LAST EDITED ON 09-29-16 AT 07:27 PM (EST)
From the Breezy reaches of the highest coconut palms, where all the smartest coconuts grow, we now begin our weekly broadcast of Survivor Spoilers, where the spiffiest Gen-X spoiler are thrown up against the dope Millennial Spoilers to see just how insipid the Millennials can be, and how many ruptures will need suturing in the Gen-X tribe. There is actually a betting line on the latter.
It is I, Your Golden Boy himself and self proclaimed raconteur, King Goldfish with my merry band of slithery sisters, all post graduate students of the words raunchiest educational facility on two wheels, the Really Really Really Raunchy Girls Finishing School of Total Mayhem and Big Brass Beds.
Big Brass Spoiler #1: It's just so cute to watch those little millennials as they cope with the concept of a 3-D world. Like kittens trying to catch a laser spot. Hey kids, here's a whole nuther D to deal with! Now it's over here. Whoa, how did it get over there? Now it's here again! Now where is it? (I could do this all day).
Big Brass Spoiler #2: Figgy Puddin Darlin,(Hey, I don't see a copyright on that!) when Taylor says that being a couple Macking in the Tent can't hurt you because it's early in the game, and that he's thought it all the way through and he's sure, just remember the lesson that you should have learned in high school, guys just want what they see in their love goggles, and they don't really know WTF they are saying. Or they are intentionally lying, either way, Mari just took a bullet intended for you. Could this be a lesson in lust?
Big Brass Spoiler #3: Hanna looked silly, but most of us will. Full disclosure, I remember the first time I tried to husk a coconut. And it's really tough until you get the technique.
Big Brass Spoiler #4: Last season they managed to not kill a castaway. Apparently they aren't deterred and are still trying.
Big Brass Spoiler #5: Alternate Episode title; "Sentient bags of meat".
Big Brass Spoiler #6: Dave: Watching him in the challenge was like watching a Tim Burton skeleton animation.
Big Brass Spoiler #7: Next week the smartest tribe on the island, the monkeys, will win the next puzzle challenge.
Yep, I stole another one. I mean, I found it, and I'm just keeping it warm until the real owner shows up with a DNA match, an iris match, fingerprint matches - all ten fingers - and sworn eyewitness statements from three US Supreme court judges.