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Colonel Zoidberg 3370 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity" 10-27-08, 01:32 PM (EST) "The Amazing Race: Expedition Episode 14 - "Quick, Give Me That Swim Cap"" LAST EDITED ON 10-27-08 AT 01:45 PM (EST) INTERVIEW: "The Amazing Race" Ex-Girlfriends Allison "Spike" Blades and Jennifer Ellsworth Talk The result of the Melbourne, Australia leg came down to a footrace between one team, Allison "Spike" Blades and Jennifer Ellseworth, and the reviled married parents, Jeffrey and Bryan Masters, and an accidental kick of a rock led to a reversal of fortune for both teams. After a tape review, the 26-year-old bar manager and 25-year-old mayoral aide from Seattle, WA became the tenth team eliminated from this marathon-like edition of the Amazing Race. Like college friends Alex Vladikov and Elena Mendeleeva before them, they did not join the other teams in the sequester house, instead preparing to travel directly to the final destination city. On Thursday, Spike and Jennifer talked to RealityTVWorld.com about their experience on the Race, the status of their relationship, Jennifer's revelation, Spike's drive to give up smoking, the Solid Gold alliance with "Teacher and Former Student" Carrie Burnside and Dana Quinn, "Father and Son" Charlie and Derek Forrest, and "Dating Couple" Tina Cameron and Jim Nolan, and the suicide bombing in Tel Aviv, which resulted in the tragic deaths of three "Race" crew members. RealityTVWorld.com: How were you cast for the Amazing Race? Spike: I talked Jen into it. Obviously, we're two very different people, and I wanted to mend our relationship, even if we weren't going to be a couple. Jennifer: I thought Spike was crazy, but I went along with it. I thought it was one of her crazy schemes, but I decided to go anyway. RTVW: Jennifer, you revealed on the show that you were actually straight, and Spike, you confessed to blackmailing Jennifer into a relationship. How does this translate into anything resembling teamwork? Jennifer: I thought we couldn't possibly work together and that we would be out very soon into the Race. The competition was tough, Spike was a hopeless addict, and I didn't feel like I was cut out for all this travel. Spike: I knew it would work. My street smarts combined really well with Jen's book smarts, and aside from language barriers, we made it work. That and all the time together really made us face our demons. RTVW: I assume that, since Jennifer said she was straight, that the two of you are not together. Jennifer: We're not. I haven't had a steady boyfriend yet; I have a reputation to shake off. Spike: I'm trying to get Jen over her trust issues. I was unfaithful many times in our relationship, and I think that makes Jen not trust other people. RTVW: Spike, so you feel like the Race was your way of making things up to Jennifer? Spike: In a way. I made some changes in my life - I'm no longer a smoker - and I have my life back on track. Jen and I are still friends, and I hope to keep it that way. RTVW: This one's also for you, Spike. During the Tel Aviv leg, and I realize that this is a tough subject, you were in a coffee shop that was attacked by a suicide bomber. My first question is, what's your side of the story? Spike: Jen wasn't in there because she hit her leg on a guard rail and needed a minute to recover. So I was in there trying to translate Hebrew with Carrie and Derek, and I noticed this strange man who was all bundled up. It was really hot there, so I had no idea why he was like that. I didn't know what a suicide bomber was before that, but before I knew it, Derek grabbed the back of my neck, and before I could say, "What the hell?" the bomb went off. RTVW: Derek says you survived because the tables were made of metal. Spike: I have no clue how I survived. If I believed in angels, I would call Derek one. RTVW: Do the Solid Gold members still talk? Spike: Of course. Derek and I exchange e-mails, and we chat on the phone about once a week. Occasionally, those of us in the bombing all gather in a private chat room and talk. Jennifer: I was in on one of those. It's really sad, actually. RTVW: Spike, have you been to a counselor? Spike: Unfortunately, I didn't turn to counseling. I started using heroin after I got home, and I became addicted. When the Tel Aviv leg aired, I was in rehab, and I got more visitors than I could count the next day. Jennifer: I was second in line. After Blazer (referring to Ron "Blazer" Macklin, the owner of Spike's bar.) RTVW: Has the show offered any sort of compensation for the victims of the bombing? Jennifer: They paid out to the families of the crew members who died, but they weren't technically responsible for the incident, so we haven't gotten anything. It's really sad, though, because it's almost worse to live through something like this. Spike: I'm still having nightmares. It's hard, because I almost can't sleep anymore without waking up in a cold sweat because of the bombing or because of my father. RTVW: You went to great lengths to conceal how your father died. Why? {By this point, tears are pouring out of Spike's eyes.} Spike: I don't like to talk about it. It's easier to say he was in a car accident. People understand that. If I say he was murdered, people don't leave me alone. {Jennifer has her arms around Spike, and she is drying Spike's tears.} RTVW: At one point, you got into a fight with {"Ravers" Hayley Masterson and Alexis Steel,} and Alexis even tried to accuse your father of abandoning you. Jennifer: Please don't remind us. I knew exactly what happened to Spike's dad, and I sat and listened to Alexis talk badly about him because I didn't want to spill Spike's secret. Spike: I told Alexis exactly what happened at the Pit Stop of that leg. She was in tears on the way out. RTVW: How has the response been since the Tel Aviv episode was aired? Spike: I think I've been hugged about a million times by strangers since then. I came into this season with people thinking I was some kind of freak, and I was, but all this make-up and hair dye and tattoos and stuff...they were all just hiding who I really was because I didn't like who I was. I just wished that it didn't happen to me. Jennifer: For a while, people thought I was a pushover for putting up with Spike for so long. No one understood why she was like that - she wasn't a loser. She's just had a very hard life. RTVW: I know I've brought up a few difficult subjects, but what happened between you guys and Jeffrey and Bryan? Jennifer: Don't get me started. Do I need to read off the list of their sins? RTVW: I'll ask this. I know you tried to get them disqualified in Australia. Did you try to get them disqualified any other time? Jennifer: Of course we did. After the nose ring incident, we wanted them gone, but they ruled it an accident. After the mushroom on the plane, we were this close to having them gone. Spike: After I swung at Bryan, they gave both of us a choice - either we both get a warning and are ordered to separate, or we both get thrown out and neither of us gets paid. I decided we could beat them the old-fashioned way. Jennifer: And we tried, right up until the rock incident. That was an accident in the same damn way the mushroom was. RTVW: Aside from the Solid Gold alliance, do you maintain any friendships outside the Race? Spike: Plenty. Alexis and I are actually pretty close now, and we both still talk to Alex and Elena. Jennifer: I've also exchanged e-mails with {"Hogettes" Reggie McGowan and Dan August,} and I surprised Spike earlier this year with tickets to see the Seattle Seahawks. Spike: Reggie and Dan came up because their Redskins were playing my Seahawks. It was good to see them again, and even better to send them home crying. RTVW: Besides the obvious rivalries, were there any other teams you butted heads with? Jennifer: No, not really. I thought Tina and Jim were a bit odd, but after Tel Aviv, I understood them. Spike: It was nice to connect with people who had been through hell and back. RTVW: So what's next for you guys? Back the bar for Spike and to the mayor's office for Jennifer? Spike: I picked up my life where I left off, except I've started writing music and practicing the drums again. The rush of being on the Race won't last forever, but at least I can keep doing what I love. Jennifer: I'm Spike's biggest fan now. If she ever gets into a band, I'll be the first one looking for a venue for her. Spike: And I'll be the first one getting her a backstage pass. Jennifer: You cna be number one on the Billboard charts. I'll be running for President. Spike: I'd vote for you. Jennifer: And I'll buy your album. The Show Begins - air date 12/17/2008 The opening shot is of Wakkanai, Japan, and the ocean is visible above the shore of Cape Soya. Phil (voice-over): Previously on the Amazing Race...five teams set out from Wakkanai, Japan and flew to Melbourne, Australia. Bryan: Shouldn't be too difficult; we're in an English-speaking country. Phil (voice-over): Since all teams were on the same flight, the fight for cabs heated up right away, and Jeffrey and Bryan immediately had trouble. Bryan: Get us to the Shrine of Remembrance. Driver (in a thick Australian accent): Why the hell are you being so rough on my cab? Bryan: Drive already! Driver: You know what? I don't think so. I'm not moving until you get the hell out. Phil (voice-over): Carrie and Dana capitalized and moved closer to first, joking with the driver who stiffed Jeffrey and Bryan all the way. Driver: You know him? Dana: We're in a race. Driver: Really. Dana: That's the team we all want to beat. Carrie: Literally, sometimes. Phil (voice-over): Bryan raced Tina for a cab. Bryan: It's a good day to die, half-breed. Tina: Go to hell, rich bastard. Phil (voice-over): And Tina tripped, giving Bryan the advantage he needed. Bryan: Tough luck, bitch. Tina: F--- you. Phil (voice-over): At the Detour, Charlie and Derek struggled. Team confessional, Charlie and Derek. Derek: I can't do artsy stuff, especially pottery, and I could never do puzzles. I knew I was screwed here, but I didn't know how screwed. Charlie: I do puzzles, but they're usually of the crossword variety, so I decided Pots was a better choice. Phil (voice-over): Carrie and Dana joined them, and Carrie taught Derek everything she knew about making a pot. Carrie: Now just gently push in. Derek: Like this? Carrie: Good, good. Now use your thumbs up here. Derek pushes in his thumbs, but he goes too far and the top is ruined. Derek: Damnit. Carrie: Relax; it happens. Derek: It's not happening to her. Phil (voice-over): Carrie and Dana finished first. Cut to Dana receiving the clue and opening it. Phil (voice-over): But Charlie and Derek finished as Spike and Jennifer continued to struggle. Jennifer: Damnit. We have to start over. Spike: Will you just let me do it? Jennifer: I thought we were a team. Spike: We are, but I'm better at this. Just hang back. Phil (voice-over): At the same time, Jeffrey and Bryan copied Tina and Jim's puzzle work. Tina: Let's stop for a minute. Jim: Why? Tina: They're copying us. Let's slow them down. Jim: And we'll slow ourselves down in the process. I don't like it any more than you do, but we have to keep working. Team confessional, Jeffrey and Bryan. Jeffrey: The copying