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"****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
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shakes the clown 3366 desperate attention whore postings
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09-29-01, 07:19 PM (EST)
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"****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
LAST EDITED ON 09-29-01 AT 08:44 PM (EST)

THE NEVER ENDING SUB-PLOT


Wow, how time flies when you’re waiting for your Love Cruise fix. I mean, it seems like just yesterday we were watching Gina not at all care about Toni’s big fake boobs, Micow getting dissed more often than that guy who models for those “Johnny didn’t tell you that he has AIDS” subway posters, and Sideshow Bob suffered a fate worse than death by disembowelment when he was sent to Loser Island...with Gina. Oh wait, it WAS just yesterday. Damn, this show’s on more often than “Who Wants to Be A Millionaire” and “Hollywood Squares” put together. I’m half expecting Whoopi to worm her way into the middle of the next Gender Jury...although I’m not sure exactly which jury she’ll be in?

Anyway, on to the show...

DAY 3

This can’t be a good sign, the show starts out with a shot of breakfast accompanied by a Micow voice over that they already used in episode #1, you know the “this game is gonna be won on the relationships you build” Tony Robbins wannabe bullshit. Is this going to be the trademark line of the show or something? Is this like the Temptation Island “this could RIP two people apart” mantra that we all found ourselves waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat screaming?!? Or maybe that was just me? Uhm, anyway, back to breakfast.....we get a clip of Ass-phony saying some crap to Least-a and Laura about needing to masturbate regularly in order to get a release??? I don’t know, this show isn’t even two episodes old and I’ve already learned to not listen to a single word this poseur says.

Next up, its time to do the re-coupling portion of the show. Last round, the girls picked the guys they wanted, or in some cases all too personally familiar, not wanted. This round, the guys will get a chance to turn the tables and pick the ho they want to bed down with for the next few days.

In their cabin, Laura tells Assphony that she wants to find a new partner to which Assboy responds that if she even attempts to switch partners he will tattoo her name all over his body, strap himself to the undercarriage of her car and spend the rest of his life sitting in front of her in movie theaters smoking cheap Ecuadorian cigars and laughing maniacally until she takes him back.

Just-him gathers the couples on top of the boat and then organizes what looks like a mean game of Red-Rover Red-Rover, but it turns out that its just the re-coupling thingie. Anyway, the guys all make their way across the deck to the ladies of their choice....lets see what we got here, Guido the Killer Ralph ends up with some blonde I’ve never seen before, the screen says her name is Andrea so we’ll take their word for it, Darren partners up with some other blonde I’ve never seen before named Melissa...what the hell is up with this show, did they replace the cast from one episode to the next? Anyway, Adrian sticks with Toledo.....Assphoney pees on Laura’s leg to mark his territory....Toni and her twins have to choose between Tony and some guy named Greg, she chooses Greg saving you all from a slew of bad “Tony, Toni, Tone” jokes. In a voice over Toni says that, “Greg is a total hottie.” Uhm, that’s great and all, but seriously, who’s Greg? Micow slides over and stands next to the ship’s cabin maid, oh wait, that’s Jeanette...damn, why do I keep doing that, I really need to start paying attention, even to the twelve people on this show who still haven’t spoken yet. Wait, there’s still one couple left.....uh-oh, Least-a didn’t get picked again, better bring out the pumps and buckets, were about to have another patented Least-a flood. But wait, what’s this...no tears! Could it be that our little Least-a is all grows up? As she explains in an interview, “Well, I didn’t get picked again and it doesn’t feel good again, but I can’t really cry about it because after all the bawling I already did these last few days, it damn near took two IV’s just to have the strength to climb out of bed this morning.” Eventually, she ends up with Tony, but I’m too distracted to notice as I finally caught a glimpse of the outfit Laura has on. What the hell are you wearing? I mean seriously, shouldn’t you be up in the hollow tree with the other two elves whipping up a batch of fudge stripe cookies? You just might want to rethink that little fashion ensemble.

