It’s been raining on my parade this week. As indicated in this week’s title. And it’s not a parade. Water dripping everywhere, on my head, down my neck, on my toes, and on this week’s survivor spoiler notes. Palm frond roofs are not as water tight as you might have thought. Fortunately, my super savvy slithering Spy girls know their spycraft well and so they laminate their notes by wrapping them with Saran Wrap and squeezing them between their thighs before clipping them to the sea turtle relay team members. Adds a bit scent to them, which is not unappreciated. Accordingly the notes are intact when they arrive (big sigh of relief coming from the studio audience). But my fingers are water wrinkled, my toes are water wrinkled, and my whole body is water wrinkled. Just to assure the ladies though, I do have a waterproof cup on, so late-night activities will not be affected by water wrinkling going on down there. Normally, that’d be no problem, it’d be just like any another day spent dozing in the hot tub. But when it’s caused by incessant rain the insects all go for the high ground, and the palm trees become balls of ant retreats, along with snakes, bees, spiders, centipedes, millipedes, and these funny red and black triangle shaped bugs that are yet to be discovered by science. And they all a seem to be driven by a prime directive to bite my flesh.
So, for a while, my Buzzard Island Basher Studio is only visible from the ground as a fuzzy ball of insects with puffs of bug spray erupting like volcanic plumes on Europa and Io (always wanted to use that metaphor). To add insult to injury, I can look thru my sway-o-vision binoculars and see that it’s sunny and clear on Survivor island and Extinction island. God hates Buzzard Island, it would seem.
We soldier on though, even knowing that eventually we’re going to hell, because it’s our duty to humanity. So on with the show, life is shit!
Rainy Bitey Super Spoiler #1: Recently converted (six days now?) vegan Wendy curries no favor with her new tribe, they are rather more in favor of putting the curry on rotisserie chicken than she is, so she does the one thing that will prevent her new super hungry tribemates from eating their curried chicken, she frees the poultry into the wilds of the island. Then spends her days shooing them out of camp, because apparently, they are little chicken homebodies at heart and like their cage. Wendy has a lot to learn about domesticated chickens.
On the positive side, PETA activists are preparing an award show for her when this season is over, and over at the Institute for the Promotion of Idiots she has been elected Miss 2019 Queen Idiota.
Rainy Bitey Super Spoiler #2: Jeff called both tribes together and announced that they should drop their buffs. Immediately her tribe mates have to grab Wendy as she begins to drop the buff that hides her stuff. Then Jeff has to explain. No emergency blurs needed today.
Rainy Bitey Super Spoiler #3: Wendy’s old tribe wonders whether her new tribe will appreciate that her closest alliance is with the chickens.
Rainy Bitey Super Spoiler #4: Chris quickly ingratiates himself with the Reem and Keith (who he had plotted to vote out at their respective tribal councils) by spearing a 1” aquarium fish and a 2” fish aquarium fish. Apparently, they have snorkeling and fishing equipment, flints, and rice on extinction island, but hadn’t thought to go out to catch and cook fish. There’s a lot of talent for the Institute for the Promotion of Idiots here on Extinction Island.
Still, Chris will have to up his fish spearing skills. There was perhaps a gram or two of protein combined on those fish. Newcomer Rick probably has a pretty good appetite.
Rainy Bitey Super Spoiler #5: Big question, “Who will be Warthog’s Dance Partner?” So far, the list of volunteers is empty.
Rainy Bitey Super Spoiler #6: TC this week is subtitled “Group Huggy Huggy Hug Hug”. Not even under the intense pressure of Jeff’s cross-examination would they crack and turn on one another. Well, except for Rick, no one liked Rick anyhow. Yer outta here, fat boy!
Editor's Note: I'm betting that Rick has been itching all this time to use his news broadcaster persona voice.
Rainy Bitey Super Spoiler #7: Unlike the previous bootees, Rick had the sense or blind luck to take his stuff with him to TC. He may have to fight to retain it when he hits Extinction Island, Mama Bear Reem is getting kinda edgy, but it was still good thinking.
Buzzard Island Basher Barry
Danger zone below when windy
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