Blog Entry, 12/11/2008
Authored by: William Carsten, wcarsten062874If Bryan has any racist tendencies, he's never shown them at work or even at home. He doesn't care about the color of your skin; all he wants to know is, "Are you a threat to him?" Well, mostly. The "half-breed" comment was something I expected out of his wife's mouth more than his, and maybe the fact that they have spent more time together on the Race than they ever did in eight years of marriage may mean that Jeffrey's rubbing off on him. If the reverse is true, I half-expect to see her trying to commit first-degree murder.
Frankly, I'm surprised that the "near-death experience" wasn't triggered by Bryan. Let's see, a suitcase bomb at the Roadblock should do the trick. Hell, make it a nuke and take out half of Tel Aviv while you're at it - with all the times Bryan's been accused of being an anti-Semite, maybe he started to believe it.
I have confirmed this much - Bryan's on the run from the law, and from what I heard from his sister, the charges are pretty extensive - tax evasion and labor law violations, mostly. The rest of the managers are claiming ignorance and having no part in the whole thing, and even his "Gang of Four" is selling Bryan down the river.
The good news for him? No one knows where the hell he is. Frankly, I haven't seen Jeffrey, either. Maybe Bryan finally shipped off to Korea like he wanted, and he had better head to the North because the South will send him right back. Of course, knowing him, he'll try to poison Kim Jong Il's cognac or whatever the hell that guy drinks.
Now please don't tell me he's going to use his million dollars, assuming he wins it, to hire a great lawyer, beat these charges, and get back to ruining the company. His father's a hell of a nice guy, and it's too bad his idiot son is ruining everything for him.
Blog Entry, 12/11/2008
Authored by: Michael Cameron, tryingtobeadad
Hopefully, I get a response to this blog from Tina or even anyone at USC. Where I last left off, I was trying to make Tina understand that I was working with her, not against her, but sadly, there was only so much I felt like I could do. Naturally, to all appearances, I was complicit, and I was.
Zeke turned Tina into a social outcast in every way, and it started with her appearance - in kindergarten, Tina went in with a fresh-faced look of joy, and she had so many friends that she could hardly name them all. By the end of second grade, she had no friends and no prospects for friends - partially because she had developed a lot of trust issues and partially because she was no longer the fresh-faced, beautiful girl she always was. I don't mean to knock those who are a little heavier than most, but Zeke practically force-fed Tina to make her gain weight.
Breakfast was always sugary, greasy donuts, and lunches were always a huge mess of greasy food. Zeke even had pizza delivered to the school for her - and made sure she ate it all no matter how sick it made her. He referred to her as his "cute little pig" and presented her with cake, ice cream, and fried chicken at every opportunity. He was succeeding in every possible way - even the teachers hated her and many only passed her through as a means of passing her on to someone else - and the words "home schooling" were given to me as an "alternative" numerous times. If that had happened, God only knows what Zeke would have done. What he did was bad enough.
At about age 12, Zeke was presented a new problem - well, at least for him. Tina hit puberty like a ton of bricks, and this meant that all of Zeke's little "private sessions" with his niece could result in a bit of a long-term consequence. It was at this point that I decided that enough was enough, and I was putting a stop to it. It was bad enough that I let this get out of hand the way I did, but there was no way in hell I was letting my daughter carry her uncle's baby while she was in middle school. I told Zeke in no uncertain terms to leave my daughter alone and get out of my house, and I gave him three days to do so.
I thought I had him. He packed his bags and was prepared to leave, until he dropped one more surprise on me - a little package of 28 pills. Yes, you guessed it; my wife got a prescription for birth control in his name and decided to start forcing Tina to take it. Then he winked at me and said, "I'm not going anywhere." He unpacked his things, moved back in, and picked his life back up where he left off. I found out later that they had considered sterilizing her, but there was no medical reason for it and it would look too suspicious - this whole operation had to be completely under-the-radar.
