Leif’s Cornertime With Kismet<Camera opens on a darkened room. Sounds of muffled female giggles and running feet followed by a loud slamming door. We hear another door open and a light is turned on. Kismet is entering the room. The camera follows her as she walks purposefully towards the corner.>
Good afternoon Survivor Blows community. It is time for a new episode of Cornertime. Joining us today is Leif Eriksen of Viking legend. Leif has been a poster on our board almost from the beginning. Love him or hate him, he is a fixture of our community and it wouldn’t be the same here without him.
<Kismet walks over to a figure sitting on a barstool. She removes the gunny sack from his head. We see a very disheveled Leif, his helmet slighty askew, and looking very disoriented. >
Welcome Leif. Why are you in the corner today and who sent you here?
I was in the bar, minding my own business, enjoying a nice ginger ale, easy on the ice, when all of a sudden someone slipped a gunny sack over my head and arms, wrapped it all around with duct tape and carted me away in the trunk of their car. (I don’t know who was driving the car) The next thing I know someone takes the gunny sack off and I am in this corner. It is weird because even if I try to leave the corner, the corner seems to come with me. This is just too Twilight Zone for me, really. I don’t know who sent me here but I kept hearing two woman’s voices, one kept saying something about driving my car and the other kept wanting to kiss the tires for some reason. I just don’t know what that was all about, but here I am.
Well, that sounds like fun. The timer says 3 hours, so it looks like we have plenty of time for an interview. You don’t mind do you? I didn’t think so.. You have been a poster on this board for quite some time. Tell us how you came to be here, and why you stayed?
I use to post on the SS board before the SB board started. At first I posted under the name Vikingjorg, and was unceremoniously ejected from the board for “behavior unbecoming of a real good poster.” In other words I was pissing off the elite too much with my incessant flaming and they got sick of it and the bunch of them talked the Webmaster to boot me. I then registered under the name PanicAttack, still pressing the elite on that board but just enough so they never booted me again. Then the SS board started the “Vote three posters off” campaign. I made a huge mistake and voted for one of the biggest pansies and suckasses on that board, Ninaradio. Soon there was a consortium of Ninaradio’s cohorts that were out to get me voted off. They succeeded on the third week. I tried to get another name registered on the board but I could not do it. At that same time the SB board started so I registered under the names NinaTV, BoyBlunder, BBGRob, SweetSour and maybe a few others and because I knew that the SS goofs were reading everything on the SB board at the time I was being pretty nasty to some of the elite on the SS board. Believe it or not a few of the SS elite talked our Webbie into kicking most of my “names” off this board. I was the first one kicked off of SB, wow. Anyway I registered under the name you all know me as, Leif Eriksen, cleaned up my act and started being a little more lovable. I found that the people on this board were a lot easier to get along with so I stayed and I think I have become part of the community here. Boy oh boy, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside right now.
Let me assure that the sensation you are feeling is merely a combination of drugs and the interrogation light. Next question. Who are your favorite posters? Why?
I do not really have a “favorite” poster. I think it is well known that I only associate with a very few people on this board mainly because I am really only on the Off Topic Forum. I have certain relationships with a group of ladies, (they know who they are) which is always a fun time. I like Clark’s Top Ten Lists. I (use to) like to harass BadAct and ZeroBrain, a lot. I like being hugged and kissed by Batsy. I like being chastised and spanked by both Drive my Beemer and Tirekisser. I want to have a coffee with my fellow Vancouverite, SurvivorChick (did I give her a nickname?) I could go on and I don’t want to make anyone feel that I missed them, you all know who you are.
You are the nickname king. Why do you like to nickname people?
One thing, I am glad you called me the king and not the queen. When I was going to school, most people had nicknames of some sort. Most of them were derogatory in nature, some were downright cruel, depending if you were a bully or the one being bullied. It was kind of a badge of honour to have one of the “good” nicknames. When I use to hang out at the pool hall the nicknaming of people was a fact of life. I guess when I nickname people on the board it is a throwback to those times.
Do you realize that having a Leif nickname has become a status symbol? Do you give them to everyone, or is it merely those that impress/irritate you that are so gifted?
I have come to realize that the nickname thing is a medal of honour or something when I took a nickname away from one person and he begged like a baby to get it back one day in chat. I have not decided to give it back to him yet. Anyway, like I said before, nicknaming people is kind of second nature to me so I started doing it on the boards. I started out on SS doing for merely derogatory intentions but then when I got on this board I started doing it just for fun. I only nickname people that I respond to if you have noticed. The fun nicknames probably started with Ratso, we use to have a lot of fun posting back and forth. Drive my Car was a prime target for a nickname with a name like that so was George Tirebiter. It gets to the point that I feel weird even typing out the person’s proper name, it seems foreign to me. I guess I give out nicknames more so to people that impress me other than people that irritate me. I have only gave out a very few irritating nicknames on this board the biggest and best being Zero-brain. Most are a term of endearment.
How did you choose your nickname? Where did it originate from?
I have Norwegian roots so I like the Viking theme. I was watching a show about the Viking’s discovery of Newfoundland and their leader Leif Eriksen and decided that he would make a pretty good nickname. He seemed like the lovable asshole type too. A leader among men, so to speak.
Do you have a nickname for yourself in real life?
{i]I never gave myself a nickname; I think only George wanted to do that in an episode of Seinfeld. I did have nicknames though, when I was in school a lot of people called me “stretch” because I was so tall. When I was hanging around the pool hall I use to goof around with the drunks that hung around, trying to get them to tell me their life stories and how they got into the predicament they found themselves in. My buddies started calling me Rubby because of that. I don’t really have a nickname at this stage in my life except what people call me behind my back.