strategy worked perfectly. Those two assh---- got mad at each other, and we kept pace with them until we could overtake them. Bryan: I figured, if we could get them out, we might stand a chance against Michigan, and we can beat any other team. Phil (voice-over): Jeffrey and Bryan left, but Tina and Jim followed, and so did Spike and Jennifer. Cut to all three teams receiving their clues. Phil (voice-over): At the Roadblock, Carrie solved the maze quickly. (confessional) Carrie: Any time in the clue you saw the word "left," "right," "straight," or "turn around," it was directions through the maze. I solved it with no trouble. Phil (voice-over): And thanks to her quick thinking, Carrie and Dana finished first for the first time this season. Cut to Carrie and Dana at the Pit Stop. Phil: You're team number ONE! Phil (voice-over): Charlie, however, had no such luck. Charlie: Carrie? Carrie, you here? (confessional) Charlie: I didn't know where the hell I was most of the time. I later found out that the clues were in the Roadblock description, but why the hell would I look there? It didn't make sense at the time to do so. Phil (voice-over): However, despite not reading the clue, Charlie and Derek still came in second. Cut to Charlie and Derek at the Pit Stop. Phil: You're team number two! Phil (voice-over): Back at the Roadblock, Jim, Jennifer, and Jeffrey were in a logjam that Jim eventually broke. Jennifer: OK, everyone to the right. Jeffrey: Who f------ made you boss? Everyone to the left. Jim: The hell with this. You pinheads can go fight until you're f------ purple. I'm done. Phil (voice-over): Jim finished first, and he and Tina made it to the Pit Stop in third place. Cut to Tina and Jim at the Pit Stop. Phil: You're team number three! Phil (voice-over): The fight for the last spot came down to a footrace, and Spike and Jennifer were winning. Spike: You're driving like a hardcore bitch. Jennifer: Trust me. It's better this way. I bet steam's shooting out of Bryan's ears right now. Spike and Jennifer depart the vehicle ahead of Jeffrey and Bryan; Bryan grabs Jeffrey's hand and assists her in catching up to Spike and Jennifer. Phil (voice-over): However, a rock trips up Spike, and Jeffrey and Bryan pass, leaving Spike and Jennifer in last place, a fact that they did not take lying down. Cut to Spike and Jennifer at the Pit Stop; Jeffrey and Bryan are off to the side. Phil: Spike and Jennifer...you are the last team to arrive. Jennifer: Not so fast, Phil. I want a review of that little rock-kick move that son-of-a-bitch just pulled. Phil (voice-over): The tape was reviewed, per Spike and Jennifer's request. Phil: We did not see a kicking motion. It looked as if the rock was kicked by a regular running motion, and therefore, we are forced to rule it an accident. Jeffrey and Bryan, you will stay in the Race and not incur a time penalty. Bryan pumps his fist and makes a taunting gesture at Spike; Jeffrey glares at Jennifer. Phil: Spike and Jennifer, I am extremely sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the Race. Jennifer: It's fine. Those bastards will get what's coming to them. Phil (voice-over): Four teams remain. Who will be eliminated next? The opening credits begin to roll. At first, a Mercator projection of the world in black, green, and yellow, with the Amazing Race logo superimposed over it cuts to a view of an airplane flying above a layer of clouds. The phrase "14 teams of 2" appears on screen. The first team shown on screen is Leilani and Kea against an island backdrop. The credits continue to Carrie and Dana outside a college building, Hayley and Alexis in front of a row of prison cells, Reggie and Dan outside FedEx Field, Bobby and Caroline in front of their Colorado home, Ray and Jamal in front of a panoramic shot of the Gulf of Mexico, Tina and Jim on a football field sideline with a medical pod in the backdrop, Debra and Bob on a hilly road with their bikes, Alex and Elena on a college green, Jeffrey and Bryan in front of a construction site, Spike and Jennifer outside Seattle's City Hall, and Steve and Darius on a chicken ranch. In this ending, Eric and Jessica appear outside Jessica's home in Kansas, and Charlie and Derek appear on a hockey rink. The screen cuts to commercial.   Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

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Colonel Zoidberg 3370 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity" 10-27-08, 01:35 PM (EST) 1. "The Amazing Race: Expedition Episode 14 - "Quick, Give Me That Swim Cap"" Blog Entry, 12/12/2008 Authored by: Ron "Blazer" Macklin, punkrockliveshere Well, we all saw the show last night, and I'm guessing you're all as bummed as we were. Sure, we didn't really think Spike would go all the way - she joked afterward that she wouldn't have turned to heroin if she knew she had a cool 500 grand waiting for her this Christmas, but to lose on another of the jerks' tricks? Accident my eye. Bryan knew exactly what he was doing, and frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up committing a bunch of murders and disguising them as suicides. It's getting harder and harder to believe that the jerks' ways will catch up with them; at this rate, they'll cheat their way to a million dollars. Of course, Spike's a football fan and reminds me of last season, where the Patriots cheated their way to an 18-0 record and a trip to the Super Bowl. At the last possible moment, the entire football universe knows what happened - the Giants stole it from them, and the Pats showed a completely classless move at the end, or at least their asshole coach, an obvious relative of Bryan's, did. That reminds me of this clip that Trey Parker and Matt Stone, a.k.a. the South Park guys, released this week - Parker and Stone have made it no secret that they're huge fans of this season, and even if their biggest desire is to see Dana get her chance to make out with Carrie, they have this much else in common - their burning hatred of Jeffrey and Bryan. (Parker's behind my girl Spike; Stone like Charlie and Derek. Go figure.) If you recall the episode "Eek! A Penis," the secondary storyline involved Cartman (as Eric Cartmanez, a balding Hispanic man who teaches high school calculus) teaching a group of inner-city high schoolers to get ahead by cheating. His example? Bill Bee-lichick, as he calls him. So Parker and Stone put together a few short clips of Cartman re-enacting the Mr. Cartmanez role regarding the team we all love to hate. The clip went something like this, and picture Eric as a balding man with big, tinted glasses and talking with a faux Spanish accent: "This...is Jeffrey and Bryan Masters, the most incompetent team in the Amazing Race. They’re in the final four. How? {pause} They cheated. They even got caught cheating, and the producers didn't care. Jeffrey and Bryan Masters proved that it's OK to cheat as long as you cheat your way to the top. {Pause for a girl to explain that she doesn't want to be labeled a cheater.} No, no. If you cheat and fail, you're a cheater. If you cheat and succeed, you're savvy. {Continuing on} Today, we will discuss one of the fundamental ways to cheat - make it all look like an accident. When Jeffrey and Bryan Masters cheated on the Amazing Race, they tried to injure the opposing players. {Pause for a side conversation.} When Jeffrey and Bryan Masters got caught, they did not panic; they simply said what every good cheater does when they are caught. "It was all an accident." It is what you must also say when you are caught. Repeat after me. {The class repeats "It was all an accident" three times.} Good. You all sound like cheaters. {Again, they shout "It was all an accident."}" The clip goes on to state that they hope they can include the final clip about how Jeffrey and Bryan Masters agree to play the final leg without cheating and lose...or cheat and lose; whatever the hell works. At this point, Eric Cartmanez is now my bar PC's background image. It was that or Spike and Jennifer at the Pit Stop with bald heads, and Jennifer vetoed that - Spike's still mostly bald with a Mohawk, so she doesn't mind. Blog Entry, 12/14/2008 Authored by: Rob Howard, maizeandblueblades Well, that was ridiculous. For Ohio State weekend, we were without our seventh player - Danni - and we didn't score a goal. Pat King, that rat bastard in goal for Ohio State, shut us out and taunted us the whole game, even saying, "I finished what the suicide bomber started." When pressured about it later, he refused to take it back - and the bastard coach defended him. Forrest spent the time before the game until about an hour after the game in jail for blowing up Danni's car - sure, I laughed; I never liked Danni, but he's obviously innocent, and his alibi held up, so all Danni or whoever got out of Forrest was one game - which we lost 3-2. Forrest would have been a big help in the closing minutes, but I guess he had other plans. We got him out of jail, or rather, he was greeted by Carrie, who, as I understand it, told Forrest, "What the hell are you doing in jail? Why the hell is my black ass bailing you out after you did...what the hell did you do?" She wised up when she figured out that it was over Danni's car, and I vowed to make a better impression on Carrie than I did on Danni. Hopefully Forrest keeps her around - let this be the first of about a thousand times today I say how hot Carrie is. Make that the 437th - considering that the two phrases I heard all weekend were Forrest exclaiming, "Damnit, Howard; she's not my girlfriend!" and Carrie scolding me with, "My eyes are up here, Rob." If you don't want me to stare at your chest, be uglier. Forrest was back for Saturday, and Carrie was in the stands - so for us to take back first place, we needed to be at our best. We were, right up until the end, when Miami got one in on us. It ended in a one-all tie, and Miami's still in first. So now we have to go into winter break with three losses and a tie in December and whatever we can do to convince Forrest that Carrie's the best thing that ever happened to him. Finally, he snapped and said, "I just don't see her that way." OK, fine. The rest of us do. Even Johnson's girlfriend slapped him for staring, which is hard not to do when she comes out of the shower in nothing but a bath towel...sorry, need to clean up the drool off my keyboard. That and those jeans she was wearing on the way out...damn times a million. And to think that, even with Carrie sleeping in a tank top and a pair of boxers that she borrowed from Forrest, he still doesn't "see her that way." Well, hell; I guess there's only one thing he wants, and it isn't the fine-ass lady who just spent the weekend with him. So that time they spent "just talking" all night? Must have been them "just talking." When Forrest dropped her off at the airport, he kissed her goodbye - on the lips. But no tongue. I asked him on the way out, "Why the hell are you not all over her? She's hot as all hell, she's fun, she's smart, she loves hockey, and did I mention she's hot?" I found out later in the Mystery of Johnson's Missing Guitar. Apparently, he was sitting on his bed playing the guitar - badly - and singing to the chorus of that terrible song "All Out of Love." On his nightstand? Danni's picture. Damnit, damnit, damnit