Official Summary The Amazing Race 14 Episode 9: Let’s Get Ready to Rumble!™

Snidget: Heya Dweeze!
Dweeze: You got the memo?
Snidget: The one about the budget cuts so the summary writers have to provide the referee’s for their episode?
Dweeze: That’s the one.
Snidget: No wonder the last couple of episodes have been rough with the penalties.
Dweeze: Who knew that guy’s brother had been killed by midget wrestlers?
Snidget: These things, they happen.
Dweeze: So who you got?
Snidget: A guy I know from T’ai Chi found me a guy. He was the ref for the sparring tourney the local Chinese Martial Arts group put on.
Dweeze: Sparring?
Snidget: Light contact, just playing around.
Dweeze: Sounds good, is that him?
Snidget: Yep, my friend said he was pretty well built.
Referee: So this is the full contact exhibition event, right? *glares*
Snidget: Um, sure.
Dweeze: Full contact exhibition event?
Snidget: You’ve seen Celebrity Deathmatch?
Dweeze: Eeep.
Snidget: Well a couple of steps down from that. You can’t rip anyone’s face off. It upsets the coroner.
Dweeze: Good luck with that!
Snidget: Thanks.

Last week on Celebrity Deathmatch The Amazing Race. 5 teams flew to Bangkok. Teams Karaoked with the locals. Mark and Michael and Kisha and Jen both made a costly mistake. Margie showed off her mechanical skills, and then took charge at the detour, which resulted in their third first place finish. Mark and Michael continued to break rules, earning a 4-hour penalty, but were spared elimination. They will have a speed bump. See Slicey’s summary for the details.

This is Bangkok Thailand at a former royal palace, Margie and Luke depart at 9:36 am and will fly to Guilin China, noted for the sweet smell of the flowering bushes there. Margie finds that being someplace where she can’t talk to the locals puts her in the same boat as Luke usually is and finds it eye opening. They get tickets for the 11:20 flight and will have a connection to Guilin

Jaime and Cara depart at 10:30 and are not all that excited about China. It is full of Chinese people. They were hoping for the all deserted island version of the race. Cara says it would be easier if they didn’t yell at the taxi drivers, but Jaime lost her volume control knob in a tragic accident as a child so that is the only way she has to communicate. See Luke isn’t the only differently abled one on the race.

Tammy and Victor leave at 10:40 am. Tammy has been to Guilin and so they hope to have an advantage. They are so excited they get to speak Chinese. Since when do racers wait until they get to the country where a language is spoken to use it? Is this some new rule or something?

Meanwhile Jaime and Cara get on the second flight out of Bangkok, but will have the same connecting flight to Guilin as Margie and Luke at 8:30. Tammy and Victor also get flights on the 1:15 flight with Jaime and Cara and the 8:30 connection.

Kisha and Jen depart at 12:43 and Jen says this is when the competitive nature comes out and {foreshadowing gong of doom}, “if I see someone in front of me I’m going to knock them over.” They get the 3:20 to Guangzhou and the 9:10 pm flight to Guilin.

Mark and Michael depart at 4:08 pm. They say they just need to make some right decisions and hope for some massive bunching point. They will leave Bangkok at 6:10 pm. Back in China the second plane lands and they catch up with Margie and Luke for the 8:30 pm connection, but the flight is delayed. Kisha and Jen’s flight at 9:10 pm leaves before the delayed 8:30 flight so now all are bunched up other than Mark and Michael, with Kisha and Jen having a slight lead.

They all head to Qing Xiu Lu where the next clue is. Tammy and Victor get the first cab and Margie and Luke follow their cab. Tammy enjoys speaking Chinese to the cab driver and knowing none of the other teams can. Luke would like to go to a country of deaf people where he’d be the only one that could talk to the locals.

A new day dawns. Either that was a really long taxi ride or we are missing a task somewhere. Somewhere on Qing Xiu Lu Street Kisha and Jen get out of the cab and ask where the hair salon is. Tammy and Victor pass them in the cab. Tammy says the only thing they get from talking to the cab driver is they are certain when they know they are lost. Jaime and Cara are the first to the Hair Salon clue box. The Speed Bump will happen here.

Route Info Clue. They must travel to the #24 Bridge on the banks of the Li River. The girls chase down their cab. Tammy and Victor pass them and the girls tell their cabbie to follow them. Tammy says no one’s really asked them for any language advice, but Victor notes that Jaime and Cara are doing just fine without them. In the daylight Mark and Michael arrive in China.

