LAST EDITED ON 11-13-15 AT 10:07 AM (EST)
From the austere heights of my coconut palm palace, we come to you again to report the latest spoilers, spoilers like you ain’t never (spit – it’s fun to spit from up here) seen before. Spoilers to the left of me, spoilers to the right of me, and behind, and in front, all around are spoilers galore. All gathered by the untiring, oversexed, and super raunchy girls spy gang, all graduated from an undisclosed Girls Finishing School off an undisclosed island in an undisclosed part of an undisclosed world that specializes in raunchy spy craft and naughty, very naughty, secret spy stuff.
And then we party.
This week the camel train we used to deliver the spoilers had a break down and we had to substitute a backup team of red nosed iguanas. For some reason the camels just decided to rest for a week, and nothing or nobody could make them move. Camels get that way sometimes. Hence, the Red Nosed Iguana back up squad. They are a bit slower, but they get the job done. And those red noses are cute. One was caught on camera. He was surprised, but he adroitly nonchalanced it.
Anyway, direct from our very own reptilian delivery train, here are the latest:
Reptilian Spoiler #1: Keith became King Tut-Tut for a day. Apparently, when his winning group went on reward at the Survivor Café, and the others began to talk strategy, Keith got bored. He was caught like a deer in the headlights with all that complicated thinking. It did kinda remind him of his old deer hunting trips, though.
“What’s with all this here talk about votin’ and stuff (spit), I came here to have fun. I used to have a broken down Honda bike like this’n here, and I’m goin’ riding (spit). Yeehaw!”
Reptilian Spoiler #2: Why waste all that fish netting on fishing when you can use it make hammocks to lie around in all day? Who needs protein, anyway?
Reptilian Spoiler #3] Speaking of which, Ciera will need a little of that fish netting since no one is biting on her “Oh, why don’t we all play Survivor?” idea. Like that hasn’t occurred to anyone else? And maybe they are actually playing a game that is somewhat over her head, thus not perceived by her? Like maybe she’s got a laser dot on her forehead?
Umpteenth rule of Survivor, “When you think no one else is playing the game, be afraid. Be very, very afraid.”
She does win the funny face contest. In fact she came in first, second, and third.
Reptilian Spoiler #4: This week you will witness the rare, very rare, possibly never seen before instance of a two vote boot. With eleven voters. The bootee only received two votes. And just like that, poof, he was gone.
Not only was he blindsided, he was strung up by his heels and rode out of camp on a pole. All his finger flinging did him no good except for the giggle he elicited from Abi.
Kelley Wentworth (my new hero – which, if you have been following what happens to those I like in this game, means she goes next) pulled off a double blindside. First she blindsided all the tribe mates who voted to boot her by playing her immunity idol that they had no idea she had found, and then she rebound blindsided Andrew Savage who suffered the ignominy of the Snuffer because of a couple of what seemed to be throwaway votes that didn’t go for Kelley, one from Kelley and one from Abi.
That, my friends, is how you play the hidden idol game. This is playing Survivor, Ciera.
Reptilian Spoiler #5: Chaos Kass morphed into No-Class Kass when she shot the bird at the survivors that voted her out upon her arrival at TC. As pointed out by our EPMB, that bird was a-flying that night.
Reptilian Spoiler #6: By the way, Stephen is calling Joe his White Whale. It may not have dawned on him as it surely has on the editor that the White Whale killed Captain Ahab. The White Whale won.
Umpteenth Rule of Survivor plus one: Use metaphors that end up with you not losing. Metaphors like the one Fishbach used are an editor’s orgasmic delight.
Reptilian Spoiler #7: Repeated observations that Kelley, Ciera, and Abi are on the bottom beneath the men is just too much to for me to ignore. But, they have been on the island for 21 days, they are human and they do have needs, so, I guess, more power to them. Girls will be girls.
This Tribal etching was found on the walls of a cave in Spain.