Besides, they told me, birth control is 99% effective. Now, I may have gotten a C+ in high school algebra, but I know enough math to know that 99% effective means that it fails about one time in 100. And sure enough, it failed on more than one occasion, and my daughter got pregnant. The first time it happened (and Zeke kept pregnancy tests around for just such a situation) I stood up to Zeke again. I told him that, if he ever touched my daughter again, I would murder him in my sleep. And damned if he wasn't wearing a tape recorder when I said that - I managed to destroy the tape before he could make a copy, but he reminded me that he was always one step ahead of me and would always win.
By my count, Tina has had four abortions, none of which were her idea any more than being molested by her uncle was. She doubts if she can even have children anymore, not that she's really inclined to; ten years of being used as a plaything by your own uncle will sour anyone on a sexual relationship.
If I were to be a complete bastard, ignore the emotional damage and the physical abuse, and simply put a price tag on this whole incident, it would still come to around $50,000. That's right; I paid $50,000 to watch my daughter being abused - that's in allowances to Zeke, clothes that she outgrew at twice the normal rate due to her forced weight gain, birth control pills and abortions, and the biggest killer - marriage counseling. Yes, my wife and I watched our marriage deteriorate because of this, and by this time, I was sleeping on the couch, and we barely said two words to each other in a typical day.
When Tina was 15, however, things started to change due to the most awful news we had gotten since Tina first broke the news to me about what Zeke did. My wife was diagnosed with small cell lung carcinoma (I should add that none of us ever smoked; presumably, lung cancer was a fluke.) It was inoperable, and she was given six months to live.
Even Zeke could see the writing on the wall - he applied for a passport the day after the diagnosis, and the day before the diagnosis was the last day he laid a hand on my daughter. For Tina, her mother's cancer was the best thing that happened to her as well as the worst...well, second-worst, anyway.
My wife died right on schedule, and Tina had just turned 16. At this point, with Zeke out of the picture, all hell broke loose.
Back from commercial.
Jennifer: OK, everyone to the right.
Jeffrey: Who f------ made you boss? Everyone to the left.
Jim: The hell with this. You pinheads can go fight until you're f------ purple. I'm done.
Jim storms ahead while Jeffrey and Jennifer continue to shout.
(confessional) Jim: I figured that, since Jennifer and Jeffrey were far enough into their fight, I could just go on ahead and try to get some ground gained. Unfortunately, I can't navigate because I'm used to options and to plowing my way through things, and that wasn't an option here.
Cut to Jim meandering through the maze; Jeffrey and Jennifer are toward the back shouting.
At the end of the maze, Charlie reaches the end and grabs the clue from Derek.
Charlie: Travel to the Pit Stop, the William Ricketts Sanctuary.
Derek: Let's get going. We don't have much time.
Spike: You guys know you're beating three other teams.
Derek: Yeah, but I need a Christmas present for Danni now.
Spike: You're too damn much.
Cut to the William Ricketts Sanctuary; Phil is standing next to a greeter dressed in 1930s clothing in front of a tree trunk sculpture.
First to arrive at the Pit Stop are Carrie and Dana.
Greeter: Welcome to Mount Dandenong.
Dana: Thank you.
Phil: Carrie and Dana...
He smiles and opens his hands.
Phil: ...you're team number ONE!
Dana leaps into Carrie's arms; the two squeal, obviously delighted. Still smiling they face Phil.
Phil: Now I have some good news. As the winners of this leg of the Race, you have won an around-the-world vacation for two to five different continents, including right here in Australia. You will spend five nights in each location, and return home to the major U.S. city of your choice afterward.
Dana: There you go, Carrie. You and Rex need a vacation.
Phil: Don't you want to enjoy the trip, too?
Dana: I'm here for my friend. I have the experience; I want her to be happy.
Carrie: You're the best, Dana.
Carrie kisses Dana on the cheek.
Dana: What? No tongue?
Carrie: You're a bad girl, Dana.
Cut to Jim hobbling through the maze; in the back, Jeffrey and Jennifer have made minimal progress and are still arguing. At the same time, however, Jim has made no progress beyond the halfway point.