As the new couples get acquainted, Just-him informs everyone that the ship if off for the island of Margarita, as if these drunks haven’t been boozing it up enough as it is. Melissa, who by the way is quite melicious (get it? melissa, delicious, melicious.....you know, I’ve been waiting a year to use that line and now that I see it in print, its really not that funny or clever. Well, it ought to fit right in then, right?) So anyway, Melicious, a 24 year old respiratory therapist, which in reality TV terms means that she teaches hookers how to breathe properly while they’re giving blowjobs, is sitting with her new partner, the ever exciting Barren as she voice-overs, “Barren is obviously an attractive man and I was honest with him, I told him I had a boyfriend and he was respectful of that.” Excuse me? Boyfriend??? Aren’t you on the wrong friggen show? Well, at least you’re being “honest” with Barren as opposed to the sad sap who is sitting at home somewhere wondering why you still haven’t returned from going to the store to get a gallon of milk two weeks ago.

Next up, its time for the whoremates to go to The Booth to submit their anonymous questions for tonight’s Hot Seat. Andrea, the aforementioned unknown frizzy hair blonde, asks Laura, “I think that you’re acting like you like Assphony just to win. Is this true and if so, why are you doing this?” Uhm stupid, you just answered your own stupid question, stupid....she’s doing it to win. Is that a bad thing?? I kind of thought that was the whole point.

Next up, Tomiko (Oh MY GOD, I finally got it right) informs America that Tony hasn’t had sex in several years and then asks him why that is. If he’s anything like me, the answer is, “by choice”. Of course, that choice refers to that of the entire female population and not my own, but what’s the difference.

In an interview, Toni tells us that, “I think Assphony is into Laura more than Laura is into him.” Then we cut to wife beater cabin #2 where Assphoney is trying to keep Laura in line. Laura tells Assphony that, “I wish you could not question me so much, stop asking me all the time if I’m putting on a front.” Assphoney responds that he is not asking her if she is putting on a front and then he proceeds to ask it anyway. Then comes a bunch of dimestore nonsensical psycho analysis wannabe BS that really serves no purpose except to make Assboy look even more like an idiot than he already does. At one point he even pulled out the whole, “I just wanted to know if you were keeping it real” as he pumped his fist into his chest. Yes, he did really do that. Isn’t he just soooo street? And I of course mean not at all. This guy’s name ought to be Stanley he’s such a tool. And then he ends the conversation by saying, “I’m not asking you because I’m looking for a girlfriend. I don’t have time in my life right now for a girlfriend.” Hold on a second, let’s just take a closer look at that statement for just a sec here. I was really wondering just how crazy busy the life of an aspiring screen writer is, so I hired a private investigator to follow Assphoney around for a couple of weeks just to see exactly what type of hectic routine he is running here. After all, on its face you would think that Assphony had nothing but time on his hands, but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt before I tore him apart (yeah right)....so, I’ve examined the report and without further ado, here is a breakdown of Assphony’s extremely busy daily routine......

1:30 pm: Wake up
1:30 - 2:00: scratch
2:00 - 3:15: search between all the seat cushions of the couch for spare change in order to buy lunch.
3:15 - 4:00: Go to local McDonald’s, negotiate 35 cent rebate on Happy Meal in exchange for letting them keep the toy that comes with it.
4:00 - 6:00: Nap
6:00 - 10:00: watch movies on TV looking for ideas to steal.
10:00 - 1:00 am: go to neighborhood bar, drink water and feast on free day old pretzels. Tell every stupid looking girl who wanders by that he already has a five picture deal with Miramax in a pathetic attempt to get laid.
1:00 - 4:00: go home, watch QVC.
4:00 - 4:30: scratch
4:30 - ?: go to bed.

Yeah, I can see where Laura might get in the way there.

That night, everyone gathers for a black tie dinner. As the couples walk in two by two, Assphony voice overs, “love really doesn’t exist on the love cruise, unfortunately I’m beginning to learn the same lesson on this ship as I did in life.” What lesson is that, that you’re an ass? Geez, write it down already, you’d think you’d know it by now. Laura responds in an interview, “at this point I’m really confused about Assphoney’s character.” Who are you kidding? The way I see it, at this point I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if you were “really confused” about right foot/right shoe, left foot/left shoe. Sorry, but it ain’t exactly a pretty picture of perception that you’re painting here, honey.

