Even though it's the second hour of a "2 hour special" Phil is here to shtickle some previouslys, just in case somebody just joined the show or more likely forgot what happened three minutes ago. "Can JV&J maintain their lead?" "Will Flo & Drew's budding relationship cause a rift within their own teams?" "What hi-jinks will Team OhBother get up to?" "Who will Teri & Ian annoy this time?"

12:42 a.m. JV&J are depart the Savoie. Interesting to note that they only gained a 2 hour lead over the two bottom teams and a mere 1 1/4 hour lead over the closest teams. Once this ep's shmooshing kicks in that lead will be reduced to nothing. This is just one more reason not to have used the FF this ep. But it's too late now. I'm sad already, cuz I know they won't have anything except a nice cruise to enjoy after the Race to show for their FF. Actually, that's not bad. Other teams used their FF and all they got was an Easy Share Camera.

Teams need to travel over 50 miles to Geneva to find a 450 foot tall fountain. Editing and circumstances provide a local who has his version of the correct pronunciation: the "Zsheh D'oh". It's a fine line - I lean to "Zsheh D'owe, myself.

The Jet D'Eau is the largest fountain in Europe but to judge by our intrepid travellers, the most difficult to pronounce. Phil calls it the "Zshaye Doo." When at 2a.m., KennyG depart 2nd, Gerard calls the destination the "Jet Day Ew."

Team OhBother agree that they had no clue they'd last this long. uh-oh - that's the kind of comment to cause a bone chill of foreshadowment.

2:14 The Amazing Super Studs call it the Jet Day OoohOooh (to rhyme with PoohPooh). They reminisce about having an alliance with OhBother but say they are now they're on their own. Oh except for that little alliance with Flo & Zach.

Remember Drew's comment about how it was a definite advantage that he is single? Don't you think it's quite convenient that it's Flo he is interested in, who happens to be with one of this year's smartest racers. Okay that's not saying much, but in the Race, it's all relative (pun not intended but I find it amusing.)

The A.S.S. are so happy to be spending all this time together without even having to take their clothes off! Although that might be a downside from their perspective.

The clue at the J'ai Deux points needy teams to the Petronas Towers in the country represented by the flag supplied herein. WOOHOO Yippee. Another clue worthy of the name! For some reason that escapes me, Flo & Zack are familiar with the Petronas Towers and know that their destination is Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia. I wonder if they would have known the flag if they'd been told to go to some other spot. In any event, they are a step ahead of the other teams but it's only a step.

The other teams ask around, some with more luck than others, but soon everyone knows where they are going. Clues like these make you wonder how Andre & Damon, those Ace leeches, would have managed in this situation. Okay, so maybe you personally didn't think about it, but I did, so I'm mentioning it.

Shtickling Phil! It's more than 7000 miles. The Petronas Towers are the tallest towers in Asia. Well, Phil, it's certainly been a series of superlatives. Westernmost part of Europe. Tallest Towers, Deepest Gorge, Highest Fountain, Tallest Waterfall, Most Bizarre Nude Photos, Whiniest Contestant, Stupidest Team, Nastiest Couple.

This has been such an amazing race, that the A.S.S.y twins forgot it was their birthday. Those loonies! The thought occurs that they may have shared a birthday kiss. eww - sorry - had to share that with you. I can totally see them doing that. They will never erase the memory of that nude soft-porn photography. I can imagine these two doing practically anything. And now my recap for Ep 9 proves how confused I was - the Twins' mom should have been wishing them a happy birthday for the day to come, not a happy belated birthday. I do apologise for that erroneous reportage.

I am beginning to tell them apart tho. Drew looks softer, a little shyer, and Derek is the harder boiled, detective- hardass. Oh and the fact that Drew wears Blue and Derek wears Red doesn't hurt either.

2:35 a.m. The ITs are on their way. More maddening is the fact that they are the only team to correctly pronounce the name of the water feature. They're babbling at us. Ian, in a not very convincing voice, says he's not the only motivator, Teri motivates him too. But I don't believe it. He is always the one saying "Come On Girl, Heel Teri." If she even tries to pull that tone with him, he gets stroppy.

