LAST EDITED ON 10-15-14 AT 03:37 PM (EST)
An apology to my loyal readers, I know you were watching the ticker tape for the latest and the greatest spoilers that the world has ever seen, and I let you down this week. Couldn’t help it though, the Feds staged a Swat team led commando raid on my jungle outpost and confiscated (they thought) all of the secret spoilers that I had cleverly hidden in coconut husks that seemingly had been discarded. IOW, they did a dumpster dive. But those were fake, just red herrings, misdirections. They didn’t get a thing.
We heard them coming, those helicopters and landing craft make a lot of noise and they were farting a lot because of the island food (beans and rice). So my well-endowed and very well trained squad of lovely but Really Really Raunchy Girls from the Really Really Really Raunchy Girls Finishing School of Vespa Chopper design and EPMB Torturing are also trained in Jungle drum spoiler encoding and false trail leaving, so the raid was for naught. The Feds now believe that EPMB is Tinkerbelle’s dad, and that Survivor is a game show hosted by Wolfman Jack. They didn't get a thing, but yours truly was incarcerated for a few days during which I had to endure electrocution with a double A battery. And they also tried to tickle torture me with a buzzard feather from Phillip’s headdress. Didn’t work, your faithful Spoiler provider (that would be Yo) withstood all that and more, and didn’t spill bean one.
Jungle Drum Spoiler #1 THe EPMB is Tinkerbelle's Dad.
Jungle Drum Spoiler #2 The prejudiced person has left the building. Leaving only Natalie, who seems to be annoyingly prejudiced at the top of her annoying lungs against racists and some other stuff (I try and shut her annoyance off when I can).
Jungle Drum Spoiler #3 There was a tense time after John was voted out, the noises of destruction could be heard along the path to the Ponderosa and up rooted trees could be seen flying above the horizon. Apparently John likes to fight with inanimate objects as well as girls.
Jungle Drum Spoiler #4 It is rumored that the old Palm frond up the nose trick is in play this week.
Jungle Drum Spoiler #5 Beep beep beep…Latest announcement from Keith on Exile Island: “There will be no spooning with Josh this week”. That sigh of relief that rang through the coconut palms was from Josh who was apparently not looking forward to having the back of his neck wisker burnt by Keith.
Jungle Drum Spoiler #6 Baylor will list the advantages she offers the tribe, and the reasons they shouldn’t vote her out. Right now she’s stalled out on item #1.
Let’s see if we can help her.
She can’t do puzzles.
She can’t shoot a basketball although she insists on taking every shot.
She can’t make fire.
She pesters those who are trying to sleep with her plotting.
She doesn’t have the capacity or imagination to come up with the one obvious way that a woman can infiltrate the men’s alliance and convince them that she should stay a little while longer.
Sorry, I got nothing.
Tribe puts me in my happy place.