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"Be The Survivor S31 Ep02: "MacGuyver and the Apology Backpedal""
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RollDdice 5759 desperate attention whore postings
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09-30-15, 09:49 PM (EST)
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"Be The Survivor S31 Ep02: "MacGuyver and the Apology Backpedal""
It's Week 2 so we're all wearing the name tags and everyone's on their best sleep away camp behavior. Except for Abi, of course.

And Kelly Wigglesworth is putting a good face on things. It's not her face, but it's a good face. It seems that she's gone from Mrs. Butterfaceworth to Wiggles 2.0. If she goes deep enough into the game where people are trading peanut butter for Immunity, we'll see if she also opted for Rack 2.0.

Despite talking about "growing" and "learning" from their mistakes, the other meat puppets are tracking just as you would expect. There's a Fishbach out of water, a "the game's changed a lot since my season" Varner and a "here's who we need to vote out" Shirin. And in the battle of the "Hey Yogi's", #Joega was the obvious winner.

Keep an eye out for the Fred Flintstone homage and a "heartfelt apology".




Mark "Now we're rollin'" Burnett

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 F__ with me, and youíre dead! kingfish 10-01-15 1
   RE: F__ with me, and youíre dead! suzzee 10-01-15 2
 RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep02: "MacG... suzzee 10-01-15 3
   RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep02: "MacG... kingfish 10-02-15 4
       RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep02: "MacG... suzzee 10-05-15 5
 RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep02: "MacG... Molaholic 10-05-15 6

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kingfish 18602 desperate attention whore postings
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10-01-15, 10:32 AM (EST)
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1. "F__ with me, and youíre dead!"
LAST EDITED ON 10-01-15 AT 12:17 PM (EST)

Here I am and here we are once again, back for the umpteenth time, this time reporting to you from the 60th floor of the tallest island Coconut Palm Tree. The very top of the tree. Yessiree! The elevator stops here, at the helipad. I have my sleek slithering super spies reporting hourly on the ongoing crisis on the island. And the news they are bringing in is good, bad, and worse. And even worser still. There's been murder, thievery, chicanery, and the passing of counterfeit coconuts. And we have it all recorded.

My girls have had to interrupt their pastime of raising hell with the elderly (hey, they deserve it for being old and weak) and tweaking the noses of the Federales who never seem to understand that whenever they catch one of us, that all my girls have to do is whatever it takes to distract them with raw sex and whatever sexual perversions are their particular weakness, and they walk. And everybody wins.

On the other hand, maybe those Federales are smarter than that. Maybe that is actually the reason they pursue us so diligently.

Huh! A Revelation!

Maybe itís not smarts, but boners? Maybe Federale boners are driving the whole deal. But, again, everybody wins so who cares?

So anyway, this week the goings on in the Survivor camps require the full attention of my Spy Corps (the really really really raunchy spy corps), and they have some amazing spoilers this week. You might even call them Trumpesque in their grandeur.

Trumpesque Spoiler #1: These second chancers, theyíre HUGE! Theyíre TREMENDOUS. They have weird hair. They are over the top in pomposity! They have the worst hairstylists, and they have people, because thatís what they know how to do, get the most tremendous huge people.

(Correction: Those are all the things that they donít have. Sorry, I was reading off the wrong list).

(Editor: We are now switching into Non-Trumpesque mode. We prefer to live in the real world of the Really Really Raunchy Girls Finishing School of Ravishing women and Scarifying Mechanical Moped Mayhem. You know, just keeping it real).

Non-Trumpesque Spoiler #2: The Cambodia payoff. In this part of the world itís expected that bribes to all levels of government are just a part of normal business. Rumor is that the all-time greatest tightfisted cashwise tightwad, EPMB, paid most of his bribes on his knees instead of using cash. Just a rumor, you understand.

Another rumor (that I made up. But it could happen!) I heard that thatís how he pays his staff. Just another rumor, but it sounds just like him, Right? Right?).