(confessional) Jim: My knee started to hurt, and I felt the other teams gaining on me, so it was rough. I didn't know how I would make it.
Cut to the middle of the maze; Jim, Jeffrey, and Jennifer all meet up.
Jim: Well, I missed you guys.
Jennifer: Really?
Jim: Well, I missed you, anyway.
Jeffrey: What am I, chopped liver?
Jim: I hate liver.
Jennifer: Yeah, me too. That's a really bad analogy.
Jim: Does your husband eat it with fava beans and a nice chianti?
Jennifer high-fives Jim as the two chuckle.
Jeffrey: What the hell do you mean?
Jennifer: It's a horror movie reference. You wouldn't get it.
Cut to the William Ricketts Sanctuary; Charlie and Derek are arriving.
Phil: Charlie and Derek...you're team number two!
Charlie and Derek bump chests and exchange a double-fist pound; Charlie then gives Derek a noogie.
Derek: So the girls finally beat us here.
Charlie: Sounds to me like you enjoyed that.
Derek: I like to win.
Charlie: Not against those two.
Derek: Hey. I helped them, they helped me, and we just have to catch up. That's all there is.
Cut to the maze; the camera shows the exit and a player walking out. Bryan, Spike, and Tina are all holding clues.
Jeffrey walks out of the maze first, with Jennifer close behind.
Jennifer: Jim's on his way.
Jim hops out, clutching his knee.
Jeffrey: Travel to the William Ricketts Sanctuary.
Jennifer: Warning, last team to check in will be eliminated.
Jim: Well, they're not messing around now.
The three teams all dash out; Jim's knee is clearly bothering him.
Cut to the streets of Mount Dandenong, where several teams are navigating the way to the Sanctuary.
Spike and Jennifer, currently in third place, are looking at the map; Jennifer is driving.
Jennifer: Do I want Mount Dandenong Tourist Road?
Spike gives no obvious response.
Jennifer: Damnit, Spike, do I want--
Spike: Yes already!
Jennifer: Then speak up next time.
Spike: I thought you heard me.
Jennifer: Well, I didn't.
Spike: According to this map, we need to take Mount Dandenong Tourist Road all the way there.
Jennifer: Should be easy enough.
Cut to Tina and Jim, currently in fourth place, approaching the sanctuary; Tina is driving, while Jim is using a map.
Jim: OK, do you see Old Coach Road up ahead?
Tina: I think so; is that what I need?
Jim: That will take us right there.
Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan, currently in last place, on the way to the sanctuary; Bryan is driving, and Jeffrey is looking at a smaller map.
Jeffrey: I think this road turns into Old Coach Road. From there, we need to find a man carved into a tree trunk.
Bryan: Maybe the greeter this time will be a talking tree. Like...damn, what was the talking stone guy's name from that kids' show...
Jeffrey: How the hell should I know?
Bryan: Maybe because you have a son who's addicted to classic kids' TV. Not like the 1990s are classic or anything, but they are to him.
Cut to the change to Old Coach Road; Spike and Jennifer, currently in third place, look up at the sign.
Jennifer: What the hell is this? Old Coach Road? Where are we?
Spike: I thought the Tourist Road took us straight there. Why are we on this road?
Noticeably, Jennifer has let off the gas, and her speed has dropped; Tina and Jim, now in third place, have passed them.
Spike: Just drive. We're getting passed.
Cut to the Pit Stop; Phil waits for another team to arrive along with the greeter.
Coming to the mat are Tina and Jim; Jim is still holding his knee.
Phil: Tina and Jim...you're team number three!
Jim drops to his good knee and stretches out his bad leg.
Phil: Jim, are you all right?
Jim: It's my damn knee. What the hell else is new?
Phil: Get some ice on it and elevate it.
Jim: Can your medical staff do surgery and have me back in the Race in twelve hours?
Phil: Trust me. If we had that kind of technology, we'd never need a medical staff.
Cut to the road outside the Sanctuary; Spike and Jennifer, currently in fourth place, are driving slowly ahead of Jeffrey and Bryan, currently in last place.
