LAST EDITED ON 01-31-03 AT 02:31 PM (EST)

LAST EDITED ON 01-31-03 AT 12:11 PM (EST)

LAST EDITED ON 01-31-03 AT 12:04 PM (EST)

The search for Prince Charming (or the story of kissing many frogs)

Once upon a time, in a far away land called LA, we meet four frogs, (AKA: Ryan (Prince Poet), Greg (Fresh Prince -- you'll understand later), Russ (Prince Ego), and Charlie (Prince Slick). They are about to depart the Animal House, and live on their own until Princess Trista decides who she will choose. However, before departing the house, the Frog Handler, (AKA: Chris the Host) imparts some not so subtle words of wisdom on them. Saying that they will no longer be living there, but they will return to LaLa Land in a few days, and then the Princess will choose only 3 and offer roses. And the day of the rose ceremony, just happens to be the Princess's 30th birthday, so "don't be stupid" and make sure you show up with a gift" to win over the Princess.

But first, the Princess must meet all of your families in their hometowns. so off we go.

Rocky Mountain High
First visit is to Prince Poet in Vail, Colorado. He is a fireman by trade, so first stop in town is the Fire House and his buddies there. Poet says that one thing he uses to judge his women is sliding down the fire pole. So after a few lessons, the Princess tries it, and according to Poet, she does it perfectly. (for a second, I thought I was seeing pole dancers at a strip club, instead of the Bachelorette on
Disney-owned ABC. But I digreess ...)

She spends quite a while with the men, and even cooks lunch with them. During this time, Poet has a great nano-second of insight. He is being philosophical about this dating situation, and how he wants the Princess to see him for who he really is because "you can't give up yourself otherwise you are somebody completely different." (wow ... deep!)

It's time to leave, and the other firemen, give Poet some support and say "Whatever happens, you still have us." (Awwww, is that just so sweet, or sick and disgusting, I guess it depends on how you want to interpret that statement."

Next stop is a place called the "Wedding Deck" (yes, seriously. What is up with these two and weddings, first they see three weddings in progress now the "wedding deck". I'm sure the Princess sees this as a good sign). Which when they arrive, just conveniently has a blanket, and wine waiting for the lovely couple. On top of the sickeningly sweet name for the spot, the Princess delivers and equally sickening line about Poet "to watch a beautiful sunset is good, but with a beautiful man is even better." They then toast to living once, and taking chances (I swear if I hear that line one more time, I will gag, and then beg ABC to get better writers.) Then, we get to witness some serious lip-locking, please come up air some time.

Final stop in Vail is to meet the parents. First the Princess says that she doen't like her outfit, but what she had packed wasn't appropriate (do you think it was just a little to cold there for her too show as much cleavage as she usually does?) So she opts for a cream colored sweater instead. Well, when she meets Mom, they are wearing the same sweater, just in a a different color. (The wardrobe department must have caught a
2 for 1 sale on that sweater.)

The conversation seems to go well, but Mom tries to nail the Princess with the why did you go on two different shows to find a man. The Princess answers "That you only live once ... so why not go for it, if the end result is love." (the gag reflex has now kicked in ...) Mom and Dad do not like it when she says she is more of a warm weather person, because that means Poet might be leaving them. Poet then talks privately with Dad and asks what he thinks. Dad says she is nice, but they need an opportunity to build a relationship in a more normal setting (Come on Dad, you don't think that this is a completely normal dating environment? It is "reality" TV after all.) Next scene is more lip-locking and cuddling. The Princess then must leave to visit the next frog.

A Mouse in the Big Apple
The Princess arrive in New York. Her carriage (oh wait, sorry that was a motorcycle) and Fresh Prince arrives. They take a ride through Central Park, and stop in the middle of it, and drink hot cocoa out of wine glasses (huh, wine glasses for cocoa? Probably the only clean dishes at his apartment, but we'll deal with that later.) The Princess has not spent a lot of time alone with Fresh, but she wants to get to know him better because of his eyes and his looks. (If that's the only reason, this relationship will last, not.)

Next scene is at an Italian restaurant to meet Mom, Sis, and Mom's boyfriend. They actually seem to be really fun and nice. Then they decide to try to embarrass Fresh, and pull out old pictures of him. The boyfriend talks about the importance of friendship in a relationship, and how he is with his best friend. (Isn't that just too cute. I'm sure that won him some big points with Mom.)

After dinner, they go to Fresh's apartment. Princess Trista was in for a very rude awakening when she got there. Fresh said that a friend stayed there while he was gone, and left it a mess, but that he put stuff away. (All I will say, is if he put stuff away, how bad was it when the friend left???) He offered the Princess something to drink, and I swear the glass looked dirty, and he had to lean over stuff to even reach the sink. Then he opens a cabinet and said "this is not good." Princess asked if it was a mouse. Fresh replied "not anymore. I thought I got rid of him years ago." (Oh my heck, I sure hope he was joking

This entire time, the Princess looks so uncomfortable, and kept a pillow in front of herself. She finally relaxed when he sang a song he wrote for her. (Actually, it's not half bad, and his voice is decent.) She warmed up a little more, and of course, we have the requisite kissing.

The Princess still has two more frogs to visit so off we go again.

