Yes, we know that Covid put the quietus on self-exposure as a "Be The" thing, but we should all recognize that all anti-vaxers will die soon and that only science-ers will evolve to rule the world, including Survivor, and so I return to my palm tree top perch to fearlessly report without bias or inaccuracy the goings-on down on ground level, and in general in Fiji. I had forgotten how nice this paradise is, and how nice it is to rule the palm tree tops (coexisting with a lively tribe of howler monkeys, flocks of blue footed boobies, iguanas of the biting kind, and the sally light foot crab army that seems to be a secondary and less threatening epidemic on the island). Speaking of boobies, well, the practice of "go native" is a big attraction for yours truly. Yea boobies.
But the process of returning to Fiji was really difficult. The place is basically shut down due to Covid. Commendable precautions that seem to have worked. In fact I had to take advantage of one of the wonders that Fiji is known for, herds of Giant Manta rays and their docile disposition, and their appetite which is exclusively plankton. Basically I rode one in from an illegal offshore fishing boat. Cost me 50 pounds of icky zooplankton which fortunately was a unprofitable by-catch of the fishers. If caught intruding on their paradise, the Maori tradition (and Fijian law) requires summary execution. But never fear, your hero has a contingency plan to ride away on the horse I rode in on, that is another giant Manta ray. I think it's a sound plan. Should work. However I've cultivated a thing with a sea turtle in case I need a plan B.
Over the last couple of years my perch in a palm tree top has gone down hill a bit, my wine cellar has been diminished - actually it's all gone - my hammock has rotted thru, my rain water collection has been invaded by red tide algae, and the palapa roof has been scattered over the island by repeated tropical storms. But I will persevere. I mean, I do reserve the right to groan and moan and kvetch at times, because it really is unfair that I have to be subjected to such hardship, but I will persevere.
Now, onto current events: A bunch of riff-raff wannabees showed up in native skiffs a few days ago, Jeffy-Pop, is back, production assistants are planting secret idols and clues and all sorts of things all over the place, and everyone hates one another. The night camera crew has hours of survivors banging each other and occasionally the native fauna (I guess for future blackmailing?). And no one is wearing a mask. Well OK. I'll toss mine, I'm vaxed to the max and my mask was soaked on the ride in anyway. All in all it's a melee. Fun for me because there's a lot of boobies and nip sips, and the scheming is so moronic that even the monkeys are hooting. Otherwise the days are spent finding idols, competing in swimming, diving, rope traversing, digging, puzzle solving, etc. challenges and back stabbing tribal councils.
No one sings Kumbaya, and no one wants to "just play nice", the wise advice Colleen tossed over shoulder in Season one, the hatefulness of Sue seems to prevail as does the so-called (and successful) diabolical scheming of Richard. So, is it ground hog day? Stay tuned.
(Full disclosure #1; There are no groundhogs in Fiji.)
(Full disclosure #2; The stinky steaming mounds of poop at the bottom of my tree are monkey poop. I'm being framed.)
(Full disclosure #3: I know that anti-vaxers will disagree with statements in the first paragraph. No big deal, they are going to die soon so their opinions "will just fade away".)
(Full disclosure #4: There is no fourth full disclosure. Why do you ask?)
Buzzard Island Basher Barry
Danger zone below when windy
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