. "Hide....hide." Dave, Star and I run to the side of the building. "Oh god I hope he doesn't see your car," I say. We watch as ExInterper gets out of the truck. He reaches inside and grabs a backpack and slings it to the ground. Next he grabs a small suitcase and does the same. Then an acoustic guitar. "Get out you filthy wench," ExInterper screams. The hitchhiker he picked up in Texas, J Slice, emerges from the truck screaming. "You filthy, dirty jerk. You smell like a$$, you look like a$$, you are an a$$," she says. Then J Slice, walks up to ExInterper and smacks him in the face. ExInterper is about to strike back when Woe emerges from the store with a 12 gauge shotgun. "I wouldn't touch her if I was you," Woe says. "Back off crazy lady I was just giving her a ride. It's over now. I'll be on my way," ExInterper says as he tips his grungy baseball cap and climbs back into his truck. "Wow that was close," I say as ExInterper drives away. "I hope she wasn't hurt." J Slice picks up her guitar and her bags and Star runs out to help her. "Are you okay," Star asks. J Slice, happy to see a friendly face, hugs Star. "Yes I'm okay, how about you," she asks. "I'm okay too, and I've made some new friends," he replies. "You know your Dad's a jerk," she responds. "He's not my dad," says Star. "I know, I know...but we are okay now," Slice answers as Star helps her with the bags. The two walk over to Dave and I, and Star introduces us. "This is Echogirl and Dave," he says. We exchange greetings and head to Woe's house for breakfast.

"Looks like you have a new passenger," observes Woe as we enter her home. "Please, have a seat." Dave, Star, Slice and I all have a seat Woe's elegant dining table. Antique oak in a rich mahogany. And Woe brought out her finest china. Imported from England, circa the early 1900's. Certainly not breakfast china I think to myself. "Before we eat we must say a prayer. Any volunteers," Woe asks. Now I totally suck at this prayer thingie so I pray somebody, anybody volunteers. "Anyone," she asks. "Fine, I'll say it myself." We all bow our heads as Woe leads us in prayer. "I think you Lord for bringing us all together this glorious morning. I thank you Lord for my new friendships and ask that you bless each of their souls during this incredible journey, and throughout their lives. I thank you Lord for giving me twelve wonderful husbands, and this place I call home. I thank you Lord for surrounding me with mother nature. All of God's creatures, may they be blessed. And I thank you Lord for the food on our table, even though I cooked it. And I ask you dear Lord that this food nourishes their bodies and doesn't give them indigestion. Amen." "Amen." The hungry travelers indulge in fruits, eggs, blueberry muffins and Shredded Wheat. "This is very good Woe, you've been too kind," I say. "You've been too kind. You're the daughter I never had. I do hope you will return one day," she returns. "I will...I promise," I say. The guys are digging in and Woe's attention turns to Slice. "Dear are you okay...you've barely touched your muffin." "Thank you...I'm fine. A little bit homesick, but I will be okay," Slice answers. "Where are you from dear," Woe asks. "I'm from Vermont originally, and I left to attend school at Duke. I was pre-med, but I really didn't like it. I told my parent's I wanted to be a folk singer and they didn't approve. They said if I quit school I was on my own. But I couldn't live my life for them, I had to live my life for me. I quit school and I'm hitch-hiking to San Francisco where I plan to sing," Slice explains. "But your such a precious young lady, you know it's dangerous hitch-hiking across the country," Woe replies. "Yes I know, I've had people telling me what I shouldn't do all my life," Slice answers. Woe continues, "I remember San Francisco. It was 1967, the Summer of Love. That's where I met Arturo, my sixth husband. He was an artist, at least when he wasn't marching, or burning draft cards. He introduced me to Jerry Garcia, and we spent three months living in a flat on Haight-Ashbury. Now I was a proper lady and really didn't understand what free love was all about. Before Arturo I wanted a proper gentleman. A successful gentleman. A provider. Arturo was so different. He didn't have anything of monetary value, but I found myself madly drawn to him nonetheless. He said I was his inspiration. We were married that summer and spent six glorious months together. One evening Arturo and I were in bed and he collapsed, right on top of me. Now this had happened before, but I was shocked it happened to Arturo because he was so young. But Arturo had some strange habits. He loved licking these little pieces of papers. They were just like stamps. I think he might have had some kind of allergic reaction..," Woe concludes as Dave drops his fork. "Son do you think that's amusing," Woe asks. "No ma'am it's very tragic," Dave answers. The man has become a chatterbox. Wait till I get him in the car! "Does anyone want to see my critters," asks Woe. "I have tarantulas and centipedes and fruit flies and horned toads and salamanders and snakes...I even have a Gila Monster," Woe proudly exclaims. I look at my watch and realize we are running late. "Why don't you take the guys on the tour and Slice and I will clean up," I say. "Fair enough, gentlemen come this way," directs Woe. Dave and Star go look at bugs and other creepy critters while Slice and I clean up.

