There is a humor column from The Dallas Morning News on The Amazing Race at www.dallasnews.com/humorme ... Here it is:

Humor me: 'Amazing' application

By MATT WIXON / Staff Writer

If you've seen the The Amazing Race, the show in which teams cross the globe in a quest for riches and/or worldwide humiliation, you probably know the first step toward winning the million-dollar prize:

Learning how to cuss out a taxi driver in 14 languages.

But the second step is actually much more difficult. Filling out an Amazing Race application can produce more writer's cramp than applying for a home loan and more brain cramp than an essay test in Metaphysics 101.

It's 11 pages long and requests a volume of information you might expect for CIA clearance. The application also includes a legal waiver more frightening than an Amazing challenge of eating fried crickets.

Here's part — yes, only part — of one sentence in the waiver:

"I hereby consent to the recording, and use and reuse by the Producers, Touchstone Television Productions, LLC, Amazing Race Productions Inc. and CBS Broadcasting Inc. and any of their respective licensees, assigns, parents, subsidiaries, divisions, business units, or affiliated entities ... (feel free to take a restroom break) ... and each of their respective employees, agents and officers and directors of my voice, actions, likeness, name, appearance and biographical material in any and all media now known or hereafter devised, worldwide, in perpetuity."

In perpetuity!

How scary is that? My race partner could be — on CBS, in syndication, on DVDs, in perpetuity — ripping me for not knowing a qualified rickshaw driver or the best way to an ostrich farm in Aruba. That's enough to scare me away from the show.

Well, almost. The million-dollar prize outweighs my fears, dignity and better judgment.

My wife wants no part of it, however. Mainly because she is a reasonable person who doesn't want to search for a clue in a tiger pit in Thailand or make her national television debut in paper underwear.

But that's OK, because frankly, she's not the kind of partner who is going to get me on the show. According to the The Amazing Race Web site, the producers look for teams of "dynamic individuals with a relationship that really 'sparks' in response to things like stress, fatigue, hunger and fear of the unknown."

Well, of course that's what the producers want. It's all about ratings. And the most entertaining players are wild personalities who spew venom at the competition and lash out at a partner when things get messy on a search for the Reclining Buddha.

Unfortunately, I haven't yet met a person like that to be my partner. But that hasn't stopped me from applying for the next edition of the show, which had a casting call last month in #####. I even created a partner who is sure to spark interest on my exhausting application:

How long have you and your partner known each other? How did you meet?

Let's just say we go way back. We met at a bar in Tijuana, where she was doing shots and backflips off the bar. Then she got into a fistfight with another tourist and spent the night in jail. I bailed her out.

What is the biggest disappointment you have experienced from your teammate?

One time we were going to go cliff diving, and instead, at the very last minute, she decided that she wanted to go hang gliding — and then spend the rest of the day at the homeless shelter, serving lunch and giving people rides on her motorcycle.

How did you resolve it?

Like we always do. We talked it out. And then threw things at each other. And then told the neighbors, "You better not call the cops again."

What famous person reminds you of your teammate?

Angelina Jolie.

What is your biggest pet peeve about your partner?

She's always so flirty with the guys, and whenever she gets really mad, she likes to strip down to a bikini. She's so into having people look at her that I nicknamed her, "Sweeps Week."

And then there is the part of the application that is about me. The producers can't possibly resist this potential ratings winner:

Name three of your favorite hobbies:

1. Getting into heated, irrational debates with people I met five minutes earlier.
2. Tailgating other drivers and then taunting them when I pass.
3. Pointing the logo of any product I'm holding, such as a Starbucks cup, Pepsi can or a Travelocity Roaming Gnome, toward a camera to maximize product-placement opportunities.

Have you been treated for or experienced any physical or mental illness within the last 10 years?

No, but friends and colleagues have called me "unstable" and "a little out there." And a doctor once said I was on the far end of a bell curve, whatever that means.

What special skills do you have?

I have an adventurous spirit, a tremendous sense of direction, and I'm not afraid to ride several miles on a camel. Also, I know how to speak extremely loudly to foreigners so they can understand my English better.

Well, that should be enough to get me on the show. Now I just need to find a partner.

And a value-size pack of air sickness bags.

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