Sandwiched between the Academy Awards this past weekend and the Grammy’s airing this Sunday, the Aruban Academy of Reality TV presents the BASHY AWARDS. Instead of selecting the “Best” in each category, the BASHY’S recognize the “Worst” after four episodes in the books. The following categories are the real honest-to-gosh same categories awarded during the Oscars and Grammy presentations. Votes, from the three nominations in each category selected by the Aruban Academy, were tabulated and verified by the accounting firm of Ernst & Young.Category 1 – WORST INTERNATIONAL FEATURE
S42 has an international flavor this season with three castaways who reside in Canada.
Nominations:
OMAR – The 30-year-old virgin.
MARYANNE – The aimless babbler who can’t get a date (one probably a big reason for the other.)
DREA – Not much to bash about (yet) but as a Canadian resident unable to escape this nomination.
AND THE BASHY GOES TO...OMAR – for sharing with millions of viewers he sits when he pees.
Category 2 – WORST SOUND
Nominations:
MARYANNE – Not a whole lot more to add about her nonsensical chatter.
HAI – Any sissy-boy’s whimpers and wails are never good sounds.
JEFF – Non-stop annoyance during challenges.
AND THE BASHY GOES TO...JEFF – Have we all lost count how many times during the challenges we were yelling at the TV to “STFU?!!!”
Category 3 – WORST COSTUME DESIGN
Nominations:
LYDIA – Those shorts (Ep. 2) fit on her legs like Lil Wayne’s Trukfit jeans would fit on Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson.
OMAR – For his Hawaiian shirts and flamingo shorts he probably stole from the set of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.
ROCKSROY – In his case a “lack” of costume design. No one wants to watch a stay-at-home dad exposing his 40+ inch girth on primetime TV.
AND THE BASHY GOES TO...LYDIA – Even “Lady Centaur” Angelina from S37 had the decency to wear leggings throughout her season.
Category 4 – WORST ANIMATED FEATURE
Nominations:
TORI – To borrow a line from RollDdice Ep. 2 player assessment, “She leads the league in eye rolling.”
MARYANNE – To borrow Aruba’s line, “She leads the league in open-mouth gasps.”
ROCKSROY – Unable to contain his animated bossiness, even when on the Sandra Sit-Out Bench.
AND THE BASHY GOES TO...MARYANNE – Already the runaway winner to set the record for most embellishment “penalty minutes.”
Category 5 – WORST VISUAL EFFECT
Nominations:
HAI – Visually disturbing to watch a grown man carry on like a wussy little toddler.
LYDIA – Cottage cheese can look appetizing in a dish of bubbling lasagna, but not so on the thighs on a pair of blubbery legs.
RC FISH WON BY TAKU – After Jonathan sliced, pried open, and gutted the aquatic flesh for human consumption.
AND THE BASHY GOES TO...LYDIA – This vote wasn’t even close...
Category 6 – WORST SOLO PERFORMANCE
All these nominees frequented the Sandra Sit-Out Bench more than any other castaway so far this season.
Nominations:
ROMEO – THREE times on the bench by the FOURTH episode – Inexcusably Inept
LYDIA – On the bench TWICE by the THIRD episode, but should have also been three by virtue of her pitiful efforts in the last IC.
DANIEL – THREE times on the bench by the FOURTH episode – Yep, that’s right...Inexcusably Inept
AND THE BASHY GOES TO...DANIEL – When he DID have an opportunity to perform, he trips over his own feet and dislocates his shoulder...AHHH YEAH...Inexcusably Inept!
Category 7 – WORST DUO PERFORMANCE
Nominations:
MIKE/DANIEL – Mike entrusting his idol/advantage find to Daniel leading to Daniel almost losing the idol.
DANIEL/HAI – Shameful that a duo would hold the fate of a castaway’s game in ONLY the third episode and the way it was handled at TC was nothing short of a fiasco.
SWATI/HER #1 – With Swati’s duo partner changing as frequently and as abruptly as the Fiji weather.
AND THE BASHY GOES TO...SWATI/HER #1(s) – Doesn’t get more worse than being voted out at the last TC.
Category 8 – WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
“Supporting Actor” in Bashy/Survivor terms is the male castaway most likely to advance to the endgame by virtue of sucking in challenges, goat material, or any other lame cause to be gifted the sleighride.
Nominations:
ROMEO
DANIEL
OMAR
AND THE BASHY GOES TO...ROMEO – Should he get carried beyond the merge he’ll make a 98-pound weakling look buff. And he hasn’t shown to be anything close to a decent puzzle solver either.
Category 9 – WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Similar to category 8, the female castaway most likely to sleighride to the endgame.
Nominations:
MARYANNE
LYDIA
TORI
AND THE BASHY GOES TO...LYDIA – The mere fact she’ll be attending the Bashy After-Party holding the most hardware sadly speaks for itself.
Category 10 – WORST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Script unique to S42
Nominations:
JACKSON – We’ll give this first-time TG castaway “credit” for his own 48-hour screenplay and his repercussion by intentionally being elusive with Production.
CBS PRODUCTION – The Academy is still scratching its head over the “fake blood” during the opening challenge on the season premier.
JEFF – He made a point of announcing the “never before on Survivor” originality before pulling the pussy willows out from the ocean waves.
AND THE BASHY GOES TO...JACKSON – What made his “screenplay” the worst is as a healthcare worker he should have known better and the whole debacle would have been avoided.
Category 11 – WORST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
In other words...idiots incapable of learning from their own blunders and replicating aka “adapting” similar scripts.
Nominations:
CBS PRODUCTION – For the need to adapt similar screenplays/scripts to cater to its on-going casting debacles.
CBS PRODUCTION – For the never-ending idols, advantages, disadvantages, etc., etc. that seem to multiply more abundantly than the biblical “fishes and loaves.”
CBS PRODUCTION – Adapting last season’s 26 days. If the castaways’ task is 1/3 shorter, shouldn’t the grand prize be 1/3 less?? The Aruban Academy thinks so.
AND THE BASHY GOES TO...well...obviously...CBS PRODUCTION – but for its cornucopia of twists. It won’t be long before we watch a TC turn into a high-stakes poker game. Castaway #1 tells Jeff an idol’s being played...only for Castaway #2 to say, “I can see your idol with MY advantage...followed by Castaway #3, “I'll see your idol and your advantage, and I RAISE you my amulet...and so on...and so on...and so on... No one is able to get voted off, Jeff sends everyone back to camp, and Production has to scramble and rewrite a future episode with a double boot.
This concludes the Bashy’s. Much like the days following the Oscars and Grammys, the Aruban Academy of Reality TV not only anticipates disagreement and criticism over its choices but expects it. Such is the nature of the beast.
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