The reports are coming in fast a furious of an Island Zombie apocalypse complete with seawater levels coming up to the foot heels of the Himalayas, never ending Brady Bunch reruns, and an economy reduced to S&H saving stamps.
Now that I have your attention, some good news – It’s all crap, I just made all that up, and you can climb down off your roof and stop eating your dogs and shooting your neighbors. Well, some of them probably deserved it anyway. It was just a joke to see if you were paying attention, kinda like Orson Welles’ “The War of the Worlds”. It made him famous and wealthy, so I’m expecting it to all start rolling in for me anytime now. I’m going to name my production company “The More Curry Theater”. It’ll have an Indian Motif.
Meanwhile, I have my day job, purveyor of the most secret and most protected spoilers you ever saw, pulled out of the deepest rectal smuggling areas that you never saw. Or didn’t see until you read it here. As usual, my support staff (hee hee – my support staff – get it?) consists of the usual stealthy and slithery super spy corps made up of straight F (as in, well, you know) graduates of the Really Really Really Raunchy School of being bad, which is good, and of keeping it really really really raunchy.
Spoiler from More Curry Theater #1: Keith says “These people is just all (spit) beach bums. They ain’t got no work ethic like real Americans do. The kids these days ain’t worth a bucket of spit (spit). Also, where is my snuff? Them producers promised me a whole bunch of snuff if I came back to the island, so where’s my dang gone snuff? (Spit).
But I’ll tell you whut, I aint agonna cut off these jeans, that's what the beach bums do, and it ain’t American. Ain’t Christian, neither. Them heathens! I’ll just roll them up and be all Cool Hand Luke.” (Spit. Whoops, didn’t get it all, spit, spit, HAWK, SPIT. There. That done it. Sorry about that, Peih Gee, it kinda went wide of the mark).
Spoiler from More Curry Theater #2: Joe Man-Bun. Assets: A physical survivor, great social game, an intelligent puzzle solver, and the ladies love him. But he wears a Man-Bun. So obviously he’s got to be the next to go (Survivor Rule #1).
Spoiler from More Curry Theater #3: Big news, you heard it here first - when they are narrowed down to 16 remaining survivors, they will be split into 4 tribes of four. Then at 15 they will be reassembled into 5 tribes of three. Then just before the Merge at 12 they will be remixed into 3 different tribes of 4. It is the season of the Switch, and by the time they finally merge, those remaining will be so confused they will be babbling in monkey talk. And so will we.
Investment tip: Buy futures in Buff manufacturing companies.
Spoiler from More Curry Theater #4: Varner’s Balls-to-the-Wall game will include him running down (and stumbling a few times in hilarious ways for the camera crew) and catching then killing with his bare hands one of those cute little deer. Unfortunately they are a protected species and a symbol of all that Cambodians love and cherish, so the authorities raid the camp, arrest Jeff, and, well, he is never heard from again. Rumor has it that there is a stake in the jungle with his head on it, but to date there is nothing definitive. Also there is the possibility that this is just a cover story to hide the fact that Tasha knows how to handle rats in camp.
Spoiler from More Curry Theater #5: Notes from Angkor camp:
Peih Gee (during a rain shower) - “Abi, how are you keeping dry?”
Abi - “No I’m not keeping dry. I’m wet. Why would you say that?” What do you mean with that? Are you insulting me by accusing me of keeping dry?”
Woo - “Abi, you are sitting down.
Abi - “No I’m not. I’m standing up. Why would you say that?” What do you mean with that? Are you insulting me by accusing me of sitting down?”
Tasha – “Varner’s a rat!”
Abi - “No he’s not. Why would you say that?” What do you mean with that? Are you insulting me by accusing him of being a rat?”
And so it goes.
Spoiler from More Curry Theater #6: Woo is cultivating that dazed and confused look. The “who are these folks?” look. There’s not a whole going on there. Even if he had won that Million bucks in his previous season, he’d be skin’t of it by now. (Sorry, I'm still into Keith-speak).
Spoiler from More Curry Theater #7: So, at the Tribal council, nobody got Peih Gee’s name right. I am of the opinion that they actually thought that PG was just her initials.
Anyway, I have been retained by her representatives to argue in our upcoming lawsuit that since no one actually wrote her name down, that she didn't really get evicted.
A creation in teal.