Margie and Luke drive past Kisha and Jen walking down Qing Xiu Lu Street, so now they decide to get another taxi and have their taxi driver follow them even though they believe Margie and Luke told their taxi driver the wrong directions in the last leg. All they said was don’t share the directions. {foreshadowing gong of doom}Margie comments on Luke’s competitiveness, and he signs about his lack of patience.

The competitors have entered the ring. They will fight for the clue box that has wisely decided to hide from the ruckus. “Let’s Get it On!”

Round One

Clue box hides from team #1

Clue box hides from team #2

Cloaking device fails

Jen goes for the overhead snatch

But Luke blocks her

Snidget: Ref, we need a ruling
Ref: I’ll allow it!

Slo mo replay. Jen puts her hands on Luke’s back. She goes over his arm with her arm, and in the replay it looks like his elbow is pushing her arm away, not so much aimed for her head as he isn’t even looking that way and it stays on her arm as she goes back. Jen calls him a b!tch for the “body check” and elbow. Luke signs it is time to get dirty now. Jen says game on and they are b!tches. Luke is glad he didn’t hear her yell because it would have been on.

Snidget: Excuse me while I go try to bleach that Burger King Square Pants commercial out of my brain.

Well it is good to see this little trip has been educational. Jen has learned to sign b!tch. Not sure why it is not nice to call a deaf guy a b!tch. Who knew everyone else was fair game? Kisha and Jen say they will use the U-turn if they get the chance on Margie and Luke, but you know you have to actually get there ahead of them rather than just following people around.

Back on the river, Victor and Tammy get to the clue box with the Roadblock. They will take a raft out and train a cormorant to retrieve 10 fish then they will get the next clue. Jaime and Kara get to the Roadblock next and Jaime will do the roadblock as well as Tammy.

Round Two.

Jen vs. the clue box

Jen has elbows too

Snidget: Ref, we need a ruling
Ref: I’ll allow it!

Slo Mo replay

Jen keeps Luke from getting ahead of her. She runs into the box and he puts his hands up to back off. He tries her reach over move and she blocks him with her elbow and her body just like he did to her, but I guess it isn’t a b!tch move when she does it.

Margie and Kisha get into the yelling over the event. Jen has to tattle to Victor about the fight on the way out to the birds. Tammy’s birds are not very good at fetching fish. Jaime is surprised she can get the fish back from the bird (do they tie their throats so they can’t swallow them, don’t they?) because she wouldn’t let anyone take filet mignon out of her mouth. Jen does the Roadblock because Kisha laughs how she’s ready for foul play. Luke signs that they are bad ducks. Jaime’s birds fight over the fish.

Mark and Michael get to the salon and do their Speed Bump. They have to wash and dry the hair of two waiting women. Then they can continue with the race. They seem to enjoy the hair washing just a little too much.

Back on the river, Tammy seems to do better talking to the birds in Chinese. Luke isn’t watching and the bird swims up to take the fish from his hand and bites him. Now Tammy’s birds are fighting over a fish. Jaime has one more fish, so does Jen who finds this disgusting, but they are in first place even with the disgust.

Route Info. They have to go by taxi to the Ancient South Gate and thank Karma for all of Luke’s problems. Jaime and Cara are the second off the river and the taxi driver seems to be on board with the idea of a race. Luke finishes in third place and signs that the bird bite hurts. Tammy has one fish left but her birds fly away. A brief moment back at the Hair salon they are drying the hair and get the clue for the 24th bridge. Victor says they have learned not to get upset and attack each other. They get the last fish and catch up with Margie and Luke by the time they are back to the dock.

More endless discussion of the event in the taxis. Kisha and Jen say they are out to get Margie and Luke now. Doncha’ll remember about that Karma thing you mentioned a couple of minutes ago? {foreshadowing gong of doom} Jen then says she will p!ss them off more because she will laugh in their face.

No tussle at this clue box, Jen and Kisha get there first. Detour Clue: Choreography or Calligraphy. Do a dance routine out on the island with a dance group. Calligraphy they have to find four stations. Copy the calligraphy and read what you wrote to get the name for the next station. They choose Calligraphy. Jaime and Cara choose Choreography as that should be easy for cheerleaders and Jaime has really bad handwriting. Margie and Luke choose Calligraphy because it said to dance when the music starts and Luke can’t hear the music. Tammy and Victor also choose Calligraphy.