to hell. He'll be pleased to learn one thing, though - even if I never got along with Danni, I vindicated her. The video quality wasn't very good, but the woman in the video Forrest got was definitely not Danni. She has a tattoo - Danni doesn't. At least not on her arm; Forrest won't speak for the areas usually covered by a bikini. Also, at the bottom right hand of the screen? The words "Cousin Mel" appeared, and that's the person who sent the video. So who the hell is Cousin Mel? I wonder if he's the Race's version of Red 14. Miserable jerk. At least Forrest with the guitar made a good video for YouTube - and I e-mailed Danni a preview. The tagline at the end: "Derek Forrest: Bad at singing. Bad at the guitar. Bad at living without you, Danni. Please talk to him." After that, I promptly vomited. What a sappy load of...ahem, sorry. Back from commercial. Cut to an overview of Melbourne, Australia; the introductory shot is of Mount Dandenong, focusing in on the William Ricketts Sanctuary. Phil: This is Mount Dandenong, Australia. This area known for its peaceful sanctuary and proximity to Melbourne was the thirteenth Pit Stop in a race around the world. Cut to the arrivals of Carrie and Dana, Charlie and Derek, and Tina and Jim. Phil (voice-over): Teams arrived here for a mandatory rest period. The teams waiting here have no idea what's in store for them. Will Carrie and Dana be able to maintain their lead going into the final legs of the Race, or will a stronger team take the lead back? Will Jim's knee hold out, and will Jeffrey and Bryan, branded cheaters by some, be able to stay in the Race after another close call? Carrie and Dana, who were the first to arrive at 5:01 pm... Cut to Carrie and Dana's departure. Phil (voice-over): ...will depart at 5:01 am. Carrie: Fly to Auckland, New Zealand-- Cut to Phil standing in front of a hill on the New Zealand countryside. Phil: Teams must now fly over 1,600 miles from Melbourne to Auckland, New Zealand. Once there, they must look for a place with an unusually long name; the location they are looking for is a hill whose name is commonly shortened to "Taumata" by the locals. It is at the base of the hill that teams will find their next clue. The screen shows the site name as "Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu," which barely fits on the screen and must be spread over three lines. Cut to Carrie and Dana. Carrie: You have $35 for this leg of the Race. Team confessional, Carrie and Dana. Dana: Every team left has won at least one leg. There are no pushovers anymore; it's anyone's Race. Carrie: We're up against a team with two strong guys, a team that pushes through pain, and a team that cheats. We have a tough road ahead of us, but we can do it. Cut to Charlie and Derek, second to depart at 5:24 am. Derek: Fly to Auckland, New Zealand, and find a place with an unusually long name. Wait, I know where this is. Charlie: How the hell do you know where this is? Derek: I heard it in a commercial. Team confessional, Charlie and Derek. Derek: They did radio commercials for Mountain Dew a while ago where this guy with an accent like Phil's sang about Taumatawhakatangihanga-whatever the hell the place is called. Charlie: So just because you drink Mountain Dew, you know where we're going. Derek: Something like that. Charlie: This damn kid of mine. Cut to Tina and Jim, third to depart at 5:37 am. Tina: Fly to Auckland, New Zealand and find a place with an unusually long name. I don't know; Los Angeles is a long name. Jim (puzzled): What the hell are you talking about? Tina: The city is really called "El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles de la Porciúncula." Jim: And how the hell do you know this? Tina: All I did growing up was read books and magazines. Plus, I've always lived in L.A. Jim (floored): Wow. You're good. Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan, last to depart at 5:45 am. Bryan: Fly to Auckland, New Zealand and find a place with an unusually long name. Jeffrey: Great. I hate big words. Bryan: This coming from a woman who got a 1350 on her SAT. Jeffrey: Hey, I can use big words. I just don't like to. Cut to Melbourne Airport; Carrie and Dana, currently in first place, are buying tickets. Agent: If you hurry, you can get on a direct flight to Auckland that leaves at 7:15 am and gets in at 12:45 pm. Dana: We need to be on that. Agent: You got it. Dana: Thanks a million. And take care of these guys, too; they're out friends. Immediately, Charlie and Derek take their spots at the counter. Charlie: Whatever flight you got them on, we'll take it. I don't care if it takes us around the world the other way. Agent: You'll be glad to know it doesn't. You will arrive at 12:45 pm local time. Charlie: Thanks. Cut to a Mercator projection of the world; the cities of Melbourne and Auckland are highlighted. Two lines go between them. Phil (voice-over): All teams are now on their way from Melbourne to Auckland. The first flight, due to arrive at 12:45 pm, is carrying Carrie and Dana and Charlie and Derek. The second flight, due to arrive at 12:59 pm, carries Tina and Jim and Jeffrey and Bryan. Cut to Auckland Airport; Charlie and Derek, currently in first place, run out of the gate with Carrie and Dana, currently in second place, close behind. Derek: I know where we're going. Carrie: OK, but don't f--- us up. (confessional) Carrie: Derek said he knew where this hill was that we had to go to. I took him at his word, but I was a little confused. Cut to outside the airport; Charlie and Derek pile into one SUV while Carrie and Dana get into another. Dana, who is driving, follows closely behind Charlie, who is also driving. Soon after, Jeffrey and Bryan get into an SUV while Tina and Jim, currently in last place, pile into the last one. Tina: Do you have any idea where we're going? Jim: Asked someone. Got a rough idea. Tina: I hope it's a good idea. Jim: It's a hill of some kind with a name that's something like 100 letters ling. Cut to Taumata; Charlie and Derek, currently in first place, arrive with Carrie and Dana close on their heels. Charlie: Travel to Park Estate Winery-- Cut to Phil standing in front of a winery; several stomping barrels are surrounding him. Phil: Teams must drive themselves to the Park Estate Winery. It is in this area known for its wines where teams will receive their next clue. Cut to Charlie and Derek; Carrie and Dana have opened their clue and are on their way as well. Dana: Drive carefully; you don't want to get stuck! Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan arriving; Jeffrey grabs the clue. Jeffrey: Travel to the Park Estate Winery. Good; I can finally get something to drink. Team confessional, Jeffrey and Bryan. Jeffrey: Everyone has their drink of choice. Michigan has their imported beer, Stanford has margaritas, and I think the bald guy said he liked rum. For me, it's wine. Bryan: I collect wine, too, so this is an opportunity for us to add to the collection. I've never had any from New Zealand. Jeffrey: Maybe with the million bucks, we can buy some more. Cut to Tina and Jim, currently in last place, arriving at Taumata. Jim: Travel to the Park Estate Winery. If we have to stomp grapes, you're doing it. Tina: Leg still not acting right? Jim: Is it ever? Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan, currently in third place, on a dirt road; a large animal runs out on front of their SUV. Bryan immediately swerves and misses the animal, but he runs off the side of the road. From the outside, it looks as if their wheels are spinning. Coming up behind them are Tina and Jim. Cut to inside Jeffrey and Bryan's car. Bryan: Quick, give me that swim cap. Jeffrey: What the hell are you doing? Bryan puts the swim cap on and flags down the car. His hand, which has a ring on it, waves them down, and the swim cap is a pale peach-white that matches Dana's skin tone. Tina: We have to stop. Carrie and Dana are in trouble. Jim: I hope my knee can handle it. Tina and Jim dash out of the car and go to the back of Jeffrey and Bryan's SUV. Jim: Steer the car to the left, Dana! Cut to inside the car; Bryan is giggling and Jeffrey is rolling her eyes. Bryan: This is great; those dumb f---- think we're Stanford. Bryan hits the gas as the car surges forward; Bryan speeds away, shouting and hollering with his window down. Bryan: Yeeeeeee-haw! Thanks for the lift, bitches! Bryan gives a blurred middle finger to Tina and Jim. Jim: Did we just help out-- Tina: Yes. Yes, we did. Let's get moving. The screen cuts to commercial.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Colonel Zoidberg 3370 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity" 10-27-08, 01:38 PM (EST) 2. "RE: The Amazing Race: Expedition Episode 14 - "Quick, Give Me That Swim Cap"" Blog Entry, 12/18/2008 Authored by: Natasha Gordeeva, russianprincess When she got back home, I greeted Carrie and told her immediately: "Spill. I want to know everything." I honestly thought she would come back from Ann Arbor with a new boyfriend and a new lease on life to the point of saying "Rex who?" But her first question to me was "Did Rex call?" I tried to talk some sense into her about how great Derek is and about how she's a fool for wanting to take Rex back. Of course, then again, asking my opinion on guys is a little like asking a vegetarian to pick out a steak for you, and Carrie was well aware of that. But to her, Derek's just a very good friend that she happened to make out with on more than one occasion on national TV. You're forgetting one thing - you don't kiss someone like that if you're not extremely attracted to them. I've only kissed two people like that - Dana and...well, we won't go there. She told me she wants to talk to Rex and that Derek missed Danni. I just don't understand those two - what else did she do, go out, test-drive a Ferrari, drop a bunch of free money on it, and then decide at the last minute that she couldn't afford the insurance? Even if I'm not into guys, I still think Derek's a great guy - yes, I've exchanged e-mails and phone calls with him, and he says I'm wonderful, and I tell him right back I'm gay - and the age difference is completely unimportant here. But, if Rex makes Carrie happy, then who the hell am I to judge except one of her best friends? I just don't know where he went. Carrie called his parents - who are awesome, by the way; his uncle and cousin may be jerks, but Rex's parents treated Carrie like family and still do - and they don't know, either. His cell number is disconnected. Well, Carrie, I guess you'll just have to settle for your silver medal, which seems to come with triple prize money. Also, she got a few videos in her e-mail - one of a guy who looks like Rex having sex with this really ugly woman with a tattoo. I could tell right away it was a fake, and so could Carrie, but this "Cousin Mel" guy feels like he needs to make bad attempts at ruining other people's lives. Have fun with that - we laugh them off, but I got a call from Dana saying that he's hitting other people below the belt. This "Cousin Mel" guy dug up a bunch of newspaper articles on Spike's father, covered them in red paint designed to look like blood, and wrote nasty messages on them like "DADDY HAD IT COMING" and "YOU'RE NEXT, FREAK." Also, he managed to