Top 10 things to teach grand kids (revenge on my own children)
When our daughter was 9, we tried (in vain) to have her keep a clean room. We told her that when she had children of her own, when they visited us we would teach them how to mess up their own house, as payback for her mess. She glared at us and stomped off screaming: "Fine! You're never going to see your grandchildren"!
I know when the time arrives, she will be more than happy to have us baby sit, and I will be able to teach my heirs what I never would have taught my own children, but I suspect they may have picked up from my parents.
1) It is perfectly acceptable (and even desirable) to call your other Gramma a b*tch when having Thanksgiving dinner with her instead of here.
2) If your parents look at you the wrong way, call 911, whisper your address to the nice lady and hang up before Mom and Dad catch you. Make sure to answer the door!
3) Sure you can put the cat in the dryer!
4) You can make a drum out of practically anything in your house! Let me show you.
5) Always eat as much candy as possible right before bedtime. Hide it, otherwise your parents will steal it from you.
6) It is illegal for children to brush their teeth or take showers/baths. I can't believe your parents would make you do that!
7) You should bring all your friends over for snack and sodas after school and playtime.
8) Bringing home all stray animals you find is natural and expected. You may want to go liberate some from nearby fields.
9) It is fun and creative to change nursery rhyme words with the following : s---, s----, p---, b---, f---. Make sure to sing out loud and preferably in front of a crowd.
10) And kid, here's Gramma phone number. Learn it, know it, I have a feeling you're going to need it. Wipe your nose on your sleeve, hon. More soda?
"No wonder Grandparents and their Grandchildren get along so well! They have a common enemy."