At dinner, Toni stands up and makes an ass of herself with some stupid, kiss-ass toast....didn’t Micow already do that last episode? Get your own strategy, lady!

After dinner, its Hot Seat time...but, I’m just gonna skip it cause it sucks and nothing seems to happen anyway...basically, Assphoney likes Laura, Laura likes Tony, and Tony likes Laura, so long as he never has to touch her. Who cares? The fact that this redundant story line is dragged out throughout the entire hour doesn’t mean that I have to spend any substantial time on it. Besides, episode #3 is on in like two days so I better just move on and half ass my way through this crap already.

Later that night, Tony, Micow and their two horrible shirts get to know each other in a drunken bonding session. Micow confesses to Tony that he misjudged him as a playa when they first met. Its such a heartfelt and tender moment I have expect the two to start making out, but instead they sway back and forth like the alcoholics they are.

Before commercials, Laura sneaks out of her cabin before Assphony can awaken and handcuff her to the bed, again. She joins Tony and a bunch of the fellas in diving off the top of the boat into the sea....damn, with all this swimming in the ocean I can’t stop wishing that last summer (when this was filmed) was the summer of the shark attack instead of this summer. Now, that would be some great TV!

DAY 4: Margarita Island

Just-him gathers the whoremates on the promenade deck to explain that tonight’s Switch Card competition will be a salsa dance contest on Margarita Island. In order to practice, Just-him has brought in a couple of local salsa pros to help teach them the moves. One look at the guy in his skin tight spandex shorts lets us know that he is either the second coming of John Holmes or he is harboring international fugitive Osama bin Laden in his crotch. Either way, its not a pretty sight.

As the couples begin to practice, Jeanette gets mad at Micow for not even trying to learn the dance to which Micow replies, “Its not about trying, its about being white and Jewish.” After watching him move around a little bit I have to say that I whole heartedly agree with his two prong argument. By the way, got to love Micow’s “4:20" shirt.....for those of you who get it, you know what I’m talking about Micow further explains, “I am absolutely the worst dancer in the entire free world. I can not, will not, never have and never going to dance. I got other skills and this ain’t one of them.”

Later on, Least-a gossips to Melicious that Tomiko needs to win the switch card because she is in danger of being voted out. Then we get a shot of everyone swimming except Tomiko and Adrian who are still practicing their moves. Hmm, wonder if they are going to win....we all know Bigtime Moral Propoganda and the way they try throwing the occasional life lesson into their cheesy shows. Well, looks like we are being set up for the old “hard work pays off” thing. Yawn.

That night, as the couples get ready to leave for the island, Tony, wearing a red boa, and Laura sneak away to a cabin where Tony asks Laura if he can kiss her. Laura agrees because after all, how do you say no to a guy wearing a boa, right? In an interview, Tony, who my sources tell me was already about 75 sheets to the wind at this point, says “it doesn’t happen often, I’ve only known her, if you add it up, for like four hours. I don’t know what’s happening, but I’m starting to like her.” Then he starts to cry cause as we all know, those four hour relationships are some of the most emotionally trying anyone will ever experience. Damn, remember when I said after episode #1 that Micow was probably the train wreck portion of the cast? Well, I think I’d like to amend that answer.

SWITCH CARD COMPETITION : Salsa competition

On Margarita Island, the couples must salsa dance for a half hour in front of 100's of locals. How they managed to get that many people to show up to watch these whores is beyond me, but my guess is that the people of this economially depressed island were offered free food stamps or something. Either way, the locals are given stacks of monopoly money and told to tip the dancers they like the most....the couple with the most tips win the Switch Envelopes, only one of which contains the highly coveted Switch Card.

As the couples take their spots on the stage we learn that Micow and Jeanette have decided to forfeit and not compete. After seeing Micow attempt to dance earlier I have only one thing to say......good move. The competition starts and basically all we see are cut aways between Laura and Tony, in case we didn’t figure out by now that there is something going on between them. Tony is all over the place, at one point even doing the old grab onto your leg and swing in back and forth behind you move. Unfortunately, thanks to FUX actually pretending to have standards, they left out the full extent of Tony’s dancing performance which included him getting completely naked and running around the audience hugging all the local women. Funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, wish they would’ve shown it.