Meanwhile back at the river Mark and Michael arrive to do the Roadblock. Jaime and Cara get to the dancing and pick a couple to teach them. Jen and Kisha arrive at the first Calligrapher station but can’t find the pads that were provided for them to write on. As they look Margie and Luke arrive. Luke finds the supplies first. As they start Victor and Tammy arrive. Tammy says they didn’t pay enough attention in Chinese School.

Back at the dance instruction. The giggling woman tries to manhandle the cheerleaders into the right position, but they really don’t make it easy for her. Back on the river, Mike is fishing and Michael is bundled up under a blanket. He’s really throwing the fish a long way, much longer than some of the others who were pretty much just dropping it right off the boat.

At Calligraphy station one, once your writing is correct you get a chop stamp on the back of the pad and can move on to the next station. Everyone follows Tammy and Victor because they may not have good writing, but they can read the calligraphy and so can ask where the next station is.

As they voice over about how quickly cheerleaders are trained to pick up choreography they don’t pay any attention to the couples around them and start bumping into them rather than doing what all the other couples are doing. Victor and Tammy reach the next station and say to the teacher that he should write quickly because they need to stay ahead of the other people. Jen agrees he should do whatever they said.

At the dance location they get a no from the two stern Chinese judges and giggling girl just laughs and laughs. They are not happy about being laughed at {foreshadowing gong of doom}. Back at Calligraphy Tammy and Victor take off for station number three with their bad ducks following along behind them. And back to the dancing and they are counting off without even listening to the music so they are zigging while the other couples are zagging and don’t care if they walk all over every one else. Yep that’s the way to impress the judges.

Tammy and Victor tell Calligraphy station number three that their parents will be upset if they do not win. It is a good thing the other racers do not understand what is going on, and off to station number four with the other teams in tow. Jaime and Cara fail at try number two. They try to get someone to tell them what they are doing wrong in English. Since that didn’t work they start to leave to go to the other Detour. As the three teams get to the last station Jaime and Cara think they might know what is wrong (other than stepping on other couples). Something about not stopping until the music does rather than do it just once. So they go back for another try.

Tammy and Victor finish the Detour first. They must go to the view pictured in the clue on foot to the Pitstop. Margie and Luke leave second with Kisha and Jen right behind. Phil points to the three teams running to the Pitstop. A Chinese couple is eating lunch.

Kisha and Jen win the foot race and are going to Barbados. Victor and Tammy are second and Margie and Luke are team number three. Phil mentions that things are getting more tense. Victor says it is good spirited fun competition. Kisha and Jen say no it is not. Jen admits she called Luke a b!tch. Phil tries to defuse the situation with it was just a misunderstanding. As Margie describes what she saw Kisha hangs on Jen smirking and then Luke joins in with some vigorous signing. Luke storms off and signs b!tch and Phil asks him to come back. He signs it is my turn to talk now and Kisha starts laughing and smiling and smirking. She says it is OK. Margie says they are laughing at him and Phil tries to calm her down but it doesn’t work. She says he has had to live with just as much oppression as they have. They just laugh at tense situations so they say it is nothing (yet before it was a strategy they had to get other people all upset).

Tammy and Victor are mentally in their bedroom, making no noise and pretending they are not there.

In confessional Kisha and Jen say that is what they do. You give them evil looks and they just smile and laugh because they know that makes upset people even more upset. Margie thinks they feel they got away with something.

Back off to the dance they figure out to go until the music ends and then they get their clue to the Pitstop. By the time the arrive the fight seems to be over. Jaime and Cara are team number four but they forgot how many were on the leg. Mark and Michael do the dance routine and make gigglely girl giggle even more. They finish and are the last team to arrive and they have been eliminated from the race. Phil says they raced hard until the end. It is still daylight so they aren’t that far behind. They say they created a strong team to finish where they did in the race. They had a great time and the world is an amazing place.

Next week teams get a “relaxing” foot massage. Apparently Phil’s idea of relaxation is excruciating pain. Am I a bad person because I want to see all of these people in pain? Jen, remember that Karma thing, she faces her fear of water and has crying meltdown over it and wants to go home.