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"SSC3 The Last Game (FF)"
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TechNoir 9741 desperate attention whore postings
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08-02-03, 07:59 PM (EST)
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"SSC3 The Last Game (FF)"
Almost against my will I found myself standing in an impossibly dingy corner of the ancient sub shop. The grimy dark green walls were the color I remembered with a few more accumulated layers of grease. This had always been a noisy place, full of students with an occasional professor or local kid wandering through. The silence today was the most striking change.

The shop's prime had passed. The once ornate reverse paintings surrounding the golden name of the shop on the window were peeling for the last time. The shop still didn't serve vegetarian subs or that fancy coffee that cost more than most of the sandwiches.

The aging owner just nodded when I entered, more responding to the sound of the bell on the door than the entrance of a potential customer. In the past few years he seemed to have become resigned to the dwindling numbers who rang that bell. It was probably his loneliness that finally drove him to accept one of the steady stream of buy-out offers that came his way. The location one block from the University was prime real estate in this market.

All of us who hung out there knew his story. He had owned the place for more than two decades. When he dropped out of college his parents were worried about what would become of him, so they pulled together a small sum and put a down payment on this place, the only thing that seemed to hold his attention. Everyone was surprised that he kept up the payments. He had made it like his home, feeding his guests inexpensive food, keeping the floor swept and the music loud. He invited all of us to a huge party the day it was paid off.

Somehow I thought I might run into a few old friends, but I guess they were all busy driving kids to soccer practice or reviewing contracts. I took a quarter out of my pocket and dropped it into that last mechanical pinball machine in the corner. I was out of practice, but my body still knew what to do. I donít know how long I stood there in the almost dark, but I was shooting the third ball when the men with the dolly came to take it away. I couldnít bear to watch it go, so I turned, waved to Al, and let myself out, listening to the bell on the door for the last time.



"Half of Tech's charm is that sometimes I have no idea what she's talking about" -- True

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF) true 08-02-03 1
 RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF) I_AM_HE 08-03-03 2
 RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF) Wheezy 08-03-03 3
 RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF) Drive My Car 08-03-03 4
 RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF) Swami 08-03-03 5
   RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF) Drive My Car 08-04-03 8
 RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF) Survivorerist 08-03-03 6
 RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF) cqvenus 08-03-03 7
 RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF) Schnookie Palookie 08-04-03 9
 RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF) Sunny_Bunny 08-04-03 10
 RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF) L82LIFE 08-04-03 11
 RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF) Breezy 08-06-03 12
 RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF) Lisapooh 08-19-03 13

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true 9681 desperate attention whore postings
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08-02-03, 11:50 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF)"
Excellent! Great attention to detail, and very descriptive. I was able to form a vivid picture in my mind as I read your story. Thanks Tech!


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I_AM_HE 6123 desperate attention whore postings
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08-03-03, 00:15 AM (EST)
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2. "RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF)"
love it tech. very sad
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Wheezy 9153 desperate attention whore postings
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08-03-03, 08:42 AM (EST)
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3. "RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF)"
You know what I love about your writing?

You are so good at showing a broad picture and then narrowing to a point so carefully we don't notice, til you hit us in the gut with a an overcoming feeling we never knew we had.

" I donít know how long I stood there in the almost dark, but I was shooting the third ball when the men with the dolly came to take it away."

Guh.


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Drive My Car 20045 desperate attention whore postings
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08-03-03, 10:06 AM (EST)
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4. "RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF)"
Loved this. I felt like I was there.
You've given so much background in such a short piece, I could really feel the history behind your story.

I loved the bell on the door line.

I read this twice , last night and again this morning.

Thanks Tech

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Swami 5883 desperate attention whore postings
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08-03-03, 01:53 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF)"
Great FF, Tech! You condensed a lot of story into a nice, tight narrative. I loved it!

Funny thing, it might have been the story of Al's Breakfast--a little hole-in-the-wall student hangout near the U of MN for many years. Sadly, so many places like that--small but full of character--just end when their owners retire. An Egg McMuffin is no substitute.



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Drive My Car 20045 desperate attention whore postings
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08-04-03, 00:12 AM (EST)
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8. "RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF)"

Funny thing, it might have been the story of Al's Breakfast--a little hole-in-the-wall student hangout near the U of MN for many years. Sadly, so many places like that--small but full of character--just end when their owners retire. An Egg McMuffin is no substitute.


Thanks Swami! You said what I couldn't put into words, food can be just food, but the place makes the experience. Tech took us to the place and let us taste it all.

( I have now read this story 3 times and it is still fresh and full of mood)

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Survivorerist 4103 desperate attention whore postings
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08-03-03, 02:15 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF)"
Ugh, that story just made my stomach turn. Great work Tech
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cqvenus 9713 desperate attention whore postings
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08-03-03, 02:24 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF)"
this is very high-quality flash fiction

you convey a long, complicated story very well within a short (attention-span) contraint.

very good stuff

~ cq

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Schnookie Palookie 16822 desperate attention whore postings
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08-04-03, 02:42 PM (EST)
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9. "RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF)"
Another great story Tech. You always manage to bring us right there. As if we all have the same memories.

Great work!


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Sunny_Bunny 5430 desperate attention whore postings
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08-04-03, 03:48 PM (EST)
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10. "RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF)"
Oh Tech, this is wonderful! I felt as if I was there. So many of our old haunts are falling by the wayside, and this captures the nostalgia so well!!!

Sigh...longing for the good old days.

~Bun


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L82LIFE 5333 desperate attention whore postings
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08-04-03, 05:57 PM (EST)
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11. "RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF)"
Very vivid, Tech. You capture the feeling of nostalgic loss perfectly with this piece.



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Breezy 18268 desperate attention whore postings
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08-06-03, 09:03 AM (EST)
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12. "RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF)"
That was wonderful!!!!!

I could see it all, great descriptions.

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Lisapooh 12661 desperate attention whore postings
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08-19-03, 12:04 PM (EST)
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13. "RE: SSC3 The Last Game (FF)"
You know what I really dig about this? You took this personal story from one person's perspective of how things fade away and turned it into something universal. And you did it in flash fiction. I'd hate you if I didn't envy you so much!

Here's the deal - it's sad and it makes us get this struggle with how time and life has kinda moved on. The guy's faded, the restaurant itself has faded and the protagonist wants to recapture some of that zeal of youth, but going there just makes them see that all of that is really gone.

Sweet job Tech! Keep at it - you're a great writer!

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