As Bryan approaches Jennifer, she slams on the brakes, forcing Bryan to stop suddenly.
Spike: You're driving like a hardcore bitch.
Jennifer: Trust me. It's better this way. I bet steam's shooting out of Bryan's ears right now.
Spike and Jennifer depart the vehicle ahead of Jeffrey and Bryan; Bryan grabs Jeffrey's hand and assists her in catching up to Spike and Jennifer.
As the two teams approach the mat, Spike and Jennifer are still ahead by about ten feet; as Bryan sprints, he kicks a rock roughly the size of a ping-pong ball in Spike's direction.
Spike lifts up her left foot to continue to run and comes down on the rock.
Her ankle rolls, and she falls to the ground. Jeffrey and Bryan pass her, and they leap onto the mat.
Phil: Jeffrey and Bryan...
Phil looks down slightly as if to give a disapproving look.
Phil: ...you're team number FOUR!
Both Jeffrey and Bryan leap and pump their fists; Jeffrey puts her arm around Bryan's back.
Phil: You're both still in the Race.
At this time, Jennifer helps a limping Spike to the mat; Spike stands, favoring her right foot strongly.
Phil: Spike and Jennifer...you are the last team to arrive.
Jennifer: Not so fast, Phil. I want a review of that little rock-kick move that son-of-a-bitch just pulled.
Bryan: What "move"?
Jennifer: The one that caused Spike to roll her ankle, and don't act all innocent. You and I both know that you did it on purpose.
Phil: We will look at the tape, and if we discover that the rock was kicked by a deliberate kicking motion, Jeffrey and Bryan will be issued a 30-minute time penalty and eliminated from the Race.
The screen fades to black, and Phil comes out to greet the two teams, who are coldly staring at one another; all four are seated, and Spike has an ice pack on her left ankle.
Phil: We have reviewed the tapes from this incident as well as an earlier incident at the Melbourne Airport in which Bryan's foot tripped Tina, preventing her from getting a cab.
Jennifer's eyes grow wider; Bryan looks on indignantly.
Phil: Regarding the cab incident, that has been ruled an accident; both your feet and Tina's could have caused the trip. There is no conclusive evidence that you tried to trip her. You will not be issued a time penalty or disqualified for that action.
Bryan smiles at Phil; Jennifer puts her head in her hands.
Phil: Now, about this rock. We were looking for a distinct kicking motion. Also, please keep in mind that this is not cause for a disqualification from the Race. This infraction, if it exists, will incur a time penalty, and Jeffrey and Bryan will be eliminated based on the close finish.
Phil pauses momentarily.
Phil: I reviewed the tape, and we took a vote backstage regarding the incident.
Phil looks at Spike's ankle and back up at her and Jennifer.
Phil: We did not see a kicking motion. It looked as if the rock was kicked by a regular running motion, and therefore, we are forced to rule it an accident. Jeffrey and Bryan, you will stay in the Race and not incur a time penalty.
Bryan pumps his fist and makes a taunting gesture at Spike; Jeffrey glares at Jennifer.
Phil: Spike and Jennifer, I am extremely sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the Race.
Jennifer: It's fine. Those bastards will get what's coming to them.
Bryan: Yeah, a million dollars, bitches.
Jennifer: You jerks won't win. Cheaters never win, and you're far from the best team here.
Bryan: You don't really think we'll lose to those f------ from Michigan, do you?
Spike: Look, it's done with. Just let them gloat elsewhere, and let's get on with it.
Team confessional, Spike and Jennifer.
Jennifer: I'm not bitter over the elimination. I'm extremely pissed off about the behavior exhibited by Bryan when he heard the news. Most people would have apologized, swore it was an accident, and hoped we could forgive them.
Spike: I'd be inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt, but the way he acted was just juvenile. Even children know better than that, but apparently, no one taught him any manners growing up.
Jennifer: I just wish I could have won this for you, Spike. You had a hard life.
Spike: I made yours harder.
Jennifer: You made it more interesting. I'm glad I met you.
Spike: You never once said that when we were together.