hack the TV system in Spike's bar, and every TV in there showed a re-enactment of Spike's father's murder. No one could stop it, so the owner unplugged the TVs; after a while, they managed to get it back to regular programming, but poor Spike will probably never watch another basketball game again - aside from the fact that her hometown's beloved Sonics are now scraping the bottom of the barrel in Oklahoma City, that very same Oklahoma City team was on TV at the bar that night. We're left to speculate what kind of things this "Cousin Mel" guy has in mind for the other teams, though he seems to have a vendetta against the Solid Gold teams. What's his problem, then? Does he work for Hamas? Or for Jeffrey and Bryan? He seems to be a big fan of both. That or a complete bastard. Probably both. Blog Entry, 12/18/2008 Authored by: Michael Cameron, tryingtobeadad So when I last left off, Tina's mother was about to die. Cancer, of all things - and I'm still not sure how. For all the bad things Zeke did, he never smoked - said he hated the taste and it made him cough. He must have known my mother - my father quit smoking before I was born, and she never let him forget that he ever smoked in the first place. So here it is, the day of my wife's funeral. I had to buy Tina a dress for the occasion, and she stared daggers at me while the girl measured her - there are not too many funeral dresses for a woman who weights, as of the week before, 378 pounds. But we got her into one, and although she didn't even look at me on the way there, she at least looked nice. I tried to tell her so, and she shot back, "What? Are you Zeke's replacement now?" So I spilled everything to her in the car on the way. I told her how Zeke was framing me for business fraud and that, if I didn't let him and her mother do as they pleased, both of them would go to jail and she would end up in an orphanage - and after we got out, we would probably have a hell of a time getting her back. I knew that I had a chance at beating the fraud charges, but I was scared to take the chance simply because of all the "evidence" Zeke had against me. Tina said nothing, but if she were a cartoon, her face would be turning bright red and steam would be getting ready to shoot out of her ears. My daughter was very unhappy, and I wasn't sure if it was directed at me or not. She said nothing to me on the way in, and she sat away from me and everyone to avoid the chance that someone might make contact with her. I just let her be - but the minister wouldn't. He insisted, part of the way through the ceremony, that Tina get up and say a few words about her mother. I thought she would tell him to go to hell, but she jumped at the chance - with a scowl on her face. She wasn't crying. For the first time in her life, I saw my daughter genuinely angry. Her first words up there? "Some of you may notice that my uncle Zeke isn't here. Why would he not come to his own sister's funeral?" The answer: He left the country because he knew I had all I could stand with him - and because the statute of limitations had run out on the charges he had against me two days before my wife died. She knew everything. She put the pieces together - and here were some of the excerpts of her rant: "The last ten years of my life have been a living hell because of this woman who claims to be my mother. She let my uncle use me for his sick fantasies for reasons that I don't understand. She told me all the time that she never wanted me and that I deserved this. The only reason I knew she was lying is because my father told me everything. She wanted me as miserable as possible. She couldn't kill me without going on TV and ending up in jail. She would have loved to have a dead daughter on her hands. But she couldn't do it. So she and her asshole brother did something worse. He raped me almost every day for ten years. Ten God damn years. I'm a miserable shell because of her." So at this point, I felt a little relieved that I didn't think she was upset with me. She continued: "My grades suffered for years. Sure, I'm an honor student now, but that's all I have is schoolwork. I have no friends, no one that cares about me, and even my teachers hate me. I've been attacked, harassed, and even assaulted on a daily basis for the past two years, and what have the school officials done about it? Nothing! Not a damn thing! My mother wanted me bullied. She wanted me to be the outcast. God forbid that I ever make a real friend and tell them something, or maybe tell a teacher something - the more abuse, the better. White kids hung nooses in my locker. Black kids threw Oreos at my head. I was raped on school grounds eight different times. Twice by female students. The principal stuck his hands over his ears and acted like he didn't hear me when I complained. I even got suspended for a week for 'lying.' People tore my clothes and burned them. They laughed and cat-called at me when I ate lunch, which, by the way, was full of fat and garbage because this woman loved making me gain weight! Just another reason the kids at school hated me! Look at me! I'm hideous!" By this point, I felt as if the healing could begin, and I was ready to help any way I could. But I wasn't ready for this: "And this man here is just as responsible!" What, me? "He acted like he was on my side and then let them continue! He told me he was reporting my rape to the authorities and never did! He lied and said he loved me when he's only upset because it's his wife here in this casket instead of me! He sits here and lies about why he did it, too! Come on. Business fraud? Is that the best Zeke could do? Especially when you knew you were innocent and he had nothing? You wanted this just as much as I did. You wanted to see me in pain. You enjoyed watching me suffer, and you sit here and play informant for ten years and don't do anything except tell me how bad Zeke is! You're worthless as a parent and as a human being! I hope you die and I spend the rest of my childhood in an orphanage! It's a hell of a lot better than living with you!" At this point, she grabs the casket and throws it onto the floor - she's a lot stronger than anyone gives her credit for. Then she gets in my face and starts shouting, "You want you precious dead wife now, Michael? Go get her!" Of all the things that stung the most, the fact that she called me Michael was the worst - she later explained that I didn't deserve to be called Dad, and I knew she was right. The things she said in her rant? More or less true, except that this account edits out about 50 F-bombs and other obscenities. It's a little less painful to type it that way. She walked out of the funeral and threw a package of Oreos at my face, telling me, "Eat up, you useless bastard." She shoved someone out of the way who tried to stop her. The final blow - she went home in a taxi and didn't go to the gravesite despite being asked to be a pallbearer. I've tried to apologize every chance I got for the past 13 years. So far, it's done zero good. Back from commercial. Jim: Did we just help out-- Tina: Yes. Yes, we did. Let's get moving. Team confessional, Tina and Jim. Jim: We accidentally helped out Jeffrey and Bryan. We thought we were helping Carrie and Dana, but they tricked us or something. Tina: I'm going on very little sleep right now, so my judgment is a bit impaired. Jim: Yeah, you and me both. Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan, currently in third place; Bryan is speeding, and a reading of his speedometer shows 135 km/h. roughly 85 miles per hour. Bryan: That was awesome, baby! I can't believe they fell for that! Team confessional, Jeffrey and Bryan. Jeffrey: We bought a swim cap in Australia as a joke with some of our spare money, and when USC saw us, they thought I was Dana. Bryan: So, since I knew they wanted to screw us, I had Jeffrey pretend she was Dana so they thought they were screwing us, but really, they just gave us the game and we're back in it. Cut to Charlie and Derek, currently in first place, arriving at the winery. Derek: Roadblock. Who wants to get their feet wet? Cut to Phil standing in front of several barrels full of red grapes. Phil: In this Roadblock, the chosen player must smash a tub of grapes in the traditional manner - with their feet. The tub contains 25 kilos of grapes, or about 55 pounds. When they have enough to fill six bottles, the grower will hand them their next clue. Cut to Charlie and Derek. Derek: I got this. Team confessional, Charlie and Derek. Charlie: It's a little off coming here for me, since I gave up drinking recently and never really liked wine, but Derek was up for the task, so I was OK with it. Derek: It's just grapes, Dad. Charlie: Yeah, but you know-- Derek: Yes. I know. Cut to Carrie and Dana, currently in second place, arriving at the winery. Dana: Roadblock. Who wants to get their feet wet? I have this one. Carrie: Do they serve tequila here, too? Dana: We're in New Zealand, not Mexico. Carrie: I don't drink wine. Dana: Well, neither do I. Team confessional, Carrie and Dana. Carrie: This is the kind of task I would have loved to share with my boyfriend. He loves his wine, and I can't stand the stuff. Dana: Yeah, we're both dating wine-drinkers, and I like margaritas. Too bad you're straight, Carrie. Carrie chuckles and snorts at Dana. Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan, currently in third place, arriving at the winery. Bryan: Roadblock. I got it. (confessional) Bryan: I didn't even read the description; even if it involved giving birth, I knew I was doing it. Cut to the Roadblock; each barrel has a table with six bottles, a funnel, and a small bucket. Derek's barrel is very well-smashed, while Dana is struggling and Bryan is working quickly. Tina and Jim arrive at the Roadblock. Tina: Roadblock. Who's ready to get their feet wet? I better do it. (confessional) Tina: This maxed out the number of Roadblocks I could do, but Jim's knee is hurting too bad. I had no choice, and I had to hope that the last Roadblock wasn't running a marathon or something. Cut to the Roadblock; Bryan is stomping at a vigorous pace, but Derek seems to be in the lead. Dana stumbles and braces herself on the edge of the barrel; Tina works very slowly. Derek jumps out of the barrel and fills the bucket with grape juice; slowly, he pours the juice through the funnel into the first bottle. Derek: Five more bottles of this and we leave everyone here in the dust. Bryan: Hey Michigan! Don't spill any! Charlie: Hey jackass! Don't fall! Dana: Charlie, send that advice to someone who needs it! Derek: Just try to push down with all your weight! Dana: That's a lot easier for someone with big feet like you! The chubby girl with size 7 feet has a little more trouble! Bryan: Come on, fat stuff. Work those thunder thighs! Dana: Go to hell, jerk. Bryan: There's a dozen donuts waiting for you right over there! Tina: Why don't you go get them and shut your mouth, assh---? (confessional) Tina: I did not like the way Bryan was talking to Dana. I used to be big myself, and I hated all the names that came with it, so even if Bryan was just trying to f--- with Dana's head, it was still not cool. Cut to the Roadblock; Derek has four full bottles and part of a fifth, while Bryan has three bottles and part of a fourth full. Dana