LAST EDITED ON 11-18-23 AT 02:07 PM (EST)Part 1
15 Hits and 30 misses ago, SeeBS brought on remote Tropical locations, a new show, conceived in Lies, and dedicated to the proposition that all men and women are created to amuse the gullible that sit in front of their TV.
Now we are engaged in a great Social Experiment, testing whether that show, or any show so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure.
From the previous episode, we should remember that Bruce has an idol and is made of teflon while Jake is an idiot.
We are treated to two groups arriving at camp with the usual awkwardness and regrets but in double the dosage.
Probst doesn’t care; he’ll go up to the lethal dose before he listens to our suggestions. How about something destabalizing? Like maybe having them return to a camp that was destroyed. Or force them to run a challenge right there and then. Keep them, AND ESPECIALLY US, on our toes. Start the game with 20 individuals but then, after 5 cycles, form 3 tribes of 5. Run two separate games in parallel and have them join right after their respective merger Tribal Councils. There are enough possibilities to keep this interesting.
Wisdom à la Bruce: Jake made a mistake voting with Kaleb, it was like, and to quote Bruce: « Following a dead horse to water. »
Way of mixing metaphors there Bruce! Of course, if the horse is dead, it won’t be drinking that water but how does it make its way to the water in the first place? What Bruce should have said is that Jake’s horse is dead. After such a stupid move, how can he be taken seriously? Actually, Jake isn’t a horse but more of a Goat, the Katie Gallagher kind of goat, not the Tom Brady G.O.A.T.
Wisdom à la Julie: « It feels like its old Reebok against old Bellow now.»
I would say she’s about 10 days late because it was ALWAYS Reebok vs Bellow.
First grade arithmatics tells the girls that they are 6 against only 4 men so they could take control.
Except when the women have a strong leader like Kim it seems that there’s always a Caryn Groedel in the group, one that Katie Gallagher would say SUCKS! (How about that! Two Palau references in the opening segment. Can I add on? Sure I can. Just watch me.
Kendra is sure that the idea of six badass women kicking their butt is haunting the men’s thoughts.
Kendra is just slightly off: We see the 4 men sitting on the beach and thinking of eating tacos.
The only way they’d show less worries is if they went back to camp and ordered the women to cook those tacos for them.
Kellie agrees to the women’s idea of getting rid of Bruce because he is dragging her game down. It seems he has been telling some people that Kellie is his # 1.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he did. Unfortunately, Kellie is a little too late coming to this realization. The editors cut from her confessional directly to the Fijian Warrior and, by now, we know that isn’t a good omen. Both times prior, Kendra’s plans had failed so we can now expect that Kellie’s and all future « warrior » plans will fail. In Kellie’s case, the failure will soon turn dramatic for her.
Something New!
Finally, production has used its imagination to come up with a fun twist. An Auction where the players have to find their money in the jungle.
When she reads out loud that the Survivor Auction is back, Kendra goes back to her sickening pelvic gyrations à la Elvis.
The race is on...well except for Bruce who adopts the pace of a dying horse.
After the race Jiffy reveals the results. We see that:
Dee has $900
Austin and Kellie have $700
All others are in between Jake’s $340 and Drew’s $520 while Bruce’s horse could be claimed for a mere 80 bucks.
Kellie is happy but there has to be a catch, she says.
Of course there’ll be a catch but, for Bruce, it would have been better had he not found a single penny. It has been so long since the last auction that we have low definition images of Tom, Caryn and Stephenie during the Palau Auction (3)
Besides the hunt for the money, Jiffy informs the players of 2 other changes:
No advantages to be gained. (There were plenty in play and players used to wait for it making for very little auction action.)
The number of items will be revealed by a number picked from a bag by Jiffy. The one who has the most money left at the end will lose their next vote.
If you want a detailed account of who got what and for how much well watch the show. If you think I’ll waste my time with this, you are, in the words of Stephenie LaGrossa, sadly mistaken. (4)
I’ll, just say that it’s fishy that the # 10 was drawn by Jiffy. It was right in the middle meaning that, for the TV show it had just enough auction to be enjoyable but still an abrupt end. The players outsmarted production because they bid all their money on the item they wanted. That left...
Bruce who, with his $80 never had enough money to make a final bid but wound up with more money than everyone else and lost his vote.
What was stupid was that Jiffy sent them back to camp right away so Kellie who bought the last item didn’t even get time to enjoy it. While Bruce is giving his confessional about losing his vote, we see Kellie turning to Jiffy, her expression clearly a plea to have some time to eat. Did she get it? I don’t know. That would be my exit interview question.
The return to camp offered Emily the chance to be the new Caryn Groedel and talk to Tom Westman...sorry! I meant Drew. (5)
Some will say that Drew being the new version of Tom is an indication of how casting sucks but I’ll remind everyone that Todd was at least as nerdy as Drew so nothing new here.
