LAST EDITED ON 05-11-19 AT 10:18 AM (EST)Hey! It’s me! Big Barry! Big Barry the Buzzard Island Spoiler! Hey!
Shout it loud and shout it long. I’m here to stay, so Hey! Here we go again, with another week’s worth of fun, advice, quizzes, puzzles, challenges, questions, and as always, the cream of the Spoiler crop.
Fun: Have a Fun-sicle on the house. Have two.
Advice: Rick, run Rick run, run like the wind, Rick. Run like your life depends on it, Rick. Run like nobody’s watching, Rick. Because, apparently, they aren’t, Rick
Puzzle #1: Why shouldn’t a chicken cross the road? It would be a fowl thing to do, indeed!
Puzzle #2: What did the lightning bug say to the Pharaoh? Let my people Glow!
Challenge: Dare a Corn Plucking Chicken to cross the road and retrieve a Gordian’s knot, then unravel the knot, race up an incline and use the key to unlock a bag of dead iguanas which you will then use to solve a puzzle and raise your flag, starting….NOW! (I’m timing you). Be assured, you can’t finish last. Warthog already finished last.
Question #1: How fast can Warthog fall off a log? (Answer: Unknown, he keeps trying to climb up on the wrong log, and he is incapable of climbing up on a log anyway).
Question #2: To whom it may concern in the way they might understand, “Awww…did your wittle feewings get an owie?”
Hey! Now, the spoilers. Hey!
Hey! It’s a Buzzard Island Barry Spoiler Fest! Hey! #1: Now that the inhabitants of Extinction Island outnumber the remaining survivors in the game, and with all the anger and resentment they have for the remaining survivors (and with each other), the tensions on Extinction Island are rising and coming to a boil. It’s tense, I tell ya, tense as hell.
A regular “Lord of the Flies” situation (for those of us who deign to read works of world famous authors as too childish – this is a reference to a novel by British author Willian Goulding) develops and the Extinction Island folk cross the land bridge when it becomes exposed at low tide and capture, kill, behead, and mount the chicken head on a pike.
Hey! It’s a Buzzard Island Barry Spoiler Fest! Hey! #2: Exclusive: Mark Burnet, AKA a lot of other names, is going to show up unannounced and challenge Jeff to a Kenpo match. Jeff will be found months later curled up in a ball on a Fiji island that had been heretofore undiscovered, shaking and crying for his mommy.
Hey! It’s a Buzzard Island Barry Spoiler Fest! Hey! #3: Unfortunately Ron was summoned to a corporate staff meeting on Extinction Island. A muddy tie affair.
Hey! It’s a Buzzard Island Barry Spoiler Fest! Hey! #4: This season’s Survivor Work Ethic Award goes to Rick Devens.
Hey! It’s a Buzzard Island Barry Spoiler Fest! Hey! #5: For Extinction Island entertainment and torture, they are given letters that they wrote to themselves before the season. This has got to be in the top 3 of the lamest gags ever introduced on this show. Letters that they wrote to themselves. Unbelievably, Chris wrote a 3-page letter to himself. What a bunch of macaroons. Reem wrote 4 pages!
Hey! It’s a Buzzard Island Barry Spoiler Fest! Hey! #6: Warthog never got to read his letter, he kept falling off his log. Later, during TC, Warthog also falls off his jury perch.
Hey! It’s a Buzzard Island Barry Spoiler Fest! Hey! #7: One important feature that the casting directors look for is the inability to control facial expressions. The camera men were getting dizzy trying to record all the emotional responses on the faces of the remaining survivors and of the jury.
Buzzard Island Basher Barry
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