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TODDLJ 421 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star" 03-16-05, 05:14 PM (EST) "Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" Attention fans, haters, wannabes and stalkers: It's not an official opinion until the Gay Man Speaks. The Official Arbiter of Reality TV Fashion and Style has returned for his weekly 'Diva-ssessment' of the American Idol Finalists. Prepare to be dazzled. 1. Nadia Turner It’s appropriate that she shares her last name with ultimate Diva, Tina Turner, because Nadia clenched Diva of the Week in week one by a wide margin. She owned the stage, belting ‘You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me’ in an asymmetrical green chiffon dress that was to die for. The multi-hued confection was pieced together vertically, combining Sari-like patterns and colors, and then attached to her wrist, where it flowed elegantly and gracefully, which, in juxtaposition, enhanced her white-hot urgency and fierce delivery. Of course, it’s unfair to blame the dress for everything… with her lanky body and endless legs, she could wear just about anything and look great in it. And did I mention her gold strappy heels and elegant drop earrings? Perfection. 2. Vonzell Solomon Say what you will about her voice (those of you who follow my columns know that in choosing my American Idol, voice is secondary to Image and Diva Potential) but Vonzell sure earns Diva points this week for her ballsy song choice and flawless wardrobe. In a salmon silk slip-dress with a sexy open back, glowing and dramatic makeup, and long soft flowing curls, she was positively red-carpet-ready. 3. Bo Bice It’s odd for me to put grungy Bo this high on my list, but his rocker-chic image, and ballsy aggressive performance style is starting to really grow on me. He was a big risk-taker in black leather pants, black pointy boots, and a black shirt with diamond-shaped leopard appliqués… and often (as in this case) the biggest risks mean the biggest gains. I even like his long vertical ‘soul patch.’ (On a side note… was that a cross tattoo I saw on his chest? Or just some kind of body art? Either way… Sexy!) Sure, I wish he’d wash his hair… or maybe comb it… but I’m nitpicking here. 4. Mikalah Gordon This week’s Most Improved goes to Mikalah Gordon, who has certainly fine-tuned her image from earlier rounds. Her hair is soft and natural, with subtle highlights (unlike the ridiculous flat-ironed skunk-stripe hairdo she sported before.) Her eyebrows are subtler now; gone is the over-plucked silent-screen-star look. And her makeup (especially the old ridiculous brown lip liner) has been softened severely. In black wide-leg slacks and a sheer metallic vertical-striped sweater, she was a good mix of classy and sexy/young. Perhaps the hot pink bra and matching pink pointy pumps was a bit too Fran Drescher for my taste, but at least it can never be said that Mikalah (or Fran, for that matter) is boring! 5. Anthony Federov Okay, I’m a big fan of Neil Sedaka, but even I recognize that earnestly crooning ‘Breaking Up is Hard To Do’ in any public setting is tragically uncool in 2005. That being said, after Anthony’s rendition, there were doubtlessly many Midwestern soccer moms with wet panties over this sexy (in a non-threatening way) blonde. Sure, the judges savaged him, but his audience is the sort that saved Clay Aiken week after week, and they will do the same here. For my part, I loved his outfit (though adding a black tux jacket would have been a nice touch.) Cotton again proved itself to be the ‘fabric of our lives,’ as his classic black cotton polo and black pinstripe jean-cut Banana Republic cotton slacks hugged his tight little body very nicely. (Okay, I admit it, my Calvins were a little wet too.) 6. Carrie Underwood Love me some Carrie. Her pure tone and powerful, resonant voice is a pleasure to listen to. But this isn’t about voice, is it! Her look this week, like her song choice, was a bit safe… but successful nonetheless. In a smoky brown shirred top (that showed off her ample… assets) a sleek grown-up hairstyle, and well-fitting jeans, she was every bit the homegrown-chic country singer she aspires to become. Very Nashville 2005. (For my taste, however, the sequined scarf at her neck had to go. Much too Reno 1997.) 7. Lindsey Cardinale Lindsey’s forgettable performance was echoed by her wardrobe this week. She was simply dull as toast in a plain black top (with a satin bow at the neck) and basic blue jeans. The silly black sequined sash (identical to Jessica’s) did little to pep up this snoozer of an ensemble. Any Diva knows that to set yourself apart from the crowd, you need to make bold choices, and this was anything but bold. (Side note: in the early rounds, it’s usually the dull and forgettable who receive the least votes. The memorably bad are frequently saved by sympathy votes… while the memorably good receive the votes they deserve. By this logic, Lindsey is my pick for first boot.) 8. Nikko Smith Nikko’s look this week was half successful, which sort of makes sense, considering he had half the time to prepare that the others did. On the top, he was wearing a classic white T-shirt, a staple of any man’s wardrobe, with an awesome black fitted blazer with dramatic white exposed stitching. (My first though was “where can I buy that jacket!”) On the bottom, though, he was wearing black converse high-tops (this sounds like a joke, but I’m being completely serious here) and ridiculously large plain blue jeans that did nothing at all to bump up his sexiness quotient. Please, Nikko, the so-baggy-they’re-falling-off-your-#####-jean look is so played at this point. This isn’t Compton Idol. Dress like an adult. 9. Anwar Robinson I’m a big fan of Anwar, and he let me down this week. He seemed to be missing some of the ‘It’s my stage, got off it’ charisma he has shown in previous rounds. (Note to Anwar: we love your big belty high notes. Give us more of them. And lay off the breathy introspective tones. They aren’t your thing.) Paula went off about how great he looked, but I can’t agree. The black trenchcoat with silver buttons was really very Revolutionary War to me, especially when combined with the silly black ‘puffy shirt’. Also, in an apparent attempt at sexiness, the shirt was untucked, and unbuttoned nearly down to the waist. Unless one is going to an Austin Powers party and sporting fake glued on chest hair, one should unbutton no further than the second button… or the third in cases of extreme heat. This isn’t a strip club, Anwar, and if it were, I’d hope the guys unbuttoning their shirts would be substantially hotter than you. 10. Constantine Maroulis Constantine has all the grunge and grit of Bo… without any of the talent and flair to balance it out. Imagewise, sure he’s sexy and charismatic… if you can get past his complete lack of grooming skills. This week, in a dull cornflower blue shirt, greasy hair, and dark shredded-front jeans, he looked like he was ready to go out back and work on his truck, not like he was about to sing before millions. I’d love to see what he looked like shaved, bathed, and dressed in something other than yard sale rejects. 11. Jessica Sierra Explain to me again why the judges love her? Unlike Randy, I’m not ‘feeling her.’ Perhaps if her voice at all lived up to the hype surrounding her, I’d feel differently. But, imagewise, she’s certainly no Diva. Her little body was adorned this week with blasted boot cut jeans, an orange cotton shirt, and a silly orange sequined sash. Earning her a Fashion Citation, however, is a hideous white floral-appliquéd jacket, with ridiculous purple birds below the lapel. Where did she get this thing, a Tijuana swap meet? I half expected an ‘Hecho en Mexico’ label to be sticking out the back. In the future, Jessica, avoid white on top. It accentuates your short torso and frames your nearly nonexistent neck. 12. Scott Savol Scott earns his first… of what hopefully won’t be many more… Fashion Citations for his ridiculous getup in week one. I’m sorry, folks, but the serial-killer chic look simply doesn’t work for me. In a hideous tan velvet suit, and a cream T-shirt that accentuated his big belly, Scott not only annoyed and repulsed me, but also frightened me a bit (and not in a ‘so sexy it’s scary’ way.) Please, for the love of all that is gay, get this man off my TV screen. There are certainly some who will scoff at my use of shallow, surface attributes to judge our Idol Finalists. I say, to those who scoff, they can all kiss my tanned, hairless, Stairmaster-toned a$$. Larry Johnson is a comedy writer, currently working for Disney TV. Look for his weekly commentary from a gay point of view. Please DON’T go to his former website, which shall remain nameless, because it has been usurped by a (gasp!) Straight Porn site.   Top

