What the heck, I'm bored and I haven't seen any commercials that make me want to find words that rhyme with "snot."I hope these efforts inspire you to outdo me. It won't be hard, I'm in a lamea$$ mood.
Now, I know that some people insist that haiku have to be about nature, or some such tripe. And that there are some other rules that I'm not gonna follow, and that someone's gonna snipe at me for not following, and that I'm gonna find out where they live and....oh, uhm, never mind.
The point is that I know there are some technicalities here, and I'm not gonna pay any attention to them, except for the 5-7-5 thing, and I don't care if that makes these non-haiku. I don't care if it makes them non-Seussian, I don't care if it makes them non-Cartesian, I just feel like writing some structured-meter free verse and posting it here because I'm in a really snippy, whorish mood. And I sure hope you are too, and you'll write some haiku that might not be about nature, but are funnier than mine.
So if you don't like it, bite me, unless you're Vampy, in which case...well, there's not a lot I can do about that, now, is there?
First, a quick nod to Beavis and Butthead:
I think brak, brak, brak
That I will write brak, brak, brak
some pomes brak, brak, brak.
Ted and Clay, good buds
rolling around on the beach
Why do my eyes burn?
"Ghandia" may have
three syllables but she is
not good for much else.
This one's special for you, Sir E.:
Puke is poetry
in motion, especially
coming from Tanya
Ken is a police
Ken has big bulging biceps
Do me, Ken, do me.
No, I am not so bored that I just wrote "do me, Ken, do me." Clearly, aliens stole my password.
If Helen and Jan
got the water then got lost
would anyone care?
Stephanie swims nude
Why does everyone think
that makes her a ho?
If I were asleep
forever, I still would not
let Jed touch my teeth.
Found myself wishing
that one of those bats in that
cave was Vampkira.
Be that as it may
I also really wish that
she was damn hungry.
Help, help, I'm being obsessed:
Clay and his golf club
lost at beach golf but they made
Ted happy later
Because OFG just wouldn't like me unless I were objectifying something:
Erin and her lopes
the very thought of her makes
it burn when I pee
I just can't get Big Brother 3 out of my head:
Jason sure was a
nice Guy but that doesn't mean
he's not a dumba$$.
Okay, I'm embarassing myself here. But I'll hit the "post" button anyway.
Hate me because I'm beautiful.
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ARRRRRRR!!!!