Hello again, it is I with all the new news. But first, a little old business.
In a bit of a slap in the face to yours truly, EPMB will completely and blatantly spoil the episode in the first 30 seconds of the show. Denise will explain that Abi will be the target, unless she wins the Immunity challenge, in which case Penner will be booted. And it happens. Just like that.
It may have been my fault. I guess he is kinda upset that I spoiled his super-secret ultra ritzy vacation, Eh Mr. EP? Made you squirm did I? Or was it because I didn’t allow the Raunchettes to unleash the sex hounds of hell during your visit? A little petty payback?
Oh well, on to my real job, making sure that you dear readers have the latest in spoilerish news, as follows.
Spoiler #1: Abi will be thrown under the bus and the bus will run over her. Then the bus will back over her and then run over her again. In other words, there is a God that occasionally will grant the viewing audience's their most fervently wished wish. And I hereby retract any statements that I may have made that could have been construed so as to cast doubt on said Gods.
Spoiler #2: Now for the big event everyone has been waiting for, “The Beardies”. Yes, that’s right it’s that time again. Every season about this time an award is handed out to the Survivor who manages to grow the best chin hedge. Or in Denise’s case, the steroidal upper lip lichen.
This year’s award goes to Mike Skupin, who in spite of many flirtations with fire, sharp instruments, coconuts, angry clam shells and belligerent monkeys, has managed a very respectable growth. In fact, except for the neck it almost seems to have been trimmed.
Well done Mike. You won by a nipple hair.
In second place, and it was a close vote, was Johnny Penner. It was his resemblance to Rasputin’s hairy chin and his generally insufferable attitude that cost him critical points.
Not really in a class with Skupin and Penner but better than the rest was Malcolm “D'Artagnan” Freburg.
Carter Williams should hide his chin in shame,
And in fairness to no one, here is a totally un-retouched photo of Denise, who might have been an entry if that upper lip scraggle had been on her chin.
And if anyone complains about any perceived alterations they may think I made to Denise’s shot, they should think about what I could have done to Lisa’s photo. Soooo tempting.
Spoiler #3: During the Reward auction, Skupin will buy a cheese dish that comes with a butter knife. Medics will be called to extract the butter knife from his eye moments later.
Spoiler #4: The contrary Philippine Gods (Or could it be..Satan?) decree that Abi wins IC. Thus restoring my former pessimistic attitude in regard to Godlessness.
Abi will manage to sit out most (2/3) of another challenge (Any one in TV audience land surprised at that?)
However, confounding the odds makers, she actually manages to make sense of the rules and win the challenge. It is understood that at least a third of the TV audience missed the rest of the show due to an epidemic of fainting spells.
Tribe the super sig maker made this.