2:41 a.m. FloZzz are last to set out. As I menioned many recaps ago, Flo has good French but a lousy accent. She says "Zheh d'uh." It's Zsheh D'owe. But she translates - a jet of water. No one else translated. 1/2 a point for Flo. That will come in handy to counteract the 1500 bad points she's racked up.

Teams extract the information they need from people they encounter on their way to the International Airport. It appears that Ian may have been the only one who recognised the flag as Malaysian. The segment as aired gives the impression that Ian was obtaining confirmation for something he was already fairly certain was correct. I take a more cynical view. I think TAR editors are belately trying to make him look good, so the footage of Ian making Teri ask a cab driver what flag it is will NOT be shown, ever.

JV&J have their backpacks in a luggage cart and are walking from one end of the terminal to another, cracking little jokes. "Take the next exit" says JV. Jill laughs like it's the funniest thing she's heard all week.

Teri & Ian plan to check out Singapore Airlines as soon as the airport opens. This move turned out to be a brilliant stroke. Have you any idea how galling it is to me to have to use the words "Teri & Ian" and "brilliant" in the same paragraph and with reference to each other? But indeed they get on a flight faster than the other 4 teams, leaping ahead of even JV&J the team with a lead of 1 1/2 hours.

I suppose their fans are waiting for me to concede that they are doing well. I have news for them - I don't plan to concede anything.

Essentially what we have here is another Shmooshy Situation. While Teri & Ian departed aboard the first available flight to Kuala Lumpur, other teams are still negotiating for tickets.

Drew says they got 4 tickets together, keeping FloZzz with them, cuz he doesn't want to see Flo cry. She is doing her best to come across as innocent & sweet, smiling winningly and not whining at all. How is she managing that?!?! At 9 a.m. the back four teams (who don't even realize they ARE the back four) are on their flight.

Well would ya look at that? Flo is sitting on the floor at Drew's feet, leaving two seats (one vacant one and her own) between her and Zach. The consolation prize of a window seat isn't the same without a Kodak Easy Share. Too bad teams didn't need to take photos of the takeoff and landing.

When you stop and think about it, getting a Kodak Easy Share is better than what they used to get for the middle legs. Nothing. Last season, the first Team No. 1 received a cruise, then there was zilch until about now when the cruise prize was awarded for every Team #1 to the penultimate leg (there's a $12 word). Before some smartypants starts a thread about why the winners don't get a cruise, don't you think it would be a bit anticlimactic to award a million dollars and a cruise on the last leg?

Zach does his first bit of low grade complaining. It might qualify as "whining" in the real world, but with Flo here, no one else can get a whine in edgewise. Anyway, he says, "those two sat next to each other, and it felt a little bit strange with that one seat stating the obvious. Distance between me and my partner and another man moving in."

It's really kind of sad and pathetic and major props to Zach for not letting it get him too down. It's hard to want to see FloZzz win cuz of Flo's whining, and yet Zach doesn't deserve to lose. So I'm in mixed emotions about them as a team.

At 7:30 a.m. (must be the next day) Teri & Ian are at the towers, and learning that they must get a local to take their photo in front of the towers using none other than a Kodak Easy Share camera. What a coincidence! We were just talking about those things! Then they are to walk a mile through downtown to the Ampang Park Shopping Centre, where at the Quik Foto they will get their picture developed and receive the next clue.

On the train ride from the airport into the centre of town, FloZzz and the A.S.S. are wondering where Teri & Ian are - Flo says they're slow, they don't get it. Ian probably stopped to bother some locals. This is admittedly funny, but I'm not happy about it. I don't like the change in editing going on here. I don't like it one bit.

Back to Ian being his usual assholey self. Phew, familiar territory. Here's a change-up: Teri actually snits back that she doesn't need his assholeyness. (No, she didn't say so in so many words, but that was the general impression.) They have gotten lost. Again. They are in the Ampang Train station instead of the shopping centre. The back four teams have gotten their photos and are now looking for the shopping centre. Drat. Turns out IT were in the right place after all. The Quik Foto is just up the escalator.