falls to her knees again while Bryan gets back in his barrel. Bryan: Aww, did Orson fall down? Tina: Damnit, Bryan, leave her alone. (confessional) Dana: I've gotten a few cracks for my weight, and for being blonde, and being gay, and having a Russian girlfriend, so I just tuned Bryan out, and it seemed like he was making Tina a lot more upset than he made me. Still, if I could trade shots with him, I did. Cut to the Roadblock. Bryan: Go, fatty! Stomp those grapes! Dana: Go, cheater! Screw an intern! Tina: Damn, Dana. You hang out with me too much. Bryan: Hey, no need to get personal. Dana: Take what you dish out, crybaby. If you can't keep up with me, go back to your crib and beg Mommy to change your diaper. By the way, your kids called; they said they want to be adopted. Jeffrey (shouting): That crossed the line! Dana: Then maybe you should read the letter they sent you! Jeffrey: What we do with that letter is our business! Dana: What you do anywhere on this show is America's business! Get used to it, bAs Dana and Jeffrey continue to shout, Derek fills up his last bottle; the grower hands him the clue. Derek: Travel to the city of Napier-- Cut to Phil in front of the Statue of Pania. Phil: Teams must travel to the city of Napier and locate this statue known as the Statue of Pania. It is here that teams will receive their next clue. Cut to Charlie and Derek. Charlie: Dry your feet and let's get the hell out of here. Derek: Keep fighting, Dana and Tina! You guys rock! Soon after, Bryan fills his last bottle; the grower gives him the clue. Bryan: Travel to the city of Napier and find the Statue of Pania. We have a leg to win. Bryan flashes a blurred-out middle finger to Dana and Tina. Team confessional, Jeffrey and Bryan. Bryan: If we can get an edge by acting like jerks, then we'll get an edge. No one has to like the winner. Jeffrey: I don't think anyone likes us, but I don't give a s---. Cut to the Roadblock; Dana is filling up her last bottle as Tina starts on her last bottle. The grower hands her the clue. Dana: Travel to the city of Napier and find the Statue of Pania. Carrie: Sorry, USC; Stanford has to beat you again. Soon after, Tina fills her last bottle; she takes the clue from the grower. Tina: Travel to the city of Napier and find the Statue of Napia. You holding up OK? Jim: I better be. Cut to Charlie and Derek, currently in first place; Jeffrey and Bryan, currently in second place, are on their tail. Derek and Bryan are driving. Charlie: Derek, slow the hell down. Derek: This guy's on my tail. I have to stay out in front. From the outside, Bryan is tailgating Derek; Derek is swerving to keep Bryan behind him. Bryan: Let me pass, damn you! Cut to Derek. Derek: How's the view back there, assh---? Derek slams on the brakes. Bryan hits his bumper. Both cars come to a stop. The passengers inside each are shaken up. The screen cuts to commercial.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Colonel Zoidberg 3370 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity" 10-27-08, 01:39 PM (EST) 3. "The Amazing Race: Expedition Episode 14 - "Quick, Give Me That Swim Cap"" Blog Entry, 12/18/2008 Authored by: Danni Boatwright, tonganoxiegirl I'm a little sick of hearing everyone's favorite question at the station - who blew up my car? I've seen the video 27 times trying to look for clues, and frankly, I still have no idea. I can tell you this much - as pissed off as I am at Derek, it isn't him, and I know that. I could have told you that right from when I saw the video, and as much as I laugh in his face for going to jail over it, he didn't do it. Sorry to disappoint all those looking for a hook. Of the people who say that he did, I just love the comments. Anywhere from "I thought he was taller" to "You told me he had a beard" to my favorite - "I didn't know Derek smoked." Well, of course you didn't know that - he doesn't. He doesn't even eat dessert because he's so health-conscious - what makes you think that he'll ever be photographed within twenty yards of a lit cigarette? Frankly, he drives me a little crazy with his fitness regiment - every morning, he ran five miles, lifted for an hour solid, and practiced shooting, skating, and blocking shots. He hasn't had a Mountain Dew in two years, which drives him crazy. I admit, it does give him a hell of a body, but it's not like that really makes a difference anymore - yes, thank you Rob and Dave for send that ridiculous video of Derek playing the worst rendition of "All Out of Love" I've ever heard. I've never seen Derek in pain, even over the suicide bombing - he does a pretty good job of putting up a tough front. Maybe all that working out helps him blow off steam. I talked to Charlie during one of his daily trips to the DQ - apparently he got himself an Arctic Rush and a footlong cheese coney along with what Paula bought, and apparently she consumed them both while poor Charlie munched on leftover cardboard-esque pizza instead. His synopsis of the situation - Paula's driving him nuts. Oh yeah, and so are her kids, but at least they're trained to leave his cheese coney alone. If only his wife and his bulldog could do the same - he told me his dog scarfed down a chicken sandwich that was marked for Paula, and she was inconsolable for...well, the length of time it took for Charlie to go get her a new one. He came back and snapped at Jacob, Paula's oldest, for not being old enough to drive. Oh, right, whatever's eating Derek. Sorry; the whole thing with Paula is pretty hilarious; my brothers' wives all seem to be the same way. But in any case, I've called Derek - he won't answer his phone if it's me. I called from another number - he hung up. If he's still in love with me, why the hell won't he talk to me? I don't even know why I'm so hung up on it - he was in love with me for so long; if he doesn't want to be with me anymore, it should be his loss. But I'm a different person around him. He's a lot of fun, and he usually treats me like a queen. I guess I'll just have to stop thinking about it. Not easy to do when the Chiefs are in last place. At least there's basketball season. Blog Entry, 12/18/2008 Authored by: William Carsten, wcarsten062874 Now for the update on the team even I can't stand - and I was asked to blog for them. Simply put, Grace turned CBS down due to her busy work schedule - cleaning up Bryan's messes is a full-time job in and of itself, and from what I heard, while he was gone, all three VPs put in an extra 10-20 hours a week to go along with their often-bloated schedules that leave virtually no time to breathe, and even Bryan Sr. came in and worked some in his son's place. The result? Oh, that's right - all that stuff Bryan's been up to is finally being found out. Why is it that Bryan's workers work an average of 12 hours per week longer than the rest of the company and get paid an average of 31% less? Why is it that only two people have resigned in the past five years from Bryan's division - and one still hasn't found a new job while the other had to take a job out of state? And what exactly happened to all those raises promised to all of Bryan's workers? We have your answer - Rockland Meadows. No, don't go looking that up; it's not complete yet, and is scheduled to go public in spring of 2009. This spare money is being funneled into a mansion for none other than Bryan Masters Jr. That's right - his own family has just nailed him on embezzlement charges. The crazy part was that he kept it a total secret, but now that he's gone, every member of his top-secret "Gang of Four" that has funneled him the cash, all the while taking some off the top for lavish vacations and new cars, has turned stool pigeon on him, if for no other reason than that the worst they are looking at facing is a hefty fine and termination from Masters Construction. Good luck finding new jobs. Bryan, however, is nowhere to be found - even Jeffrey has sold him down the river for a greater charge. You guessed it, Bryan is the new Richard Hatch - he doesn't pay taxes. Jeffrey is claiming no knowledge of the tax situation, saying that she handled the hiring and firing of domestic staff and that's it. Either way, her standard of living is about to drop dramatically, and she may have to put her degree to use - the horror! Now she'll learn what it's like to be a single parent - hmm, should have had a longer chat with Charlie while she had the chance. She'll be Charlie times three and with a lot less money. There's also one more bit of investigation regarding the Gang of Four - the lone female gangster, a woman named Melanie Pike. It seems that she's behind a lot of the flim-flam with the Solid Gold teams - well, of course. It figures that one of Bryan's cronies was doing this. They're only loyal enough to play with the minds of people when they're getting paid to do it - when their necks are on the line, they turn on their master. Go figure. Back from commercial. Derek: How's the view back there, assh---? Derek slams on the brakes. Bryan hits his bumper. Both cars come to a stop. Charlie: What the hell did you do? Derek: Relax. This accident is their fault. Behind them, tires screech as if a car is accelerating rapidly. From their side windows, they see Jeffrey and Bryan's SUV passing them in a blur. Derek: Damnit. Look what the hell happened now. Team confessional, Charlie and Derek. Derek: I tried to drive like a bat out of hell to frustrate Ohio, but they just got more ruthless. Charlie: It's like they don't have rules. It's like we're in the Matrix, and they can do anythign and we can't. That and Derek made a stupid mistake. Derek: Gee, thanks, Dad. Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan, currently in first place, on the way to Napier. Jeffrey: So what else do we need to do? Bryan: We're in first place, so all the dirty tricks are out of the way. Team confessional, Jeffrey and Bryan. Jeffrey: Other teams hate us. We're OK with that. We don't need to be in a lame alliance like the s--- Solid Gold or whatever they call themselves. Bryan: Some people call what we do cheating; I call it doing what we have to in order to get ahead. There is no rule against anything we did; we have proven that. If the other teams don't like it, they can cry about it. Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan arriving at the Statue of Pania. Bryan: Detour. Search the Map or Search the Earth? Cut to Phil standing in front of the Statue of Pania. Phil: In this Detour, teams must choose between two tasks that are relevant to New Zealand's history. Their choices? Search the Map or Search the Earth. Cut to an area with a large world map and wooden signs. Phil: In Search the Map, teams must create a directional sign with every stop from start to finish of Captain James Cook's final voyage. The signs do not have to point in any direction, but they must be in the right order, and every sign must be spelled correctly. The task is nearby, but those who are not detail-oriented could be stuck for a while. Cut to Phil at Sugar Loaf. Phil: In Search the Earth, teams must travel to nearby Sugar Loaf and find marked field that is full of piles of fertilizer. They will put on special equipment, including rubber boots, and search through hundreds of piles of fertilizer for one of four clues. The task is farther away and may be seen as repulsive, but those who work fast will be done soon. Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan. Bryan: Search the Earth. I can search through s---. Jeffrey: Have fun. Soon after, Charlie and Derek, currently in second place, arrive at the statue. Charlie: Detour. Search the Map or Search the Earth? Let's do Search the Map. Just like my Navy days. Derek: All right then. Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan arriving at Sugar Loaf. Jeffrey: Do I have to put these stupid boots on, too? Bryan: Look, we made it this far; can you just buck up and do this? Jeffrey: Fine. Team confessional, Jeffrey and Bryan. Jeffrey: I was really hoping not to have to deal with s--- on the Race, but here we go. Bryan: I just thought it might be faster. Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan; Jeffrey has finished putting on the rubber boots. Bryan: Let's play in the mud. Jeffrey: How many piles of s--- are there? Bryan: At least a hundred. Jeffrey: And how many clues? Bryan: Four. Jeffrey: Then it's a good thing we're here first. Cut to Search the Map; Charlie is looking at a map and calling off names to Derek. Charlie: OK, we have here Tahiti. Remember that. Derek: I'm still on New Zealand, Dad. He came right through here. Charlie: How the hell do you know so much? Derek: Maybe because my father was in the Navy. Team confessional, Charlie and Derek. Derek: We had to get ahead here. I wanted that last prize, and I wanted to make sure we got in position to win the million dollars. Charlie: This is right up my alley. I studied the voyages of Captain Cook in my spare time, or what I had of it. Cut to Carrie and Dana, currently in third place, arriving at the Detour. Carrie: Detour. Search the Map or Search the Earth? Dana: Looks like Michigan's here. We'll get their help. Soon after, Tina and Jim, currently in last place, arrive. Tina: Detour. Search the Map or Search the Earth? Jim: We need to go outside the box here. Search the Earth. Cut to Search the Earth; Jeffrey and Bryan, currently in first place, are in a pile of manure. Bryan: Love the smell of this s---. Jeffrey: Get me out of here. Bryan: Do whatever you want; there are hundreds of piles here and just four clues. Bryan digs deeper and finds a yellow envelope. Bryan: I got it! Jeffrey: Really? The package is actually just a yellow envelope with nothing inside. Bryan: Damn. Team confessional, Jeffrey and Bryan. Bryan: What they didn't tell us is that some piles had dummy clues in them. They didn't have anything, and we just had to move on. Jeffrey: So it's not bad enough that you had to dig around in manure; you got to where you thought you were done, and you weren't. Cut to Search the Earth; Tina and Jim are arriving. Tina: I've dealt with worse. Jim: So have I. I play in mud, rain, and everything. Tina: I clean up baby s---. Jim: You win. Tina: And don't you forget it. Tina and Jim go into the manure fields; Jim dives into one pile. Cut to Search the Map; Charlie and Derek, currently in second place, are nearly finished with their sign; Carrie and Dana, currently in third place, are copying Charlie and Derek. Derek: So wait a minute. I thought Captain Cook died in Hawaii. Where the hell are the Sandwich Islands. Carrie: That's Hawaii, goofy. Derek: What? Carrie: That was the original name of the Hawaiian Islands. Derek: The Hawaiians never told us that. Carrie: The Hawaiians were only around for a little while. Derek: Well, OK. She's a teacher. I'll go with that. OK, Dad? Charlie: I already did. Charlie and Derek's sign has "Sandwich Islands" as the last entry. Charlie: Now we only had to go as far as Captain Cook did. Carrie paints "Sandwich Islands" on her sign and shows it to the guide. The guide hands out two clues, one to Charlie and one to Dana. Charlie: Travel to the Pit Stop, Port of Napier-- Cut to Phil at the Port of Napier. Phil: Teams must now travel to the Port of Napier. This port, once visited by the Queen Victoria, is the Pit Stop for this leg of the Race. The last team to check in here will be eliminated. Cut to Charlie and Derek, currently in first place, and Carrie and Dana, currently in second place. Derek: Let's rock. Carrie: You think we'll beat Ohio? Derek: Want a kiss for good luck? Carrie kisses Derek quickly on the lips. Derek: I meant tongue luck. Carrie: There's plenty of time for that once we win. Derek: I was kidding, Carrie. Carrie: I know. Charlie: Derek, do you find it disturbing at all that Carrie is two years older than your own step-mom? Derek: Not one bit, Dad. Team confessional, Charlie and Derek. Derek: The whole thing between me and Carrie has pretty much died down. Now it's more or less a joke between us. She's a very attractive and pleasant woman, but I'm happy with the girlfriend I have. Charlie: Good. You sent me to two remote locations just to date her. Derek: And I've dragged you to a dozen others with Carrie, so what do you say to that? Charlie puts his head in his hands. Cut to Search the Earth; both Bryan and Tina are digging in large piles of manure while Jim is searching away from Tina. Bryan: I got it! Jeffrey: Really? Bryan: No. Just this. Bryan holds up a clue, and Jeffrey runs to the front of the facility with him. Bryan: Travel to the Pit Stop, the Port of Napier. Warning, last team to check in will be eliminated. Jeffrey: Looks like it's those losers. Soon, Tina pulls a yellow envelope out; Jim does the same. Jim's is a decoy. Jim: Damnit. Tina's, however, is real; the real clue is in a sealed clear package while the decoy is not. Tina: Travel to the Pit Stop, the Port of Napier. Jim: Let's get going--aagh! Jim falls to the ground, clutching his right knee. Tina: Oh my God, are you OK? Jim: What the hell does it look like? Tina: We need medical! The screen cuts to commercial.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Colonel Zoidberg 3370 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity" 10-27-08, 01:44 PM (EST) 4. "The Amazing Race: Expedition Episode 14 - "Quick, Give Me That Swim Cap"" Blog Entry, 12/18/2008 Authored by: Michael Cameron, tryingtobeadad This is thankfully the final chapter in the saga of What the Hell Happened to Tina Cameron. This chapter covers what I've tried to do to make things right and what she's done to ignore me and just about everyone. Let's just say that the usual signs of "rape victim syndrome" or whatever the hell it's called don't apply - to many rape victims, the enemy is men, because a man or two raped them. As I mentioned, she was raped by women, too - not sure how that works, but it happened. Step one was to get her out of that school. I used some of the money I had socked away for college for Tina and enrolled her in a private academy - her first taste of culture shock. No one threatened her, hung nooses in her locker, or attacked her in a race-based attack - and she got those from every race at her high school, including even a couple of Asians. One drew the Chinese symbol for "prostitute" on her locker at her old school. She got no such treatment at the private school. Really, she never spoke to too many people - she had a reputation for being shy and not even trusting most of the teachers. She never even explained why, but she always came across as difficult to communicate with. She might respond to a question, but it was usually a one-word answer designed to get someone to stop talking and leave her alone. Even responses in class were very succinct; she preferred to talk with her written words and get high grades instead of be an active participant. It worked - her last two years, she did very well, earning above a 4.0 GPA in contrast to a middling average at her old school. She also demanded a gym membership on her 18th birthday - and since I felt guilty, I gave it to her. Throw in a compulsive diet - she must have picked up a dozen books on nutrition and, for years, wouldn't even touch dessert or anything fried. I don't blame her - Zeke fattened her up for his sick pleasure, and she slimmed herself down because it helped her fight the pain - so I assume. She hasn't told me. It was at this point that she decided she wanted to be a pediatrician - she was such a talented singer and had a great story that, if she were 16 and on American Idol, she would win going away. She wouldn't contend. She would win in a Carrie Underwood-esque walk. She has the story, the voice, and the looks, and she can sing absolutely anything, from Dolly Parton to Metallica, and I'm not making this up. But she felt like she had a higher calling, or whatever you choose to call it - I'm a religious man myself, but Tina has always had her doubts. She told someone, who then told me, that she felt like, even if she could stop one child from going through the same fate she did, then it would be worth it to become a doctor. Or a social worker. Or a child services counselor. But her strength is in medicine, and she put in the work - already, the kids love her, and young kids are about the only age group she feels that she can relate to. It reminds her of when she was young, and her uncle hadn't laid a hand on her. Oh yes, and she hates Oreos. Won't go near them. Not only are they fattening, but they remind her of the kids who threw them at her (as if to say she was black on the outside but white on the inside, which appeared to be a way for black kids to be just as racist as white kids.) She never liked chocolate to begin with, which was probably another reason her mother never understood her. This is my last blog on the subject. Tina, if you're reading, give your old man a call. He'd love to hear from you for the first time in...let's see, four years, two months, thirteen days, and now...seven hours and 51 minutes. Yes, I have it down to the minute. Blog Entry, 12/18/2008 Authored by: Rex Majors, stillaliveandkicking The first thing you need to know is this - I'm not dead. As my blogger name would indicate, I'm still alive, still kicking - and possibly back into TV work. I'm working with a local CBS affiliate here in my new home city on some projects, and hopefully I can get into something a bit bigger. No, I doubt I'll be the host of some big reality show; I'll leave the mosquito bites and jet lag to someone better suited. But hey, if a robot disguised as an Asian female can do it, then anyone can. I got out of the situation with Carrie because I needed a fresh start. I spent a long time hung up on the two women I loved before - Juanita, my high school sweetheart, and I broke up before she left for college, and I spent over a year and a half beating myself up for it. When I lost Chanel, my college sweetheart, I didn't date seriously for another year or so. I didn't want to waste my time again like that, so I took my last year or so as a call center supervisor and shoved it where the sun don't shine - I'm going back to TV, and I'll step over anyone who stands in my way. I've been following the Race from a distance just out of curiosity - and in hopes that Jeffrey and Bryan don't win. I'll take anyone but them. Frankly, the Solid Gold teams all deserve it - after the suicide bombing and what this joker "Cousin Mel" has done, everyone of them deserves a million bucks. Cash. Apiece. No splitting the pot like they usually do. My favorite twist in the story isn't that