Subject     Author     Message Date     ID    RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... aquariaqueen 03-16-05 1  RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals... batts 03-16-05 2  Welcome back! AyaK 03-16-05 3  RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... kathliam 03-16-05 4  RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... Mysterious Jedi 03-16-05 5  Yeah, baby! moonbaby 03-16-05 6  RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... Risti 03-16-05 7  RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... callalilly3000 03-16-05 8  RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... Femme 03-16-05 9  Lovin Larry TeamJoisey 03-16-05 10  RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... strid333 03-17-05 11  RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... Fishercat 03-17-05 12  *squeal* Breezy 03-17-05 13  RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... Bebo 03-17-05 14  Hallelujah! Larry's back! geg6 03-17-05 15  RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... frisky 03-17-05 16  RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... blacknwhitedog 03-17-05 17  Larry! Larry! Larry! Devious Weasel 03-17-05 18  RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... Rhiannon 03-17-05 19  LAAAAAAAARY!!!! nailbone 03-17-05 20  RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... badger 03-17-05 21    RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... ginger 03-17-05 22  RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... Tahj 03-17-05 23  RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... udg 03-17-05 24    RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... yankee fan 03-17-05 25  RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... BriarRosie 03-17-05 26  RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... Roo 03-18-05 27  RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week ... greenmonstah 03-18-05 28

