LAST EDITED ON 04-22-19 AT 00:49 AM (EST)You Bingo just once and win 100 bucks plus a Bob Uecker autographed beer koozie, and everyone thinks they can just call you up and ask for handouts. Like I really give a s--t about their poor old mother being kicked out of her house, or their daughter that’s desperately ill with leukemia. Hey! I got problems too. Like how to make the perfect Margarita. Right? That’s tough and takes time. Or making sure I record all my soaps? Or keeping up with the Kardashians? I have to know if Kim’s ass is bigger. Or whether her husband has finally gone off the deep end? Or how effing stupid can she be to marry that maniac? And naps, I got to have my naps. All this takes my whole day. Dam. Life is hard, and time is short.
This new found fame makes me realize what is really important in life, and that is providing the Survivor world with the most accurate Spoiler reporting that there ever has been. And that is why I put all those people calling me on hold, permanently, so I can fulfill my destiny. And I never suspected that so many people were interested in saving the web footed blue boobie, but boy oh boy has that phone number blocking feature come in handy. I mean, I’m all for boobies, but blue? And web footed? Someone needs to take a picture of that.
Hello, Buzzard Island Basher Barry here, hiding from the paparazzi up here in Spoiler Central, compiling and prioritizing the latest spoilers for you, my favorite fans, to enjoy. As always, my dependable band of honey pot spy girls have been on the job aided and abetted by the United Turtle Express (UTE) delivery service, and whoo boy the spoilers they came up with this week you wouldn’t believe. Prepare to have your socks blown off your feet.
So here they are, this week’s spoilers. How did I get them this week? A little turtle told me. Why are they a little late? He had to circumnavigate David’s septic cesspool. One more dead area of the ocean now.
Barefoot Spoiler #1: This week Warthog will continue to overplay his hand in the misbelief that he is the smartest and most capable of employing strategy in this game. Also, he will be the first to dropout of a challenge. Added to that, Prost will begin to use his most appropriate nickname, Warthog. I gave him permission.
Barefoot Spoiler #2: One of this week’s ICs will be an endurance contest requiring the balancing of an object at the end of two poles with legs and back in a half bent position. A back breaking nightmare. I will have to get an Ibuprofen just to watch.
Barefoot Spoiler #3: Devin will join Ron at their make-believe Corporate Board Meeting TC. I mean, come on! You’re barely surviving on a desert island, take a clue from your tribe mates and dress accordingly, don’t be a jerk. At least don't act like one.
Barefoot Spoiler #4: A Quote of the week will be Julie’s: “…indecision, not curiosity, kills the cat”. In this game, that’s a fundamental truth, and one that Julie ought to take to heart herself. She’s good at quotes though.
Barefoot Spoiler #5: Can we locate Pippi Longstocking in this picture?
Barefoot Spoiler #6: The Gargoyle Gallery won’t stop laughing when Devin talks, And Devin never stops talking. While it is true that Eliza was also a Gallery Gargoyle, and also that she had it all over Aubrey in the big eyes department, this season we have a whole team of Gargoyle Gawkers competing to out Gargoyle the others.
Barefoot Spoiler #7: OK, one more Quote of the week; Dave’s “I’m endangered, but not extinct.” Sums it up nicely.
Barefoot Spoiler #8: This week will be a double elimination week. Bet you didn’t see that one coming, did ya!
Barefoot Spoiler #9: Gavin will not have significant camera time this week. They had to triage their cameras due to Gavin’s milk white sun like glare burning the lenses out. Also, several cameramen had to be evacuated due to retinal damage.
Barefoot Spoiler #10: This week will be especially rich in quotes of the week. This is another nice metaphor from Julie; “Shaking things up at this TC would be like rearranging paintings on the Titanic. There’s just no point”. Again, she should listen to her own self.
Buzzard Island Basher Barry
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