LAST EDITED ON 12-18-12 AT 09:28 PM (EST)
The leaders of the Raunchy Girl teams, Ho #1, Ho#2, and Ho #3.
Hullooo, it is I, your favorite and most accurate sourced spoiler, bringing to you the last set of guaranteed accurate information gathered in the field by my field stripped Raunchy Girls on vacation from their classes at the School for very very very Raunchy Girls. I had fun, they had fun, and you persevered. Thanks for that.
They are anxious to get back to their studies (which, coincidently, and are often carried out on their backs), their terrorizing of small villages, consuming mega amounts of mind and body altering substances, and their custom Vespa Choppers. And their occasional treat, torturing the EPMB.
The last installment is as follows:
Spoiler #1.5: Congrats to Denise, finally someone played a perfect game. And Pissed off Penner, making it a 110% sucess. Bravo. My new Survivor hero.
Spoiler #2: Amendments to ”The Survivor’s Handbook”. (#1) Never turn down an alliance offer. And (#2) “Never refer to a Future Jury Member as a Moron or an Idiot”. And if on the island with Skoopin, never get between him and any sharp object or a fire.
Spoiler #3: Malcolm will “go big or go home”. Famous last words, Malcolm. See ya.
(Oh yeah, that’s number (#3): “Never utter famous last words”.
Spoiler #4: Abi officially becomes one of the rare breed of Survivor contestants that even a possible reward of a million dollars won’t tempt the others to take her to the final 3. Even though she would have won zero votes and would have guaranteed an increase in their odds of winning from 1 in 3 to 1 in 2, they still couldn’t be tempted to take her. Not even for a million bucks. There have been very few villains in Survivor history this odious. Well, there are some Hantzs that would give her a run for her money, but still it's rare.
Spoiler #5: Gathered by the night vision camera at camp after TC. They are still doing the “Wicked Witch is Dead” dance. They should beware, however, she is actually still alive, just transported by island trimaran to a holding cell to await her chance to unleash her “honesty” on the final three,
Spoiler #6: Skupin's Final TC story – He lives!. 90% intact, but still…. For Skupin, that is indeed a story. He left blood on the island, yards of skin in the jungle, a few bone fragments on the beach, and an appendage or two along the way, but he lived.
Spoiler #7: For future reference and for the doubters, it appears that the Beardies Award is a predictor of the longest lasting male survivor, and of the ultimate female winner.
Spoiler #8: Behind the scenes: On the walk of fallen comrades, the production crew had to reshoot the scene at Abi’s torch several times. It seems that the final castaways just couldn’t come up with anything positive. They almost went with “Well, she wasn’t the spawn of Satan, was she? Or was she?”. Well, they couldn't agree on that, so they tried “She didn’t actually murder a fellow contestant in their sleep." but they remembered that she did actually try an kill Skupin with a coconut, and later with daggers from her eyes (imported from "The Simpsons" Side Show Bob), so they couldn't use that. Finally they had to dub in a script by "The Simpson's" voice-over actors. They tried to get the "Family Dad" guy, but it turns out that he has a weak stomach.
Spoiler #9: And in the “Poke my Eyes Out” column, we get to see Russell throw another hissy fit on the Fallen comrades’ walk.
Spoiler #10: The biggest question goes unanswered yet again this season, What about toilet paper? Do they really have to use handfuls of sand for 39 days? Are banana leaves as unabsorbent as they appear?
Spoiler #11: Denise’s skill as hypnotist/therapist allowed her to convince Lisa vote to evict Malcolm instead of her. And, when you have a patient under a hypnotic spell in the jungle, might as well and let your Jungle Jane inner self free.
Spoiler #12: Abi wins Best Mean Face Award at TC.
Spoiler #13: In keeping with the time honored tradition, the final 3 burn down the camp, along with all the cute little animals that populated so many of the filler shots this season. PETA is not pleased.
Spoiler #14: Penner at final TC, same shirt, no shave. Penner is one with the jungle.
Hey Mom, please send money. Tribe says rent is due on thei sig.