LAST EDITED ON 11-28-14 AT 01:15 PM (EST)
You’re back again?
Of course you are, you have come to where you know you will find the very best spoilers, a place which somehow manages to improve in accuracy and entertainment every week. But how do I it, you ask yourself? How can this possibly be? How can the spoilers this week possibly top those that were given (free of charge) to us last week, and all the weeks before? How can I possibly top what were considered the supreme spoilers of all time, you ask?
The answer is, of course, that we here at the Really Really Raunchy Girls Finishing School set the spoiler high water mark. We are the gold standard of spoiler accuracy.
You see, modesty doesn’t permit me to admit that I actually am, with help of students from a certain academic institution, the provider of the most interesting and accurate spoilers in the world, and that each week I manage to exceed every goal and expectation, and that my mamma is very proud of her little Breast Mode, but it’s true. I am. And she is.
So, here we are, me, Breast Mode, and the very sexy sluts (and getting sluttier as we speak – they hold nothing back when it comes to sluttyism) of the Really Really Raunchy Girls Finishing School Of Man Trolling and Authority Defying With Funny Bumper Stickers that Can Never be Removed, or, As Suzzee knows it (and it looks like it's just you and me and the EPMB, babe), the RRRGFSOMTADWFBSTCNBR.
We are camping out on an offshore island somewhere in the world. I can’t be specific because of some disagreements with various law enforcement agencies and bail bondsmen, but it’s nice and breezy. Lots of merry crabs happily jumping into our pots of boiling water, just pleased as punch to be eaten by us. They even bring the butter.
So we’re glad to be here. We have a homemade submarine made up of parts left over from our Vespa customizing and maintenance business that we use to infiltrate the beaches where the most recent crop of San Juan Del Sur dupes are located. When the girls take their Vespa choppers apart (usually just for fun), there is always stuff left over after reassembly, and they decided to build a little submarine from those parts. Reasoning was that since they have all joined the mile high club, they thought they should try something new. And thus the genesis of the Mile Deep Club.
Nitrogen Narcosis, here we come! We’re gonna get real bendy. I hope that’s as much fun as it sounds like it will be.
Here are the bestest spoilers in the whole wide world:
Spoiler #1 From a Mile Down: Keith (spit) don’t do them mathy-matics so good. Them higher numbers (spit) is just too high for him. He (spit) asked Jon his age (26) and gave his own age (53 – going on 90) and he still hasn’t figured out the age difference. Or even who is older. All he knows is (spit) “Roger That”. Whatever that means.
Spoiler #2 From a Mile Down: Wes goes to Exile Island and comes back with a strange look in his eyes, murmuring “Chicken wings” over and over. Apparently, the Scary Shaky Crab Dance didn’t work as well on Wes as it did on Germy, so the crafty beach crabs had to try something different. They got into his cavernous head by whispering “chicken wings” to him in his sleep over and over, then gave him a post hypnotic suggestion: “Umm boy, wouldn’t you like some spicy chicken wings, Wes? Remember how you like to eat chicken wings real fast, Wes? They were real good, weren’t they, Wes? If Jeff ever offers you chicken wings, you will forget about the million dollars and go for them wings.”
Spoiler #3 From a Mile Down: Once again, a daughter’s love for her mother is so touchingly demonstrated during the Immunity challenge:
Baylor to her mother, Missy> "Mom, shut your mouth".
Well, Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Xmas to you too, Baylor. May your mom’s holiday wish for a birth reversal come true.
Spoiler #4 From a Mile Down: During the IC, Alec compares his lasting 15 minutes standing on the challenge cross to Jesus’s lasting 3 days, hands and feet nailed to a Roman Cross.
So, where did casting get this doofus, anyway? Oh, right. Florida. A hanging chad.
Spoiler #5 From a Mile Down: During IC a bee goes after Keith’s (spit) skinny legs. It wanted to give him a sting, but it’s stinger was bigger than Keith’s (spit) calves so it flew away in frustration.
Spoiler #6 From a Mile Down: It will be revealed in a future episode (and spoiled by yours truly) why the snuffer has teeth this season. (Hint: There is also a sacrificial altar and a gut barrel in the foreground. Stay tuned).
Spoiler #7 From a Mile Down: Uber Bitch Baylor and Nat team up to find the third HI while the rest of the Survivors are away from camp. They find it. Nat keeps it. Baylor is left in the cold. Baylor gets a crazy look in her eyes and begins sharpening a clam shell. Again, stay tuned for the episode entitled “Baylor’s Revenge”. (Hint: Next week will be a double elimination, one will be at TC, and one - brah-ha-ha - will not.
Tribe puts me in my happy place.