Cut to Spike and Jennifer at the mat; they have their arms around each other, and Spike's ice pack is still on her ankle.
The credits begin to roll.
Phil (voice-over): Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode.
The screen cuts to commercial.
Elimination Station Summary, 12/11/2008
Authored by: Dr. Rage
Get out the speakerphone and the Loser Lodge video phone, because it's time for a call from...damnit, it's Spike and Jennifer. The entire house lets out a collective groan when they see it isn't the team they love to hate. Not that they weren't happy to hear from Spike and Jennifer; they were among the more well-liked teams. But, well...that means Jeffrey and Bryan are still in it. Satan and Mrs. Satan. The most reviled couple since...well, maybe not quite Hitler and Eva Braun, but still...
The first bit of news is that, of course, they're in Melbourne, Australia, and the country's really nice. The second bit of news? They tried to get Jeffrey and Bryan thrown out - well, what team hasn't tried that as a means of staying in the game? They're about as easy to stop as a volcanic eruption. But this time, they had a good reason - two, actually.
First was that the bad guys tripped Tina at the airport - ruled an accident, of course. Second was the rock, which causes Spike to put her iced ankle up to the camera. The preliminary diagnosis is, of course, a sprain, but she's going to have it X-rayed.
Hayley asked if they greeted her with a pack of Marlboros when she was eliminated, and rather than being offended, Spike just laughed and explained that she's no longer a smoker. Jennifer chimes in with, "She finally quits six months after we break up." Spike explained that, after nearly collapsing in Japan, she swore she would never smoke again, and she intends to keep that vow. (Those who have followed her since she got back know that she was addicted to heroin for a while, but she got clean and has now picked up her previous addictions of candy and caffeine.)
Jennifer also has a revelation for the house - in a reverse-Steve, Jennifer explains that she's actually straight. In her words, "Spike's a nice girl, but we're best off being just friends." Spike explains that she had blackmailed Jennifer into their relationship, but Jennifer forgave her and is "a little glad she did." Spike also explains that she has never been called a "nice girl," at least not since she started buzzing her hair and calling herself Spike.
Someone finally asked the question - where did she get her nickname, which was quickly pointed out to be associated with guys? Spike said that her original "punk makeover" came with a lot of spiked clothing, which was almost by accident, and someone just threw it out as a random nickname that happened to stick. Someone then asked her if she was going to keep her shaved head, and the emphatic answer from both Spike and Jennifer was "No." Jennifer was wearing a baseball cap with a Seattle Seahawks logo on it; she felt the need to explain that Spike was the Seahawks fan in the group and that she never watched football. Yeah, OK, we know you're just covering your bald head. Wear a wig instead and talk with a New Orleans accent.
They were asked for predictions, and Jennifer said, "Jeffrey and Bryan are tough to beat, but someone will. I think they'll finish second, and Charlie and Derek will take it." They went on to explain that Carrie and Dana are probably out next, and Jim's bad knee will cost his team in the final leg. Spike gushed, "I hope they go to Seattle!" Jennifer scolds her, saying that she shouldn't be so eager to go back to Seattle, since Spike had never left it before the Race and has now been on all seven continents. That comment drew a shot from Jessica, who shouted, "Don't rub our noses in it!"
Blog Entry, 12/12/2008
Authored by: Rob Howard, maizeandblueblades
Yes, it's your friendly neighborhood shock center...which doesn't sound as good as shock jock, even if I am a jock. Well, it's late after the Miami game...well, the first Miami game, and all hell has officially broken loose. I show up for the team meeting before the game, and a bunch of people are sitting around someone's laptop computer looking at some YouTube clip. We have a few YouTube addicts on the team, so I thought nothing of it, except for the fact that computers and PDAs aren't allowed at team meetings, and cell phones have to be turned off.
Given the content of the video, though, I went to find Forrest, and as luck would have it, the guy's in a closed-door meeting with one of the coaches. And it's Coach Thomas, who never shuts the hell up and is trying to get to the bottom of Forrest's personal problems. Good luck; I hear that even his father doesn't have a clue what's eating him. I know this much - I'm going to make a good impression on Carrie and try to encourage Forrest to date her. She's single now, too, apparently.