Non-Trumpesque Spoiler #3: Wentworth will bury her idol in the jungle. Little does she suspect that R. Hantz is lurking. Always lurking. He is still claiming to have won his seasons of Survivor, and heís already claiming that heíll win this season too (BTW, he also claims to have won the Amazing Race four times, that heís the all-time champ on Jeopardy, and that he has enlisted Vanna to make sure his wheel is spinning real good, IYKWIM). Bad news for Kelley is that heís on the island looking for all the HIís he can find. She needs to think up a better hiding spot, somewhere where no one will dare look but close at hand in case she needs to use it. HmmmÖ

Non-Trumpesque Spoiler #4: "F__ with me, and youíre dead."

OK, weíve gotten some pretty dramatic and foreboding quotes in the past, but Abi-Marie has IMO the all-time greatest quote, mainly because it was serious - she was actually thinking about murder and not just eviction - and it came true. Except for the death part. But itís about as close as you can get and still be on prime time TV.

Little Miss Mafia Boss. A mafia boss with a thin skin is plenty dangerous.

F--- with be and youíre dead!! Fuhgettaboudit! Brazilian soap opera stars are pretty hard core, I guess.

Non-Trumpesque Spoiler #5: So, this season, Spencer shows up wearing the same Tee shirt that he wore in his other season? He never heard of Kickstarter? I think he needs the money more than the others.

Non-Trumpesque Spoiler #6: Savage spins a probably made up yarn about meeting a beauty queen/international model, falling for her at first sight, and marrying her, living happily ever after, yada yada. Itís so sad everyone cries. But wait, marrying the kind of woman that has motivated many an adolescent locked door bathroom session isnít sad. Itís great. So WTF?

Anyway, our spies were not fooled, while his tribe mates were weeping he was picking their pockets. Itís the old "watch this hand while I pick your pocket with the other" distraction con. Heís pretty good. Between him and Abi-Marie, they have all the ingredients of a crime syndicate.

Non-Trumpesque Spoiler #7: Dietz wants to play a morally upright game this time around. So obviously he isnít going to win. Whatís the first rule of Survivor? Lie, cheat, steal, and canoodle. He has no chance. Heís sweet meat for the tribe crocodiles.

Non-Trumpesque Spoiler #8: Peih-Gee smuggled a cosmetic kit onto the island. I guess thatís why she needed two bags?

Non-Trumpesque Spoiler #9: The RC/IC challenge proper name was ďBlood TrailsĒ.




(Sorry Tribe, the Pope told me it was OK to steal this. He said it was the will of god.)

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suzzee 5838 desperate attention whore postings
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10-01-15, 01:43 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: F__ with me, and youíre dead!"
Wow Lumpy, you're right on top of things. Spoiler things I mean, as far as whatever else you're on top of is none of our business.

On to the events.
Non-Trumpesque Spoiler #3: Aaack, you said Hantz.

Non-Trumpesque Spoiler #4: "F__ with me, and youíre dead."

The coconut league is a little concerned that Abi will use one of our fellow nuts as a lethal weapon. Not that we're too worried but some of us already are missing parts of our shells due to the mass production of immunity idols this season.

Non-Trumpesque Spoiler #5: So, this season, Spencer shows up wearing the same Tee shirt that he wore in his other season?

He said it was a buy one get 10 free. Besides green is his lucky color.



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suzzee 5838 desperate attention whore postings
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10-01-15, 04:17 PM (EST)
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3. "RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep02: "MacGuyver and the Apology Backpedal""
No talkie, no votie. Woo has spoken.

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kingfish 18602 desperate attention whore postings
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10-02-15, 08:57 AM (EST)
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4. "RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep02: "MacGuyver and the Apology Backpedal""
Me and Rudy gonna rule this island!

(What?? Oh. Nevermind.)

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suzzee 5838 desperate attention whore postings
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10-05-15, 10:44 AM (EST)
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5. "RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep02: "MacGuyver and the Apology Backpedal""
You can take the girl out of Borneo but you can't take Borneo out of the girl.


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Molaholic 8986 desperate attention whore postings
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10-05-15, 11:53 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep02: "MacGuyver and the Apology Backpedal""
Was there a snuffing this week -- sorry, but I was snoozing...

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