Anyway, as we all knew was going to happen, not even Toni’s big fake boobs could stop the rhythm twins of Adrian and Tomiko who easily win the competition. The Switch Envelopes are passed out and opened revealing that Adrian has won the game’s first Switch Card.

After the contest, everyone goes to Senor Frogs for an after party....well, everyone except Tony and Laura that is. Assphony cries-over that, “well it looks like the switch card isn’t the only thing I lost over here, I might also have lost my partner.” as the music of his tiny breaking heart plays in the background. Back on the boat, Tony offers to massage Laura’s back, but instead spends the whole time squeezing her butt like he's testing the Charmin as Laura makes sickly, wounded and dying animal noises.

Down in The Booth, Assphony does something not really that clever by telling Laura he’d like to do to her what he’s about to do to the camera as he violently turns off the camera. Ohhh, so witty. Not. Besides, did you see what this idiot was wearing? A friggen red and white polka dot shirt with the sleeves ripped off, sunglasses and a red bandana. I swear to god, he looks as if the board game Candyland came to life and formed a street gang. It is that stupid.

DAY 5

As the vote approaches, Assphony switches into hardcore backstabber mode as he begins to complain to anyone who will listen about what a jerk Laura is for, of all things, not liking him anymore. Meanwhile, on top of the boat Toni and Laura play the home version of “Throw Momma From the Train” as they figure out that Tony likes Laura, and Assphoney really likes Least-a, so maybe they should just, you know, kriss-cross.

At the Gender Jury, Assphony makes his case for eliminating Laura. Tony says he wants to vote out Jeanette because of some conflict she had with Adrian. Uhm , thanks Boring Mundane Plots for letting us actually see that conflict. But, I guess there wasn’t time with the 17 hours that just had to be dedicated to the whole Assphony/Laura/Tony thing. Next up, Guido says he wants to get rid of Andrea because he can’t stand her. Adrian concurs that she is quite annoying. Once again, huh? Guess we’ll just have to take your word for it since BMP didn’t think we had time to see it.

On the girl side of the boat, they are debating whether to vote out Adrian or Assphony. Uhm, excuse me, but doesn’t Adrian have the Switch Card and is therefore immune from the vote? Well, at least these girls aren’t stupid or anything, right?

Back to the guys where Assphony lies that Laura has been manipulated him and he “won’t be played again.” Uhm, isn’t that a line from a “Baba O’Reiley”? Barren shows the true depth of his intelligence (officially measured at 1.2 inches) by falling hook, line and sinker for Assphony’s load of crap. Says Barren, “I’ve seen some of the manipulation that’s been done, and to be honest, if you hadn’t said anything I probably wouldn’t have noticed.” Good job buddy, way to be perceptive.

Meanwhile, Melicious calls it right by saying, “Assphony went to all the guys and planted these little seeds because Laura blew his ego and wanted to hang out with other guys.” The girls vote and its 3-3 with Laura the only one left to vote. Oh, this should be easy....vote out the asshole that has been stabbing you in the back right? Right?? It seems to make perfect sense to me, but Laura, who is about as bright as a rolling blackout, says “I’m the only one he’s bad mouthing and now its down to me to vote him off??” Uhm yeah...seems like a pretty ideal situation to me. Let’s see, guy’s bad mouthing you and you get to vote him off....well, what’s the problem there?

At the vote off, Micow delivers the news that Laura is gone and just for a second we get to see the famous bug-eyes as a shocked and not at all acting Toni shows her disbelief.

The girls deliver the news that they are voting out Adrian, even though they can’t do that since he has the Switch Card. Morons. Adrian makes a smart move by telling the girls how all women suck, but especially the seven that are left on the boat. Oh, he’ll last long. Anyway, Adrian switches Tony for him in order to give the budding Tony/Laura romance a chance to grow.

As everyone says goodbye, Toni pulls yet another NicHo (BB2 reference, in case everyone has already forgotten that show, as they should) by crying yet again when someone leaves.

Alright, that’s enough, this show was kind of boring so I really don’t feel like writing anything else. And by “kind of” I of course mean so much that I wanted to gouge out my own eyes and stuff them into my ears so I wouldn’t have to see or hear this crap any longer.

