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coolkid 8 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson" 10-14-05, 01:24 PM (EST) "mixed feelings about Iyanla" As I have watched this new season of SO, I realized that I have mixed feelings about Iyanla. At the beginning of this season, I thought she was just a straight up, no frills, we don't have a lot of time to muck around kind of person. However, I felt red flags go up when she had Jill lay on the ground with her head in her lap and then Christina sit on her lap in the coffee shop. It did not look like the request for this sort of comfort came from the SO guests. My impression is that these actions could be about meeting Iyanla's needs not the SO guests. For example, it was as if Iyanla imposed Jill's breakdown onto Jill rather than responding to Jill after she began to have her breakdown. Additionally, I was put off by her seemingly far too interested curiosity about how Christina conned people out of money. I'll continue to stay tuned. The dynamics of this group, including the lc's and Dr. Stan, are fascinating.   Top

Subject     Author     Message Date     ID    RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla robyyyyn 10-14-05 1  RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla LRoyce 10-22-05 2    RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla rileybean 10-22-05 3        RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla LRoyce 10-22-05 4            RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla divawahine 10-22-05 5            RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla Sandrasprecious3 10-22-05 6                RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla karenlucyian 10-22-05 7                RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla LRoyce 10-22-05 8                    RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla jelnova 10-22-05 9            RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla jbordeaux 10-22-05 10            RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla rileybean 10-24-05 11                RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla LRoyce 10-24-05 12

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robyyyyn 33 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge" 10-14-05, 08:35 PM (EST) 1. "RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla" isn't iyanla human? i was intrigued by Christina's behaviors! : )   Top

LRoyce 35 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge" 10-22-05, 00:09 AM (EST) 2. "RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla" Isn't Iyanla job to bring out what the person is so desperately hiding from themselves? Isn't the biggest part of that task the ability to choose the best method - whether to shock or to sympathize or to generate resentment that will cause the person to keep looking until they see what the problem really is. This one needs a hug today and a reprimand tomorrow; this one needs to be pushed hard today and then needs to get sympathy tomorrow. I salute the genius Iyanla and Rhonda both have for being able to assist these women to come to an awareness of the real issues facing them. They manage, with only a few exceptions, to do what other methods of therapy might take years to accomplish. Her conversation with Christina about her methods ending in apologizing to the real person harmed by her behavior - Christina.   Top

rileybean 27 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge" 10-22-05, 00:33 AM (EST) 3. "RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla" >I salute the genius Iyanla and >Rhonda both have for being >able to assist these women >to come to an awareness >of the real issues facing >them. They manage, with >only a few exceptions, to >do what other methods of >therapy might take years to >accomplish. Unfortunately, one of the consequences of this kind of "kamikaze therapy" is that the LCs can project their assumptions of what an individual's issues are rather than actually getting to the root concerns. It is obvious that the coaches have some basic knowledge about the HGs issues and it is possible that they - particularly Iyanla - approach the HGs with a particular agenda, then pound away on the HG with their theory until the HG "responds" in the "appropriate" manner. I have thought that both LCs are somewhat out of their element when HGs reveal real challenges - Dr. S has a much better theraputic approach in such situations.   Top

LRoyce 35 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge" 10-22-05, 01:56 AM (EST) 4. "RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla" I think it might be naive to assume that the LCs “project their own assumptions” of an individual HG’s issues and that then the LCs “pound away until the HG responds in the appropriate manner.” Don’t you think it is more likely that there are actual M.D.s involved in initial interviews and that recommendations are made as to the core issues? But, in addition, I think the real help and learning come about due to both Rhonda and Iyanla being real, conscious, warm and spiritual individuals and the pressure that is put on the others to be a part of each other’s problems and possibilities simply because they are living together in a very intimate way. This house is a pressure cooker in more ways than one. I do not face most of the issues of most of the HGs yet every show offers me a piece of wisdom about myself and others that leaves me breathless. I cry almost every day, either with feelings of great joy at the insight someone has just had or is about to have, or with pain at the awful and ugly things someone has been carrying around at great expense to themselves. Rhonda and Iyanla have made me a better person because they have taught me to look at myself and at others differently. I don’t think I was ever unkind but I know now that I was often totally wrong, that I judged when I should have been gentle, that I was looking at the person’s behavior and not at the person. I’m sorry, I can’t put this into words yet; sometimes the show leaves me so raw I can’t speak or do much for about an hour or so. But I would rather suffer through the results of watching this show than be amused or entertained for days.   Top

divawahine 51 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Hollywood Squares Square" 10-22-05, 08:28 AM (EST) 5. "RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla" Very nicely said...   Top

Sandrasprecious3 31 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge" 10-22-05, 09:22 AM (EST) 6. "RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla" >I think it might be naive >to assume >Don’t you think it is >more likely that there are >actual M.D.s involved in initial >interviews and that recommendations are >made as to the core >issues? Wow... have you heard/read this and know this to be true? It would be great if that were the case, I don't recall having seen any info to support this theory though. I'd love to read about it or be pointed in the direction of a website that says something about it. Sandra   Top

karenlucyian 84 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Hollywood Squares Square" 10-22-05, 07:23 PM (EST) 7. "RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla" I bet there are countless interviews and screening by professionals before you become a HG on SO. If nothing else for their liability. I enjoyed reading this tag. I also watch with tears of empathy and healing!   Top

