LAST EDITED ON 12-09-15 AT 02:03 PM (EST)
Hello, it's me, I was wondering
If after all these years you'd like to meet to go over everything
They say that time's supposed to heal, yeah
But I ain't done much healing,
Bladdie Bladdie Bladdie Blah.
My God, are those not the most banal, derivative, schmaltzy, pseudo-inspirational lyrics ever? Finger down the throat gaggy? What a waste of a great voice.
Apologies to any Adele fans, but insipid is insipid, and that is just insipid. So insipid that I decided to do an insipid parody. Of sorts. I bolded mine just to empathize how I out insipided Adele. Also, I sung it in shower in bold type.
Hello, it's me, Lumpy Stumpfeller, and I was wondering
If you want to meet for lunch, maybe at a place where they serve food,
They say that dirt tastes bad, so if they serve that, I won’t go there,
But if I have to, I might gum a smooth stone…
Hello. Hello? Wait! Why did you hang up on me, where did you go?
Do you think I’m insipid, do you think that this blows?
Hello…I said Hello dammit! Don’t you dare hang up on me,
Do you know who I am? Just who the hell do you think you are,
Why I have half a mind…
OK, enough of that. You tuned in to get the latest in Survivor spoilers, and as usual, you will get them. The school bus driver just delivered them - we happen to be the end of his route and thought we’d save a little postage. Those camel caravan charges having been adding up.
First I have to announce that the EPMB has died. Yes. Dead. Not just unrespondive. Not just asleep. Not just resting. Dead.
Not a big deal, really, no one liked him and most of us have actively plotted his demise for some time now. But do not believe the rumors that the refined lady spies that I use to wreak havoc on the country side and to sleuth out the smarmiest spoilers you will find anywhere captured him and have him caged in an underground lair and are amusing themselves by poking sharp sticks into his scrotum. Those are baseless lies invented by a bunch of lying lawdogs in most of the world’s civilized countries simply because we have done just that in the past.
No, this time we deny everything and dare anyone to prove differently. And if they try, they will have their facts out of context. Or probably their recordings will be illegal. Or the search warrant will have had technical faults and the evidence would then be the result of an illegal search and seizure and therefore be inadmissible. Also, their paid informants will all have lied. (all those years watching Law and Order weren’t wasted after all).
And hypothetically, if he were to escape from his cage (which he isn’t in) and managed to steal back his Jet (a nifty little Gulfstream, with vibrating waterbed and ceiling mirrors) and if he were to turn up in a neutral country with a wounded scrotum (which he won’t. Probably.) we deny here and now that we had anything to do with it. And if he were to claim otherwise, we would just say “Liar liar pants on fire”. That would obviously exonerate us from any and all crimes (which we didn’t do anyway).
So no more EPMB, he’s gone forever, Rona is on the market again (and definitely hot to trot after her years of forced celibacy being married to her impotent ex-spouse). And his black card is back in my pocket (hey, I just found it on the ground).
Post EPMB Spoiler #1: Catching up from last week when the EPMB so mysteriously disappeared, Fish was harpooned by his Ahab-Joe, as had been telegraphed by the editors so many weeks ago. They don’t do subtle very well anymore.
Post EPMB Spoiler #2: Once again, the girls talk of an all-woman alliance. Spencer and Jeremy think they can fool the girls into thinking of them as women. They are adopting Sandy and Jenny as their new trans-gender names and have whittled high heel spikes from coconut husks. Their attempts to implant the coconut shells into their breasts is a grim mess, but they have dedication.
BTW, how many times has an all-female alliance worked? To date, zero. Good luck with that after Kelley and Tasha realize that they are bottoms in that group.
Post EPMB Spoiler #3: Speaking of, why not a K alliance. Keith, Kelley, and Kimmie? Just throwing that out there. I would bet that Spence and Jeremy would prefer a simple name change to their island version of cosmetic surgery. Keremy (that one is easy), and Kencer?
Post EPMB Spoiler #4: Jeremy is informed by his loved one, his wife, that the baby she is carrying is going to be a boy. Does Johnny Fairplay come to mind for anyone? Does anyone think that when crunch times comes that Jeremy will fail to use that for whatever sympathy it can generate? Which will be none since these second chance survivor sharks have amply demonstrated a complete lack of heart and are immune to sympathy ploys, but whether or not it’s actually true (one must maintain some skepticism, Johnny taught us that the hard way), he’ll try and get what he can out of it.
Post EPMB Spoiler #5: It was so nice to hear how Keith met his wife at a college spitting contest. Heartwarming.
Have to give Keith a rare kudo. He’s a tough old bird.
But his vote for Tash (?) showed that he is not only out of the loop, but that he’s not even aware that there even is a loop. A very bad and portentous sign for him.
Post EPMB Spoiler #6: The RC was definitely unfair. To Keith because “Nourishment” is an 11 letter word (his weekly reader vocabulary list doesn’t go that high), and to Abi because "Nourishment" isn’t “Redemption”, isn’t a 10 letter word, and has a few letters that weren’t on her blocks. Life just sucks, right Abi?
tribe lost this Sig, and I found it. It's mine mine mine...