The previews for the next show come on and it looks like someone calls Adrian a male chauvinist pig. No way, that couldn’t possibly true. Also, a romance blossoms between Toni and some guy named Greg as she says, “Greg has a big heart and I just need to figure out how I’m going to get there.” Uhm, I can think of two ways.

And before I leave, one more thing.......who’s Greg?


Guess who?

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 Marvelous!!! sleeeve 09-29-01 1
 RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... JulieMc 09-29-01 2
 RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... SkyRaider 09-29-01 3
 RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... aymelek 09-29-01 4
 RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... moonbaby 09-29-01 5
   420 AyaK 10-01-01 28
 RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... LadyT 09-29-01 6
 Keeping Up the Tradition of... IceCat 09-29-01 7
   I must agree! George Tirebiter 09-30-01 11
 RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... true 09-29-01 8
   RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... NightScribe 09-30-01 14
   RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... taginite 10-01-01 17
       RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... TVhurtsMyEyes 10-01-01 27
 RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... dangerkitty 09-30-01 9
   RE: Laura and LaClown Dakota 09-30-01 10
       RE: Laura and LaClown Ioway 10-01-01 25
 RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... Survivorchick 09-30-01 12
 RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... PepeLePew13 09-30-01 13
 RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... Dalton 09-30-01 15
   High again, folks! George Tirebiter 10-01-01 24
 RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... Drive My Car 09-30-01 16
   RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... IceCat 10-01-01 18
       RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... JulieMc 10-01-01 19
       RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... VampKira 10-01-01 21
       RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... Drive My Car 10-01-01 22
           RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... Dakota 10-01-01 23
 RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... VampKira 10-01-01 20
 RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EP... mauki 10-01-01 26

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sleeeve 3456 desperate attention whore postings
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09-29-01, 08:05 PM (EST)
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1. "Marvelous!!!"
Another great summary, shakes!!!

I'm glad I'm not the only one that thought that they spent WAY!!! too much time on the Laura subplot.

There's a Greg on this show?? Are you joking???




You never know what might be up my sleeeve...

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JulieMc 23 desperate attention whore postings
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09-29-01, 08:22 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
I'm glad i'm not the only one who thought they were so stupid to vote Adrian off...I mean did they really think he would just put his tail between his legs and leave the boat clutching that "Switch" card in his hand....lol...
Thumbs up on the summary Shakes;)LMAO

Julie

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SkyRaider 1301 desperate attention whore postings
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09-29-01, 08:26 PM (EST)
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3. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
Another gut buster!

<<Next up, Tomiko (Oh MY GOD, I finally got it right) informs America that Tony hasn’t had sex in several years and then asks him why that is. If he’s anything like me, the answer is, “by choice”. Of course, that choice refers to that of the entire female population and not my own, but what’s the difference.>>

Great move! That self-depreciation will get you more as$ than a toilet seat....Works every time!

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aymelek 1220 desperate attention whore postings
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09-29-01, 08:35 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
Yaay!!! This summary was great, Shakes! ALMOST as funny as watching the plot (Plot? This show has a plot?) unfold while watching this sinking ship!

Still think it would have been poetic justice if Assphony were booted WITH Laura (who, I happen to think has a BEAUTIFUL name). Too bad the women were WOOSIES and couldn't make their own decision. I don't know if I have enough anti-epileptic medicine to see those awful tattos of Assphony's again. *whimpers*


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moonbaby 15894 desperate attention whore postings
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09-29-01, 09:35 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
Another wickedly funny summary! I could not believe you slipped the 4:20 tshirt in, LOL!
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AyaK 8129 desperate attention whore postings
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10-01-01, 06:26 PM (EST)
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28. "420"
LAST EDITED ON 10-01-01 AT 06:29 PM (EST)

Anyone need an explanation of the 420 joke? If so, go to this site.

Edited to add that there is also discussion of 420 on this thread, just down a couple of posts. Next time (well, actually there might not be a next time, but if there is...) I'll try to read the whole thread first...