So I walk up to the door and don't really try to listen in, given that I respect Forrest's privacy, even if he doesn't believe it, but I get bored, and Coach Thomas goes into one of his speeches. This ought to be good; he never makes any sense. But apparently it's one Forrest can actually use, and given that Coach Thomas thinks Danni probably didn't cheat on Forrest, it's a little lesson in going off the deep end over perceived cheating. And given what I saw on that YouTube video, his speech is about two hours too late.
Apparently, Coach Thomas was dating a really great girl in college when he played goalie. (He doesn't bore us with the details of his foot injury or how he retired from the pros after a career in the minors and came here, but we all know how it ended.) Anyhow, the point is this - his girlfriend was supposedly tutoring this guy who played for the football team to keep his grades up; the story was that they went to high school together and she tutored him while he moved furniture and boxes for her and fixed her car. So Coach Thomas gets suspicious, since she seems to be spending a lot of time with this guy, so he has a friend of his follow her around, and the conclusion he makes? They're more than just friends.
He had a good reason, too - they talked like school kids, called each other goofy names, and went to bars and restaurants together. There was no clinching argument, though, so Coach Thomas and his buddy get an idea. Naturally, this is where the usual amateurish guy would take pictures of himself with a stripper or getting it on with the girl's best friend or something. But Coach Thomas was a bit more sophisticated than that.
Not by much, though. The buddy of his drove a fertilizer truck during the summer, and the football player drove a convertible. I think you can see where this is going - after a tutoring session, the football player comes out to see his precious little car filled with manure. This, of course, backfired in numerous ways - the girlfriend actually wasn't cheating and could prove it, the football player sued and got a settlement, the buddy lost his job at the fertilizer plant and couldn't get anything for years after that, and Coach Thomas ended up suspended from the team and from the university for his involvement. Naturally, he never saw his girlfriend again, and the woman he married left him four years ago for some young buck and took a bunch of his money.
Well, the move that I was about to show Forrest was a bit classier and more well-done than that, but as he walked out of the office after the meeting, I looked him squarely in the eyes and told him,
"You need to get over here. There's been a situation."
I told the guy at the laptop to turn up the volume and play the video at full-screen. Three minutes and 16 seconds of complete and utter destruction. I'll take it from the top.
{The video opens with a man, standing more than six feet tall and carrying a crowbar, wearing a white hockey mask and covered head-to-toe in black walking up to a car in an otherwise empty parking lot; the car fits the description of Danni Boatwright's Pontiac Torrent and has Kansas license plates.)
{The music cued is Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats." In the man's other hand in a four-inch knife. He has on black leather gloves.}
Music: Right now, he's probably slow dancing with a bleached-blonde tramp, and she's probably getting frisky
{The man in the video lights a cigarette, swings his crowbar, and looks over the car.}
Music: Right now he's probably buying her some fruity little drink 'cause she can't shoot whiskey
{He walks slowly toward the driver's side door, knife in hand.}
Music: Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick showing her how to shoot a combo
{He takes the knife and forms a stabbing motion.}
Music: And he don't know...
{The cigarette drops to the ground; he takes the knife and puts it to the car as if to write on the paint.}
Music: That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive
{He starts to write a message in the side of the car; the knife is difficult to handle and makes a few stray marks.}
Music: Carved my name into his leather seat
{He reaches the back door and continues to write; it is not yet clear what he has written.}
Music: I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights, slashed a hole in all four tires
{He finishes the message and takes a swing at the rear bumper with the crowbar.}
Music: Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
{He backs up and looks over the message; the words "CHEATING BITCH" are carved into the paint.}
Music: Right now, she's probably up singing some white-trash version of Shania karaoke
{He walks back up to the front of the car, swinging the crowbar.}
Music: Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk" and he's thinking that he's gonna lucky
{He takes the crowbar and smashes out the headlights, even damaging the bulbs inside.}
Music: Right now, he's probably dabbing on three dollars worth of that bathroom cologne
{He takes the crowbar and smashes the hood.}
Music: And he don't know... OH!
