The episode opens with crybaby Jake whining over getting votes (once again) at the last TC. Whereas he feels fortunate to still be in the game, he is determined to go from “pawn” to “play’a’” Sorry to be your bear”a” of bad tidings, but the best you can hope for is to go from pawn to GOAT.

We hear that Bruce’s immunity run has to stop so he needs to be eliminated.

The realization hits Mama J that her close friends and business/work associates back at home are among millions and millions of viewers who will see firsthand how she was able to willingly deceive and lie with relative ease to those she had a hand of putting on the jury. Not that the jurors will be any more forgiving.

In her tearful plea for self-preservation, she laments over never asking for the “mama” label to be bestowed upon her and questions why? Allow me to provide the answer—because you were the oldest female selected among a cast of predominantly 20- and 30-year-olds. Until CBS/Production addresses its age discrimination, it is a cross castaways like you will unfortunately have to bear.

She turns to someone with an estrogen level close to hers, so Drew is the shoulder she cries on who joins Mama J by proceeding to cry like a sissy boy himself.

Meanwhile, Bruce solidifies his Jacka$$ status by drumming up a stupid lie that he gave his II to Kellie who walked out with it when blindsided. As if the lie is not stupid enough, he decides to test it out on the person who has disliked him from day one (Katurah) and who wouldn’t give consideration to anything he said even if he was telling the truth. Oh, it gets better. He then admits to her that it really IS a lie and needed someone to test it out on. So, what Bruce did was walk up to the person who hates him the most and essentially say, “Hey, thanks for being my guinea pig!” Brilliant! Production’s “best department” shining bright!!

Less than 15 minutes into the show we have a challenge...more specifically a REWARD challenge. That means TWO challenges. This is shaping up to be MY kind of episode!

The reward challenge ends with having to navigate a ball through a table maze by looking like a puppet master putting on a puppet show. Even viewers who might call this challenge a “Mickey Mouse” production would have to admit it is not easy at first and does require a learning curve (unless you’re like Carson or Matthew from last season who constructed a replica back at home to practice with.) Austin and Emily prove to be the fastest learners. When Austin drops his ball, Emily’s solid effort earns her the win! Well done!

She will enjoy a turkey dinner with all the fixings, a comfortable sleepover, and letters from home. Naturally, she must choose someone to share the reward with. She chooses Mama J because, accordingly to Emily, “she hasn’t been sleeping well.” When all is said and done Emily had to choose THREE players to join her. At that point (after selecting Mama J, Katurah, and Dee) she has no choice but to come clean and infer only those born with a vagina will accompany her to the Sanctuary dubbing it a “girl’s night out.” Jake and Drew could make a case for joining them considering all the crying and ultra-sensitivity they’ve displayed.

This leaves the four (not chosen) all males to have a sausage party back at camp.

THE SANCTUARY

One order of business discussed at the Reward confirmed what I posted last week. The girls will band together to assure a female winner this season. I nailed it! Ah yes...the power of being right!!

The other order of business is getting Bruce out of the game. This is when “guinea pig” Katurah transformed into Stool Pigeon Katurah and spills the beans about Bruce’s idiotic lie.

While partaking in the feast, we hear sob stories (if you want to call them that) from each woman. Emily kicks off the tear-jerkers by how she is soooooo overcome with grief over not being home for her sister while her sister was moving. Oh my, do you think she’ll ever be able to live with herself?? *snort*

Actually, she won’t have to live with “herself” because she informs us she has a serious boyfriend. She also stated she’s not the marrying type; then follows it up by saying from her experience on Survivor she can’t imagine sharing the rest of her life without him as if this is such an emotional struggle. If this was 1953, I would acknowledge the dilemma. Last I checked, it’s 2023...can’t she have both? Where do they find these people??

Without providing details, Katurah tells us she basically disowned her mom a year ago...at least that’s how I interpreted her backstory.

Dee continues to seek sympathy from her family’s immigration from Cuba as if most everyone from the current USA population of 340 million are direct descendants from the Mayflower in 1620 and she is one of the RARE few who has a USA immigration ordeal in her family history. BOO-HOO!

Julie is still tormenting over how she was unexplainably possessed to become this deceitful liar. Secretly, she is hoping a successful exorcism might be able to be performed in Fiji so she can return back home as the sweet harmless Mama J she would like the millions of viewers to perceive her as. Or if she gets a seat at FTC, preferably sooner.

When reading the letters from home, the Sanctuary became the Squonk-uary.

THE SAUSAGE PARTY

We’re treated to an excerpt from Kenny Loggins “Playing with the Boys.” Before allowing Survivor to use his song, I’m guessing Production probably didn’t inform Kenny his soundtrack would be shared with a bunch of burping and farting. Only thing missing were snot rockets...

