LAST EDITED ON 10-20-01 AT 10:32 PM (EST)

I couldn't help it guys. After I thought LML and SherpaDave weren't going to do summaries I went and wrote one myself. LML and Ayak, please don't be mad but I had to vent after MB zoomed me (and most of our bretheren) on the picks.

Episode 2 : Who’s zooming and where did they get those rollerblades?

Previously on survivor…
The drivers get pissed and throw everyone out of the Kenyan limo. Everyone figures that water is a piece of cake since it was given to the survivors on the other two shows, so the Morons dump their water on the way to their new camp. Then SURPRISE! They find that the water near their camp really sucks. Oh oh! Messi starts puking her guts out in an attempt to impersonate Ramona. They recap the first challenge by showing how Soccerboy kept showing everyone how to dive to try and block a ball from going into the net with his head. Unfortunately he just wouldn’t listen when the rest of the tribe kept telling him to wait and show them how back at camp after the challenge was finished. Back at camp with the Morons who get pissed at Sneakyman for scarfing beans with Ms. Comatose while they are away trying to get water. “Hey! You stole beans!” I’m sorry. “You’re not supposed to eat without us!” I’m sorry. “You are a bad person, now we don’t trust you!” I’m sorry “That’s not good enough… HE’S SORRY ALREADY – GET OVER IT! Then at tribal council Sneakyman gets a few votes but everyone decides that someone who can walk is better than dragging Ms. Comatose through another challenge so they vote her off. See ya babe. Who goes next…
Intro – Lions and tigers and bears oh my.
Night vision – Elephants drinking the skanky water, deer, cheetahs (all of whom are nowhere near our intrepid explorers but look scary in the dark).
Morons, Night 3 – man, that’s a tough walk back to camp from tribal council, it sucks, etc. Everyone whines about going to TC. Lex Luthor explains that everyone decided to vote off Ms. Comatose but that they wanted to teach Sneakyman a lesson so they got Farmer Tom to vote for him instead. That way it all fits into his evil plan. Sneakyman then whines to Messi that it was all Ms. Comatose’s fault and that he’s not really sneaky at all. Messi doesn’t buy it and between hurls tells him that he’s an idiot and he quickly agrees so that he doesn’t dig himself any deeper into the mess he’s made for himself. If I had a frying pan I’d whack him on the back of his head and tell him “Dude, shut your mouth before you vote yourself off next time.” Unfortunately, Messi is a cop so she doesn’t get to use deadly force and put us all out our misery of listening to his ramblings. Instead she just tells him he’s trying to be sneaky and since she’s on to his evil plan he decides to go and try out his super powers on someone else. Then she goes off and pukes up some more beans or whatever else they are eating. Lex Luthor tells the cameraman that now Sneakyman’s super powers are out of the bag so everyone knows who and what he is so he can’t hide anymore. Of course, since he’s six foot 5, 250 pounds and the camp is about 50 feet wide he can’t really hide anywhere. So once again the members of the Moron tribe prove the accuracy of their tribal name. Thankfully, MB and company finally grant us a reprieve and zoom over to the Kumbaya camp for more fun in the sun.
Day vision, zooming over the velt, birds, giraffes – oh isn’t this scary boys and girls?
Kumbaya, Day 4 - It’s so hard sleeping on the ground, under our blankets and mosquito netting, it’s so cold at night, whine-whine-whine. These guys are worse than the Morons. Lindseed tries to do an Elizabeth impression and pull her hair out. LittleKim talks twice but I keep trying to figure out who she is and how’d she get on this show? Oh yeah, she’s the invisible girl who doesn’t show up until after the merge and then people remember to throw her off because she’s too nice. Captain Kangeroo starts issuing the daily orders. All of those on the alliance do what they’re told, the ones with the targets on their backs whine and mope about and figure out how to get out of working. Mr. Greenjeans, Mother Africa, and Mrs. Georgia Peach start helping to make a shelter. The targets led by “Oh don’t tease me” Branflakes, stand around and roll their eyes. Branflakes starts setting up episode 3 by complaining about how their tribe is split down the middle by age. Unfortunately he hasn’t read the rest of the script and doesn’t know how Judas gets won over to the dark side later in the episode. Then Captain Kangeroo and Mr. Greenjeans head off to get the mail and find out that the reward challenge is on. Then we head off to the Morons to hear them trying to put their riddle into perspective based on the survivor shows everyone has seen in the past. Farmer Tom starts bragging about opening a can of woop-ass but unfortunately he’s forgotten they keep getting beat at everything and today is going to be no different.
