LAST EDITED ON 11-12-16 AT 10:09 AM (EST)
Hallo again from the treetop suites of the Hyatt hotel, where we are definitely High at because they just legalized the Mary Jane that the kids seem to like, and now we can get the good stuff. The real good stuff. Iím watching imaginary monkeys dancing with imaginary toucans singing the theme from Mash. The Movie Mash. Or, are they imaginary? I donít remember Toucans being able to do the Herky Jerk like that, but heck, maybe they can. Who knows?
All I know is that I donít really need this coconut palm tree to be this high, and to know that the Federales arenít going to be coming after us for pot is nice too. There are a few outstanding moped mayhem and hoorahing of small town charges hanging over us, but the pot is legal, and someday humiliating stogy town elders who hate us because we ride backwards on chopped Vespas and drink beer on the town square sans clothing will be legal too. We can only hope.
Who are we, you ask? Well if you have to ask you really havenít been paying attention, have you? I mean, youíve kinda been a coma of your own, havenít you? The we to whom I refer are the famous World Champion (yes, they came in first in Rio, we got the Gold, Huzzah for us) Jell-O Nude Wrestling girl graduates of the Really Really Really Raunchy Girls Finishing School for Domineering and Destruction.
This week we have more of what you pine for, spoilers spoilers spoilers and more spoilers. So many spoilers that I canít even remember them all. But all of this smoke weíve been making reminds me of some of them. You know, like cloud shapes? Hey, thereís on that looks like a buffalo fart (Kee Hee Hee). And that one resembles a farfalo bart (Splurkle sniggle). Whoa, I think I need a nap, but, instead, Iíll light up another spleef, mon.
Hey that one looks like Waldo! I found Waldo!
Smoke signal spoiler #1: Hannah is planning her revenge against Jay for his vote to boot Michaela at the last TC. Taylor is plotting revenge against Figgy Puddin from the week before. So, instead of a display of the fine art of Survivor strategy, itís become for them a game of revenge. I guess a million bucks doesnít grab contestants attention like it used to. Which is understandable coming from Taylor who is this seasonís Petri Dish #1 experiment, but Hannah? I thought she was smart? Goes to show, you just canít tell.
Smoke signal spoiler #2: Petri Dish #2. Adam. Adam finds a clue that tells him he now has the power to steal a reward that has been won by someone else. So Adam, who knows that Taylor is pissed at him for voting to boot the love of his life, Figgy, (which BTW is news to his pregnant girlfriend back home) thinks that sharing the news that he has this power with Taylor will make him his friend again. The screws are very loose in that brain, my friend.
We have often mentioned that finding a secret clue or power of any kind is not an asset unless you know how to use it to your advantage. And I mean really, is telling the secret to the person who has sworn revenge against you not the worst way to use it? Throwing it into the fire would be a smarter way to use it.
Smoke signal spoiler #3: In addition to being a lab project in the anthropology department (they tell him his title is snowboard instructor as part of an experiment to measure his gullibility - he rates a ten on that scale) of a major University studying ocean to land transitional species, they are studying Taylor to measure his lack of ability to keep a secret. So far he is setting the gold standard for a zero on that scale. He immediately takes the news from Petri dish #2 and after reassuring him that he wonít tell ANYONE, he tells Jay. Immediately. And Jay and Taylor hatch a plan to blindside Adam. (Of course it fails, it is Taylorís plan and so is doomed at the outset).
There is another scale that Taylor is pegging with a ten, the Ďhow many things can you do wrong and still not get voted outí (HMTCYDWASNGVO) scale. Adam is currently registering an 8 on that scale.
Smoke signal spoiler #4: Finally, if your head hasnít exploded already, there is this. Bret, the cop, catches Taylor getting up in the middle of the night and stealing community reward food for himself. Then at TC when this deed is mentioned, says he wasnít trying to hide that he was stealing food from hungry campmates, that he just got hungry in the middle of the night and decided to get himself a snack. Of half the food. Middle of the night, sneak stealing food, and he claims to be not hiding his theft. Unfortunately for him, his tribe mates arenít absolute morons. I mean really, how many things can you do wrong and still not get voted out?
Smoke signal spoiler #5: Fortunately for both Petri Dish #1 and Petri Dish #2 there was a girl in their alliance, Michelle, and as so often is the case, the tribe would rather cannibalize a sweet little girl/woman child rather than one of the guys. Itís ugly, but it happened. Earlier in the season she was up to about 7 on the HMTCYDWASNGVO scale, but lately had redeemed herself somewhat, and had floated down to a 4 when she got the boot. Not fair? No, not fair.
Worth noting is that she was the last 10 on the tribe, at least comparatively. But one thing Iíve taken from the recent election is how demeaning and unfair it is to rate women on their hotness, so Iím not going to rate them as such, and I hope all of you can be as great and noble a person as I am. But this resolve will not keep me from mentioning Smoke signal spoiler #6:, Iím calling it a hygiene thing, and not a gross out thing. Except some of those hairs were moving on their own, so, yeah, maybe itís a gross thing too.
Smoke signal spoiler #6: One thing we (most of us, there are some perverts who disagree) have learned from the French and the Romanians, is that feminine underarm hair is gross. That last Challenge was disgusting. Thankfully Michelle was booted and she can clean up at the Ponderosa. She probably has a bit more tiding up to do than that, because from her U/A shots at the challenge, she seems to have the inherited quite the hairy gene. But Hannah better get booted pretty soon too, sheís gonna need a Weedeater to clean up her problem.
Hang out with the Tribe's Lollypop Guild and you get a free siggie.