Drew, by his own admission, has never been “one of the boys.” This could be a result of crying like a little schoolgirl and his lack of muscle definition...but that didn’t stop him from flexing (what I can only guess were) his bone ligaments.

Bruce got back on his “I gave my II to Kellie” kick hoping that will break up the Reba four. For that reason, he does not want to tell Drew & Austin personally but shares his stupid lie with Jake because Jake possesses two female characteristics—he can cry on cue, and he can’t keep a secret figuring that’s how it will get back to Drew/Austin. True to form, Jake gossips it to Drew/Austin.

Drew catches wind that Jake has been throwing his name out as a target. Drew confronts Jake. It escalates into a “female” hissy fit. Drew refers to Jake as a mobster which gives us this episode’s title when Jake can’t understand why he is a mobst”a” since he’s low man on the totem pole. Hey Jake, when a “wise guy” who is low man in a mafia family throws others under the bus to save himself from getting whacked, does that make him any less of a mobst “a?” What a simpleminded idiot.

When the girls return, the boys are all giddy hearing the primary target Bruce does not have his II and shares it with the girls. Katurah, who was moronically told by Bruce himself it is a made-up lie, defuses the situation.

Last season the male viewers were treated to an underwater swimming scene showcasing Carolyn’s plastic boobies in all their floatation splendor. This season, in this episode, the female viewers get to see Austin spearfishing in his underwear. Hey, what’s good for the goose, is good for the gander...or in this case, reverse it.

Austin kicks butt with his spearfishing prowess. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, he is the most COMPLETE player this season. The only box he has yet to check off is winning an individual IC. Which brings us to...

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Survivors must lay on an inclined board over the water only holding on to side handles that get smaller every five minutes into the challenge. Last one in the water wins.

If you needed a vagina to go on the reward, by my assessment, you needed a penis to have any chance to win immunity. Anatomical fact—women’s center of gravity is in the hip area, and men’s center of gravity is below the chest area. If ever a challenge was skewed to a particular gender, this one was it. Not surprisingly, all the females slide down first; but not before some drama.

All the castaways have been on an island and around or in the water for 19 days. When did Katurah start freaking out over going in the water?? The commotion she created was ridiculous.

It became a Bruce vs. Austin showdown. Austin can now check the box for IC win! He is the most complete player this season. Sadly, with the morons casted for the game, that has not equated to Sole Survivor in recent seasons.

With Bruce presumably playing his idol, the talk back at camp following the IC is Jake vs. Mama J. But not if Emily has anything to do with it. She pushes hard to still target Bruce with the hope she can convince him he is safe and have him not play his idol and vote him out. If she could pull it off, it would be the move of the season so far.

Jake bellyaches to Bruce and asks him why he lied to him about his idol. Let me answer that for you, Jake...because Production intentionally casts lying sacks of sh!t. Bruce provided a more straight-forward answer...because “that’s Survivor.”

TRIBAL COUNCIL

I’d say about equal amount of airtime was given to the jury as to the players at this TC. The two certainties you were able to count on during the game with the newest juror Kendra were cleavage and obnoxious embellishment. Anyone wondering if she would bring them to the jury didn't have to wait too long...she delivered with both.

Crybaby Jake continued to grip about how h”a”d it is to feel left out. Enough already!

But this TC, as the case with most of the episode, belonged to Emily. She was pulling all the stops to make Bruce NOT play his idol knowing going in he’d receive the most votes with Jake as the contingency plan. She baits the hook, sticks it in Bruce’s mouth, and reverts to the age-old tactic of reverse psychology by saying, she’d "be surprised if Bruce does NOT play his idol” Bruce bit hard and when asked if anyone wants to play their idol, Bruce doesn’t flinch.

When the first three votes were read for Jake, Kendra Kleavage performs her chin mole disappearing open-mouth gasp act. This reinforces my claim made last week that her brain is not her best asset(s) since even a novice Survivor fan knows bootees votes get read at the end. Kaleb advises her by uttering “wait” more times than we’ve heard Jiffy say, “now THAT’S how you do it on Survivor.” True to form, the last four votes are read for Bruce, the dumbass who walked out of TC with his torch snuffed and his II in his pocket.

NTOS

Austin asks Dee, “what do you think about most?”
The thought bubble above Austin’s head wishfully contains two letters...ME
The one above Dee’s head is thinking if I could be sitting between two dudes at FTC, the girls will make good on their intentions and give me a million dollars!

Julie rambles some gibberish about “going rogue?” Really? Why abandon the Reba 4 now??

I know this is becoming a familiar drill, but I’ll be out of state again this weekend and not returning until Tuesday. Just wanted to give you a heads-up so you don’t think I’m ignoring you when you respond to this post with unproven theories, entertaining conspiracies, and presumed fixes to support your narratives. LOL