Reward Challenge – Jiffy Lube welcomes everyone and tells them they can have more food and water (and everything they left because they were idiots) if they carry 5 logs over to a platform and build a weird set of stairs then get someone on top. Everyone must stay together so it’s a disadvantage to the Morons because they have wimps and sick people. As an added advantage the Kumbaya’s get to sit out their weakest link. Like idiots they don’t choose LittleKim since Mother Africa convinces them she doesn’t have upper body strength. But really what she wanted was just to see them wear themselves out so she can drink their blood later this evening. Oh wait, she vamps out on the other challenge, sorry. Ready, set, go!!! And they’re off! As usual, MB edits the race to make it look like they are neck and neck thoughout. But the Kumbayas win easily as OlderKim falls down near the end just like Ms. Comatose at the last challenge.
Morons, Night 4 – Everyone agrees they have no regrets. Well, no regrets except that losing thing. OlderKim takes the credit for submarining their chance at some good water. But everyone knows that Sneakyman would Jones it all while they were sleeping anyway. So it’s better that they lost. Farmer Tom takes up for her and OlderKim gets lots of face time which ensures that she’s not the one going to be booted later on. Then we get a nice timelapse that ends with showing a little lion cub to remind us that there are dangerous animals about. Oooo, scary.
Morons, Day 5 – Cut to Messi saying “I don’t know why I’m shaking”. Well, maybe it’s because you’ve been puking your guts out for a few days and can’t even keep water down. Of course, the water is skanky. Cut to the blond saying “Uh, like, oh my god, you know, throwing up is bad”. DUH. Lex Luthor and Farmer Tom argue over how Messi is. Farmer Tom says “duh, she said she’s okay”. But Lex Luthor tells him that no one will say they are hurting because they’d get voted off. Farmer Tom : “Duh, oh I see”. Messi whines about throwing up all the time. Soccerboy tries to get her to come play with them but she’s not up for it. Oh well.
Kumbabya, Day 5 – All of the older members of the tribe and Judas are working on making a habitat for humanity but the targets lie on their backs and do nothing. “I hope you don’t mind me lying here not doing a thing to help” says Lindseed. “You okay, you need me to help? Cause I’d much rather sit here on my ass than actually exert myself and do something useful” says Branflakes. He’s about as much use as his name. Judas notes that things are “heating up”. Georgia Peach says that she was hoping to straddle the fence for a longer time so as to stab people in the back better but she’s decided to join up with the ‘strong ones’ in order to stay in the game longer. Then we get three minutes of paranoid ramblings from them all. Especially Lindseed, who is starting to look more and more like Kelly Wiggleworth as the game goes on. Then Captain Kangeroo, Mr. Greenjeans, and Georgia Peach take Judas over “to get water” and bring him over to the dark side. “The alliance with all of us is strong and we want you on our side”. Judas agrees of course, what’s he going to say? “Duh, no way – I want to be with the targets! Especially Branflakes who’s just about as active as his name. And who knows, if I snuggle up with Lindseed I just might get lucky. Are you guys sure about Mother Africa?” Captain Kangeroo says “She’s so concrete she’s buried with Jimmy Hoffa.” Or something like that so Mr. Greenjeans who’s from Brooklyn can understand. Judas agrees to stab the others as soon as the opportunity presents itself and then tries to justify it to the cameraman.