Yes I’m sure that’s why they called you Rubby. Can you tell us why you boycotted spoilers during S2? Do you plan to pitch in during S3?
Quite simple really, I want the show to be a surprise. I was reading the spoilers just for fun before the first episode of S2 not thinking anyone would be able to figure out who really went first. When I found out that not only did the spoilers people actually figure out who went first but also who went on the second show, I decided not to read the Spoiler Board anymore. No, I do not plan to go to the spoiler board at all from now on. That means, never.
Your tagline, ‘just asking, that’s all’ has become a board phenomenon. How and where did it originate from?
You know, that is a smart-ass remark I have been using, forever. It is especially irritating to over zealous salespeople after you ask them a question that they do not want to answer. I love doing that.
<Kismet takes thirty minutes off the clock because she likes the thought of Leif getting ornery with telemarketers.>
Do you regret anything that you have done on the boards?
The simple answer is no. I feel anyone that I picked on, deserved it. If I did say something I should not have I have apologized.
Where did the ‘lovable asshole’ thing come from?
I am pretty sure Tirekisser called me that in one of her posts long, long time ago. I liked it and have used it as a sig ever since. Of course she meant it as a term of endearment, I think.
You are one of the board’s most incorrigible flirts. Does that make up for your ‘asshole’ tendencies?
I am going to take the first statement as a compliment, thank you. As far as making up for my “asshole” tendencies, that would be an interesting case study for some up and coming psychologist. Anyway I have not been keeping score on the “big game” between the “flirt” side of Leif and the “asshole” side of Leif. Lets call it a draw, shall we? Seriously, I do not think of myself as a flirt, I just think I am good at conversing with woman in general. I had 7 sisters, three older and four younger than me so I have to think I know a little about the female psyche. Or maybe I am fooling myself and know nothing at all….who knows.
I’m willing to put money on the latter. What’s with the golf thing? You seem obsessed with golfing, and yet you are here all the time.
First things first, I’m usually only on this board during the day. I seldom come on here at night or on the weekends. As far as my obsession with golf, you would have to be a golfer to understand why we golfers are the way we are. The game is addicting and the better you get the more addicting it becomes. At least that is the way I feel about the game. I want to retire on or close to a golf course so I can play everyday, if possible, all year round.
We know you have been married for a long time. How does your wife feel about you posting on the boards? Does she even know?
First the does she know question; she knows I go on this board “once in a while” but she does not know who I am on the board. Of course, knowing women the way I think I know them, I could be completely wrong about this whole thing and she might know everything. Maybe she is SurvivorChick, for all I know (that is why meeting for coffee is a no-no?) My wife is of the opinion that “everybody” that partakes in chat rooms is going to start having and affair with someone they meet on the chat rooms. As far as she is concerned a message board is the same as a chat room. There is no changing her mind on this subject, someone she knows has a sister that met someone on a chat line and left her husband and ran away with him so by golly that is going to happen to everyone. Women! So in closing, my wife does not want me to post on any board; message, chat or otherwise.
You seem to enjoy correcting poster’s spelling and grammar. Do you have a background in writing and editing or is it just shtick?
I only correct to irritate, right BadAct? You know what, I went to school in the fifties and sixties when they were still concentrating on the three “R’s,” so I was taught to spell and to enunciate as properly as I could. I was taught to check my work. I was taught to use a dictionary. I was taught that it takes just as long to do something wrong as it does to do that same thing right. You can’t forget these ideas, no matter how old you get. I try to ignore most of the misspelling and grammatical errors on the board. I am not an expert, I still make mistakes myself. If someone corrects my errors, I don’t mind at all, I was also taught to learn from your own mistakes.
Is there anything else you would like for us to know about you?
The Survivor message boards and the chat room are my first taste of this type of communications with other people. I think I have stumbled onto a very likable and refreshing community. I really enjoy it. I think some people read me the wrong way; believe it or not I am more “lovable” than “asshole”. In the real world I am in an upper management position of a construction company with many people directly under my control on a day to day basis. I am used to getting my way with no backtalk from anyone. It is refreshing to get a little bit of that in the cyber world. I like it and it has a calming effect on me. I don’t drive a BMW; I drive a Ford F150 truck. I am not an engineer; I am a project superintendent that has completed some rather large projects in the Vancouver area, in Manitoba and in Alberta. I am a carpenter by trade. I have gone to University for management night courses. I am really good at what I do, so I have been told numerous times. I enjoy what I do immensely and next to my family and golf, my work takes top priority in my life. My golf games index has been running between 8.5 and 10.8 in the last two years. I am not a computer geek or a weirdo; I am just a run of the mill, everyday, Canadian guy. I quit drinking alcohol 8 years ago on June 8. I did not consider myself an alcoholic but I felt that the habit I had of going to the pub and having a beer every chance I could might just turn into a habit I could not control anymore, so I quit. I do not smoke. I used to a long time ago and have become an awful, reformed smoker. I bugged my wife so much she finally said she either had to quit or leave me. I am glad she chose me. I have never cheated or ever intend to cheat on my wife, I adore her. I have a son that is 26 years old that is a cracker jack kid, smart as can be and an artist to boot. He will be finishing a NewMedia course here in Vancouver very soon so if anyone has a good job offer for him, let me know (I have to get him out of the house and on his own again)
Thank you for the interview Leif. It was very enlightening. I will leave you to your fate.
<Kismet swivels the chair around so that he is facing the corner, then turns to face the camera>
This concludes this episode of Cornertime with Kismet. Stay tuned as I am sure that someone else will be acting up shortly and wind up here very soon.