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aquariaqueen 2616 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Survivor-themed Cruise Spokesperson" 03-16-05, 05:26 PM (EST) 1. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" Oh my gosh, that has to be one of the best reads I have seen in a while........thanks, pure entertainment, and some truth too!!!   Top

batts 1731 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Peanut Festival Grand Marshall" 03-16-05, 06:21 PM (EST) 2. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" Wow Todd...... that was GREAT! Exactly what I was thinking on every one of your synopsis! Keep it up   Top

AyaK 10426 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 03-16-05, 06:24 PM (EST) 3. "Welcome back!" I've missed the Gay Idol Journal ... I watched some of the semifinals and wondered, "What would Larry say about this?" Now I don't have to wonder any longer!   Top

kathliam 3669 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Thong Contest Judge" 03-16-05, 07:32 PM (EST) 4. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" Larry, Larry, Larry, how we've missed you. I'm so glad you have returned to us. Hopefully you'll stick around, 'cos did I mention we missed you?   Top

Mysterious Jedi 1043 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest" 03-16-05, 08:04 PM (EST) 5. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" Larry's back in town! Gay Idol Journal is my favorite post on all the boards. I always look forward to reading what you have to say.   Top

moonbaby 17120 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 03-16-05, 09:09 PM (EST) 6. "Yeah, baby!" Keepin it real, dawg. I was SOOOOO happy to see this tonight! Nice to see you! Thanks, Larry!   Top

Risti 190 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson" 03-16-05, 09:39 PM (EST) 7. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" LAST EDITED ON 03-16-05 AT 10:13 PM (EST) Yay you're back! You don't have any journals of the previous stages hidden away somewhere, do you? There were a few moments in the semi-finals when I couldn't help but wonder what you were thinking(also, when the new season begins, someone has to tune you into Canadian Idol, if only because I'd love to hear your critiques of the judge there. Did I mention we had a male contestent do a David Bowie song in metallic blue spandex last season?)   Top

callalilly3000 693 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Reality Show Commentator" 03-16-05, 10:00 PM (EST) 8. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" Fabulous! You always call it don't you? Looking forward to more of Larry! Slice and Dice Shop 2004   Top

Femme 3621 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Thong Contest Judge" 03-16-05, 10:52 PM (EST) 9. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" Hooray! How I treasure your critiques. Bah about Anwar, though. It's nice to see a younger guy pay attention to style. I appreciate his tailored, expensive look. How do you put the dirty I-just-climbed-off-the-Greyhound jeans of Nikko's before Anwar's (at least, you must admit) attempt to look like a professional. Femme i she be your girlfriend   Top

TeamJoisey 3558 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Thong Contest Judge" 03-16-05, 11:36 PM (EST) 10. "Lovin Larry" You are one of the best things about this whole hideous show. Welcome back. These reality show contestants need a reality check!   Top

strid333 2928 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Howard Stern Show Guest" 03-17-05, 01:02 AM (EST) 11. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" Did I mention how much I love reading these journals, because if I didn't, I'll mention it now. Three is the perfect number.   Top

Fishercat 4168 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest" 03-17-05, 03:16 AM (EST) 12. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" Why do I get the feeling that the reaming of Scott will be a weekly occurence, and why do I get the feeling that I'll enjoy it. I love this stuff, since I have about as much fashion sense as a rock, so this is a refreshing read for me since I don't know what's coming.   Top