Morons, Day 5 – Back at the watering hole. Everyone goes on about how important water is. Once again we hear from the blond “Uh, like water is so important. I’m not used to having to work for my water. And that’s been hard.” Of course she’s not the one lugging the damn water jugs back to camp. Then we get to hear Messi talk about how the girls can help and illustrates it by saying she brought an empty gourd. Then we get to hear more paranoid ramblings. Lex Luthor swears Soccerboy into allegiance with him and Farmer Tom. Then Soccerboy rambles on about how he thinks he can’t trust Lex Luthor even though he agreed with everything to his face but says another thing to the cameraman.
Kumbaya, Day 5 – Mother Africa welcomes Judas to the dark side and all the targets get paranoid. Lindseed says she doesn’t trust Captain Kangeroo and Judas off together so she says she wants to stalk them. Branflakes says for her to go after she has already left. As if he has anything to do with her decision. Lindseed overhears Judas and Captain Kangeroo talking about doing in the targets. Kelly, uh I mean Lindseed, confronts Judas and he says “trust me”. But everyone is finally seeing that the targets have big red x’s on their foreheads if and when they ever get to tribal council.
Deer and elephants eating trees.
Morons, Day 6 – OlderKim and the blond go get treemail and figure out that the next challenge is gross food challenge. The blond says she hopes she can eat beef brains or goat testicles. Everyone is excited except Messi who is worried she’ll puke up her lungs next and will be unable to breath. Which is a sad thing because she has a nice set of lungs. Hehe. Then Sneakyman says he wants to win this one because he might be booted because everyone knows his super power. He offers to eat dirt for the cameraman. Thankfully we cut to Jiffy Lube at the dumdum bar.
Immunity Challenge – Jiffy Lube welcomes the guinea pigs to the challenge and promptly snatches up the idol. Then he explains that the Masai who live in the area are all vampires. And because he wants them to really value this experience he will gross them out and get some people at home to puke their guts out so they can empathize with Messi. They bring in a cow and some Masai. Jiffy explains that this doesn’t hurt the cow and that since cattle are revered by these people that it’s okay to stab them and bleed them out a little. Don’t mind that the cow jumps a ton and bleeds like a stuck… well cow. Jiffy jumps in and fills up a beer pitcher
with the blood pouring out of the cow. “Don’t worry,” Jiffy says, “this cow has been quarantined so it is safe blood.” Then he goes over to the dumdum bar and adds a splash of milk so they can drink it and convince themselves they are really drinking chocolate milk. “Alright everyone lets do shots!” The blond says “YEAH!” Lex Luthor gets to drink twice since the Morons are down a person. Everyone bellies up to the bar and does their shots. Since they all drank then Jiffy says they have to choose the most squeamish of the other tribe for the monster glass speed drink off. Plus the blood is pure. The Morons pick Mother Africa and the Kumbaya pick the blond. Unfortunately they didn’t know Mother Africa was a vampire and that the blond hasn’t done shots in over a year. Kumbayas win and send the Morons back to tribal council.
After the commercials we see a close up of a praying mantis eating an ant. Africa is filled with dangerous animals kids.
Morons, Day 6 – TRIBAL COUNCIL - Everyone is pissed about being losers. Also, everyone is pissed at the blond because she is supposed to be good at chugging beer. Farmer Tom talks with Soccerboy saying that they need Sneakyman’s back. Soccerboy says he’d vote off Sneakyman before any of the girls. Then at tribal council Farmer Tom votes for Sneakyman and Soccerboy votes for Messi. At the tribal council Jiffy asks Messi if she’s okay now and of course she says yeah she is okay. Like Ramona it’s too little, too late. Even at tribal council Farmer Tom says Sneakyman has redeemed himself but then he votes for him again. The blond says “ I feel awful. I couldn’t be more bummed. It was something I should have been able to do and I didn’t do it. It sucks.” But then she joyfully votes for Messi, happy it isn’t her. Messi gets booted and then professes her undying love for Farmer Tom in her parting words. At an interview on one of the tabloid shows the next day she said she thought she was booted because she intimidated some of the others. How intimidating can you be when you are puking up your guts most of the time? Sorry Messi, but I have to admit you sure looked good bending over that fire in episode one.
After the commercials we get a preview of next week where the Morons get nekkid (or at least semi-nekkid). Now why couldn’t they wait to boot Messi until after episode 3???