{He swings the crowbar as if to warm up for a large swing.}
Music: That I dug my key into the side of his Pretty little souped up four wheel drive
{He crashes the crowbar into the windshield, shattering it, and destroys the windshield wipers and both mirrors.}
Music: Carved my name into his leather seat
{He walks around the car, smashing out each window including the rear window.}
Music: I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights, slashed a hole in all four tires
{He takes out his knife and slashes the left tires, opening the gas cap.}
Music: Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
{He walks around to the other side and slashes the right tires, again, he begins to write on the doors with his knife.}
Music: I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl
{Again, the message is partially completed, but it is hard to make out.}
Music: A 'cause the next time that he cheats
{He reaches the front bumper and finishes writing.}
Music: Oh, you know it won't be on me
{As he walks back, the message "DEREK'S REVENGE" can be seen.}
Music: No, oh, not on me...
{He walks back toward the gas cap, wielding his knife. He reaches down and cuts into the gas tank; fuel begins to leak out.}
Music: That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive
{Fuel continues to leak out away from the car; he lights another cigarette.}
Music: Carved my name into his leather seat
{He blows smoke into the air as fuel continues to pour out.}
Music: I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights, slashed a hole in all four tires
{As fuel begins to collect in a divot in the parking lot, he stands back a foot or two.}
Music: Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
{He tosses the lit cigarette into the fuel puddle; a spark ignites the fuel, creating a wall of fire between the fuel and the gas tank.}
Music: Oh, maybe next time he'll think before he cheats...
{At this time, the fuel tank explodes, igniting the car on fire and destroying it.}
Music: Oh, oh, before he cheats...ohhhh.
{The closing scene is of the destroyed Pontiac Torrent with the words "CHEATING B{}ITCH" still visible; the interior of the car is still flaming, the windows are shattered, and the body of the car has several dents in it that were not present at the start of the video.}
The fact that someone made a video of Danni's car being destroyed was hard enough. Granted, it was some asshole with a vendetta against Forrest, but that doesn't mean someone won't want to blame Forrest for it. I thought, maybe the Miami coach or someone on their team made it to distract us; it's a hell of a good idea, even if it's at the cost of Danni's car, which has to be worth some money.
So Forrest winces in obvious pain and puts his head in his hands as I look over to see two strong men in blue shirts - normally in this environment, that would mean that two players just arrived, but unfortunately, this wasn't the blue I hoped for. It all seemed like perfect timing, as if Miami, which had only two losses and a tie up to this point and was within striking distance of first, set this whole thing up. The first words they spoke were,
"Derek Forrest, come with us."
One of them got out a pair of handcuffs as Forrest walked over, bewildered - clearly this just happened today, and although I have an alibi for him (how the hell can he be in his Lit class and in Kansas destroying his ex's car at the same time?) the cops don't want to hear it. I watch my friend being hauled away in handcuffs as they simply utter, as if they were programmed just to arrest him,
"You're under arrest for felony destruction of property. You have the right to remain silent; anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney..."
Well, we sure as hell weren't winning with Forrest last week. Maybe we can try to win without him this week.
Back from commercial.
Phil (voice-over): On the next episode of the Amazing Race...four teams are vying for spots in the final three, and the battle to stay out of last is intense.
Derek: I've never been last. It sucks being close to the end and losing.
Phil (voice-over): And Tina and Jim make an unexpected gesture of kindness to another team.
Cut to Tina and Jim's SUV towing another out of a muddy area; a quick pan to the window shows Bryan driving the stuck SUV.
Voice-over: Stay tuned for an all-new CSI: Miami coming up next.
Order of finish:
1. Carrie and Dana, 5:01 pm
2. Charlie and Derek, 5:24 pm
3. Tina and Jim, 5:37 pm
4. Jeffrey and Bryan, 5:45 pm
5. Spike and Jennifer, 5:46 pm
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