The view is spectacular from my Coconut Palm Palace built into the highest reaches of the island rainforest. The air is clear, the breeze refreshing, and the personal attention of my sweet but very raunchy band of sisters is all it’s advertised to be. Hi. Lumpy Stumpfeller here, collecting the most unspoiled spoilers you will ever see, all in pristine mint condition, prepared and prepackaged for your eyes only. And they are special indeed.
But there is one drawback to this otherwise paradisiacal abode, the Golden Lancehead Pit Viper. A very prolific species of snake, very deadly, and second only to Abi-Marie in venomous spite. And they can climb trees. Which is bad for me, seeing as how I’m kinda trapped up here. They don’t respond to “Shoo, Shoo, Go away!” either. All I have are the pointy sticks that we use to poke the EPMB with when the opportunity arises.
But still, the work continues, the spy corps from the Very Very Really Really Raunchy Girls Finishing School of the Slithering arts and Strap-on Sciences are still at work busy gathering the most salacious spoilers you ever heard of using the raunchiest means available. Many a spoiler source has been left in the sand semi-conscious (with smiles on their faces) after vain attempts to resist their charms.
Semi-conscious Spoiler #1: In Australia Kimmi refused to eat meat and raised a fuss with her tribe mates when they wanted to kill an animal and eat it. And that eventually led to her eviction (IMO). In a scarce resource situation, she refused to take advantage of available protein. This season, she has apparently decided that clams aren’t meat. Now, Kimmi eats clams. She says that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Who’s bush she doesn’t say. She just wants to eat clam. She’s cleaning out the reef in her search for more clams.
Semi-conscious Spoiler #2: The original bitch face. She is almost pretty, but what seems to be her inner-self emerges, and just spoils it:
Semi-conscious Spoiler #3: Someone is cornrowing Abi’s hair. Very practical, I suppose, in this grimy shampoo-less environment. Maybe Tasha’s handiwork? Who’s she going to target next? Woo?
Semi-conscious Spoiler #4: At the reward challenge that after TC, Varner’s eviction was announced.
No Reaction from the other tribes. No Ooohs, no OMGs, no tearing of hair. No nothing. Crickets.
Popular fellow, no?
Semi-conscious Spoiler #5: Abi hears Woo’s heartfelt story about his mother, complete with tears. Her reaction, “I have a sad story too. My knee hurts. You should feel sad for me too!”
Semi-conscious Spoiler #6: Kimmi logic:
- Monica is just in this for herself (Duh – there can only be one winner)
- Monica could flip to the other side (Duh – anyone can flip)
- Monica gets on her nerves (Duh, forced living in close proximity will do that, Kimmi)
- Let’s eat up all our resources, screw conservation, screw tomorrow, screw world peace (I just threw that in).
- We have a 4 to 2 advantage, let’s vote out Monica and reduce our advantage to 3 to 2 (Double Duh).
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