Breezy 18380 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 03-17-05, 08:11 AM (EST) 13. "*squeal*" Larry!!!! Yay!!!! *hops* I think Bo listened to you, his hair looked clean and sleeker last night. Thankyou! For pointing out this Please, Nikko, the so-baggy-they’re-falling-off-your-#####-jean look is so played at this point. This isn’t Compton Idol. Dress like an adult. and this I’m sorry, folks, but the serial-killer chic look simply doesn’t work for me. In a hideous tan velvet suit, and a cream T-shirt that accentuated his big belly Save a horse, ride a cowboy. Sigpic by Syren.   Top

Bebo 21083 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 03-17-05, 08:38 AM (EST) 14. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" Damn you, Larry. Now I have to keep watching, so that I can say, "Oh, I can't wait to read what Larry had to say about that one!" I tried to fly free, but you've pulled me back. *SMOOSH* Beblo and Kimdra   Top

geg6 14941 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 03-17-05, 09:06 AM (EST) 15. "Hallelujah! Larry's back!" Pure genius, as usual. How we have missed you! I just gobble up your reviews and I sit and think, "What will Larry say about that abomination?" every week. Glad you're back. I'm such a slut for the blues.   Top

frisky 11695 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 03-17-05, 09:36 AM (EST) 16. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" OMG Larry when I logged in this morning and saw this I jumped and pounced and *chased my tail* and went all bazonkers!! I loves ya! *smooch* As The Blog Turns.   Top

blacknwhitedog 6532 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 03-17-05, 09:56 AM (EST) 17. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" Yay! You're back! Great read!   Top

Devious Weasel 18756 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 03-17-05, 11:00 AM (EST) 18. "Larry! Larry! Larry!" Great to have you back! And a great read, as usual.   Top

Rhiannon 52 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Hollywood Squares Square" 03-17-05, 11:31 AM (EST) 19. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" All hail Larry!! You have been so missed, as Bebo said now the show will be worth watching.   Top

nailbone 27263 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 03-17-05, 12:03 PM (EST) 20. "LAAAAAAAARY!!!!" Woo hoo!! Welcome back!! The Idol Experience is now complete. New from Sigs by Syren!! Keep lookin' up, cuz that's where it all is. o-   Top

badger 1273 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beef Jerky Spokesperson" 03-17-05, 12:06 PM (EST) 21. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" Yeah! I love this.   Top

ginger 22512 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 03-17-05, 12:10 PM (EST) 22. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" Heeeeee's Back! So glad to "see" you, and your incredibly toned tush, Dahlin Larry! And so it begins.   Top

Tahj 4136 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest" 03-17-05, 12:22 PM (EST) 23. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" I'm a first time reader of this. Didn't even know it existed before. What a pleasant surprise! Your sentiments about Anthony are mine exactly. You put the crotch in Beotch! Moves courtesy of Syren   Top

udg 3381 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity" 03-17-05, 04:20 PM (EST) 24. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" *giggle* *LAUGH* *SNORT* *blush* *giggle* Slice n' Dice's Sigpic Chop Shop 2004 I was just thinking there hadn't been nearly enough wardrobe snarking, and the first post I see is yours.   Top

yankee fan 41 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge" 03-17-05, 04:38 PM (EST) 25. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" This is absolutely the BEST column I've read since being on this message board. Too funny! Too right! Look forward to next week's commentary!   Top

BriarRosie 990 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent" 03-17-05, 07:21 PM (EST) 26. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" I knew something wasn't "right" until I saw your post. Then I had a "I coulda had a V8" moment when I realized I really missed reading your diva-dishing posts. But I have to say, Bo seemed to have clean and combed hair last night, as I thought during a close-up shot, "His hair looks like it's in great condition!" (Of course, that wasn't the only thing I thought about him. Hubba hubba.) But how about Paula's outfits? I know we usually can't see the entire outfit, but I think there's plenty to comment on. Can't wait to see who gets skewered by Larry next week.   Top

Roo 705 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Reality Show Commentator" 03-18-05, 10:44 AM (EST) 27. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" This was awesome! I always find myself commenting on the contestants'wardrobe choices, but your assesments take the cake. Looking forward to more! Handcrafted by RollDdice   Top

greenmonstah 10761 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 03-18-05, 10:55 AM (EST) 28. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One" Thanks Larry! You are the best!   Top

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