LAST EDITED ON 09-27-13 AT 01:18 PM (EST)
OK, you want 'cher spoilers? I got 'cher spoilers. I'm Spoiling Sam, and come and get them while you can. And while they're free. Cause pretty soon they are going to cost you. A lot. You don't get this quality of spoiler for free forever.
For my long term fans who are always complimenting me on the hard work I do and the spectacular results I – OK, we – achieve, you get a discount. For those of you who are already forking over contributions (Vespa repair parts and condoms aren't free you know) you get the secret news letter which gets you inside knowledge (and an evening a week with one of my girls, either Flora or Fauna ) free.
Here's the latest news from the Raunchy Girl Finishing School for Really Really Raunchy ladies (some may disagree with the term ladies, but they are all poop heads who cain't get no pokey).
The girls that are majoring in Snooping and Spoilering - these are the the girls that get me these super accurate spoilers week after week - are now called the "Girls From Twerk". Catchy, eh? The GIRFT? GROFT? Oh well, never mind.
The Girls from Twerk were busy all week seducing management and minions alike in an all-out push to get the spoilers, and here they are:
Spoiler #1: When did Gervase get to be such a jerk?
Spoiler #2: The RI Pygmies are appreciative of the gesture, but they said that their best chefs all combined to try and make Poopert palatable, and it just wasn’t happening. No amount of catsup could mask that gaminess. But they hold no grudges, and they know everyone is trying. They are however getting a bit antsy for something more meaty to eat, and would like to tie into a Marissa ham bone. They don’t approve of those skinny chicks, however, but they will serve up anyone who lands in the burn pit.
If anyone is taking orders, they would like some newbie meat next.
Spoiler #3: This is turning into a Barilla nightmare, as the men on the newbie tribe have a plan to oust the women and form a gay polygamous family. The night shift cameraman has footage, and it appears that the marriage has been multi-consummated.
Culpepper especially has been walking around a bit gingerly, and looks like he just got off a horse.
<Neigh, whinney whinney snort snort>
Spoiler #4: Culpepper has been seen exploring the reefs and underwater caves. He is apparently unaware that one of those underwater caves is a sly humpbacked whale. Culp (I call him Culp) may be the first Survivor to get a “sucked down the throat of a whale” evacuation.
Spoiler #5: Mama Bonham revealed why she is known in some circles are the Bone-Hand Mama. Who needs a man when you have ”Bone-Hand” as a friend. And ally. And…well, let’s just say that the alliance between her and Katie is getting stronger every night. And noisier.
shhhhh! I stole this from Tribe and I ain't gonna give it back.