Teri tells us she is the brains and he is the brawn of their "operation." I can't deal with the concept that there even is a brains or a brawn between the pair of them.

Really cute idea for a clue - on the back of the developed photo: "Take the train to Singapore and find Margaret Thatcher in the National Orchid Garden."

Phil has had a fairly easy ep of it thus far, so here he is to shtickle us with the important information that (1) it's more than 200 miles to Singapore from Kuala Lumpur and (2) they're looking for the Margaret Thatcher Orchid.

Zach is showing his camera guy the photo of the two beautful towers. Either he has decided to try and sabotage Team FloZzz's efforts or Zach is really feeling starved for love & attention. Flo impatiently grabs the photo/clue so she can reiterate the already well-iterated fact of the clue on the back. Yes, it's a really well-designed clue.

KennyG are last to get their photo-clue. They, too, are shown looking on the back of the photo for their clue. We.Get.It. Very Clever. :rolleyes

At the train station, TIT (The IanTeri) team learn that the first train for Singapore departs at 11:15. Just as Ian says he hopes other teams don't show up, other teams show up. All of them, for another shmooshy moment. And a good laugh :lol

Zach was shocked to see TIT at the train. Shocked? He tries to sound like he means it when he says it was a good feeling to be all caught up. And maybe he does mean it as far as catching up to JV&J, who were nearly 2 hours ahead of him at the outset this ep. But he is shocked that TIT were ahead. Those old people DARED to be ahead of HIM.

I think Zach had bought into Flo's disparagement of TIT, and he was really hoping they were lost. Yeah, me too, Zach, me too.

Ger says they're gonna kick some butt this round. Drew says the A.S.S. plan is to stick in the middle of the pack, and hope for a sprint at the end. Anything to show off those buns, eh Twinny?

More chat about how much Flo & Drew like each other. It's probably to Flo's advantage that it is in the middle of the race and she can't just hop into bed with him. Also good that she's here with a guy she's supposed to be romantically interested in, rather than Lindsay or some other girl. As things stand, they are prevented from reaching the climax too soon. Uh, pun intended. ;) They are forced to get to know each other. With any luck he'll see her going whiney-ape-sh!t and back away, slowly at first and then running as fast as his A.S.S. can propel him.

Shmoosh, shmoosh. The Orchid Garden won't open until the next morning at 8:30, so teams need to decide how much they're willing to spend for the evening's accommodations.

Zach must be Scottish, opines Mr. AMAI who is an expert. Zach is prepared to spend a couple of dollars but then his idea of luxury is the YMCA as opposed to a park bench.

TIT get a map from departing non-race people. They have toned down their nastiness to the point where complete strangers will help them out. Fans of Aaron and Arianne know all too well this does not mean I shall be lavishing love on TIT. Maybe I won't be quite so mean about them. But probably I will.

Zach has been outvoted. Rather than stay at the YMCA by himself, he's agreed to share a room with Flo & the A.S.S. At the Orchard Hotel guess who is once again the happiest girl in the whole world?

JV&J are staying in a cheapo place where the tv doesn't work. But then they don't plan to rely on tv for their fun, cuz they aren't sharing a room with another couple or ditching their partner.

Flo says if she could have picked the arrangements, she would have been with Drew in one room. Since the two teams were sharing, she reluctantly agreed not to sleep in a bed with Drew while Zach shared with Derek. Instead she lay in bed showing off her bare leg. In Bed 1, Derek next to the wall and Drew next to the night table. In Bed 2, Flo next to the night table and Zach on the other side. Result: Flo & Drew were as close as they could get without being in the same bed. Flo's bare leg seductively on display received a long look from the camera guy.

Next morning, everyone is up bright and early and on their way to the Orchid Gardens. Just in case anyone slept in, teams are having to wait for it to open. It's a mad dash and a frenzy of clue opening. The tattered clues reveal a Detour - Dry vs Wet.