California, Here I Come,
San Francisco
Princess Trista heads to the other coast to meet Prince Ego and family. During this time, the Princess has been under the impression that Ego was an executive in Silicon Valley, but she now realizes that he is writing a book, and that is the only thing he is doing. She wonders how he lives. (In other words, she wants to know if he has enough to support her while she has babies to take care of, but she's not superficial or anything like that...) We also learn a litle about the book that he is writing. It's about a 29 year old man, and his life as he is about to turn 30. (Sounds riveting doesn't it? But I have to say, we have a poet, a singer/songwriter, and a writer, all discussing their projects. Why do I think that part of the reason some of them came on the show had nothing to do with the Princess, but a way to help gain exposure for these projects???)

Ego takes her to his place, which looks like it was done by a professional decorator. (Princess is very happy after the last visit. Unfortunately, most guys I know have places more like Fresh Prince.) Ego then continued to pressure her about commitment and courting, and that if this was real life, they would not be dating anyone else, etc. (An attempt to make her feel guilty, perhaps?) Then it is time to meet the family. Amazingly, they seem pretty likeable, how did Ego come from this family? Ego's niece then gives the Princess a homemade bracelet with Trista and Punka on it. (First off, Punka? WTF, I'm not sure I want to know where that came from. But now I do see the family resemblance. What is with this family and giving bracelets the first time they meet someone?? Maybe they need to give tips to some people I know. What do they give to people they've known for a while -- a new car?)

The family seemed genuinely interested in the Princess and want to know what she would do if she won the lottery. Ego also responded to this question, and said "with a family like this, I already won the lottery." (Oh man, was that just about the cheesiest line you have ever heard or what?) The sister then asked "why did you keep him around?" (Yes, Princess, please tell us, because the audience wants to thank the sister for asking that, because we have been wondering the same thing since the beginning of the show.) The Princess gives her canned response of "I had to go with my gut ..." However, for Prince Ego, it's time to say good bye, but not without a little making out. And Princess is off. (One last comment about the San Francisco visit, instead of leaving your heart there, please leave Prince Ego there!)

Westward Ho
Flagstaff, Arizona
The final frog to visit, is Prince Slick in Flagstaff. She immediately says she has a giddy feeling, because she hasn't seen him in 7 days. (Oh, the torture. You've spent the last 7 days with three other frogs, but I guess they don't count now.)
Slick and the Princess head straight home to meet the family. Mom wastes no time in letting the Princess know what she really thinks of her. She makes comments about the Princess taking time off to do these TV shows. And that she must miss working with the babies when she's not running around having a good time. When they begin discussing if this really could turn in to an engagment, and how she is going to decide on the final prince, The brother, trying to sound smart (too bad it doesn't work), starts trying to define love, which he can't even complete a coherent thought on, let alone fully explain the concept. It's time for the Princess to leave. She feels she passed with flying colors and the evening was intellectually stimulating. Little does she know that back inside the palace, Prince Slick and his royal family are busy discussing the Princess, and some are readily dissing her. The brother says her life is a pattern of glitz, glamour, and needing to be the center of focus. Other words thrown out are high maintenance and needy. (No, not our Princess, how could they ever use those words to describe her?
Then in a very frightening comment, the brother compares the Princess to his mother. The mother does not take much offense to this, other than to say, well, I was never a Miami Heat dancer (all of the men watching are say "Thank you, God" for that).

The Princess is now back in her castle, and trying to choose between her frogs. But first, Frog Handler, tells her that all of them have a birthday gift for her, and she will get to spend some time alone with them.

Prince Poet is up first. He handed her a large bouquet of flowers. And said that his days without her have been miserable. (Oh, I'm willing to bet there is another poem coming out of this.) He then reads the card for her.
"Like paint from a bush, turns into fine art, you walked
into my life from my dreams to my heart."

(Okay, I have to admit, that I thought that was really great, and incredibly sweet. A note to Prince Poet: when the Princess dumps you, there will be plenty of other ladies waiting, and I know a great girl for you. She goes by the name Buckeyegirl on these boards. Just a thought. Okay, now back to the original topic)

But poetry is not our Prince's only talent, he also paints. He then presents the Princess with a painting of a white tiger, he did himself, because that is the Princess' favorite animal. (Obviously one talent the Prince does not have is for wrapping, the painting was wrapped in a map.)

Next up is Fresh Prince. He wrote her a rap called "Birthday Rhapsody." (The rap was frankly too horrible for words to describe, so I'll just skip over it, because frankly I want to block that memory of ever listening to it). He then also gives her copies of all the songs he wrote for her.

Prince Ego is next in line to see the Princess. He says he is very nervous for the first time in this process. But that they met for a reason, and that their journey is not over. He then gives her a framed sunset photograph of a spot they had been to. Saying he wishes that his best friend had been there at the time. (Well, I was wrong earlier with the cheesiest line. I think this one takes the cake for that.)

Finally, Prince Slick got to have his time. In the card, he wrote that she probably had to kiss a lot of frogs to find her Prince Charming, and he hopes she finds him at the end of this. She then opened a small glass box, which contains a silver frog with a gold crown.

At last we get to the Rose Ceremony. The Princess said how wonderful the all are, but that she must choose only three. She gives roses to Prince Poet, Prince Slick, and Prince Ego. Unfortunately, for Fresh Prince, Princess Trista is not the one, and her magic kiss did not work, he must continue to look for another Princess.

Next week, the story continues as the Princess and the frogs jet off to more exotic locations. Who will be Prince Charming, and will they live happily ever after?