"Wow I really admire you for following your dreams," I tell Slice. "I mean when I was your age I didn't have a clue. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and I guess I'm still searching," I add. "But your a famous Reality Show hostess, you should be proud," Slice replies. "You mean you've actually watched Pick The Bootee. I mean we almost got cancelled." "It's my favorite Reality Show, well next to the Anti Bootee Contest, especially the host Lion Chow, don't you think he's yummy" drools Slice. "I guess," I answer sarcastically. Slice continues, "But I really thought DoodleBug was great. She was sassy and so unpredictable." Slice adds. I feel redeemed, "Wow I'm flattered! You know I'm on my way to Los Angeles to meet with the network executives. I have so many ideas for my show. I've just created a new theme song, and I'm hoping to get more funding so I can do a heavy promotional push for my show. What I would really like to do is a big, glitzy premier gala. Maybe you could help? I'm always looking for talented artists," I reason. "Thanks, but I'm a folk singer. I really don't know what I can do to help. You can just drop me off in LA and I'll hitch hike to San Francisco," Slice says. "No you won't girl! I'll have Dave drive you to Frisco after our meeting, okay," I insist. "Sure," Slice answers. "Oh, what can you tell me about Star. I'm so concerned about him. I don't think it's a good idea for him to go back to his Foster Dad," I say. "I agree," answers Slice. "Star reminds me of my little brother. He's so sweet! He's been searching on the Internet for any connection to his real parents. He found out that his Mother was 15 when she gave birth. A runaway, but no one knows what happened to her. He found out that his Mother had a cousin, L82LIFE, that lived in Fresno which is why he wanted to travel with his Foster Dad to California. He told me he planned to "jump" from the truck somewhere in California and hitch hike to Fresno. I was so afraid he would hurt himself, and when he disappeared at IceCat's Truck Stop I panicked. I was afraid to ride alone with ExInterper, but I figured we would find Star up the interstate somewhere. When we didn't, his Foster Dad became very abusive. Thank God he found you guys. Thank God I found you guys," a relieved Slice answers. "Looks like a detour to Fresno," I say.

The guys return with Woe and Star was gushing with enthusiasm. "I can't believe I touched a live Gila Monster," proudly exclaims Star. Well that rocks I guess, but I hope Woe didn't give you and bugs for our drive I think to myself. "Woe you have been a wonderful hostess but we are really running late. How much do I owe you for breakfast," I ask. "Dear breakfast was on me. And the bill for your deluxe accommodation? Forget about it. It's been a pleasure to have such wonderful company. But before you go I would love for Slice to sing me a song," Woe asks. Slice isn't in a singing mood, but agrees. She picks up her guitar as the rest of us gather around in a circle. Slice asks that we hold hands. She strums her guitar and begins to sing:

How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?
Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?
Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head,
Pretending he just doesn't see?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

By the time Slice had finished, the whole room was filled with tears. It was touching. "Wonderful, simply wonderful," exclaims Woe. "I understand now why you had to leave your other world behind. Go girl, go," she exclaims. We all hug and thank Woe once again. We will never forget this place. Or the creepy critters.

Dave loads Slice's bags into the trunk and prepares to hop into the Driver's Seat. "Why not let Star drive," I offer. "He isn't old enough to drive," Dave answers. "Who cares," I reason. "I mean its flat and straight and I would really like to talk to you," I add. Dave knows I'm the boss so he tosses Star the keys to his car. Slice jumps in front leaving Dave no choice but to sit in the back with me. Finally I will see what's inside this mystery man's head.

to be continued....