In Dry, choose a car and drive to some apartments to find a TV star. The "con" is that Cooked You Chook is the name of all the roads - Cooked You Chook Way, Cooked You Chook Blvd., Cooked You Chook Street, Cooked You Chook Ave, Cooked You Chook Close.

In Wet, also choose a car and drive "far away" to the Singapore Zoo to find mermaids. The "con" here is threefold - you have to strip down, get wet and figure out "mermaids" are manatees. It's a fourfold if you're doing it with Teri.

Phil educationally shtickles - manatees are called mermaids of the sea because their rounded shape inspired sailors to invent the legend of the mermaid. I'm reassured that our educational needs are being met.

TIT and A.S.S. choose Wet, and KennyG, JV&J and FloZzz choose Dry. FloZzz are good at map-buying but suck at map-reading, so they follow KennyG.

The A.S.S. are bickering. WooHoo - Derek is giving it to Drew and I just want to gather Drew up in my arms and --- oh sorry, this is supposed to carry a PG rating.

Dry teams need to find apartment 10-137 in block 229. JV&J are lost, not an implausible thing for them to be in Cooked You Chook Town. I wonder if they're regreting eating cheese. I wonder if they wish they'd gone for Wet.

A.S.S. are ahead of TIT. Derek "Look on the map and determine how far it is." Poor Derek. He is so sick of Drew's inability to get his mind back onto the game. Drew is wondering how far into the race it will be before he can get Flo alone and whether she will like all the positions he likes. Derek shrilly breaks into his reverie: "DREW! Work out how far it is to the Zoo. Dammit I'm sick of this!"

When getting the clues, Teri was trying to look over Derek's shoulder so he says to the guy helping him, "Don't let her see." and they move away. Teri looks miffed - she is determined to get some kind of payment out of the Twins for telling about their lost clue. What was that - 3 eps ago?

At the Zoo, instructions tell them to put on wetsuit and goggles. Ian explains that Teri researched and found disposable underwear for them to bring so they wouldn't have to deal with laundering undies. Uh-oh...

Teri strips down to her sports bra and whips off her slacks. Oh yuck Viewers learn to their dismay that the disposable undies are transparent.:eek An orgy of self-pity caressed the message boards about the jiggly thighs and asscrack visuals but we have much to be grateful for. It could have been worse. Be thankful she kept her back to the camera.

And it was over relatively quickly. So let's also be grateful it's too cold for her to parade her asscrack for a whole hour. Those of you watching Survivor know exactly what I mean.

"Teri is wiling to do whatever it takes to win the race," says Ian. Oh NOOOOOO. Please no. That is the worst news yet. What can she possibly do next?

Over at the Cooked Chook You Apartment Hive, the elevator goes from "6" to "11" :lol Who designed this place? Can someone explain these kooky elevators? FloZzz and KennyG de-elevator, and take the stairs down a floor only to realize they're on the wrong side.

Back at the Zoo, the A.S.S. are suited up in their wetsuits. The moment flew by too quickly for my taste. Way.Too.Quickly. After that horrible image of Teri, I could have done with a good 5 minutes of buff, non-wobbly A.S.S.

"Dry" find the right apartment and get their clue from Cooked You Chook. He has a wacky fake mole on his face. I think his apartment complex suits him. I bet they film the show right there, and every week people laugh at the wacky elevator.

Clue: Get to SunTec City in downtown Singapore and get one step closer to great wealth by finding the Fountain of Wealth.

Back to Wet, the A.S.S. are swimming while TIT are still suiting up. Blech. Now Teri is struggling into her wetsuit with her legs splayed in an unattractive way. Please can we just go back to the apartment complex?

FloZzz have a better map. Zach won't give Ken & Ger their map. Ger is ready to just lose them, because Zach won't give them their map. So Flo resolves the situation by ripping the map out of Zach's hand and going over to give it to Ken, who promises they won't lose them. Zach is worried they might get separated. Ken tells Flo not to yell at Zach.