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LadyT 5567 desperate attention whore postings
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09-29-01, 09:36 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
Very cool Shakes!
Michael has the best lines

GOD BLESS AMERICA

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IceCat 16886 desperate attention whore postings
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09-29-01, 09:47 PM (EST)
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7. "Keeping Up the Tradition of..."
Making funny summaries out of crap!

There's a sorta Rumplestiltskin thing going on, here!


September 11, 2001

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George Tirebiter 2982 desperate attention whore postings
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09-30-01, 04:02 AM (EST)
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11. "I must agree!"
This IS like spinning pewter out of crap. . . but one question: It's not like you have to MAKE UP the story as well as write it. . . how come it took you so damned long to get around to this? Snap to it, clown-boy--you drag your feet any longer, and you're gonna burn out on this one before you're halfway through!

GT

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true 9681 desperate attention whore postings
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09-29-01, 09:52 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
LAST EDITED ON 09-29-01 AT 09:58 PM (EST)

Another great summary shakes, this one was better than the show!

Did Tony really dance around naked? LOL

I was really pissed that Michael wimped out of the dance contest, cause it would have been the funniest part of this episode. Wise move indeed!

I swear, what is it, with all the crying on these shows? Please shakes, tell me you don't end up in tears, I don't think I could take it!



true

pssst...What the hell is 4:20? I hate to reveal my cluelessness, but I am curious...and I know there are others out there who would like to know, but are afraid to ask!!

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09-30-01, 12:59 PM (EST)
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14. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
4:20 relates to smoking pot. Some people say that 4-20 is the police code for marijuana, and others say THC has 420 chemicals in it, or some such nonsense. Anyway, saying that it's 4:20 means it's time to get silly (and don't forget to stock up on the hostess pies and chili cheese fritos)
*cough* *cough*

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taginite 222 desperate attention whore postings
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10-01-01, 06:24 AM (EST)
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17. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
that MIcow dude's t-shirt looKEd like a sure bust to me.

the only 420 i know about is when i went... i mean some other bozos went ,, and piled into a car and headed for the citY (sf... thats the middle one on the left coast). thIs Spring we... i meAn they,, headed for a 420 hemp fesTival at maritime hall... fOr thaT annuAL bdaY homage to adolF... born april 20th 1898. what better way to celebrate the fUrher's big day thaN to go jammiN with a gang of herbal healing drug endorsers.... and Ya dont even have to be jewish. we... i MEAn They,, checked out the herBAL kitchens and bars... tripped out on all the overpriced hemp shirts and artsycraftys... capitaList swinism... PatooEy. then you stand in the lines fRom hell as mIllions of lost sOuls stumble up and Down... stairway after stareway... AND Like rats climbling thru vertiCal mazes... Wrong floor dammIt.. THen finally merge OUT and into the nerve center to witness Some of tHe truly cosmic bizArro 420 bands (merle sanders... most chill slacK mob... andrEw toSh... humbolt county fREestyle kings... mermen... bucketheAd). i thought... i mean these other people... they thought buckethead was worth the 4 tickets at 20 admission alone.

anyway... that's aLL i've ever heard about 420.... h2o..

whatever... mikeY's four-twenty Shirt was a nice toUCh... butt keep an eye out for that damned clownhat... it's might end up being really valuable...

((ebay))

-uh.... btw just what Kind of lawyer iS michael

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TVhurtsMyEyes 34 desperate attention whore postings
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10-01-01, 06:07 PM (EST)
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27. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
LAST EDITED ON 10-01-01 AT 06:08 PM (EST)

;) It's not because of Adolf's b-day...
well, maybe someone would want to celebrate that..
but whenever I hear 420 (there were some fliers passed
out back in HS that talked about the origins..) anyways..
it's the day a small group (3 or 4 guys?) got together
to smoke pot on the steps of a county court house or someting
back in the 70s (?)as a protest... and ever since then, getting together
on April 20th for a smokeout...
There was a website that talked about this...
but I.. um.. can't seem to remember the url..
heh
heh

Shakes, great summary as always.. You had me hooked after
doing the TI ones.
Best line in summary so far this season (IMO):
"This guy’s name ought to be Stanley he’s such a tool."
ha!