Cousin Mel is associated with Bryan - any idiot could have seen that coming. It's that "Mel," a cousin of Bryan's sister's brother-in-law, apparently, is a woman. It never occurred to law enforcement until that point that Mel could possibly be a woman's name - apparently it's OK to name your daughter Jeffrey (well, sort of...it's her middle name, I heard, which makes me shudder to think what her first name is) but anything that can be shortened to Mel is implausible. When they took her into custody for, among other things, menacing and providing aid and comfort to known felons, she revealed a lot of information - that the entire operation is Bryan's fault, that Bryan did it all, and that everything bad should happen to Bryan. Nothing on Solid Gold. Such a great woman, this Mel. I'd follow her to hell and back, I would. I do have some bad news for some folks here, though - there was a jailbreak from Washington State Prison, and the man who killed Spike's father is unaccounted for. Also, the search for Tina's uncle, who was convicted of extortion and child molestation and is looking at a hell of a long sentence if he ever returns to the U.S., turned up an address in Thailand - which he's since vacated. I just hope we're not looking at a bloodbath on Christmas - the good news is that I just talked to my grandpa in Indiana, and everything's good there, and from what I hear, Charlie's pregnant wife is doing just fine, so I'll get back to hustling the local news here and trying to see if we can get the Millionaire account. I'd like to meet Meredith Vieira. But I don't know enough to get past the $25,000 level. Back from commercial. Jim: Let's get going--aagh! Jim falls to the ground, clutching his right knee. Tina: Oh my God, are you OK? Jim: What the hell does it look like? Tina: We need medical! Soon, the medical team arrives, and a woman instantly starts looking at Jim's knee. Medic: What happened? Jim: I twisted the damn thing! It's been acting up out here the whole time! Medic: This may need to be X-rayed. Can you bend it? Jim appears not to be able to bend the knee. Medic: You have some bone or ligament damage. You cannot continue in the Race if that is the case. Jim: I have to finish. Can't you just cast it and look at it at the Pit Stop? Medic: I strongly advise stopping here. I will not force you, but this may cause permanent damage that cannot be repaired. Jim: I don't care. Splint the damn thing and I'll get to the Pit Stop. We might be out anyway. Medic: Very well. Team confessional, Tina and Jim. Jim: I've played on this bad knee for the entire Race. I was not about to let a twisted knee here so close to the end ruin my chances. Tina: Jim's extremely tough. There's no doubt in my mind that he was finishing the leg even if he was bleeding from his throat. Cut to the Pit Stop, the Port of Napier; Phil is standing with a dockworker. The camera turns around to show that no team has arrived yet. Soon, though, Jeffrey and Bryan appear. Both of them take their places on the mat. Greeter: Welcome to Port of Napier. Phil: Jeffrey and Bryan... He gives a pained smile. Phil: ...you're team number ONE! Bryan: Yeah baby! He makes a few hand motions and then turns to the greeter. Bryan: I'm number one! Phil: For this leg, you are indeed number one. Now I have some good news. As the winners of this leg of the Race, you have each won... Phil points to a freight carrier, which has two cars on it, one red and one blue; upon closer inspection, they both have the Dodge logo on them. Phil: ...a 2009 Dodge Caliber with a Tomtom GPS and XM satellite radio, which you can enjoy after the Race. Bryan: It all sounds good. We're here for the million, and that puts us in a good position. Team confessional, Jeffrey and Bryan. Bryan: So far we have two new cars, a trip to Maui, and seven nights in a hotel. It's all good, and I can finally get that SUV I want and more. Jeffrey: Hey, you carry me around in that SUV when you get it. Cut to Outside the Port of Napier; two vehicles with red and yellow flags are pulling up at nearly the same time. Out of one, Charlie and Derek grab their bags and rush out; out of the other, Carrie and Dana roll out with their bags. They appear to be about 300 yards from the mat. Derek grabs his father's wrist as the two run quickly; Dana is struggling, however, and Carrie is waiting with her. Carrie: Come on, girl. We need this. Dana: I'm trying as hard as I can. Team confessional, Carrie and Dana. Dana: I always come up short of breath in these situations. I don't know if I panic or what. Carrie: You count on Michigan too much. Dana: I wanted that prize, but I can never get there fast enough. Carrie's the strong one, and I feel like a weight most of the time. Carrie: I brought you because you're incredibly talented. Don't let me down. Dana: I'm trying not to. Carrie: We're here, aren't we? Cut to the Pit Stop; Charlie and Derek take their places while a winded Dana is being helped by Carrie about 100 yards away. Phil: Charlie and Derek...you're team number two! Derek gives Charlie a fist-pound and the two fake-punch each other in the stomach. Phil: You're one of the final three teams. You will be playing for $1 million. Derek: That's why we're here. Soon after, Carrie and Dana arrive; Dana is extremely winded. Phil: Carrie and Dana...you're team number three! Carrie wraps her arms around Derek's neck; Dana braces on Charlie. Charlie: You OK? Dana doesn't give an obvious response but continues to breathe heavily. Carrie: Dana's having a little trouble catching her breath. She'll be fine. Dana gives a difficult-looking thumbs-up and puts her hands on her knees. Phil: You will both be in the hunt for a million dollars. Dana, are you up for it? Dana (breathing heavily): Yes. Cut to Tina and Jim driving to the Pit Stop; Jim has his leg propped up toward the front seat. Tina: You OK, Jim? Jim: I'll make it. I can still put some weight on it. Tina: You think we're still in it? Jim: We're either second or last. Either one's fine with me; if we're done, we're done. Cut to the Pit Stop; Jim is limping and has a brace on his knee. Greeter: Welcome to Port of Napier. Phil: Tina and Jim... Phil looks down at Jim's knee and back up at the team. Phil: ...you are the last team to arrive. Phil looks them squarely in the eyes. Phil: I'm sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the Race. Tina: We gave it a great effort. Phil: Jim, once again, how's your knee? Jim: Not so good, Phil. Not so good. Phil: We'll have Medical take a look at it, and we'll get you going here soon. Team confessional, Tina and Jim. Jim: I played on a bum knee. I'm OK, though. I've visited all seven continents and gotten to do things that I never thought were possible. Tina: I think this is a new chapter in our relationship, and I hope that, even if we don't open up to anyone else, we'll open up to each other. Jim: I'd like that a lot. I love you with all my heart, Tina. I always have, and I'll never stop. Tina: I love you, Jim. Jim: That means the world to me. Cut to Tina and Jim at the Pit Stop; noticeably, the two are holding hands, and Tina is not wearing gloves. The credits begin to roll. Phil (voice-over): Stay tuned for scenes from next week's finale episode. The screen cuts to commercial. Elimination Station Summary, Episode 14 Authored by: Dr. Rage The every-few-days thrill for the sequestered, who are largely forced to invent their own fun, arrives in the form of...Tina and Jim. The groans are evident - the house wanted blood, and frankly, if Jim's knee were in any worse shape, they would have gotten it. Resident smart-aleck Kea jokes with Jim, "So it finally gave out, didn't it?" when she sees the knee brace. Yes, it finally gave out, and Jim's decided to bide his time until he can get back home to have the surgery to recover. According to him, this was part of a botched operation from when he was shot - oh, that's right; a few people still think he was hurt in a football game. As in, most of the house. Sorry, but "You know, Jim got shot in the knee" doesn't exactly become front-page news when coupled with "Spike's dad was murdered" and "Tina was molested." So yes, he had to explain that little situation - he was shot by a gang member who was himself shot before seeing justice. Jim lived; the gang member didn't. Tina offers her prediction - Charlie and Derek by a mile. Apparently, they're only about two minutes behind Jeffrey and Bryan, so the finish is going to be a close one, or at least the start is. Everyone's speculating on where the final leg's going to be - a few people hope for Hawaii, but Kea explains that "it's not all it's cracked up to be." This is, of course, coming from someone who lives there and knows what a struggle it is to get by in one of the most expensive markets in existence. Her hope? Alaska. Oh wait - it's been done. Season 12 finished in Anchorage, and the thinking is that it's going to be a two-city finale like most seasons. The popular choice? San Francisco. Which is agreed to be the only way Carrie and Dana stand a chance. The happenings in the house are pretty much as they have been - Dan and Leilani spend a lot of time talking, Bobby hates wearing too much clothing, and most of the female population seems to have very little problem with his aversion to being dressed. Hayley and Alexis are the resident beer pong champions, squashing Reggie and Dan in the latest house tournament - as always, Debra and Bob were easy pickings; the theory is that, as the house's resident teetotalers, using soda instead of beer is hurting their game. Kea reminds Debra, "It's not called Coke pong." Debra fires back, "It is for us." Jim points out that at least Debra's being a good role model for her kids - oops. Someone forgot to remind Jim that Team BMX doesn't have any kids, although Bob takes that to mean that "we are good role models for the kids down at school." To Bob, those are "his kids" - all this before Jim even realizes what he said. In his defense, the knee pain is really impairing his judgment. Before he agrees to say anything inaccurate again, he asks the medic for a Vicodin - which she provides, along with a cold bottle of water. Teams were asked to predict who they thought would win - of the 16 people in the house, 13 went with Michigan. Jessica chose Carrie and Dana - "dare to dream," she said. Leilani also chose Carrie and Dana - "they'll ride Michigan's coattails to the end and pull off an upset." A number of people thought Stanford would finish second, but according to Jamal, "I love them to death, but they don't have a chance." Bobby picked Jeffrey and Bryan to win "because they cheat." Caroline and Hayley both told him, "OK, you're sleeping outside now." Normally with a villainous team, they might have a few defenders - and a few people at message boards defend Ohio, but they're either impassioned Ohioans trying to defend their state's honor, people who admire their gameplay, or trolls - but with this team, the sentiment is unanimous - anyone by Jeffrey and Bryan. The call is wrapped up when a van honks its horn outside - four vans are outside to pick up the teams and their belongings. They're to pack up and head to the airport immediately despite no one being dressed for it - Alexis said she's put on her jeans and tank top in the car, and