Flo is gearing up to a huge whine-a-thon. Ooowoo, Screeechy Woman, you bust an eardrum in meeee..

In their car, Zach is very calm "Why did you yell at me?" Flo, "Screeeeech biiiiiitch wheeeeze screeeeech whiiiiiine."

commercial

Twins get instructions on how to find Suntec City out in the parking lot. Ian, having determined he's taking the right route to the exit out of the Zoo, pulls another asshole stunt as he pushes and shoves his way through the crowd "'scuse me, urgent, have to get out."

Back to FloZzz, she's in full throttle. "You don't want to give them the map after they lead us all the way here? And they're willing to let us follow them?!"

Zach: "I'll tell you what -- you don't yell at me and I won't yell at you for not finding a damn thing on the map." Yeah Zach - about bloody time!

Gerard tells Ken to lose them anyway, even tho they have their map. Kenny refuses to listen to him on that one. End of discussion.

JV&J are just now getting the clue to go to SunTec City. John Vito finds the Wealth Fountain easily on their map, and Jill hopes other teams don't find it so easily. Oh dear, it really is not looking good for them.

At the Fountain of Wealth, somebody from each team has to go and get absolutely soaked to the skin. Derek figures Drew can get this right and sends him in for his much-needed cold shower.

Finally, time to learn where the Pit Stop is. It is on Mount Faber, which overlooks Singapore. Last team to check in will be eliminated intones Phil.

Naturally, Flo cannot get wet cuz she'll melt, that witch, and Kenny makes Ger do it "just because." There might have been a reason but I didn't make a note of it.

Ian has a winning drive and that's what causes him to be "short" with Teri. She gets him to retrieve the clue. Good for her. But they are not going on my favorite teams list. No. I refuse. You can't make me.

JV&J pull in as TIT pull out. (That sounds a bit X-rated doesn't it? :lol) John Vito grabs the clue.

At Mount Faber, teams need to park in designated spots. The A.S.S. are Team #1 and they win a 7 night cruise to enjoy after the race. They don't sound excited enough to suit me but it's probably because they are wondering which Twin will win the argument over which Twin will enjoy the Cruise, since they know they don't want to do it together. They've spent enough time with each other to last the rest of their lives. Derek wants to take Rebecca and Drew is still planning to take Flo.

Flo reckons she'll kick Ken & Gerard's ass in a footrace. A moment later she's lagging the furthest behind, and Zach realizes there is no point running like mad if she isn't right there with him to jump on the mat.

KennyG are Team #2 and FloZzz are #3.

Flo says they make a great great team when it comes right down to it. They just need a little fine-tuning. Hmmph. Whatever, Flo. :rolleyes

Ian pays someone to lead him and Teri to Mount Faber and they see the Red & Yellow flags.

Of course, editing makes it seem like TIT and JV&J are closer than they are. TIT bicker their way onto the mat. See why I can't put them on my fave list? They are Team # 4. poo. Ian says if you have the attitude of being focused and you're not gonna quit, you got a good shot at being there to the end. Go away Ian, I don't want you there to the end, especially since it means a team I really like has to go home now.

JV&J finally make it to the mat. Phil has a sour sucky lemons face as he eliminates them. Jill is still upbeat. She says, "If you really love each other, the experience makes you stronger."

JV&J final words: Jill says they are going to do what they were going to do anyway - have children and grandchildren and get married. John Vito says but we'll get married before we have the children and grandchildren. Jill: Yeah. Laugh Giggle. Smile Beam - they are adorable and really do love each other. It's sad to see them go but a bit of bad luck plus making the error of using their FF too early cost them a place in the final 4, perhaps even the final 3. Did they have what it takes to win? I thought they did, but obviously they didn't. No matter. They were a joy to watch because they were always so good with each other.

Next time: Teams take Vietnam in a storm. They are looking for Nook Nook. (I'll bet!) Flo says "I'm tired of it" and Zach says "Okay let's just quit." It's a tricky Roadblock and teams take a spill. I can't wait. Who will be eliminated? Will I be really glad or really sad, again?