LAST EDITED ON 05-20-17 AT 12:07 PM (EST)
LAST EDITED ON 05-19-17 AT 07:03 PM (EST)
Hello, it is your favorite politician and raconteur and also the world’s favorite according to the Trump University polls (just the best polls in the world, trust me, I speak with assurance) - Chester Cheeto with the tallest spoilers in the world. I have disturbing news. The EPMB is investigating me for firing the previous holder of this office, Pornstache. He was getting a little too big for his britches, and I fired him. The EPMB seems to think I don’t have the right to fire someone who was investigating me. All I can say is he better not go out of town again, because if I have to take over his duties I might have to fire him for investigating me for firing Pornstache who was investigating me. Got that?
Anyway, all these investigations would explain why the Really Raunchy Girl Graduates from the Really Really Really Raunchy Girl College of Industrial Pornography and Frequent Female Flagellation suddenly showed up on those loud little Vespas that they chopped and started asking all sorts of funny questions. Except that I know they were actually trying to get me to grab them by the Pushy, they know I do that and since all women like that and voted for me because they like how I do that, I know they are really just trying to get their jobs back as stealthy slithery serpentine spoiler collectors.
I’ll think about it after I defeat the EPMB in this game of willpower and eye contact. Besides, I know he always throws Rock as his first try, so I can always defeat him with my Paper. Keep this to yourself.
Slithery Spoiler #1 In the first IC, Aubry wins in a world record time. She then embraces Jeff and in a practiced motion depants him and proceeds to show her gratitude.
Slithery Spoiler #2 A starving Michaela finds Brad in the woods. This is how that goes;
She asks him “Please go fish, Brad.”
Brad says “Whut?”
She says “Go fish!”
He says “I don’t have a deck of cards.”
She says “Huh”
She asks him “what is that? Just go Fish.”
He says “What kind of tricks are you trying to pull on me?”
She says “Ain’t no trick, we just need fish to eat.”
Such is the witty repartee on the island.
Slithery Spoiler #3 Second IC, where Cirie proves she is no challenge threat. She’s a social game maven, but the girl can’t compete in the challenges.
Slithery Spoiler #4 See if you can follow this: Last week Sarah snookers Sierra out of the steal a vote advantage, then when Sierra gets booted, she gives it to her not knowing that Sarah secretly and sneakily and backstabingly engineered her eviction. Then this week Sarah gives it to Cirie to hold to prove her loyalty, and Cirie tries to use it to snooker Sarah by stealing her (Sarah’s) vote, except that the fine print that Cirie didn't read doesn’t allow anyone but Sarah to use it to steal a vote. This starts a whispering campaign between all of the castaways including Tai who ends up in a quivering mess at the end of the discussions, and somehow Michaela (who really didn’t have much to do with the situation) gets voted off.
No? I couldn’t either. Except that Cirie is going to have to do some fast talking (which she is capable of) to survive the next vote.
Slithery Spoiler #5 I rate Michaela’s exit speech as one of the best, and I hope she does return. Not a big fan of returnees, but she is entertaining.
Tribe went out for a walk, and ...?