-----------
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant

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dangerkitty 1912 desperate attention whore postings
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09-30-01, 00:21 AM (EST)
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9. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
These are by no means the only portions I liked, but I had to pull a few gems out. I also liked anything that had to do with dissing Anthony as a total moron and whiner.


>>Excuse me? Boyfriend??? Aren’t you on the wrong friggen show? Well, at least you’re being “honest” with Barren as opposed to the sad sap who is sitting at home somewhere wondering why you still haven’t returned from going to the store to get a gallon of milk two weeks ago.


>>Next up, Tomiko (Oh MY GOD, I finally got it right) informs America that Tony hasn’t had sex in several years and then asks him why that is. If he’s anything like me, the answer is, “by choice”. Of course, that choice refers to that of the entire female population and not my own, but what’s the difference.

>>. Its such a heartfelt and tender moment I have expect the two to start making out, but instead they sway back and forth like the alcoholics they are.

>>. One look at the guy in his skin tight spandex shorts lets us know that he is either the second coming of John Holmes or he is harboring international fugitive Osama bin Laden in his crotch. Either way, its not a pretty sight.

>>Down in The Booth, Assphony does something not really that clever by telling Laura he’d like to do to her what he’s about to do to the camera as he violently turns off the camera. Ohhh, so witty. Not. Besides, did you see what this idiot was wearing? A friggen red and white polka dot shirt with the sleeves ripped off, sunglasses and a red bandana. I swear to god, he looks as if the board game Candyland came to life and formed a street gang. It is that stupid.

The only other thing I must say is, I really expected you to whale on Micow a lot more for wimping out on the dance comptetion. What a big chicken.


GREAT one shakes!! The show AND the summaries are a hoot!!



dangerkitty

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Dakota 5133 desperate attention whore postings
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09-30-01, 00:52 AM (EST)
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10. "RE: Laura and LaClown"
I don't get the guys voting Laura off. Maybe they didn't notice that Anthony is a total dweeb and his pride and ego made him say all those nasty things. OK, so their IQs are smaller than Toni's implants. That being said: While Laura should have voted Anthony off, the gods of the voting booth (who actually reside in Chicago during election years) told her not to and THEY WERE RIGHT, since the dweeb and his dweebettes voted Laura off. Thanks to Adrian (MCP with a brain), Laura goes to Aruba with Tony instead of Anthony. My prediction, however, is that Tony is going to fall all over her and she'll be tired of him in 2-3 days. BUT WILL SHE END UP WITH THE CLOWN? The suspense reminds me a lot of "Who Shot JR?"


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Ioway 44 desperate attention whore postings
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10-01-01, 04:08 PM (EST)
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25. "RE: Laura and LaClown"
Yeah, I think all the women eventually get tired of the airheads and dogpile on Michael in a sweaty squirming mound of sex-kittens. Anyway, that's how -I- would script the show's ending!

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Survivorchick 1161 desperate attention whore postings
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09-30-01, 04:05 AM (EST)
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12. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
Great Summary Shakes!
Better than your first one even - your perspective shone through and that's what we were all waiting to see. Thanks for taking the time to do this. They are a riot.

My favourite parts:

>as I finally caught a glimpse of the outfit Laura has on. What
>the hell are you wearing? I mean seriously, shouldn’t you be up >in the hollow tree with the other two elves whipping up a
>batch of fudge stripe cookies? You just might want to rethink >that little fashion ensemble.

Whoa! Who exactly is handing out fashion tips here? If it's Bob, fine. (Well, not fine) But Micow? That's ironic.

>here is a breakdown of
>Assphony’s extremely busy daily routine......

Finally! Some inside information!!!

>ocean I can’t stop wishing that last summer (when this
>was filmed) was the summer of the shark attack instead
>of this summer. Now, that would be some great TV!

Soooo...Am I to assume that there will be NO shark attack on this show?

> Besides, did you see what this idiot was wearing?
> A friggen red and white polka dot shirt with
>the sleeves ripped off, sunglasses and a red bandana.
>I swear to god, he looks as if the board
>game Candyland came to life and formed a street gang.
> It is that stupid.

Mmm Hmm More fashion advice.

