Dave: It's time again for tonight's Top Ten list. From the home office in Hamilton, Ontario, the Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your Homeroom Teacher.
Paul: I heard Ontario. Does that mean that kid is up writing lists again?
Dave: Hmmmm... <sniffs the sheet> it smells like leftover pizza and Pepsi...and it's triple spaced and the and in size 30 font. Yep, it looks that way to me, Paul.
Paul: Oh good. He hasn't written one of these in so long, I thought he might have died.
Dave: Hahahahaha. Anyways, this list is about homeroom teachers.
Paul: Is that kid still in school?
Dave: Oh yeah.
Paul: I mean, why don't we just make him a writer? Then he'd be able to write for us all the time.
Dave: Are you kidding me? Another writer? You know that'd mean we'll have to take a pay cut.
Paul: I never thought of it that way.
Dave: Yeah. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't afford the lease on my El Camino.
Paul: That'd be a crying shame.
Dave: That it would. Anyways, let's get to the list. And heeeeeeeeeeeeeere we go!
The Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your Homeroom Teacher
10. Welcome to math. This semester, you'll be helping me manage my finances so I can support my crack habit.
9. A quick show of hands, who thinks they'll get a better time on their fitness tests if I throw in a few attack dogs?
8. Now people say I'm harsh, but I can guarantee you that you'll make it out of here alive and with an A, because if you don't get one, I'll kill you.
7. Just from the looks of you, I think you'll all fail this class. Except for Jenny, she's kinda hot.
6. I like to call it Home Ec with a twist. We'll be cooking a bunch of stuff I saw on Fear Factor.
5. Just for kicks, I'm gonna try teaching this course in reverse order. Finals are tomorrow.
4. Safety shmafety. We're just gonna mix the chemicals together and hope we come out of the lab with all our limbs, k?
3. Oh geeze, guess what guys? It's a new semester and I'm way behind on my fail quota.
2. I will not accept tardiness. Class starts promptly at 8:00, but only on Mondays which are divisible by 5. If it's a day that starts with T, then class starts at 3 times the square root of the date unless it ends in a one in which case...
And the #1 Thing You Don't Want To Hear From Your Homeroom Teacher
1. You might be wondering if I have an actual teaching degree. Well you're gonna laugh at this story...
(Another IceCat original )
The Top 5 FLL Castaways
1. Neleh Dennis (11 weeks at #1)
2. Colby Donaldson (5 weeks at #1)
2. Helen Glover (5 weeks at #1)
4. Amber Brkich (4 weeks at #1)
4. Lex Van Den Burghe (4 weeks at #1)