Let's take a moment to look over last year's results.*surveys mountain of corpses*
...right. Geez, every bloody season... this is a free pool (because death is cheap) and I'm not paying for the diamonds this year....
...transporter buffer pattens? Sure, I'll take any doubletalk that works. Let me know if anyone shows up inside-out.
*lots and lots of bad special effects later*
So now that I have your attention again: welcome to the killing fields, which some people insist on calling a football season and I personally think of as a really good way to test that new anti-Luminol agent. For some reason, people want to cross them just so they can say they made it to the other side. And every year, only one person gets across. And what's their reward? They get to turn around and count all the ones who didn't. This must be a very enjoyable thing. People keep trying to accomplish it. And failing.
Want to sign up for your almost-guaranteed-to-fail shot? Then here's the rules.
1. Each player chooses one team per week whom they believe will lose their game. That's right: lose. We're all about the losing around here. You haven't seen this many losers since the last Malin family reunion, even given that he was the only one who showed up.
2. Your choice must be in no later than half an hour before the first game of the week kicks off. This applies no matter which game you're picking. Yes, this will hurt when we get to Thursday NFL Network games. I don't care. There is a very real question as to whether death is worse than watching the NFL Network anyway. You may get the chance to find out.
Your pick should be posted in public, but the secretive may PM them in if they absolutely must. Just be warned: all privately-sent picks will be revealed in the following week's thread. How else is anyone going to know why you're out? (Oh, right -- see below.)
3. Miss one pick, you're out -- and it's probably going to be gory. (Posting details of your exact game suicide method from beyond the grave is encouraged.) Miss a week and you're out. Pick a game that ends in a tie and while your chosen team probably lost some playoff possibilities, you just lost the pool: out. It's a suicide pool. You should not expect mercy. There is only one thing you should expect and you think you can actually avoid it. Have you seen the last few fields?
4. Each player can only pick a given team once per season: no repeats. So even if you believe with all your heart that the Colts are going to very carefully stockpile a few more high prospects through the art and science of sleeping one extra hour a week, you still get to anti-back them for a single game. Spread your losing ways around. Everybody loses eventually. (Even the Patriots.) But your taking a team only locks them out to you.
EXCEPTION: Aethelstan, as last year's sole survivor (lowercase forever used to avoid lawsuits), holds the Winner's Edge: upon announcing its use, he may take a personally already-used team for a second time. The Edge may only be turned in once per season and may be used in any week from the second one on, including the last. Think that's too great a power to possess? Would you prefer I had invited mentors to help you choose these games for the first four weeks, then let them start playing after the body count was well on the way to X-1? No? Then shaddap.
5. The point spread doesn't matter. Your team must lose the normal way: by having the opposition ring up a higher score. Respect the classics.
6. The last player standing gets to take that long slow look back and then not have to deal with this again for the entire offseason. For some reason, this seems to be enough. (Any sigpics will have to be made by or for the winner.) And can enjoy a portion of the world's most dangerous substance, dihydrogen monoxide, at their own risk. However, it might kill them.
6a. Should all remaining players go out in the same week, we'll have a lose-off. Details should they become necessary -- but it won't be the same as the the first time it happened.
7. Once again, there is a twist coming in Week #1. All players are eligible to try for it. It will provide a tool for sabotage. And who will it hurt? Quite possibly yourself. You may have noticed that absolutely everything in this game is trying to kill you, and that includes any weapon I hand you. So use it at your own risk. Or don't go for it and watch someone else use it on you. I won't judge.
Remember: all the winner gets out of this is that long look back. And yet you all seem to want it. Strange people, all of you.
What's that? What do I get? Silly question.
I get to watch.
And loot the bodies. That's fun too.
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And guess what? I'm considering making it again.