Part II
We are met on a small battle-field of that Experiment. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a Loser Lodge for those who gave up their torches that that show might entertain. It is altogether unfitting and improper that we should do this without bashing those who made stupid moves.
But, in a larger sense, they have desacrated—they have debased —they have defecated on—this ground much more than we can ever do. The fat naked man, who first struggled here, has desecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will bash but soon forget what we write here, but unfortunately can never forget what the cast have done here.
The Challenge
It was the old hold the pole representing 1/3 of their pre-game body weight trick. There was also the old offer of a bag of rice if 4 people declined participation. Dee and Emily were quick to accept the rice proposal but then Kat started negotiating for safety. To cut this non-sense short, jiffy came up with another good new idea: He punctured the bottom of the bag so that rice came pouring out. If they wanted any rice, two other players had to make a quick decision. Drew and Kat stepped forward leaving the group with a good amount of rice.
Jiffy kept saying they were holding on to 1/3 of their body weight but who knows if that is true? One preferred contestant could have only ¼ body weight while another (like Kellie or Kendra) whose elimination would make for great TV had to support ½ of their body weight. Who would know the difference? Not them and certainly not us watching on TV
Kellie and Kendra were the first to drop. In the end, it came down to Julie and Bruce. After a good opposition, Julie dropped out, leaving Bruce with Immunity.
Part III
It is for us the bored, rather, to be abused here to the unfinished work which they who backstabbed here have thus far so ignominiously advanced. It is rather for us to be here bashing the game remaining before this cast — that from these amusingly snuffed we take increased joy to that chance of a lifetime for which they gave the last full measure of their dreams and enthusiasm — that we here highly resolve that these snuffed shall have fallen in vain — that this show, under Probst, shall have a new birth of twists — and that production of the con men, by the con men, for the gullible, shall not perish from the Islands of the South Pacific.
Now that Bruce was off the table, the scrambling began in earnest. Rightfully so, Kellie was the most worried. Jake realized that he was being pushed to give a name. It made him think that he could be the target.
Well, DUH!
Jake started an intense idol search so Kat went to babysit him.
Drew was worried about Jake having an idol so he came up with an alternative plan. He presented it to the 3 other Reebok and Emily. They agreed that Kellie and Bruce were a lot like Sophie and Coach.
STOP everything! Put that show on pause. It seems that the great Misunderstanding about Survivor So Pathetic has reached this generation of players so I must set the record straight: Coach was the brains of the Apollo alliance. He brought Brandon, Albert and Sophie together. Mostly, he’s the one that won the game for them by drawing Cockroach in at the merger. Sophie did NOTHING until Ozzy told her that everyone that had gone through Redemption Island said she was pathetic. It was her emotional outburst that won the game... and the fact that no one wanted to vote for Coach. But, on a purely clinical analysis of that Final 3, Coach deserved the win.
Anyway, Drew managed to get the five together on Kellie...or Jake! He still said he was undecided when he started the walk to Tribal Council
But we can see misdirection when it hits us in the face! Of course, Kellie is toast.
Tribal council
Bruce realized he was the first to lose his vote but win immunity on the same day.
Jiffy then asked a hard question to Jake: How can they handle a game that is individual but requires players to work together.
Jake kind of fumbled that question, going on a tangent about there being negatives to all the benefits that you do.
Objection your Dishonor: The defendant’s attorney is obviously misleading these proceedings.
Jake asked if he could make a pitch. His wish was granted by the court. So, Jake is there about to make a pitch but it doesn’t come.
Balk! one viewer screams. Pitch clock violation says another! Either way, Jake has to regroup.
With the count against him, Jake says that stockpiling votes on someone isn’t playing Survivor. If they are stockpiling the votes on him, the person at the bottom of the group is making the wrong move.
Asked to comment on Jake’s pitch, Kellie said she understood but that Jake had made his move too fast.
It was soon time to vote:
Jake played his Shot in the Dark but it failed.
The first three votes Jiffy read were all against Jake
(Those were Kellie, Kendra and Kat’s votes.)
The next five were on Kellie.
(Reebok + Emily)
Kat, Kendra, Jake, Bruce and especially Kellie were shocked. She couldn’t even find her torch.
On his way back to camp, Jake must have swallowed a few flies because his jaw remained opened all the time.
Next Time on Survivor:
Emily tells Austin that Dee wins the game if she makes it to the end.
(The same was said early on about Denise and she did go on to win)
Austin says he doesn,t want to get rif of Dee because he likes talking to her.
(I'm sure he'd like it to bew more than talk)
The challenge will be 3x3x3 and the losers won't be allowed to vote.
The 3 teams are:
1 - Jake, Drew and Dee
2 - Kendra, Bruce and Julie
3 - Kat, Austin and Emily
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