Survivorchick

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PepeLePew13 21243 desperate attention whore postings
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09-30-01, 11:10 AM (EST)
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13. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
Another great summary, shakes! Lots of great stuff as usual, and especially enjoyed your butchering of Assphony and how you pointed out the overplaying of the Laura angle on the show.

One look at the guy in his skin tight spandex shorts lets us know that he is either the second coming of John Holmes or he is harboring international fugitive Osama bin Laden in his crotch. Either way, its not a pretty sight.

I remember actually cracking up at this guy on TV and thinking "wonder how shakes is going to slew this guy in the summary..." Thanks for coming through there!


"Permit me to introduce myself. I am Pepe Le Pew, your lover."

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Dalton 1271 desperate attention whore postings
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09-30-01, 02:00 PM (EST)
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15. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
This is truly amazing Bozo --- the SHOW gets worse and your SUMMARIES get better!!!

The best line imo was:
"...Melicious, a 24 year old respiratory therapist, which in reality TV terms means..............". Dang, your good when you're being bad!!!

And thanks for the "Just Him".

I should mention that several mistaken explanations are being circulated about "the 4:20 shirt". And they're not pretty!!
You might want to clear that mystery up before it turns into an ugly blemish on your career.

Also feel free to post, in another thread, HOW Michael and Jeanette "enjoyed their nights together"??? Inquiring minds want to know!! (Leify didn't make me say that, LOL.)

Dalton

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George Tirebiter 2982 desperate attention whore postings
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10-01-01, 03:29 PM (EST)
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24. "High again, folks!"
Didn't NightScribe address the 4:20 thing close enough? I believe that to wear a 4:20 shirt identifies one as a hemp-friendly stoner-type--kinda like that damned Masonic handshake. Either that, or you're a follower of an Orlando Grateful Dead-wannabe band. Same difference.

Guess I've gotta get me one o' these. . . or even better--do you suppose they make a Mile-High version? hehehehe Now THERE'S an exclusive club. . .

GT

(am I blushing?)

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Drive My Car 20045 desperate attention whore postings
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09-30-01, 03:25 PM (EST)
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16. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
And once again, The Clown ROCKS!!!

Funny stuff Shakes !


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IceCat 16886 desperate attention whore postings
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10-01-01, 07:56 AM (EST)
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18. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
Made these a while ago...

Working on animating them now...




September 11, 2001

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JulieMc 23 desperate attention whore postings
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10-01-01, 08:54 AM (EST)
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19. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
LMAO....can't wait for the animated version! lol
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VampKira 4433 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest"

10-01-01, 10:24 AM (EST)
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21. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
OMG!! Ice!! I just noticed these!! Hee heee.......

*falls into a pit of goggles*


"The trick is to keep breathing...." - Garbage

Du ar min hjälte, Supermänniska!


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Drive My Car 20045 desperate attention whore postings
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10-01-01, 12:29 PM (EST)
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22. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
OMG Ice!!!!!!
These are funny as hell!!

( last week beer out my nose, this morning iced tea spit on my keyboard- Ice's posts need to come with a warning)


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Dakota 5133 desperate attention whore postings
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10-01-01, 12:37 PM (EST)
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23. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
LAST EDITED ON 10-01-01 AT 12:38 PM (EST)

ICE CAT! OMG, LOL! I need a drink, maybe with Greg. Who is Greg? (Orders pitcher of Margarita and jalepeno poppers. Hopes Greg--whoever he is--likes Mexican.)


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VampKira 4433 desperate attention whore postings
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10-01-01, 10:21 AM (EST)
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20. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
What can I say, clown.... ROFL!!

*smack*


"The trick is to keep breathing...." - Garbage

Du ar min hjälte, Supermänniska!


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mauki 76 desperate attention whore postings
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10-01-01, 06:01 PM (EST)
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26. "RE: ****OFFICIAL LOVECRUISESINKS EPISODE #2 SUMMARY:.........."The Never Ending Subplot"..*******"
Shakes

Great stuff again! It's too bad your alter ego, Micow< went on the LC. I have never seen such a collection of such weak sisters and wimps as I have on this show. And considering the other reatlity shows out there, that is low praise indeed.

Keep up the good work. I am looking forward to the next summary.

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