God only knows what Bobby's going to do. Hayley shot back, "What's wrong with getting on a plane in a bikini anyway?" Apparently they're not related to the poor lady who was thrown off a flight for "inappropriate dress." Sheesh. Tina and Jim are going directly to the final destination city, wherever the hell that is. There are four possibilities at this point, and none of them make any sense - Bruckheimer did an awesome job of deflecting spoilers this season. My gut says it's Vegas, though. Imagine ending the season in Las Vegas. That would be cool. OK, I just want to see Carrie in a showgirl outfit. Blog Entry, 12/21/2008 Authored by: Rex Majors, stillaliveandkicking And just as I said it, the entire Christmas holiday is shot to hell. My grandpa just got a clean bill of health from his doctor the other day, and at 80 years old, he was doing pretty well for himself. He lived on his own with a little assistance from my uncle and aunt. He even had a driver's license - his trips were all in town and he hasn't driven an interstate in ten years, but he hung in there. Throw in a nice pension and a hefty savings - hey, where do I get my penny-saving genes from again? - and Grandpa had a recipe for living well into his 90s. And it was all ripped away this morning. He was at my aunt and uncle's for the next week for the Christmas holiday - which I regretted to inform them that I would be missing because of my job - and he woke up in a sweat with chest pain. He swore it was just indigestion or the flu or something, and he tried to stop my aunt from dialing 911. She did it anyway, and he was taken directly to the ER for a heart attack. This is really all I knew about the situation, anyway - when your family's 2,000 miles away in Indiana, all you tend to get is the Reader's Digest version of things, and to put it simply, at 11:18 am Eastern time, he was pronounced dead. Kenneth Calvin Majors Sr., the man my father and I are both named for, died today in the hospital with this family at his side - except for me. I swore after Chanel left me that I would never let work win again - and it's exactly what I did. I'm based in Los Angeles while my family's in Indiana, and there's no way in hell to get a flight from that far away at this time of year on such short notice - I suppose I could change planes in five different cities, but that would take until Wednesday, when the funeral is - yes, it's Christmas Eve. But my father's words to me were: "If you don't get your ass to this funeral, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. We'll push it to Wednesday to give you time." So that's why I'm typing this blog using a WiFi connection in Flagstaff, Arizona. I'm just taking a break here at a Panera Bread while I continue onto Albuquerque to spend the night. Unlike some people, I don't drive like a bat out of hell, so it's going to be late nights and long drives in my 2002 Dodge Stealth. It's a good thing gas prices dropped, too; I'll need all the help I can get. I'm basically going there, taking this week off without pay, and coming back to get going as soon as I can. I have a lot of explaining to do - where I've been, why I'm not with Carrie, and why my asshole uncle and cousin shouldn't be thrilled about that. At this point, I'm just going to focus on my career for a while and not worry about dating until someone falls into my lap - though I suppose if I'm lucky, I'll have prospects. I've had my eye on a lady named Sandi at my office - and she swears her name is spelled with an "i" and hates to have it misspelled. But enough of that - I just needed a fresh start. End of story. Eat it, Carrie. I hope you embarrassed yourself on the show. Blog Entry, 12/24/2008 Authored by: Danni Boatwright, tonganoxiegirl I guess I should have known that the whole thing was a setup, but the story seemed convincing at first - Charlie's home number is private, so when a call came up with "Private Name, Private Number," I assumed it was him. Or at least I did when I heard an exasperated voice saying, "Danni, it's Charlie. Paula's going into labor. She needs you here. She's arranged for everything. Your whole family's coming to Michigan for Christmas." Under normal circumstances, I would have figured out right away that the whole situation was a load of crap. But the voice sounded an awful lot like Charlie's, and they put me on a flight from Kansas City to Detroit right away - how they did it I have no idea, but I studied the ticket later and found out that the booking date was the 17th. How they still got that ticket is beyond me, but I got on my flight with a few days of clothes and a bag of stuff and I made it up there to Detroit - and wouldn't you know who was there to pick me up. Bridget Sizemore. Otherwise known as Derek Forrest's roommate's gorgeous blonde girlfriend - his good roommate, that is. Apparently, Charlie was at the hospital, and Rob and Dave were at practice with Derek - yeah, OK, on Christmas Eve. I knew they were just saying this to get me to come to Ann Arbor for some reason, and I had half a notion to believe that it was all designed to get me and Derek back together, a concept I might be interested in if Derek showed a little interest. Bridget drives like a complete maniac when she's in a hurry - I found out later that she drives like a complete maniac all the time; how it is that she has a spotless driving record is beyond me. Also, the concept of how exactly I'm expected to help matters with Paula's baby is a little beyond my comprehension, but I suppose she needs moral support. I wouldn't really know anything about giving birth other than what I've read and seen, so all I can say is that it's painful and exhausting. From the way I understand it, Scientology has it backward - birth isn't a trauma. Giving it is. Then again, the long list of things Scientology is way off base about is extensive and a tale for another day, but let's leave the religious stuff out of it. As Bridget pulled up to the front of the hospital - she made it there in 30 minutes from the Detroit airport, a feat that I wasn't sure was possible, and she barely spoke ten words on the drive there - I realized what this was actually about. The first words I spoke to Bridget as I was greeted at the front door? "Get me on a plane home now." Her words? "Can't. It's Christmas Eve." I wonder how much of my family's going to make it to Michigan. My money's on "none." Blog Entry, 12/24/2008 Authored by: Ron "Blazer" Macklin, punkrockliveshere Tonight's the big night. Sure, my girl's out of it on the Race, but we'll finally see her arch-rival choke on it and one of the other two teams taking home a cool million. Frankly, I like the TVGuide.com entry on this week's edition of the Race - "David vs. Goliath." Apparently, Carrie and Dana represent David, while Charlie and Derek are Goliath. Not even considering the possibility that Jeffrey and Bryan could actually pull this off - the best incompetent team ever. It seems like they're winning going away in one leg and then barely staving off elimination in another, and in other legs, they're getting lucky - the letter on the ground in northern Japan after being non-eliminated? The rock in Australia? The fact that Tina and Jim could have just left them to rot but spared them because they thought they were helping Stanford? Even if they came across Stanford, they could have survived if they had let them rot - err, maybe not; Jim's knee injury was pretty severe. Besides, I hear the South Park guys are doing a special show on Christmas about the Race - and apparently, if the bastards win, it doesn't make sense or something. So anyway - where was I? Oh yes, tonight's show, and Spike's musical debut. Apparently, the drummer for the band walked out of practice and told Skull to go have relations with herself - and guess whose girlfriend can whip off a pretty kick-ass drum solo? That's right, the band manager's - and this is Spike's big debut. Sure, it's at a bar, but she has to start somewhere, and we're looking at a huge crowd tonight anyway for the show. Basically, it's a bunch of people who want one last chance to get hammered before doing Christmas morning at three in the afternoon tomorrow. The plan is like this - they've been jamming for about an hour and a half, and at seven, the show begins. They play for an hour, and then they play during commercials on the Race. The plan is to play a really wild original song that they've hardly even rehearsed if Michigan or Stanford wins, and if the jerks win, they'll probably riot. Them and everyone else. There's about 25 minutes left before the event starts, and then an hour before the show begins. We have the entire bar filled to capacity - we actually sold tickets and charged $20 a head just to get in the door. We had to cap it at 500 people for fire code reason or something - factor in all the food and beer and I stand to make a pretty penny off tonight, even if I did promise 50% of the proceeds to go to some charity that the band's involved with. I think most of the wristbands were purchased in advance, and since only 500 people are getting in the door, people that aren't buying alcohol aren't getting in. Hopefully I can keep out the sad drunks, but--ah, damnit, what the hell is this? Someone is here for someone named...wait, what was her exclamation? "Allison Marie Blades! What is going on here?" I'm looking for some kind of resemblance or relationship to someone here. Scraggly, graying hair, a bony figure, wrinkles, and it looks like she hasn't had anything to eat in about a week. Not sure what the hell's going on here... Recorded Phone Conversation Taken at 4:17 pm PST in University Park, CA Jim: Hello? Tina: Where are you? Jim: I'm here on campus still. The team put together a big party for us...you know, a last fling before we head up to Pasadena. Tina: Is that all you think about is that damn football team? Jim: That's my life, you know. Tina: Gee, thanks. Jim: Well, OK, other than you. I didn't have a family that gave a damn, so football was what got me through-- Tina: Hey, what the hell? Jim: Tina, I'm trying to say-- Tina: Hey, leave me the hell alone! Jim: What? What the-- Tina: Get away from me! Who the hell are--aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! Jim: Tina! Tina, what the hell happened? There is no sound on the other end that can be made out; about three seconds later, a crushing sound is heard and the line goes dead. Back from commercial. Phil (voice-over): Next week, on the season final of the Amazing Race...it all comes down to three teams. Bryan: Some people call us cheaters; I call us hardcore competitors. Those other teams are dead. Dana: Bring it on, boys. Derek: I play to win. I've come in second one too many times. Phil (voice-over): One team will win... Cut to a shot of Carrie and Dana. Phil (voice-over): ...one... Cut to a shot of Charlie and Derek. Phil (voice-over): ...million dollars. Cut to a shot of Jeffrey and Bryan. The final cut is of all three teams. Voice-over: Stay tuned for A Charlie Brown Christmas coming up next. Order of finish: 1. Jeffrey and Bryan, 6:02 pm 2. Charlie and Derek, 6:04 pm 3. Carrie and Dana, 6:05 pm 4. Tina and Jim, 6:40 pm   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

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