LRoyce 35 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge" 10-22-05, 08:48 PM (EST) 8. "RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla" Just as in Survivor, even when they are going hungry, they are given vitamins and minerals to prevent lating illnesses (at least that is what I read after the 1st season), I don't believe they would dare to take a chance of a serious psychological breakdown because of the experience of being on Starting Over. Can you imagine the negative publicity? It seems only logical to assume that there would be various types of psychological testing before anyone is selected to go on the show. Such tests are very telling and can certainly point to core issues that the test taker may not even recognize. Since the whole object of the show is to help these women start over, there must be resources for the coaches in order to approach each women in the best way to help her. I also believe that they must use such information to select the mix of 6 women that will bring out the best and worst for each. This whole concept would not work without the intimacy, conflict and support of the other women. Everyone is put into an artificial intimacy that exacerbates both their good qualities and their negative ones. So I can't point you to anything other than my own logic and what I know about such tests and their current use in our world. There are even corporations now that make their top candidates take such tests and they then decide on the top positions on the basis of the results. Why, I ask, wouldn't they do this in the selection process? It would also be the way to get rid of potential 'malingerers' who only want the TV exposure or some other motive than growth.   Top

jelnova 30 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge" 10-22-05, 09:17 PM (EST) 9. "RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla" >. Since the >whole object of the show >is to help these women >start over, there must be >resources for the coaches in >order to approach each women >in the best way to >help her. Ah, the classic misconception. The whole object of the show is to sell advertising. The more drama the better. Releases cover the liability. In fact, bringing on new women adds to the cost, so keeping each woman as long as possible is in the show's best interest. To do that they have to keep upping the ante.   Top

jbordeaux 121 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson" 10-22-05, 10:02 PM (EST) 10. "RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla" >I think it might be naive >to assume that the LCs >“project their own assumptions” of >an individual HG’s issues and >that then the LCs “pound >away until the HG responds >in the appropriate manner.” >Don’t you think it is >more likely that there are >actual M.D.s involved in initial >interviews and that recommendations are >made as to the core >issues? But, in addition, >I think the real help >and learning come about due >to both Rhonda and Iyanla >being real, conscious, warm and >spiritual individuals and the pressure >that is put on the >others to be a part >of each other’s problems and >possibilities simply because they are >living together in a very >intimate way. This house >is a pressure cooker in >more ways than one. > >I do not face most of >the issues of most of >the HGs yet every show >offers me a piece of >wisdom about myself and others >that leaves me breathless. >I cry almost every day, >either with feelings of great >joy at the insight someone >has just had or is >about to have, or with >pain at the awful and >ugly things someone has been >carrying around at great expense >to themselves. Rhonda and >Iyanla have made me a >better person because they have >taught me to look at >myself and at others differently. > I don’t think I >was ever unkind but I >know now that I was >often totally wrong, that I >judged when I should have >been gentle, that I was >looking at the person’s behavior >and not at the person. > I’m sorry, I can’t >put this into words yet; >sometimes the show leaves me >so raw I can’t speak >or do much for about >an hour or so. >But I would rather suffer >through the results of watching >this show than be amused >or entertained for days. Well said!!! and i totally agree.   Top

rileybean 27 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge" 10-24-05, 10:44 AM (EST) 11. "RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla" But you are being entertained - that's why we watch. Feeling emotionally connected to and invested in the HGs/characters is the goal of the producers; this keeps you watching and the sponsors happy. It's the same as a soap opera - soap viewers are emotionally invested and that keeps them entertained. Believe it or not, many of the "theraputic" exercises are -gasp-for ratings sake. I'm not saying that some of the work the women do is not beneficial to them, but if everyone - including the HGs - were only in it for the therapy, it would be a whole different experience.   Top

LRoyce 35 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge" 10-24-05, 01:04 PM (EST) 12. "RE: mixed feelings about Iyanla" I think we would have to redefine 'entertained' to fit my case and, obviously, many others as well. You imply that this show is somehow scripted, like a soap opera, and the exercises, while they may benefit a guest, are really for the purpose of amusing and interesting us, the audience. I agree that the show is structured to keep us coming back, day after day. But that relates to how they edit the material we are going to see; I do not believe for a moment that there is any ignoring of the real needs and goals of each guest. I believe in the integrity of the process and the goal of that process. I keep watching because I keep learning things - about myself, about others that I have never really understood, or maybe never made the effort to understand. I see myself as I was before this show rejecting Lisa and TJ - automatically steering clear of them, avoiding them and their problems. But now I would meet a Lisa or a TJ halfway, realizing that although their pains are very different from mine, their reaction is the same as mine. And this learning has been going on a long time - I recall the first season and the gist of Nayanza's remark to Andy when they had a showdown on the obstacle/adventure ? course out in the woods: Let me like you in my way rather than the way you expect or want to be liked. I have used that realization over and over and it has drastically improved my life because it makes me kinder and allows me to approach people I would have avoided. And I would have, like Andy, run from Nyanza but now I would greet the Nyanzas, Lisas and TJs with an open mind and an appreciative heart. They are just sides of me that I have not yet had the courage to look at therefore they are potential teachers for me. Entertained? - no way entertainment is so life altering. I could not agree with you less and I certainly hope that you are wrong in your assessment. But if you are correct, isn't it amazing that something created for different, materialistic reasons could so affect so many people? The creators/authors must be incredibly clever to hit the mark for so many of us.   Top

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