Neanderthals snorted as means of communication. Modern day Homo sapiens snort to express derision and ridicule. Last time I checked my Birth Certificate, I’m NOT 100,000 years old. So, by simple process of elimination, it’s easy to determine the source of my snorting in this post.Returning from TC, The Sifu is perplexed trying to “figure out” who and why he received a vote. The “why” should be self-evident...YOU ACT LIKE A HORSE’S A$$, even though Dee uttered some gobbledygook about The Sifu being a threatening player. LOL
CONSPIRACY UPDATE
In the Agreement Dee was “influenced” into signing, she was mandated to say that in a confessional as per Production’s predetermined script. * snort *
The “who” should have been evident as well, when Dee wanted to keep her dinosaur mouth/tombstone teeth shut by informing The Sifu she “didn’t want to discuss it.” Hey The Sifu...RED FLAG!! What a moron!
At Belo everyone is bellyaching (figuratively AND literally) lamenting over their hunger pangs. When suffering that type of discomfort, the one thing you should NOT do is talk about food. So, what does Belo do? Mention more food items then you could find at a Vegas all-you-can-eat buffet. Genius!
CONSPIRACY UPDATE
NuBelo was given the “script” to specifically talk about food. * snort *
King Drew has other thoughts on his mind. He tells us he likes Kendra’s “presence.” Hey Drew, you could bet your “Kingdom” if Kendra showed up to Casting wearing anything similar to what she is wearing on Survivor, Production like her “presence” (aka ample cleavage) as well. And this set of boobies is not even of the plastic variety!
At LuLu, Jake continues to show us what a lightweight he is by passing out...again. Nurse Kellie runs to his aid. This leads to a Jake tearful backstory as he starts crying like a sissy-boy. He informs us (even though he is acting like a “lightweight) nothing could be further from the truth. As a result of his food addition, he binged like a pig and ballooned up to 280 pounds. He says he tried to hide his food binging from his mommie, but she “figured it out.”
Hey Jake, it’s doesn’t take any maternal instinct for a parent to know when a porker tips the scale at 280 it’s because THEY EAT TOO DAMN MUCH!! You can’t blame it all on water retention. Despite the fact he cries like a little girl, he is still biologically a male, so being pregnant with sextuplets on the way wasn't an option either.
Jake makes himself the champion of his own story by saying he worked “HAAAD” to lose the weight because he’s a Surviv”a.”
Only five episodes into the season and we must have had at least a dozen scenes with grown “men” crying and weeping like schoolgirls. Does Production test male applicants for high estrogen levels before making the final selections?? So far IMO, the castaway with the most testosterone has been the one with the biggest boobies—Kendra. We’ve heard more burping and belching from her than in a college frat house. This gal even eats worms...or at least tries to. She may even have the hairiest armpits. If you’re into European chicks, she’s a keeper.
Whereas, Belo whines about nothing to eat, Kaleb at LuLu has everyone “eating” out of his hands. The star of this season has made alliances with every OldBelo member on NuLuLu.
CONSPIRACY UPDATE
In order to continue the solid international relationship between USA and Canada, CBS required everyone at NuLuLu to align with Kaleb. * snort *
Back at Reba, The Sifu is still scratching his ridiculous mohawk/conehead hairdo head refusing to let go of that one single dumb vote. He tells us he’s ready to “rock-n-roll.” Let’s hope it’s not the same “rock-n-roll” he was attempting when he was doing his stupid air guitar.
At Belo, Emily continues to bask in the aftermath of her Dumba$$ Luck Award honor.
CONSPIRACY UPDATE
Emily was intentionally put on a tribe as the swing vote because ALL the other castaways, many who have been trying for years (if not decades) to be selected, willingly and happily forfeited a 1-15 shot at a MILLION DOLLARS so maybe they could get another opportunity to be told AGAIN they must forfeit their shot at another million. Makes perfect sense to me. * snort *
IMMUNITY/REWARD CHALLENGE
Forty-five minutes into the episode. It’s about friggin’ time!
This challenge is also for a reward that is hidden beneath a tarp/blanket. Embellishment Queen drops to the ground in a squatting posture because she can barely contain herself EVEN THOUGH SHE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT THE REWARD IS. It turns about to be fish everyone was too pathetically inept to catch themselves. Had it also been for a yoga mat, Kendra’s chin mole would have probably popped!
Michel provided an amusing post on this IC, so I will not repeat the details here. The order of finish was Reba, LuLu and Belo.
In addition to immunity and a larger assortment of fish, Reba selects one member and picks one player on each of the other two tribes to embark on a journey. J Maya will represent Reba. Kellie is selected because J Maya (Reba) tells us she did not have the opportunity to participate in the IC. So, I guess that means the other player (Emily) to occupy the Sandra Sit-out Bench will be LuLu’s representative. NO, Austin is selected.
CONSPIRACY UPDATE
Reba wanted to be consistent and select Emily, but Production would not “allow” it. They needed Emily back at the Belo camp to be the human wishbone between OldReba and Old Belo members. Afterall, that’s why it was “rigged” for her to be on NuBelo in the first place * snort *
On the Journey, J Maya, Kellie, and Austin must make a “majority rule” decision. Choose between sandwich wraps and a pitcher of OJ or amulets that come with a long line of conditions Austin is all too familiar with. In a previous episode, Austin boasted about how “stacked” the Reba alliance is with the cornucopia of advantages they possess. So, no surprise he wants the food. J. Maya knows she has the “catch of the week” waiting for her back at Reba for winning the IC. No surprise she wants the amulets. It all comes down to Kellie. Jellyfish Kellie does not have the spine to be the tiebreaker, so Austin lets her off the hook and they will be returning back to their respective camps with the amulets.
Back at Reba, King Drew and Brando are vying for Emily’s swing vote. Brando announces he’ll be a lying sack of sh!t to throw the King under the bus. Emily is still wrestling with her decision and I honestly do not know why. With Reba she joins an alliance who is “stacked” with advantages. With Belo she joins Kendra who is just plain “stacked.” Is this REALLY a dilemma? If that’s not enough, when Austin returns, he sweetens the pot by sharing the amulet from his journey with her and King Drew. If she’s STILL struggling with this obvious decision, as an investment analyst, NO WAY would I have her look at MY portfolio!
TRIBAL COUNCIL
Brando is in awe as he looks around the TC setting. Take a good look, you won’t be seeing it again. Meager attempts at self-preservation kicks off TC with players trying to justify why they’re lying sacks of sh!t...blah...blah...blah...
Both Reba and Belo duos think they have Emily in the bag. But Austin has a bag of advantages. The bag is now a little bit lighter using one to restore a vote he gave up to strengthen another. And this doesn’t even count the II the King possesses and the amulet Austin got on the journey. Any more reason for Emily to join Reba??? Of course not...Brando is the fifth player to exit the game (but only the third player to be “voted” off.”)
NTOS
Sounds like a merge...but is it? We didn’t hear Jeff say it. Could we be turning back the clock to S5 when one of the more smokin’ hot castaways to play the game mentioned “merge” to Jeff, only for “Jiffy” to replied, “I never said ‘merge.’”
If it is indeed a merge, then we have one more update...
CONSPIRACY UPDATE
The two clearcut winners of a merge would be Kendra (Belo) and The Sifu (Reba) both almost sure bet boots if either of those respective tribes have another date with TC. To conspire a merge this early in the season would ensure more footage of The Sifu’s mohawk/conehead and Kendra’s Kleavage. * snort *
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